1. Ivy
Chapter 1
Ivy
Present Day
I’m supposed to be dead…
I promised myself I would never think about that cold, callous truth.
That secret part of my life is supposed to stay locked away in Pandora’s box, but for the last few months the wretched thought is all that’s been living inside my head. Along with the past.
My hands glide over the keys of the piano, summoning each note to life with the grace of a renowned concert pianist.
Music fills every corner of the living room, flowing from my heart in a dark melody of Wagner meets Debussy. That’s my style. I marry Wagner’s deep emotion to Debussy’s atonal structural pattern.
The tune rises with the sounds of the oncoming storm outside my parents’ manor. My fingers dance across the ebony and alabaster keys and a fierce gust of wind sends a shiver through the windows. Thunder rumbles across the skies and lightning strikes in the distance, piercing through the blanket of night.
The weather has been like this all week. Unsettled, unstable, unhinged.
And so have I…
I can’t help it. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to breathe past the taut ropes wrapping around my soul. Everything feels like a bad omen to me.
Me, the girl with the borrowed life.
Tomorrow I’ll be making the journey from L.A. to Raventhorn University in Boston. There I’ll pursue my dreams to study and compose music.
Like most eighteen-year-olds starting their freshman year, I’ve worried about leaving my home, friends, and family. And I’ve obsessed about fitting into the place where I’ll be spending the next four years of my life.
I’m sure anyone would tell me it’s completely normal to feel this way. But what’s not normal is me.
For the last nine years I’ve lived a secret life. One where my mother and I have assumed new identities to keep us safe from the past.
This will be the first time I’ll be on my own and expected to be mindful of all those parts of my life that need to stay secret.
As if sensing the heightened shift in my mood, another flash of lightning crackles across the sky.
With a deep breath I school my thoughts and lean forward, allowing the platinum ends of my ponytail to drift over my shoulder as I play the quick-tempo bridge of my composition.
The sudden sound of footsteps in the corridor makes me lift my head. Moments later my mother and Levgen, my stepfather, appear at the door.
They’d gone out to dinner earlier with their friends. Because it’s my last night at home they wanted me to join them, but I wasn’t in the mood to socialize.
When I get worked up like this the only thing that can calm me is my music.
Mom hits me with one of her I’m-worried-about-you smiles, while Levgen gives me a hope-filled stare.
With his loose wavy hair and neatly-trimmed beard, he’s always reminded me of a blond version of Sirius Black from the Harry Potter movies.
Next to his tall, muscular stature my mother looks like a little fairy.
I look like her. I got everything from her long platinum hair to her silver-gray eyes, and her five-foot-four willowy figure.
The moment people see me they know straight away that I’m Oksana Yegorov’s daughter.
I stop playing to greet my parents and try to look like I’ve controlled my freakout.
“Hey, sweetheart, just checking on you.” Mom’s light Russian accent is a welcome sound.
She walks ahead of Levgen to give me a little hug, then keeps her gaze trained on me as if she’s trying to unlock the worries from my mind.
“You’ve been in here since before we left.” Levgen rests his hands on top of the piano and sighs.
“I’m just trying to get in some quality time. I won’t have my own piano on campus. It’s going to be strange scheduling practice time when I’m used to playing whenever I want.”
“That’s understandable, but you have a long day tomorrow. Flying across the country is exhausting enough, but you’re also going to college.”
“I promise I’ll head up to bed in a little while.”
“Alright.” A warm smile grazes his lips. “I’m going to miss you like crazy, sweet girl. The house won’t be the same without you and your beautiful music.”
I smile back at him, appreciating his love even more than I already do.
“I’ll miss you, too.” I truly mean that. Levgen has been a great stepfather to me.
My father might have taught me how to play the piano, but Levgen nurtured my musical talents. He took me to all my classes, sent me to music camp every summer, and attended every single concert with my mother at his side.
More importantly, it was Levgen who saved Mom and me in Russia when my father went to prison and became a disgraced Knight.
He was Dad’s best friend. So when Dad was found guilty of being an accomplice to a murder plot of a group of political and mafia leaders, Levgen took care of us. He gave us this new life in L.A. where we could be safe and he could provide for us.
“Knowing you’re going to study music at one of the best colleges in this world makes up for us missing each other.” Levgen taps my head the same way he used to when I was little. “I know you’re going to do amazing at Raventhorn.”
“Thank you.”
“My God, I’m going to cry again.” Mom chuckles, but her eyes hold a sheen of tears.
“I know just the thing we need.” Levgen looks from Mom to me with a spark in his eyes. “How about I fix us some hot fudge sundaes?”
“I would love that.” I grin back at him.
“Anything for you, sweet girl.” Levgen dips his head and leaves us.
Mom pulls up a chair and plants herself beside me.
“Talk to me, Ivy.” She scans my face, looking at me again with a poignant stare. “How are you really feeling? I’m already missing you and I can’t believe my little girl is going off to college, but at least I have Levgen to comfort me.”
“I’m just nervous, but I’ll be okay.”
“And you’re worrying about Raventhorn again?” She raises her brows inquisitively.
There’s no point lying even if I want to because my mother can always see straight through me. “I’m trying not to.”
“I know you wanted to go to Juilliard or Berklee, but you understand why you have to attend Raventhorn, right?” She holds my gaze with the same intensity she’s shown me over the million times we’ve spoken about Raventhorn.
“I understand.”
Raventhorn is an elite college all the heirs of the Knights are required to attend. Heirs like me.
The Knights are a secret society that has always governed our lives. As Levgen is a senior member, it’s mandatory that I study at Raventhorn.
Although they accept students whose families are allies with the Knights, like those in the Bratva and Italian mafia, the majority of students there come from Knight families like mine.
“Raventhorn is just as good as Juilliard or Berklee.” Mom leans forward and takes my hands into hers.
“I know, but it’s the Knights who worry me. Going to Raventhorn means being around the same people we’ve tried to keep our secrets from all these years.”
Mom stares back at me, wordless. She knows I’m right. And that I have every reason to be worried.
If anyone were to find out that the two of us are alive when we’re supposed to be dead, and that my real father is a convicted Knight, it would be the end of all of us.
“Levgen has put his life on the line to make sure that neither of us have to worry about the past ever again. You don’t even need to think about it.”
“It’s on my mind because I’ve never been around these people without you.”
She looks me over with understanding and gives my hands a gentle squeeze. “Just remember everything we told you and you’ll be absolutely fine.”
“The three warnings.” I speak with reflection, showing her I remember.
“Yes.”
When Mom and Levgen got married they gave me the ‘safety talk’. The talk I will need to remember for the rest of my life. From time to time Mom gives me a reminder of those warnings when she thinks I need it. Like now.
Number one : Stay focused.
Number two : Never mention my father to anyone and keep the old life I had as Annika Bershov buried with the past.
Number three : Avoid anyone with the surname Ivanov.
That’s the one that worries me most.
“Up until now I didn’t have to worry about the Ivanovs.” I bring my hands together in my lap.
“And you still don’t.”
“Really, Mom? Aleksander Ivanov will be on campus all the time. Raventhorn is the Knights’ headquarters and Aleksander is the leader of the Knights.”
Most of all, he’s the man who put my father behind bars for life. He also linked Dad to an attack years before where Aleksander’s brother and family were butchered. He pinned that on Dad because there were striking similarities between the two incidents that made it seem like he was involved in both attacks.
Aleksander is a nasty piece of work who wouldn’t hesitate to skin me alive and unearth my secrets if I drew the wrong kind of attention to myself, so of course I’m worried.
Mom has gone silent so I continue speaking.
“When I went to Raventhorn over the summer for registration, I was told Aleksander’s son, and his nephew—as in the guy whose father, Dad is in prison for killing—would be attending the college for the next two years. I’m likely to see them and I don’t even know what they look like.”
Caspian—the son, and Thorne—the nephew were talked about like celebrities. Most of the students went to high school together in New York, so they all know each other. “I tried to Google the Ivanovs, but other than details of their billion dollar technology company nothing else came up. It wasn’t surprising given who they are. So I guess I’ll meet them when I see them.”
I’ve spilled all my worries and Mom is still just staring at me.
“I hate that your father put us in this position.” She eventually speaks after another minute passes. Her voice is whisper soft, as if she’s scared the very walls will hear us. Her eyes are glassy too, full of regret, disappointment and the deepest sorrow.
“Mom. Dad didn’t?—”
“No. Don’t say it.” The finality in her tone severs everything I want to say in my father’s defense.
That what happened wasn’t Dad’s fault.
That he didn’t mean to hurt us.
That he’s innocent.
Mom doesn’t want to hear any of those things because she believes he’s guilty.
My father was set up to take the fall for a crime he didn’t commit, but no one can prove it and no one believes him but me.
I was there on that night when disaster struck. I just didn’t see enough to help him.
I couldn’t help anyway because Mom and I had to flee for our lives by pretending to be dead. If Mom hadn’t gone to Levgen we would have been executed as punishment for my father’s crimes. In the Knights, part of the punishment for unauthorized killing is death for your family.
The worst thing is, like everyone else we once knew in Russia, Dad believes that my mother and I are dead.
“If not for what he did you wouldn’t be worried now . You’d be excited to go to college and study music like you should be. You’d see the value of attending Raventhorn instead of fearing it.”
There’s no point arguing. One, because she is technically right, and two, I’d only end up sounding like the lost little girl again. The lost little girl who continues to hold onto her belief in her father’s innocence.
“I want you to stop worrying.” Mom’s voice is firmer now, reflecting the determination in her expression. “Worrying is only going to hurt your success. We’ve been through too much for that to happen, and I just want you to live your dreams.”
She presses her finger on the middle C key on the piano twice and guilt washes over me. I think of what she’s had to do to keep me safe and make this moment possible for me. She married my father’s best friend, moved across the world and literally became someone else, for me.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. So I’ll get my head together.” I drag in a deep breath to clear my mind. “I have too many dreams to allow fear to stand in my way.”
“Exactly, my dear girl. Exactly . You’re going to be absolutely fine. I promise. Okay?”
“Okay.” I try to sound more sure of myself and give her a small smile.
“Come on, let’s go help Levgen. You know he’s going to whip up the best sundaes ever.”
“He always does.”
She smiles back at me and lowers to plant a kiss on my forehead, then we make our way to the kitchen.
As we walk down the corridor I balance my mind with the reminder of my dream to become a classical concert pianist. I want the world to love me as much as they love the great composers and pianists of all time. That starts now.
So I have to shove my worries about omens, the Knights, and the Ivanovs to the back of my mind.
One thing my father told me that I’ll never forget is this:
When you walk in the dark you have to take one step at a time. If you don’t, you’ll get lost and never find your way back to the light.
That’s what I have to do now.
Take one step at a time, so I don’t lose my way.
If I do, I’ll lose myself too.
I can’t let that happen.