Chapter 18 Elio #2
"Yeah." I clear my throat, trying to sound normal instead of like a man who's been lying awake thinking about all the ways he wants to touch her. "Can't sleep?"
She shakes her head and takes a few steps into the living room. The moonlight catches the pale skin of her legs, the freckles that dust her thighs. I force myself to look away, focusing on a spot on the wall behind her.
"Was that Ronan on the phone?" she asks quietly.
"Yeah." My voice catches again, and I swallow hard.
"How is he?"
"How do you think?" I don't mean for it to come out so harsh, but the guilt is eating at me. "He thinks you're missing or dead. He's tearing himself apart."
Annie flinches, wrapping her arms around herself. "I know. I hate this too. But we agreed—"
"I know what we agreed." I stand up, needing to do something with the restless energy coursing through me. "But Annie, we can't keep this up forever. It's been three days and we're no closer to finding Desmond. Maybe we need to bring Ronan in. Let him help."
"No." The word is sharp, final. "We talked about this. If Ronan finds out what Desmond did to me, he'll connect it to Siobhan. He'll blame himself. I won't do that to him."
"So instead you'll let him think you're dead? He’s already blaming himself."
“It’ll be worse. My coming back won’t make it better, if he knows it’s Desmond.
It’ll be so much worse if it opens up all of that again—” She moves closer, and I can smell the faint scent of the soap she used in the shower earlier, something floral and clean.
"Once Desmond is dealt with, I'll come back. I’ll use one of the excuses we talked about. It’ll all blow over. ”
Including this. Including what we’ve been doing. That’ll blow over, too.
That’s exactly why I can’t give her everything she’s been asking for. Because this needs to be over sooner rather than later. And it’ll change everything if I have her the way I’ve wanted all my life.
I shake my head, but I don't argue further. We've had this conversation so many times already, and it always ends the same way. Annie is stubborn, and when she makes up her mind about something, there's no changing it.
“Desmond is holed up in his penthouse,” I say finally. “He isn’t being drawn out. And attacking him on his turf is a good way for me to get a lot of my men killed. Maybe myself.”
I see her flinch at that. “Okay,” she says slowly, biting her lip as she crosses her arms over her small breasts. “Then we use me as bait."
"No." The word comes out before she's even finished speaking. "Absolutely not."
"Elio—"
"I said no, Annie." I move toward her, stopping when there's still a safe distance between us. If I get too close, I won't be able to stop myself from touching her. "You're not putting yourself in danger. That's not happening."
"It's the only way." She lifts her chin, and I see a flash of the steel that runs through her, the same sharp intellect and strength of will that makes her so good at managing her family's finances. "Desmond wants me. If I make myself visible, he'll come for me. And when he does, you'll be ready."
"It's too risky."
"Everything about this situation is risky.
" She takes another step closer, and now I can see the way her pulse beats at the base of her throat.
I want to press my mouth against it, feel her heartbeat against my tongue.
Desire surges in me, my cock stiffening despite the tension.
"But sitting here waiting for him to make a move isn't working.
We need to take control of the situation. "
My jaw clenches. There’s not a chance in hell I’m saying yes to this. "By offering you up like a sacrifice?"
"By using the one advantage we have." Her voice is steady, certain. "Desmond is obsessed with me. He won't be able to resist if I give him an opening."
I study her face, trying to read what she's really thinking. "And if something goes wrong? If he gets to you before I can stop him?"
"Then you'll come for me." She looks up at me with absolute certainty, and it breaks something inside my chest, an ache that spreads through me, threatening every last defense I have against what I feel for her. What I’ve always felt for her. "I trust you, Elio. I know you'll keep me safe."
Her faith in me is terrifying. I don't deserve it, not when I've been lying to her brother, not when I've been touching her in ways I have no right to touch her. But I can't seem to deny her anything.
"Let me think about it," I finally say.
"We don't have time to think." She closes the distance between us, and I feel the soft press of her breasts against my chest through the thin fabric of my T-shirt. "Every day Desmond is out there, I'm in danger. Every day we lie to Ronan, the situation gets worse. We need to end this, Elio. Now."
Her hands come up to rest on my chest, and I feel the heat of her palms through my shirt.
"Please. Let me help. Let me be part of the solution instead of just the problem. I let you show me how to use a gun so I could protect myself. Let me do this my way, too. Let’s be partners in this.
I can’t take him down physically, but I can still help. "
I close my eyes, trying to summon the willpower to step away from her. But she's right. We're running out of time, and we're running out of options. If we don't do something soon, everything is going to fall apart.
"If we do this," I say slowly, "we do it my way. My men, my plan, my rules. You don't make a move without my say-so. We have to be in lock-step the whole way. Otherwise this doesn’t work. Understood?"
She nods. "Understood."
"And if at any point I think it's too dangerous, we abort. No arguments."
"No arguments," she agrees.
I open my eyes and look down at her, and the hope I see in her face makes my chest ache. "Annie, I—"
She rises up on her toes and kisses me before I can finish the sentence.
Her mouth is soft and sweet against mine, and for a moment, I let myself fall into it.
I let myself pretend that this is normal, that we're just two people who care about each other instead of two people caught in an impossible situation.
Arousal crashes through me at the sensation of her mouth, the ache of need almost unbearable, but I know what will happen if I follow her back into that room, if I pull her onto my lap on the couch.
Everything is too heightened right now. And I need her too badly.
I pull away, missing the touch of her lips on mine the moment they’re gone."You need to go back to bed," I say roughly.
"I know you want me." Her voice drops to a whisper. "I can feel it, Elio. Every time you look at me, every time you touch me. You want me as much as I want you."
"It doesn't matter what I want." I take her wrists and gently remove her hands from my shirt.
"You're Ronan's sister. You're under my protection. I won't take advantage of you." It’s easier to say that than the rest of the truth: that I won’t be able to walk away after, that I don’t want to only be a bandage. I want to be her forever.
"It's not taking advantage if I'm asking for it,” she whispers.
"Yes, it is." I step back, putting distance between us, sticking with this argument instead of the ones that are so much more complicated. "You're traumatized and vulnerable. You're not thinking clearly."
"Stop telling me what I'm thinking." There's a flash of anger in her eyes now. "I know my own mind, Elio. And I know what I want."
"What you want right now and what you'll want when this is over are two different things.
" I cross my arms, trying to be the voice of reason even though every part of me is screaming to give her what she's asking for.
"When Desmond is dealt with and you're safe and you have time to process everything that's happened, you're going to regret this. You’re going to wish we hadn’t started something we have to keep secret forever, that we both have to walk away from.
And I'm not going to be the man you regret. "
She stares at me for a long moment, and I see hurt flash across her face before she masks it. "Fine. Have it your way."
She turns and walks back to the bedroom, and I watch her go, hating myself for the disappointment in her shoulders, the way she closes the door just a little too firmly.
I sink back down onto the couch and drop my head into my hands. I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm doing the right thing.
So why does it feel so wrong?