53. Caleph
53
CALEPH
I ’d delayed the flight as long as possible, in the hope that she would have a change of heart and call. I had hoped that she would realize what I now understood; that we were tethered to each other in a way that most people waste a lifetime dreaming of. But she hadn’t called, and it had seemed the last time we met that she had closed the door on the possibility of us. That she was reopening that door was a welcome surprise, although I had still held hope til the last moment.
As the jet door swings open, my heart races with anticipation. And then I see her, standing there on the tarmac, and suddenly everything clicks into place. All the noise and distractions of my past fade away as she becomes my present and my future. In this moment, it feels like we have come full circle, our destinies intertwined forever. Nothing else matters but this moment and the eternity we will spend together.
All that exists is her, standing on the tarmac, her hair blowing gently in the breeze, a smile on her face that lights up the darkest corners of my wretched soul. In my eyes, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, a fragile flower that stumbled into my fractured life at the most unexpected time. How easily we could’ve ended differently, considering our history. How ironic that it was the twisted hand of fate that threw us together and caused our hearts to collide. I don’t know how we’ll navigate our lives together moving forward; I’ve never had a relationship and I’ve never wanted to have one with any woman. Until Ariadne. But this is what I do know… my life begins and ends with her. And her alone.
Our eyes lock as I step slowly onto the tarmac, and as I make my way towards her, the world falls away until all that remains is us. My measured steps are slow and deliberate, like I have all the time in the world. When I lift a palm to her cheek, she curls into it and closes her eyes momentarily; this is where she’s meant to be. With me. Only me.
I never want to think about her as being a part of my past. She’s my here and now and my forever more. Yet I want more. It’s not enough that we’re just together. I want more. I want all of her. I want to bind her to me in a way which ensures she’s mine for the rest of her life. I want all her todays and all her tomorrows. I want the guarantee of always having her by my side, sealed to me, with me. I want her to be the mother of my children, and I want her to be my wife.
“Marry me.”
The words slip from between my lips without any hesitation. Her breath catches somewhere between her throat and her mind, and she teeters in surprise. No words come when she opens her mouth to speak. My hand moves up to her face, caressing her lightly, pushing back a strand of hair the salty breeze seems fond of playing with.
I still have my moments, when the darkness takes over and I let it run me. Mostly when I think about Ariadne. When I think about anyone hurting her or trying to take her from me. There’s an overwhelming fear boiling inside me; anyone that tries to break us apart will pay with their life. And I find that I’m unable to keep my thoughts straight with all the madness I feel for her.
I can’t imagine my life without her. Won’t imagine it. Instead, I choose to step out of the dark and imagine a future filled with light and happiness, and miniature versions of us in the form of children. I never gave having a family much thought, but now it’s all I can think about as I consider all the ways that I can own Ariadne. She doesn’t answer, and I understand it could be her voice trying to catch up with her mind. But I don’t really care. It wasn’t a question. It’s not up for debate. She will be mine in every way possible. Her body is already mine. I have her heart. And her soul will be mine eternally as we live out the rest of our days side by side in this paradise we have created for ourselves away from the rest of the world.
I brush her hair behind her ear, press my lips in a straight line as I watch her carefully. She didn’t run all this way only to turn away from me. She ran to me because she wants to be with me. It’s a given that she wants us to be together, and she’s willing to sacrifice her past and present to share her future with me.
There is no need for words. Nothing she says or does can convince me otherwise; we belong together, and she was mine from the moment she stepped onto my boat and decided to play with fire. I chuckle internally when I recall how she threw herself overboard when she believed that I was going to hurt her and muse at how far we’ve come.
“It may not always be rainbows and butterflies,” I tell her. “But I’m going to dedicate every last breath to possessing every last inch of you and making us one.”
She smiles up at me, her radiance battling for center stage with the fading sun. She has no doubts. Not even a flicker. She knows I mean what I say and she wants it all. She wants to play in this big boy’s playground, and she will. For the first time in my life, something – someone – takes priority in my life over work. Over everything I’ve built. It’s inconsequential when compared to Ariadne. Inadequate in terms of how I measure my life’s worth now.
Only death can tear us apart, and I mean to do everything in my power to live long enough to keep her by my side eternally.