Chapter 17 Annie #4
The pulsing wetness of his mouth sends a sensation through me that I’ve never felt—couldn’t even have imagined.
His tongue flutters against me rapidly as he sucks at my clit, and before I can so much as catch my breath, I feel that pleasure expand and burst again, a sudden, sharp orgasm crashing over me directly on the heels of the first. I feel my arousal flooding his tongue, coating his mouth, and my moans become a high-pitched shriek that sounds something like his name as I come apart for a second time.
This time, when he eases me down, he pulls back. His mouth and chin are soaked, and he lets go of one thigh, casually dragging the back of his hand across his mouth in a way that makes me flush with arousal all over again.
“Fuck, Annie,” he growls, one hand still gripping my thigh. “You taste so fucking good. I could eat you all fucking night.”
Then do it, I almost say, desperate to find out if he could make me come like that again.
But instead, I reach down, hooking my fingers in his belt loops and pulling him in.
He comes to me easily, his eyes still dark with lust, a look in them as if he’s slightly dazed, too, though as far as I know, he hasn’t come yet.
I reach down, pressing my palm against his cock, and he’s so fucking hard, straining against his zipper, that I know it must hurt.
Elio lets out a hiss at the contact, his head falling back. “I need to take care of this,” he whispers. “I almost fucking came in my jeans when you came for me that second time. God, Annie—” He leans forward, his forehead touching mine. “I need to fucking come.”
I curl my fingers against him, working his cock outside of his jeans, and he groans. “Then come inside me,” I whisper, and his head snaps up.
“Annie.” His voice flattens, and he takes a step back. “No. We’ve been over this. I’m not going to—we can’t—”
“We stopped before. When you left for Chicago.” I hate the pleading note in my voice, but I want him so fucking badly.
I don’t want this to end the same way, with him walking away and me spending years—maybe the rest of my life—wishing I knew what it was like to be with him completely.
Wishing he was the one to take my virginity—not even take, really, because I’d give it to him gladly.
"You know what scares me?" I ask, my voice gaining strength. "It's not Ronan finding out about us. It's not the complications or the dangers or any of the rational reasons you keep coming up with to push me away."
Elio’s jaw tightens. "What scares you?"
"That Desmond might find me again before we finish this. That he might succeed where he failed before." My voice drops to a whisper. "That he might be the one who gets to be my first, whether I want it or not. That it might be him who takes what I wanted to be yours, Elio.”
The words hit him like a physical blow. I can see it in his eyes, the way his carefully constructed arguments crumble in an instant. How badly he wants this, too, no matter how much he fights it.
"Annie—"
"I'm twenty-eight years old, and I'm still a virgin," I continue, past caring about dignity or pride.
"I've spent so many years being the good girl, the protected sister, never finding anyone who could handle the realities of our world, or who didn’t want to treat me like an object.
And for what? So that my first sexual experience could be some monster forcing himself on me? "
"That didn't happen," he says fiercely. "You stopped him." He swallows hard.
"Barely." Tears are threatening now, but I force them back. "And what if next time I'm not so lucky?”
"There won't be a next time—"
"You can't promise that." I stare at him, my pulse hammering in my throat. "The only thing you can promise is right now. This moment. This choice."
"What choice?" Elio grinds out. “There’s no choice, Annie. We can’t do this.”
“I want you to be my first.” I stare at him. “I wanted it when we were eighteen, and I want it now. I’ve always wanted it to be you. I just didn’t ever think you would come back.”
“Me being back doesn’t change anything. I’m still not good enough for you.
” The muscle in his jaw twitches. “Ronan would think I came back and took what he offered just to get close to you. He’d never trust me again.
And if he found out that I touched you without permission, on top of everything else—”
“I don’t care about that!” I snap. “Shouldn’t I get to choose? Shouldn’t I be the one who says who my first time is with—”
“Sure.” Elio’s gaze darkens. “But if you care about me, Annie, we won’t do this. Because he’ll just be angry with you. But he’ll fucking kill me.”
“Not if he knows how I feel about you. Not if—”
“You know better than that. We both do. You might not even get the chance to convince him. He’s angry right now, and scared, and…” Elio runs a hand through his hair. “Maybe one day.” He sounds unconvinced, but he presses on. “Maybe after all of this, we could talk to him, and—”
I can feel the moment sputtering out, the possibility gone. He takes another step back, his gaze still fixed on mine. “We can’t do this right now, Annie. Not now. Not when—” He swallows hard. “Not when it’s not forever. I can’t—”
It’s as if he can’t find the right words. He looks at me for a long moment, and then turns on his heel striding out of the kitchen as I sit there on the counter, watching him go.