Chapter 16
Delilah
As Raven and I walk along the gravel path, the warmth of the sun soaks into my skin and the scent of autumn fills the air, crisp and inviting.
After being cooped up in Xavier’s dorm room for a few weeks, the sight of nature and being out in the open are gifts in themselves.
The trees throughout campus boast throngs of leaves that are a collection of vibrant reds, oranges, yellows, and greens.
While listening to my friend, I run my fingertips along the leaves of a bush, the texture soft and velvety. She chatters away, her voice full of excitement as she regales me with the story of her latest conquest of the male variety.
“The best part about dating an older man is that they know what they’re doing. I won’t have any complaints, that’s for sure.”
“Understood,” I say.
“And when he smacks— Oh shit, I shouldn’t tell you that part.” She winks at me. “Don’t want to scare off the vanilla folk.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“My sweet summer child, you know nothing.” She shakes her head as though I’m a puppy or a lost cause. “It’s a term that refers to the vanilla people, the ones who prefer normal sex. As opposed to those of us who like kink.”
“Oh. What kind?”
She shrugs. “All sorts of things. Spanking, bondage, role play, breath play, et cetera . . .” She glances at me, her lips tilting into a smirk. “I bet X likes the kinky shit.”
My cheeks heat, and I look away.
Raven stops walking and grabs my arm. “By Jove, I think I’m onto something. You’re blushing, Watson.”
“Am not.”
“Yeah, you are. Now you have to tell me.”
“Nothing’s going on,” I say, the lie sounding weak, even to me.
“Uh-huh, yeah right.” She studies me, and her expression softens. “You can tell me anything, Delilah. If you want to talk about crazy monkey sex with him, I won’t judge. You know how much I like dick.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s not even noon.”
“It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
“I think that phrase refers to alcohol.”
“Why can’t I have an a-dick-tion?” She cackles like a witch peering into a cauldron. “Come on, tell me. Pretty please with cum on top. I promise not to judge you, not even a little.”
“Okay, fine.”
She grins and claps her hands, the childish action at odds with the subject matter. “Spill the tea.”
I open my mouth. Close it. And try again with my face on fucking fire. “I think Xavier might fall under the breath play category. If the words are self-explanatory.”
Raven’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. “Holy. Fucking. Shitballs.”
“Is it a bad thing?”
“You’re so lucky.” She releases a dramatic sigh. “Other than my current aficionado, the guys I date never know what they’re doing. They’re either more worried about getting their own rocks off than making sure I’m satisfied, or they’re so stupid they might accidentally kill me. Lame.”
I frown. “Are you serious?”
She waves away my concern. “Don’t worry, I’ve had lots of practice with stupid people. Now, tell me the juicy details.”
“Umm . . .”
“Oh no, don’t even try to get out of this. I’m guessing he choked you, and you came like the geyser Old Faithful?”
My eyes widen. “Erm . . . yes.”
“Oh, that’s a good sign. He’s definitely a keeper.”
“Aren’t most men . . . considerate in bed?”
She stops and narrows her gaze, studying me. “If you don’t know how most men are, does that mean my roommate was a virgin? Was being the operative word because I know X plowed your secret garden with his big ass rake. Or maybe it’s a hoe?”
Raven’s laughter rings out, and she wraps her arms around her middle like she’s in a psych ward, rocking back and forth. “I crack myself up.”
Despite my embarrassment, I smile. “Please stop.”
“Fine, fine.” She gestures ahead of us. “There’s a bench if you need to sit and rest. You look kind of worn out and sweaty.”
I nod, and we occupy the metal seating with me gripping the armrest to keep from falling over.
“You know, you really scared the shit out of me when you got the flu,” she says. “I was pleasantly surprised that Xavier took care of you like he did. It’s obvious that man is so pussy-whipped.”
“Raven.”
She continues on as though she’s discussing the weather instead of my vagina. “I’m surprised he doesn’t have a tattoo saying ‘cave of wonders’ because ‘X’ marked the spot.’ Get it?”
I groan and cover my face while she laughs so hard she wheezes. Only when she can’t breathe does Raven regain her composure.
“Anyway, you were in pretty bad shape even after you got over the flu. It’s nice to see you looking like your old self, even if you shuffle-walk like a zombie to class.”
“Thanks,” I mumble.
The lie I told her still makes my stomach turn.
But there’s no way I could’ve told her the truth about the Trials, Xavier throwing a knife at me, and the wound being my reason for missing class and recovering in his room for weeks.
Although, I suppose I didn’t really miss class considering he went to every lecture of mine until I was able to walk unassisted.
It’s one of the sweetest things someone has ever done for me.
I look over at Raven and smile. “Even though you embarrass the shit out of me, I’ve missed hanging out with you.”
“Same. Just so you know, there’s no getting rid of me.”
“Good.”
We finish our coffees, throw them in the trash, and continue our walk at a slow pace to compensate for me.
My stab wound has finally closed, leaving inflamed and tender skin on the incision site.
I’ll definitely have a scar, but I’m choosing to look at it as the time Xavier saved my life instead of a reminder of the Order’s power over us.
The same thing goes for the signet ring mark on my shoulder.
I look at it as Xavier’s claiming of me, not the result of the Order’s sick and twisted ritual.
“Lilah!”
We both turn at the sound of Ben’s voice. He jogs toward us, a big smile on his face. When my foster brother reaches us, he gently pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around Ben, soaking in the familiarity and the security of having him in my life.
When we separate, there’s a hesitation in his touch, as if he doesn’t want to let me go. “Where the hell have you been? I haven’t seen you since you got sick.” His gaze flickers over to Raven and then returns to me. I smile, grateful he’s going with the lie I told him to use.
“How are you feeling?” he asks.
“Much better, thanks. Ben, this is my roommate, Raven.”
He shakes her hand. “Ben. It’s nice to meet you.”
“I know who you are,” Raven says. “When I first met Delilah, she thought you were missing and was determined to find you. We might’ve gone on a little excursion that may or may not have been illegal. YOLO, right?”
“I had to find my brother,” I say with a shrug.
Ben’s smile thins, his expression strained.
It’s only for a moment, a blink of an eye, but I catch it.
Is it because I did something risky by searching for him?
Or does he still have feelings for me even after Xavier firmly planted himself in my life?
The questions are there, but I have no intention of digging for answers.
My cell phone rings, and I retrieve it from my pocket, hoping it’s not Xavier about to tell me to stop talking to Ben. I won’t do it. Whether or not Xavier’s in love with me like he says, I won’t abandon my family.
“One second, guys. It’s Gloria,” I say. I swipe my thumb over the screen and answer the call. “Hello?”
“Hey, Delilah, how are you feeling?”
“Better, thanks. How are you?”
“Good, good. The girls wanted to say hi, so I was trying to catch you between classes.”
“I have a couple minutes to chat,” I say. “Let me FaceTime you because Ben is with me.”
“Of course.”
As soon as the video feed connects, the sound of giggling and laughter fills the line. “Hi, Lilah,” the girls say in unison. Their smiling faces are blurry with motion as they wave enthusiastically at me.
“Hi, littles,” I say, and wave back. “Although you’re not so little anymore, huh? I can’t believe we have a teenager and a preteen in the family now.”
Ben sidles up to me, and I tilt the phone so we can both see the screen. The girls’ screams have me extending my arm.
Emily is the first to recover. Sort of. Her voice is shrill when she says, “Ben! I’ve missed you.”
“You have to come visit,” Sandra says.
“Yeah.” Emily bobs her head. “We want to show you all the things we’ve learned in ballet.”
“You take ballet?” Ben asks, his tone full of surprise.
Sandra nods. “Yep, and we’re good at it. Right, Gloria?”
Gloria’s voice, although far from the speaker, is kind and affirmative.
“It’s been so long since we’ve all been together,” I say, swallowing the emotion gathering in my throat. “I can’t wait to see you.”
Ben’s gaze shifts to me again. This time, his eyes carry a weight that instantly sobers my bubbling excitement.
In that moment, the harsh reality of my situation sinks in.
I’m not just Delilah anymore. I’m a bride of the Order, entangled in a world far more dangerous than the one my foster family inhabits.
The thought process is painfully clear now, becoming sharper with each second that I stare into Ben’s eyes. I can’t freely visit my foster family whenever I wish, not without considering the grave risks that my presence might bring to their doorstep.
It dawns on me why Ben’s visits, once a constant in our lives, dwindled to nothing over the past three years. He was trying to shield us from the very danger that now envelops me.
In his silence and absence, he was protecting us the best way he knew how. It’s a bitter revelation that paints his actions in a completely different light. Ben wasn’t distancing himself because he wanted to. He did it because he had to.
The Order’s reach is long and unforgiving, and those caught in its grasp can never truly escape.
I give Ben a curt nod, acknowledging his somber message.
Emily and Sandra, unaware of the silent exchange, continue to chat about the upcoming Thanksgiving visit with an enthusiasm I can no longer share.
It’s a sacrifice I’m forced to accept, one that Ben has been living with for years.
As we say our goodbyes, I’m left with a sense of loss for a normalcy I can no longer claim.
“They’re cute,” Raven says after I end the call.
“Yeah, they are.” I turn to look up at Ben. “Thanks for jumping on the video. They’ve missed you.”
He inclines his head. “Yeah.”
“Well, I’ve got to start walking to class now, or I won’t make it on time,” I say with a forced laugh, a weak attempt to distract myself from my depressing thoughts.
Raven looks at my foster brother. “Tag, you’re it.” When he scrunches his face in confusion, she points at me. “It’s your turn to babysit her and walk her to class. I’d do it, but you’re here, and you look like you want me to leave, so I will. See ya later, Watson. Later, Ben.”
“Bye, Sherlock.”
She winks and walks away, while Ben looks at me with his forehead scrunched up. “Watson? Sherlock?”
I roll my eyes. “It’s an inside joke.”
“Ready?” Ben asks. I nod, and we walk in companionable silence until Ben fractures it. “Are you nervous about Saturday night?”
I swing my gaze to him, my eyes wide. “What’s happening on Saturday?”
“X didn’t tell you?” When I shake my head, Ben briefly squeezes his eyes shut. “Ah, fuck.”
I poke him in the bicep. “There’s no point in trying to hide anything from me. I’m committed to torturing the information out of you if I have to.”
He pulls in a deep breath, and I find myself inhaling alongside him in preparation for whatever he’s about to disclose.
“This weekend is the Sanguine Solstice,” he says.
“The what?”
A chuckle breaks through his solemn demeanor. “The Sanguine Solstice is also known as the blood moon. The Order is putting on a celebration for the recruits who passed the first Trial. It’s a stupid dance.”
“A dance?”
“A ball.”
I scrunch my nose. “That doesn’t sound pretentious at all.”
“It’s a waste of time, but it’s mandatory.”
“For brides, too?”
“I don’t know since I don’t have one.”
I avert my gaze at the bitterness in his tone. However, my next words are more acidic than his. “Why didn’t Xavier tell me?”
Ben tosses an arm over my shoulders and pulls me close, pressing me against his side. “X doesn’t do anything without a reason. Whether it’s a good or bad one, I can’t tell you.”
As we continue walking, my thoughts spiral into a pool of hurt and suspicion. Is Xavier trying to keep me off the Order’s radar? Although possible, I highly doubt it. The secret society already knows about me and every detail of my life, so my attendance at a formal event shouldn’t matter to them.
Xavier’s world is polished and sophisticated, just like the women in his social circles. I’m nothing like them. Xavier, with his commanding presence and undeniable allure, could be accustomed to a certain type of woman, one who’s elegant, composed, and knows how to handle herself with grace.
Is he ashamed to be with me in public because he thinks I’ll embarrass him?
The idea festers, growing with every moment that passes. I know for sure that Xavier cares about me, but he and I come from different backgrounds, each one on the opposite ends of the wealth spectrum. Suddenly, this gap between us feels insurmountable.
“You okay?” Ben asks, interrupting my thoughts.
I paste a smile on my face and take a step back, dislodging his arm. “Yeah. I was just surprised, but I’m over it.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Lilah. If you want to go to the ball, I’ll take you.”
“I’m good,” I say with a shrug. “I’ll see you later.”
Ben leans down and places a kiss on my cheek. It’s a sweet gesture meant as a sign of affection, but I stand there with my mouth open in shock when he doesn’t pull away, letting his lips linger on my skin a beat longer than he should. Or am I imagining things?
My discomfort only reinforces the fact that I’m not attracted to my foster brother. Ben is my best friend and confidant, but the spark isn’t there and will never be, on my end.
I spin away from him and stride toward the double doors before he can say anything to me. Anything that’ll make things more awkward.
Or make Xavier want to kill him.
I glance at Ben over my shoulder and give him a stiff wave like I’m having a seizure. “Bye!”
He lifts his chin in acknowledgment, but it’s the longing in his eyes that guts me. I can’t do anything about it. Not unless I want to ruin a lifetime of friendship and hurt him.
More than I already have.