Chapter 10
Annamaria
Seventeen years old
Thankfully, I turned seventeen in the quietest way possible. No lavish party this year. No crowd filling the living room with so much noise that you struggle to even hear your own thoughts.
I was able to persuade my parents that I was too old for such things, though I doubt I will be as successful next year when I turn eighteen.
They still insisted on a family lunch at the old Salvatore mansion, which I was glad to accommodate for my own selfish reasons.
But even as everyone gathers around the table to celebrate my birthday with me, I cannot shake the feeling that I am watching from the outside.
Everyone has moved on from our family home, and meals like this feel like the only time I get to spend with my family.
Lucky has officially moved in with Frankie and her adoptive brother, Darius, using the flimsy excuse that her apartment is closer to college.
I’m still in awe of his negotiating skills after he managed to convince our parents, especially our overprotective mother, to let him shack up with his girlfriend.
It probably didn’t hurt his case that we all see how visibly enamored he is with Frankie.
Everyone can see that she’s going to be part of our family sooner or later.
It’s only a question of time before Lucky pops the question.
Enzo has also moved out and is staying in a little cottage just outside the city that my mother bought for him and Father Torres.
Oops. Not Father Torres. Alejandro. In my mind, I still see him in his clerical collar, though it’s been well over a year since he stepped away from the church and fully committed himself to Enzo. I’m more than happy for them.
Enzo used to be a bit of a player back in high school, and it never sat well with me how careless he was with his heart, giving away his affection to the first person who smiled at him.
I’m just thankful Alejandro came into his life when he did.
And so is our mother, since she’s grown quite fond of Alejandro and even has him working with her on a few charities she oversees.
Marcello, too, seems to have found his footing in the world.
He no longer looks so haunted by his ghosts or the demon that once whispered in his ear.
After he told us about his condition last year, it wasn’t lost on me that the day he killed our nanny, not only marked me, but also changed the course of his life completely.
How that one death viscerally affected him.
I’m so grateful to Isobel for finding the proper care and support to help my sweet, shy brother overcome such obstacles. I know it will probably always be something he needs to work on, but I breathe a lot easier knowing he has such a fierce and loyal girlfriend at his side.
And then there’s my fearless sister, Stella.
Who would have thought there would be a man alive strong enough to weather her storm?
But that’s exactly what Stella found in Kirill Petrov.
A man who understands her on an emotional level and accepts all her jagged edges and fiery temper.
In fact, I think he loves her even more for it.
It warms my heart to see Stella so in love.
Though I must admit I’m a little relieved Jude and Mina didn’t bring the Crane twins with them this year to celebrate my birthday.
Anytime Remus and Rolo are in the same room as anyone who carries the Petrov surname, tensions usually run high.
Mina seems to have a better handle on compartmentalizing things.
Though the Bratva are still very much an enemy to the Firm, she’s somehow found a way to accept Kirill as her future brother-in-law.
Stella doesn’t know it yet, but after a family dinner like this one, I heard Kirill ask our fathers for their blessing so he could propose to her.
I’m not usually one to eavesdrop on such personal conversations, but I am excited to see Kirill bend down on one knee and ask Stella to be his wife.
She’ll either laugh him off or swoon. With Stella, you never know.
Yes, all of my siblings are living rich, full lives. And then there’s me. The stagnant baby sister.
I go to school. I come home. I practice my piano forte.
I read. I go to church. And on some occasions, I accompany my parents to galas.
I sleep when the nightmares allow it. I exist in the same carefully monitored spaces, under the same watchful eyes, bound by the same rules that have always applied to me. Nothing has changed. Not really.
I feel… stuck. No, that’s not the right word. I feel empty.
The word tastes bitter in my mouth when I think of it.
It feels as if I’ve been left behind while everyone else keeps moving forward, growing into the people they were always meant to become.
I love them. I do. But loving them and watching their lives unfold so beautifully doesn’t stop the quiet ache that settles in my chest when I realize how little my world has expanded compared to theirs.
It only leaves me with the revelation that I’m sleepwalking through my own life, with no real purpose or joy.
No. I can’t think like that. Not today. Because today is my birthday, which means I get to see Raffaele again.
That knowledge carries me through most of the day and allows me to navigate the forced smiles and polite conversations.
Gets me to the moment my mother kisses my cheek and tells me how proud she is of the young woman I’m becoming.
From the expensive gifts my fathers shower me with, to the light teasing and raucous laughter of my siblings.
All of it fades into the background as the hours tick by.
Rafe: Sunset.
That was his last text to me, and by the time evening begins to creep in, I’m restless.
I pace the living room, checking the clock far too often, my heart thudding harder each time the minutes slip away.
“Are you okay there, sis? You look a little anxious,” Stella says, lying on the couch, her head on Kirill’s lap so he can run his fingers through every strand of her red hair.
“I’m fine.” I fake a smile, to which her brows pull together in curiosity.
Damn it.
“I knew one day it would happen, but I never assumed it would be today. Annamaria Bianca Romano, you just bold-faced lied to me,” she laughs, amused by the fact she caught me in a lie.
“I doubt our Anna is capable of such a thing,” Alejandro quickly comes to my defense, while Enzo runs his fingers through his curls.
“You trust too easily, my love,” Enzo coos at Alejandro, “Even saints are capable of sin. Isn’t that the whole premise of Catholicism? That the archangel Lucifer was the one who committed the first sin? The sin of vanity? Or was it pride? I forget.”
“Both are right,” Alejandro says softly. “Hence why the Church was built for sinners, not saints.”
“It sure restored my faith, since it gave this sinner exactly what he prayed for,” Enzo teases, placing a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s lips.
“If prayer worked that efficiently, churches would be a lot more crowded,” Stella says dryly, shifting on the couch, already bracing herself to argue Enzo’s point.
“Here we go,” Kirill grumbles as he slides one arm over my sister’s shoulders, while the other grabs his wine glass.
“Just let them argue it out. These things usually end in an hour or so.” Mina winks at him conspiratorially.
“I think faith is less about following dogma,” Marcello interjects after a beat, “and more about who shows up for you when things fall apart.” He then looks over at Isobel with nothing but love in his eyes.
“Pretty sure that’s not in the catechism,” Lucky says, grinning. “But I’m not exactly an authority. Why don’t we ask my girlfriend here? She was the one who once considered the travesty of becoming a nun.”
“Are you ever going to let that go?” Frankie rolls her eyes only to giggle when Lucky begins tickling her.
“Not a chance, babe.”
“The Church has survived worse contradictions than love. It’ll manage just fine without Frankie or Alejandro’s involvement in it,” Jude offers his two cents to the discussion.
“Theology aside,” Mina cuts in smoothly, “can we all agree the wine is doing most of the heavy lifting tonight?”
“I’ll drink to that,” Kirill laughs, raising his glass and clicking it with Mina’s.
“I don’t like how you two always get along. It’s very unnerving,” Jude grumbles.
“Maybe you should pray on it,” Stella goads with a wink.
While my siblings and their counterparts continue to bicker and tease one another, I use their distraction to my advantage.
“I’m going for a walk,” I announce, though they only absentmindedly register it over their own loud voices and commentary.
Mina was right. Give my brothers and sister a topic juicy enough to ruffle feathers, and they’ll argue it to death. Which means I’ve earned myself at least a good hour or two before they realize I’m taking too long.
I grab my coat, slide open the doors leading to the backyard, and slip outside. I can still hear the muffled argument unfolding in the living room behind me, but my thoughts are no longer on my siblings. They’re on Raffaele.
The moment I cross the tree line, I break into a sprint, running in his direction, knowing exactly where he’ll be waiting for me this time.
The cool wind lashes against my face, my hair whipping wildly as I race toward the only friend who truly understands my current state of being.
When I reach our meeting spot, I’m gasping for air with the widest smile on my face.
“Rafe!” I call out in glee. “Don’t you dare scare me again like last time.” I giggle.
Raffaele steps out from between the trees on command, as if he’d always belonged there, tall and solid and undeniably real. For a moment, I just stare at him.