Chapter 4
Delilah
Xavier is worse than a shadow. He never leaves me, not even when the sun goes down. At least he utilizes the shower in my room and has Declan bring him fresh clothes.
I manage to avoid Xavier by sleeping a ton, but I know that excuse won’t work forever. Eventually, he’s going to question me about how I ended up in the Order’s clutches and on the rooftop the other night. Then I’ll have to admit I’m an idiot—when it comes to him.
Xavier takes my hand, his gaze probing. “How are you feeling?”
I purse my lips. “I feel like I’ve been stabbed.”
“Any pain?” he asks, blatantly ignoring my jab.
“I’m sore, but it’s not too bad.”
A look of relief crosses his features. “Good. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“An apology would help, too,” I mumble.
He tightens his grip on my hand. “I’ll never apologize for saving your life.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” He nods at me, emphasizing his statement. “I will stab you, shoot you, or hurt you if it ensures your survival.”
“Well, fuck.”
He blows out a breath of frustration. “You can see me as a villain or your protector. Either way, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”
“Keep me?”
I bristle and yank my hand from his. Xavier slowly rises from the chair and reaches down to capture my chin. He lifts my head until our gazes collide.
Mine defiant.
His determined.
“Oh yes, my bride-to-be. You’re mine. Mine to touch. Mine to fuck. Mine to lo—” He stops and shakes his head. “Mine to look after. All of it.”
My heart rate kicks up a notch, thumping against my chest. “Is that a proposal?”
“No, it’s an announcement.”
“I haven’t agreed to anything.”
He leans down until I can feel his breath skim my lips and see the glint in his eyes. “I didn’t ask, bride.”
His expression is fierce and full of possession. It makes me squirm as both desire and nervousness race through my body.
The corner of his mouth lifts into a smirk. “I’m not hearing any protests . . .”
My instinct is to argue, to fight him, but his words are an enticing promise. A security that I desperately crave after a lifetime of worry and upheaval.
Except Xavier Donovan doesn’t love me. Not like I’m beginning to fall for him. And I can’t. Giving my heart to an assassin is stupid. He doesn’t just live with danger, he embodies it.
“That’s not exactly romantic,” I say, my sarcasm lost in my whisper.
“What I want to give you goes beyond romance. It’s more. Deeper than mere words.”
I press my lips together to avoid spilling my guts. His confession lights a fire in my belly, but I’m not sure he’s capable of tender emotion. Obsession? Sure. But something as pure and unselfish as love? Does he even know what that is?
“You’re the only woman who will ever share my name,” he says. “The only woman who will bear my children. And the only one who will own my loyalty.”
His gaze remains steadfast, like his words, both heavy with commitment and intensity. I’m on the verge of diving into this pool of madness, of giving in to the depths of it all and letting it drown me.
A discreet knock on the door snaps me out of the intimate moment, and I blink as though waking from a dream.
The door swings open to reveal the doctor. He scans the room, his gaze darting between me and Xavier.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I need to disclose some information concerning your care.”
Xavier releases my chin and straightens to his full height before folding his arms. The warmth of his touch and the passion of his declaration still lingers, making my face warm and my hands sweaty. He, on the other hand, appears controlled, his expression holding only a mild curiosity.
The doctor slowly approaches the bed with a clipboard in hand. “Firstly, it’s imperative that the wound is kept clean and dry. Infection is your biggest risk right now.”
He glances down at my chart before continuing.
“You’ll need to clean the area around the wound with mild soap and water twice a day.
Avoid using alcohol or peroxide, as they can delay the healing process.
After cleaning the skin, apply a thin layer of antibiotic ointment and cover with a sterile bandage. ”
“When can I shower?” I ask.
“It’s been nearly forty-eight hours since your surgery, so today is fine,” he says.
Xavier nods, his attention fixed on the doctor. “What about pain management?”
“I’ll be sure to include that, an antibiotic, as well as the ointment and bandages. Physical activity should be limited.” The older man pins Xavier with a hard stare that has a blush rising to my cheeks. “I mean it. No strenuous exercise, recruit.”
The physician keeps his focus on Xavier until he acknowledges him with a curt nod. “I heard you the first time.”
“Good.” The doctor shifts his attention to me. “You’re young, so you’ll be fine after resting for a few days. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to contact me.”
“Thank you,” I say.
He dips his head in my direction. “The nurse will be right in with your medication, and then you’re free to go.”
As soon as the man leaves, I sit up with a wince and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Before I can put any weight on my feet, Xavier gently grabs my shoulder, halting my movements.
“Let me,” he says, a soft command that brooks no argument. “I’m not taking any chances with your recovery.”
“But I can walk,” I say, ignoring the twinge of pain along my stomach. “The doctor said ‘no strenuous activity,’ not don’t move at all.”
Xavier shakes his head. “I’m going to take care of you whether you like it or not.”
I roll my eyes. “I get that you feel responsible for my current state, but hovering over me is unnecessary. I’ve been taking care of myself all my life.”
“That changed the day I met you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I lower my voice, keeping my gaze on the door in case the nurse shows up. “Are you talking about Frank or something else?”
Xavier’s cool facade cracks for a second, allowing me to see the uncertainty underneath. “Since the night we met, I’ve been watching over you, making sure you’re safe. From everything and anyone who seemed like a threat. Either to you or to me.”
“To you?” I scrunch my face in confusion. “I don’t get it.”
“It’s simple: If a man wants you, I remove him from your life. Except McKenzie, but only because hurting him would hurt you.” Xavier blows out a breath. “Even then, he fucks with my patience.”
I sit there, grateful that I’m already on a flat surface and not crumpling to the floor. My mind races to comprehend the magnitude of dysfunction his confession reveals. The pieces of a puzzle suddenly click into place, painting a picture that I don’t want to look at too closely.
“You’ve been . . . what, sabotaging my love life? Because that’s what it sounds like.”
When Xavier doesn’t argue with my conclusion, I squint up at him. My irritation gathers momentum, bubbling up in my throat and spilling onto my tongue.
“I thought something was wrong with me! All this time, I wondered why none of the guys I talked to seemed interested, but it had nothing to do with me. It’s your fault I believed I was unwanted and unattractive.”
Xavier’s words barrel to the forefront of my mind, a riddle that now holds stark clarity: “This is what I’ve protected for three years, what I’ve waited for. What I’ll never fucking share.”
I grip the mattress until my hands shake, a mixture of disbelief and undefined emotion churning in my stomach.
They contrast with each other, making it hard for me to know what to think or what to say.
I was never unwanted. Actually, Xavier desired me so much that he made sure I wasn’t with someone else. And will never be.
“This is my life,” I say. “You can’t dictate every outcome and control my choices.”
He meets my gaze head-on, unflinching. “I can,” he says simply, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“I will give you anything you ask for. But I won’t apologize for making sure you’re not with someone who doesn’t fucking deserve you.
That you’re with someone who would kill for you. Who would die for you.”
“How can you know what I want without considering my feelings?”
“Because like everything else, your feelings belong to me.”
When I rear back and lift my chin, Xavier’s hand shoots out to grab the back of my neck. He leans down, his lips brushing mine with every word he speaks, his fingers tightening with every syllable uttered. “You will love me, Delilah. I’ll accept nothing else in this life.”
The room shrinks, the walls closing in on me as I grapple with his audacity.
His determination. I waver between rage and affection, each one pulling me in a different direction until I’m ready to scream.
How can I be with someone who’s ruthless enough to take my freedom and, in the same breath, promises me the world?
I’m losing my mind.
At the sound of the door opening, Xavier doesn’t immediately release me like I expect. Instead, he continues to hold me captive, uncaring of our audience.
“This discussion isn’t over, little raptor.” After a hard look, Xavier lets go of me and turns to face the nurse with an outstretched hand. “Give me the bag so we can leave.”