Chapter 15
Xavier’s confession stirs something deep within me. It’s a mixture of surprise, awe, and a sense of belonging, as if I’m not alone. As if I’m worthy of love.
I’ve wanted that my entire life.
I open my mouth to say something, anything to let him understand how much this means to me, but he shifts slightly, releasing my hand. He waits for me to shuffle backward before rising to his feet and walking over to the shelf full of guns and knives. When he returns to the chair, he’s gripping a dagger.
It’s not just any dagger.
The weapon is exquisitely crafted, something out of a fantasy movie. The blade is forged from a shimmering metal that catches the light, dancing with hues of silver and blue. The hilt is adorned with jewels—rubies, emeralds, and diamonds—each stone meticulously placed to form a breathtaking design . It’s so beautiful it looks fake.
“This,” Xavier says, “is the main reason I brought you here, to give it to you.”
He takes my hand and places the dagger on my palm, the feel of it unreal. It’s light, making it easy to wield. The gems catch the glow of the lanterns strung all around the room and dazzle me with their sparkle, putting me into a mild trance.
“Where did you get it?” I ask, finally able to form words. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Xavier’s pupils contract as he stares at me. “It’s not the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m looking at her.”
I avert my gaze when heat burns my cheeks. “Thank you. But seriously, where did you get this?”
“The dagger belonged to my father. He received it as a gift to denote his status as a council member within the Order. His father was on the council before him, although family ties don’t guarantee you’ll gain the position. There are only three of them out of the ten founding families. They come into play if the vote amongst the leaders is split down the middle.
“Anyway, the dagger was my father’s prized possession, a physical manifestation of his narcissism. So, I stole it.” Xavier shrugs. “At first it was an act of rebellion, a way to piss him off without getting in trouble. But then it became a symbol of me reclaiming autonomy in my life, even if it was in a minor way that only I knew about.”
I rest my hands in my lap, clutching the dagger until my fingers tremble from my anger. My heart cries out for the little boy that had to navigate these tunnels alone, the one who was tortured, forged in the fires of his father’s relentless training. Only so he could create a younger version of himself for his own nefarious reasons.
“I’m glad you took it from him,” I say. “He can go fuck himself. Hard.”
Xavier bursts out laughing. The sound is infectious, and my outrage melts away, a smile making its way onto my lips. Seeing this man genuinely happy without the burdens he carries, however briefly, never fails to stir my blood.
I’m getting turned on, and I know I shouldn’t. This moment is heartfelt, full of vulnerability and exposed secrets. However, it’s been a while since we’ve had sex, and I crave him. What we did was enjoyable and will erase some of the sexual tension lingering between us, but it’s not the same.
I’ve never felt as connected to someone as I do when Xavier’s inside me. Groaning my name like he’ll die without me. Gripping my flesh as though he’s scared to lose me. In my mind, what happens between us is more than just sex.
I hope he feels the same.
“Why are you giving this to me?” I ask, briefly lifting the dagger.
“It has nothing to do with my reasons for stealing it. You said you wanted something that is a reflection of what you mean to me. Delilah, you’re my reason for living. I’m giving you this weapon to protect yourself because I can’t live without you.”
He pauses, his forehead wrinkling in the most attractive way as his thoughts cross his features. Meanwhile, I stare up at him, my pulse thundering underneath my skin at his honesty. He’s taken another piece of my heart like a souvenir.
“I’ve been trying to figure out the intangible things you want,” he says. “I finally realized you want to feel safe, so I’m giving you this dagger as a way to give you the security you need. Although I’ll always do everything within my power to keep you alive, there’s a part of you that relies on yourself more than me. I’m simply providing the means for your self-defense.”
Tears fill my eyes and blink them away to keep them from falling. Xavier traces the curve of my cheek, slides his fingers down my throat before wrapping them around the back of my neck.
“I know what it’s like not to feel safe, to feel like you have no control over your life. I never want you to feel that way again. You can see this weapon as a way to achieve that, as well as a promise that I will always protect you.”
“Xavier, I…” The depth of my gratitude and admiration for him is impossible to express. I’ve never had someone see me the way he has. It’s unnerving yet exhilarating to connect with someone on such a deep level.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice cracking. I sniff indelicately and take a deep breath to keep my emotions from turning me into a sobbing mess. It’d be happy tears, but I’m an ugly crier, and I have no desire to show Xavier that. “I don’t know what else to say.”
“Then say you’ll keep it.” He grips my upper arms and guides me up onto my knees, his thighs on either side of me, giving support. “Say that you won’t refuse this gift like the last one.”
“Of course, I’ll keep it. This is different.”
His gaze bores into mine as if he’s looking for confirmation. There’s an intensity there that turns his eyes from gray to silver, the hue shimming with his unspoken thoughts. After a tension-filled moment, he releases a breath, and his grip on my arms softens.
“Good,” he says, his voice threaded with relief. “If you didn’t take this gift, I was seriously going to buy you a giraffe next.”