19. Ivy
Chapter 19
Ivy
“How have things been?” Eilish asks, resting her hands on her desk.
We’re sitting opposite each other in her office. The room is a quaint little space, with high-end décor like the rest of the sorority house, and even looks like a therapist's office except for the life-size poster of Aerosmith on the door. That belongs to Eilish.
While I think of how to answer her question, I stare at her perfectly manicured fingernails and get lost in the electric purple color. It’s more vibrant than her lilac hair, but the shades complement each other.
“I’ve been okay.” I’ve never had to lie so much in my life. Definitely not for normal, common-place things like how I’m genuinely feeling.
But I could never tell anyone the truth. At the same time I entertain the words in my mind with the answer I really want to give her:
Life is actually fucked up, Eilish, and I really want to go home. I attracted the attention of a monster who harassed me to no end during the first few weeks of college, then he discovered my darkest secret and decided to blackmail me.
He went apeshit when he saw me talking to another guy and I practically, foolishly, oh-so stupidly asked him why he hadn’t fucked me yet. Much to his satisfaction.
I could have withered away when those words came out of my mouth.
The monster then forbade me to go on the trip today. That’s why I’m not going. I’m terrified of what will happen if I piss him off.
In the same vein, I think I might have found a way to help my father but right now, getting into the Knights’ database is near impossible.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Eilish searches my eyes and I wish powers like telepathy or some mind-reading spell really existed so she could see into my head.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Thorne.” She raises a questioning brow.
“Oh, it, um?—”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.” She laughs. “I’m not being nosy. I just want to check on you and give you the chance to speak to me about whatever you need to. Even about Thorne.”
I stare back at her, still not knowing what to say, but she made that sound like she might have some positive details about him.
“You know him well?”
“I do, so I’m just going to tell you what you’ve probably heard before, which is to be careful. He can be a little difficult at times.”
No, Eilish, difficult is not the right word for Thorne Ivanov. Difficult is when your car won’t start or you have to solve a quadratic equation.
Thorne is just fucked up.
“You’re right. He can be difficult.” I decide to agree because it’s safer.
“I’m sorry you won’t be joining us for the trip. You were so excited about it.”
I'm so sad I’m not going I want to scream. “Me too. Emily Dickinson is one of my favorites.”
“Mine too, which is why it’s such a shame you won’t be coming. It’s nice to share an experience with people who appreciate it. Are you sure you can’t work something out?”
I shake my head. “I wish I could. I just got so delayed with my music project I have to stay back and work on it.” More filthy little lies.
I finished that project two weeks ago. It was as easy to me as breathing air. We had to write a piece on two composers who inspired our music. I’d had so much information on my idols that I did my project over one afternoon. Now I have to act like I’m behind in my work.
“Okay. I understand. I hear we’re going to Amherst again next year, so you can join us then.”
“I’ll definitely be there.” At least I hope I will. Who knows how long Thorne will keep me captive to our arrangement? I’m little more than a princess locked away in a tower, but I have no one to rescue me.
“In the meantime, please do let me know if I can help you with anything.” The warmth of concern fills her eyes. “I know how hard it can be to be new here. Also, talking with you will give me the chance to build up my experience. Since I discovered that I wanted to be a therapist, I’ve been on a roll.”
I smile back at her. “I think you’ll make a great therapist.”
“I hope so. I’m a little obsessed with it. I’ve become more focused since freshman year. And I’ve even been practicing my cognitive behavioral skills on Lucian but I think he’s getting tired of me.”
I like the way she talks about Lucian. I might have only known her for a little over a month but it’s clear she loves him. They remind me of an old married couple. They’ve never given me best friend vibes. Definitely not with the way they look at each other.
“I’m sure he won’t get tired of you.”
“I hope not. I only have him until January before he leaves for his placement in Russia. Then he’ll be gone for a year.”
“That’s sad.”
“Yes. It’s going to be weird not seeing him. We’ve always been in each other’s lives since we were kids.”
“That’s a long time. And he’s always been your best friend?”
She gives me a knowing laugh. “Yes, Lucian has always been my best friend. It’s always been him, Willow and me. Then Willow married Caspian.”
“And you and Lucian?” I’m stepping over a line I wouldn’t normally cross but hearing about someone else’s life is a good diversion from mine.
“At the moment we’re just Lucian and me. If it changes, I’ll let you know.” She gives me a little wink.
“Okay.”
“You do realize that we’ve spoken more about me than you, right?” She raises another hard brow.
“I know. And I am okay. I promise I’ll let you know when that changes, too.”
“I’ll hold you to that promise. Do you want to go to the pastry shop and get some donuts? I have an hour before I have to head off with the others to Amherst.”
“I will never say no to sugar.”
“Girl after my own heart.” She giggles and grabs her things. “You can tell me about the piece you were composing the other day.”
“Sure.” Finally something I can talk about.
We head to the pastry shop and stay there for the full hour. I’m surprised I’m able to talk so much when I get going.
I feel like myself and like I never had the misfortune of being railroaded by Thorne Ivanov. But then it’s time for Eilish to leave. I get to say goodbye to Isabelle, Mackenzie and Sawyer, who are also going on the trip. Then I’m alone again.
There are no classes to fill up my time because I would have been doing English literature for the rest of the day.
I head to the library, where I study for a test I won’t have until the end of the semester.
I’m seeing Thorne later and I’m really not looking forward to it. I had two nights off from him, so I haven’t seen him since our blow-up. Only God knows what awaits me, after the way we parted.
And still my mind and body are at war with each other.
Because of him.
Something has to change soon. It has to. I just don’t know what.
A pool party…
Wonderful.
Just fucking wonderful.
I arrived at Erebus House at eight p.m. to find it brimming with people inside and outside the house. Loud music filled the air and the living room looked like a replay of the sex parts of the Lords and Ladies party.
There were people having actual sex on the sofa in the living room. I didn’t know where to put my face. At the Lords and Ladies party they were behind a glass wall and it seemed more like an exhibition.
This is wayyy different, and it doesn’t have that fantasy vibe.
Thorne could have given me a heads-up, but it's just so typical of him to make me swim in the deep end to find my way to shallow waters.
I was told he was by the pool, so I make my way through the crowd to find him.
Of course, he would be the one sitting shirtless at the head of the pack with his beer in his hand along with his muscles and tattoos on full display.
I've never come across a twenty-year-old guy with a body like that. But here it’s not uncommon.
Most of the guys walking around look like him, but Thorne has an untamed beauty that's unique to him. Like an unrefined diamond that’s just been discovered.
The other girls around him see it, too. How could they not?
He’s as obvious as the sun rising in the morning and the moon taking its place at night.
When he spots me those blue eyes light up with a lethal concoction of mischief and malice.
It fuels the ball of emotion settling in the pit of my stomach that’s always there.
“Bambi, come here.”
This is the first time we’ve been around so many people. Around him are Kade, Dmitri, Logan and Alek. I don’t look at them too much even though they’re watching me.
I stop before Thorne and glare at him. “You could have told me there was going to be a party.”
“I could have. I just chose not to. Here is your uniform for the night.” He reaches down for a bag beside him and pulls out a little black bikini. It’s pretty but I’m not in the mood to wear anything like that. Especially when I could have been on the trip.
“I’m not wearing that.”
The guys chuckle, but one look from Thorne and the snickering dies.
“Yes, you are. Go upstairs and put it on then bring some drinks for us on your way out.”
My entire body tightens with the rage of a bull. He wants me to serve them. He stopped me from going on my trip by being his jealous, possessive self so I could be his servant. What a fucking jerk.
“Go on now.” The stiffness in his tone carries a warning, so I don’t bother to defend myself. What's the point? It’s not like I can win here.
I take the bag from him and walk away feeling like my dignity is in pieces around me.
I go upstairs to his room and change into the bikini, which barely covers my body.
Just as I thought, the moment I step outside all the guys are looking at my boobs, which look even bigger in the bikini top.
I grab a tray of drinks from the server in the kitchen and walk back to Thorne with it.
He smiles when he sees me strolling back to him, loving the conundrum I’ve found myself in where he is my master and I have to do exactly as he says.
Bastard.
He takes another beer, and I set the tray on the little table between the guys.
Thorne then holds up a bottle of massage oil to me. “Make your hands useful. I need a shoulder massage.”
Grudgingly I take the oil from him, squirt some into my palms, and rub it onto the wide expanse of his shoulder blades.
The muscles here are so thick they feel as solid and compacted as the ropes on Levgen’s sailing yacht back home.
My fingers are no match for them and I actually hurt myself trying to press into them.
“Harder.” He throws the word over his shoulder in that commanding voice I hate.
I try my best to rub him harder but it’s clear I’m struggling.
The guys start talking about all sorts of nonsense. Women and booze and training for their trials.
My mind drifts to my father and this possibility of finding the scar-faced man.
I haven’t stopped thinking about that.
I wanted to tell my mom and even speak to Levgen about it, but I stopped myself.
Mom would go crazy if I mentioned one word to Levgen about my father. The subject of the scar-faced man was explored before but I was never asked to identify him.
I know the description of the man is vague and so many people have scars on their faces, but maybe this is closure for me. Because I didn’t get to help my father when he needed it most.
The other day I went to the library and tried to look for the database on their computer. I thought they might have a systems portal where you could access it from certain locations. I was sorely mistaken. Of course, a secret society wasn’t going to have a list of its members readily available at the library for someone to hack.
And hacking is all I could do.
Not that I can hack anything. I couldn’t even pick a lock if someone taught me.
The only way for me to get anywhere near that database is if a Knight helped me. How crazy is it that I’m surrounded by them and literally rubbing up against the devil, yet I can’t ask any of these people for help?
The entire idea is a dead end but I can’t allow myself to truly believe that.
“You can stop now, Bambi.” Thorne clasps his hand over mine. “Get us another round of drinks. Jack Daniel’s this time.”
I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life.
I go back into the kitchen and look for the Jack Daniel’s. The server who was in here before isn’t around. Maybe she joined the party.
I find one bottle of Jack Daniel’s and some beer in the fridge, so I grab those.
When I walk outside my steps slow when I find a girl with a bob massaging Thorne’s shoulders and getting ready to pour more oil on him. A blonde girl stands next to him with her surgically-enhanced breasts shoved in his face.
“You know she didn’t do it properly, right?” The girl with the bob laughs. The she she’s referring to is me.
“Everybody learns,” Thorne replies.
“Why get a learner when you can have an expert?” The blonde girl coos, taking off her bikini top so she’s topless.
My throat goes dry when she then plops herself onto his lap and for the first time since ever, the slithering green claws of jealousy crawl into my soul.
“Get up and put your top back on, Jenna.”
“Nope.” Jenna slips her arms around his neck and kicks her legs like a little girl on Santa’s lap. “Please tell me you have no interest in the little freshman.”
“Leave my new toy alone.”
Toy.
My God. I studied so hard all my life only to end up like this.
Someone’s toy.
And the girl is still on his lap with her tits in his face. Thorne told her to get up once, but he hasn’t said it again.
She’s still on his lap and the other girl is still rubbing his shoulders.
Something weird comes over me. It feels like falling asleep and slipping into survival mode in a nightmare where you’re not really yourself.
My feet move but I divert toward the nearest table and set the tray down, then I open the Jack Daniel’s and take it over to Thorne as he requested.
The girls look at me with vicious smiles on their faces as I march up to them. Thorne is watching me, too.
None of them expect me to lift the bottle up, tip it, and pour it all over Thorne’s head.
“Here is your drink, my Lord.” That’s how you’re supposed to address a Knight when you’re at a formal event. “Hope you enjoy it, Your Grace.” That last part is from watching Game of Thrones .
Bare-breasted blonde—Jenna—gets up, and bob-head stops massaging Thorne's shoulders as the drink splashes over them.
Thorne glares at me, and everyone around us goes silent.
Most people would stop and take that silence as a warning but I keep going until the bottle is empty.
When it is, I set it down on the table.
Thorne stands, rising like Poseidon in the ocean.
“Wrong move, Bambi. Wrong move.”
The same madness is still with me because I raise my hand and slap him across his cheek.
“My name is not Bambi. And I am not your fucking toy. How dare you stop me from going on my trip just to insult me like this?” I glance at the girls. “I hate you.”
I whirl around and march away, knowing I have to leave. Not just leave the party. Leave Raventhorn.
Leaving Raventhorn is my only escape.
It might still mean death, but I have to try something.
Something different from this.
I race up the stairs to Thorne’s room and grab my clothes. The moment I pick them up, he’s at the door.
He walks in, slamming it so hard behind him the ornament on a shelf nearby falls to the ground and breaks.
The other day when I was speaking to Aiden and Thorne got mad, he was scary, but now he looks a different kind of scary.
The kind that tells you you should be running and never looking back. Not staying frozen to the spot the way I am.
Thorne advances toward me and grabs the clothes out of my hand with such force my top tears.
“Leave me alone.” I try to hit out at him but he catches my wrist and yanks my jeans away from me, tossing them to the side.
“You really must have one hell of a deathwish.” In one quick move he picks me up and shoves me against the wall, barricading me with his body.
“Let me go.”
“No. It seems like you need a reminder, Annika .”
“Stop calling me that. You’re so cruel.” He’s hurting my wrist.
“I haven’t begun to show you just how cruel I can be, Annika.”
“Fuck you.”
“Yes, please.”
His mouth covers mine hungrily, sending spirals of ecstasy ravaging through me like a river of fire.
I want to push him away but he turns up the heat and the kiss morphs into the carnal sinful kind that robs me of all reasoning. Shivers of desire race across my skin, leaving me breathless and helpless to its potent power.
Thorne is the last man I should allow myself to feel such aching desire for, but here I am again.
“If you wanted me all you had to do was say the word, Annika ,” Thorne speaks through his merciless kisses.
“I don’t want you.” The sultry tone of my voice gives me away for the liar I am.
“Isn’t that why you got jealous?”
He presses his hard body into me, forcing the bulge of his cock into my belly while he cups my sex. “Answer me.” He slips his finger into my bikini bottoms and pushes into my pussy.
My heart pounds in my chest. “No…”
“Liar.” He pulls away from my lips but holds me in place so he can finger-fuck me. “Your body betrays you again. Your nipples are hard and your greedy little pussy is wet for me.”
He’s right. I was wet from the moment he touched me and the two distinct points of my nipples are poking against my bikini top.
“Maybe you need to get a better look.” He pulls off my top and rips off the bottoms, leaving me naked.
“Let go of me, Thorne.”
“I can’t. I don’t want to. It’s all the same thing to me. That’s why you have no reason to be jealous. Open your eyes and see. I’m fucking obsessed with you.”
My heart skips several beats and then quivers. My breathing turns shallow as my lungs constrict, narrowing to nothing.
I heard him but I wasn’t just listening. I heard him. I heard the words he said and they reached that place inside me, that secret place inside me that hungers for him.
His mouth returns to mine in a fiery kiss that leaves me breathless. And I kiss him back, really kissing him with reckless abandon.
The kiss turns into a greedy frenzy of us feeding off each other, but then he pauses and releases me only to shove his shorts down his legs.
His cock juts free; thick, massive and fully erect, ready to fuck me.
He hooks my leg over his hip and rubs his swollen erection over my entrance, his eyes heavy with lust.
I already know this time won’t be like last time when we did this, because now he knows I want him, too. There’s no hiding anymore.
He kisses the side of my face. “Hold on to me, Bambi. I won’t be gentle.”
A shudder runs through me but I slip my arms around him and hold on tight.
He trails kisses down my neck and breathes into my hair. The tension inside me rises, pulling at my core. When he pushes into my pussy, it hurts. It hurts even more as he goes deeper and deeper.
“I knew your beautiful cunt was made for me,” Thorne groans as he inches his way into my body.
I moan, too, then he thrusts up inside me in one brutal move, tearing his way past my innocence.
I cry out so loud the sound of my own voice ripples through my body, but he holds me down while stretching me wider to take his length.
Soon he’s buried deep inside me, moving past the pain until suddenly a flow of intense pleasure takes over.
It’s so powerful my entire body feels like it’s gone up in flames.
Thorne pulls back to look at me, then he catches my face and wedges me against the wall.
“You’re all mine now, Ivy Yegorov. I will fuck you so hard you will never forget who you belong to. You aren’t single anymore. Do you hear me?”
His fingers dig into my throat, almost choking me.
“Yes.”
I barely catch my breath before he starts pounding into me, fucking me into the wall.
The sounds of our passion and pleasure fill the room, and my heart hammers in my head. Everything about us is intense. Like a hurricane clashing with a tornado.
Tidal waves of pleasure roil through me when I come but he keeps going, and just like he warned me he’s not gentle. He fucks me so hard I fear he might rip my body in two.
Time seems to freeze around us, capturing this moment in which we lose ourselves in each other.
I come again. This time harder. My spasms barely slow when his begin. A deep groan rumbles in his chest and his muscles turn as hard as stone, then he comes, too.
His hot cum floods my body, pulsing through my soul. I’m used to that sensation in my mouth. Having it inside my pussy feels different. It’s indescribable.
He whispers my name into my ear, then he slows right down to a stop.
Thorne rests his forehead on the door behind me until his breathing slows down, too.
He pulls back far enough to look into my eyes. I’m covered in sweat.
Sweat is dripping down the side of his face, too.
Carefully he eases himself out of me and we both watch the gush of blood run down my thighs mixed with his cum. The remnants of my virginity.
A quiver ripples through me at the sight of it. Like a wakeup call from reality of what I just did. What we just did.
I’m so sore the pain is traveling down my legs, but it’s a good pain. A sort of bitter-sweet feeling.
Thorne grabs a wad of tissues from the dresser next to us, rolls them together, and cleans me.
It’s strange watching him do something so tender. Then he presses his lips to the smooth mound of my pussy and kisses it. He kisses his way across the skin and up to my hip before standing and planting his hands on either side of me.
“You’re staying the weekend, and we’re staying in here.” He keeps his eyes glued to mine. “No arguments, you hear me?”
“Yes.”