Chapter 7
Selena
After Brody left me in peace the night before, I’d had trouble sleeping. I attempted my usual tried-and-true method of relaxing and lulling myself to sleep, but even my trusty vibrator wasn’t cutting it. I couldn’t get Brody’s irritating face out of my head.
The memory of that kiss beside the pool, when his hand was on my throat, returned to me again and again.
Then when he’d been here, in this room, so obviously wanting me but not laying a single fucking finger on me…
it played over and over in my head. But in my fantasy, he hadn’t knocked my hand away.
He’d let me touch him as much as I wanted.
He wasn’t like the men I’d hooked up with since the incident.
Not at all. The only encounters I’d had in over a year had had very clear dynamics.
I’d been in charge. But Brody was different.
Even when I’d kissed him at the party, he’d soon turned it around, taking control from me, wielding it effortlessly.
Was that why he was stuck in my head? Because he’d been slipping right under my defenses? Because I’d survived it?
Sounds from the bathroom drifted my way, and I opened my eyes. Someone played music and ran the water, loudly.
I checked my alarm. Five fucking a.m.
I groaned with annoyance and turned over, sticking my entire head under a pillow to block out the sound.
I managed to get back to sleep, and lunchtime came and went.
I rolled around in bed for a while, unwilling to get up and face the day, until Winter messaged me about another party. Saturday had arrived. The popular days for socializing on campus were Thursdays and Saturdays.
Did I want to go to a party tonight? Not at all. Did I want to see Winter? Absolutely. Was I sure there would be alcohol? Also, yes.
I replied that I’d come, then got out of bed. I was planning on taking a shower, as long as I could get both bathroom doors to lock, when the doorbell rang below.
I padded out of my room and into the hallway.
Arthur, John’s assistant, was talking to someone at the door. I caught a glimpse of blue uniforms and the distant screech of a police radio.
The police, here?
I went down the stairs a little, peering through the gaps in the banister.
“Ah, Selena, there you are. Could you entertain the officer while I go and fetch something Mr. Sinclair left for me to give him?” Arthur speed-walked away.
I reached the bottom of the stairs and tugged at my PJs nervously. Why hadn’t I gotten dressed right away? Instead, I was lazing around like a bum.
I headed to the doorway and pushed it open a little.
“Arthur just went to get something,” I said to the solo officer standing outside.
The guy was tall, broad, and looked like he should have been in a ’90s boyband. Wholesome and clean-cut.
He jerked and then gave me a quick scan. “I’m sorry, and you are?”
“I’m—I live here now,” I settled for saying. It would be a cold day in Hell when I called Mr. Bellend or his father my family.
“Is that right? I’m sorry, but you seem so familiar to me. Have we met before?”
Police Doll Ken stared at me so hard I was sweating.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
The officer stared at me a moment longer, as though still trying to place me. The silence got awkward. Finally, Arthur reappeared.
“Here, this is the alarm information we are supposed to share with local police,” he said. “You can’t be too careful, even in quiet places.”
“Hade Harbor isn’t as quiet as you’d think, honestly. I suppose everywhere has its bad elements,” the officer said and then stuck his hand out to shake Arthur’s. “I’m Officer Preston. Drew Preston. Welcome to the neighborhood.”
He shook Arthur’s hand and then extended his to me.
I gave a small wave instead. “Selena.”
“Selena,” he repeated slowly.
I didn’t like the way he’d said it, like he was fitting puzzle pieces together.
I nodded.
“Thank you, Officer.” Arthur took the opportunity to end the conversation. He pushed the heavy front door closed.
“There’s food in the kitchen,” he said to me. “Your mother and Mr. Sinclair are out. Brody and Cal are here, somewhere. I can call them if you’d like.”
“No, not necessary,” I blurted. “I’m going out, too. I’ve got a shift at the library and then I’m going to a friend’s place.”
“You work?” Arthur sounded as surprised as if I’d said I was about to fly to the moon.
I just nodded.
“Very good, Miss Selena.”
“It’s just Selena.”
Arthur didn’t repeat it
Suddenly, I wanted to be anywhere but at this house, with its rules and structure and needing permission for every little thing.
“I’ll see you later,” I said to Arthur and ran upstairs, texting Winter on the way that I would come over later.
She’d tried to give me a key to her apartment a hundred times. I’d always refused. It was too dangerous. Anyone could end up with it. I didn’t trust myself to keep anything safe. Now, I wished I had a refuge to go to that wasn’t this house and the disturbing people who lived in it.
In the bathroom, I locked both doors and took a long, scalding-hot shower.
I loved to stand under the hot water until I could hardly bear it.
I loved the way it felt against my skin, like it was remaking my flesh instead of just cleaning it.
I got out to a red reflection. The mirror wasn’t even fogged up.
That fancy kind of technology that kept the mirror too warm for steam to form.
I brushed my teeth and watched my reflection.
Now, without my outfits and ratty hair and makeup, I looked as close to the old version of myself as I ever did.
But even then, I could hardly recognize her.
It wasn’t just the clothes and demeanor that had changed; it was something more fundamental.
It was in the eyes. What did Brody Sinclair think when he saw me?
Did he see the damage? Did he know how deep it went?
He was gorgeous, I could admit that, even if he was the most annoying person I’d ever interacted with. Wasn’t he scared to be that beautiful?
No. He was rich and powerful. A man. He had nothing to be afraid of.
My phone chimed. It was Winter, getting excited about the party and trying to get me excited, too.
The nerves I always felt in my belly simmered at the thought of the loud, packed frat house. Of people drinking and lowering their inhibitions. Hands that grabbed you when you walked, emboldened strangers seeing what they could get away with.
But what was the alternative?
The house was as quiet as a tomb, beyond the drip of the shower. Could I stay here all afternoon and evening? In the silence?
Nope. Silence was where the memories came. I wasn’t strong enough for silence.
I opened the well-stocked vanity unit under the sink and reached for the bottle I’d seen when I’d snooped around earlier. My mother had thoughtfully stocked the bathroom with anything that I might need, or more likely, gotten a staff member to do it.
I pulled out the bright, cheery red bottle I’d clocked and pushed down hard on the top to break the kid’s seal.
I’d distract myself while working, then go to Winter’s and then the party. I would fill another long day with people and voices and drinks after nine p.m.
For now, though, I just needed a little something to take the edge off.
I brought the cough syrup to my lips and took a long pull.
The party was at the Pi Zeta Chi house and had already spilled out onto the street when we arrived. With me safely cocooned within the group of Winter, her boyfriend, Asher, and another Ice God, Marcus, no one dared speak to us as we walked in.
“I’m going to go and get us drinks. It’s so warm in here,” I shouted in Winter’s ear as soon as we were inside.
She nodded, watching me with her beautiful dark-blue eyes that saw too damn much.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said and squeezed my hand. “Just promise you’ll come back. You won’t ditch me.”
I pulled a face. “I’d never ditch you. You’re the only person here I’m interested in talking to.” I winked at her.
Her shoulders inched down from under her ears.
I felt guilty as I walked away, because ditching her was exactly what I’d planned to do.
It was hard to drink as much as I wanted with Winter around.
She wasn’t much of a drinker herself, so nursing one cocktail for hours really wasn’t going to work for me to survive a party like this.
But I couldn’t go all out. Winter knew my mom.
She was absolutely the type to interfere for my own good, and I couldn’t risk that.
I needed her. She was my only friend. The last decent thing I had in my life, after Cici.
I found the drinks in the kitchen and made two cocktails in two red cups. In Winter’s, I put a regular amount of alcohol and mixed it. Mine, I made nine times as strong. It was basically straight vodka with a hint of soda.
“You’re bad at that,” a deep voice said beside me. A guy had joined me at the table.
I glanced up at him. He had on a black T-shirt, a scuffed leather jacket, and an even blacker expression.
Callahan Sinclair. I jolted, nearly knocking over my drink. He reached out and grabbed the cup, steadying it with impressive reflexes before it could fall.
“Careful, wherever that cup goes will be extremely flammable,” he muttered.
I took the drink back from him and sipped, needing it to fortify myself now that I was interacting with the other brother.
“Aren’t you going to tell me not to drink it?”
“Why would I do that?” Callahan murmured. He looked bored as hell. He scanned around the party and then returned his gaze to me. “Do you want me to?”
I shook my head. “Your brother seems to have decided to boss me around and try and tell me what I can and can’t do, as a Sinclair.”
“That’s Brody. He can be a little uptight.”
“Uptight? The guy is wound tighter than a spring. He gave me a whole speech about the family reputation and how I better not cross him. His delusions of grandeur are pretty impressive.”
Callahan just nodded. “Sounds like him.”