Chapter 34 Aleksandr
ALEKSANDR
I couldn’t take my eyes off the woman in the passenger seat of my car, so much so that she laughed and said, “I’m not going to disappear if you pay attention to the road.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked to change the subject and take her attention off me while I got my emotions under control. “The reason you called?”
Eva didn’t speak for a long moment. “The team participated in a fundraising banquet tonight,” she began. “Tristan took me as his date.”
I looked at her in surprise—I hadn’t realized they’d reconciled.
“Cole brought his fiancée.”
My look must have been much sharper, because Eva’s shoulders raised like she was trying to curl into herself in the seat of the car.
“It’s fine,” she said. “Well, no, it’s not fine. But I can’t do anything about it. I’m—"
I waited for her to collect her thoughts and finish.
“He was drinking. He’s always fucking drunk or hungover these days. He was drinking, and she was walking him out, and she looked at me and she told me she knew he was mine, and Alek—”
Her voice broke, and a sob burst out of her.
“That’s so fucking unfair, because he walked away from me, not the other way around. And fucking Jed Carter is escalating and—”
She scrubbed her face, and it might have been the most vulnerable I’d ever seen her.
“Sorry,” she muttered.
“Don’t be,” I said, keeping my voice calm and confident and even, the anchor she needed me to be.
“Cole doesn’t deserve—” Her voice cracked again. “He doesn’t deserve for my heart to hurt for him. He doesn’t deserve for his teammates to want better for him. He doesn’t fucking deserve me.”
None of us did.
We pulled into my garage, and I made a soft growl of displeasure when she reached for her door.
The sweet smile that peeked out of Eva’s misery filled me with hope.
I opened her door and towered over her. “Malyshka, I need something from you before I take you upstairs.”
She sniffled and looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes but didn’t say anything.
“We’re not going to negotiate tonight, not for real.”
She nodded.
“But I need you to know you can stop any of this with a word. I promise you.”
Eva swallowed and rubbed her nose with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “A safeword.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I told you I’d been reading.”
I couldn’t stop the smile from breaking out over my face. “Yes, sweet girl, a safeword.”
She looked up at me, her green eyes bright and watery in the fluorescent lights of the underground garage.
“I want—” She took a deep breath. “Stoplight. I want to use the stoplight system,” she rushed out.
“Because maybe I just need to talk something through instead of stopping, and I don’t want you to feel like—”
“Eva,” I growled, and she snapped her mouth shut on her adorable fucking babbling. “You don’t need to explain anything.”
“Wrong,” she snarled at me, her eyes glowing with fierce determination. “We’re going to talk, you and me. We are going to explain what the fuck we’re thinking and why we’re doing shit, whether I submit to you or not. I deserve that, and so do you.”
This woman. My heart was hers, and I should have realized that the first time I put her on her knees to serve me coffee—so fucking brave, so fucking resilient, willing to stand up to me even though I had the power to destroy her.
I wouldn’t abuse the gift of her trust ever again.
Gently, she pushed on my chest so she could climb out of the car. I rescued her bag from the back seat and slung it over my shoulder.
To my surprise, she twined her fingers in mine and tucked her shoulder against my arm.
“I’m going to give you some rules to follow tonight,” I said as I led her into the elevator. “I need you to tell me if any of them won’t work for you.”
She shifted so she stood in front of me, and I couldn’t bear the distance between us, so I stepped forward and tugged her into my chest, inhaling the scent of her. Eva relaxed against me, and then slowly, tentatively, she lifted her arms to wrap around my back and hold me as tightly as I held her.
I thought I heard her sniffle, but then the elevator dinged on my floor, and she lifted her head.
“Oh fuck, I’m sorry,” she said, patting where her tears had dampened my shirt.
I gently wrapped my fingers around her wrist. “I’m happy for you to leave a wet spot on me.”
Her cheeks turned pink, and she looked at her shoes, but I could see the smile peeking out from behind the riot of red curls.
Silently, still smiling, she followed me down the hall, letting me keep her hand in mine until we reached my apartment. I swiped my key card and made a mental note to get her one too. I’d hold it until I could be sure giving it to her wouldn’t spook her.
I tried to view my apartment through her eyes—a few paintings on the wall, shelves of well-worn books in several languages, and floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the city, but otherwise, it was sparse, as if I barely lived here.
Eva swallowed and took a step away from me. “Thanks for coming to get me,” she said, uncertainty making her voice softer than usual. “I can just crash in the guest room and get out of your way?”
I set her duffle bag on the floor beside us, then maneuvered her until she stood in front of me.
She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m sorry, this is so much trouble, and—”
I pinched her chin and dragged her gaze up to mine. “I don’t want to hear a single apology for calling me, for being here, or for bothering me. You trusted me enough to call me when you were hurting, and I’m grateful for that gift.”
Her eyes widened.
“What’s your safeword?”
“Red,” she breathed.
“And?”
“Red to stop, yellow to check in, and green to keep going.”
The stoplight system was more complex than that, but it’d do for tonight. She was too vulnerable to negotiate.
“Tonight, you’re going to do what I say, when I say it. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Yes what?”
She licked her lips and her breathing sped up, as if she were fighting her instincts. “Yes, Sir,” she said finally, and need shot straight to my cock, which I would not be indulging tonight, no matter how fucking bad I wanted to.
“There we go,” I murmured. “That’s my good girl.”
The tension leached out of Eva’s shoulders, and I made a note to praise her more often. She deserved it, but more importantly, it made her more secure, and I wanted that desperately.
She yawned, and it was so fucking cute, the way she blushed. Eva, when she was fierce, made me want to slay demons for her, but this version of her—soft and sweet and vulnerable? I’d do anything to protect her.
“I was going to watch a movie,” I said, releasing her chin and tucking her back into my arms.
She laughed. “It’s midnight. No you weren’t.”
“No, I wasn’t. But—”
“I get it,” she said, taking a step back. She swallowed. “Thank you.”
“You don’t get it,” I snapped. “Eva, I am trying so fucking hard to take things slow with you because you deserve a man who doesn’t take advantage of your vulnerability. You deserve to be cherished.”
Her eyes widened. “Alek—”
I stepped away from her and ran my fingers through my hair, swearing quietly in Russian. I was fucking this up. Of course I was fucking this up. Women didn’t want what I wanted, and Eva was no exception.
I yanked her against me in a hug, holding her tightly. “Did you call me because you wanted to forget? Is that what you need, baby girl?”
She shook her head against my chest. “I just—I didn’t want to be alone,” she said softly. And Christ, she’d thought of me.
I held her for long moments, relishing the softness of her body pressed against mine, the way her breathing slowed, the way she relaxed into my arms, as if she were safe.
She was safe.
“You’re not,” I promised her. “I’ve got you.”
She nodded, pressing her nose into my chest as she moved, and then took a shuddering breath. “Let’s watch that movie then.”
I tugged her over to my couch, wincing when I realized I didn’t have a throw pillow for her to kneel on. “Wait,” I said, the sound coming out like a growl.
I fetched one from my room, then another. When I returned, she was looking around the apartment with curiosity.
How to get her out of her head? I turned on my heel and grabbed a tie in Marauder green. She’d like that, and it’d match her eyes.
By the time I’d come back with my pillows and tie, she was getting antsy. I’d cure her of that habit eventually, but right now wasn’t the time to introduce that into our dynamic.
I dropped the pillows to the floor, and she looked up at me with a smile in her eyes. She wanted this too.
“Give me your wrists,” I rasped and wove the tie between and around them in a figure-eight. “Color?” I asked her.
Eva was silent for a long moment. “Green?”
“Try again.”
“Yellow?” she whispered, shrinking in a little bit on herself, as if she were afraid of my reaction.
“Yellow, Sir,” I corrected absently as I arranged the pillows beside the couch.
“Yellow, Sir,” she whispered.
“Good girl,” I praised her. “What’s wrong?”
She furrowed her brow and raised her hands, as if to show off my handiwork. “Why?”
“It’ll help get you out of your head. You’ll be thinking about obedience and submission instead of what’s bothering you.”
“And sex,” she muttered then flushed.
“And sex,” I agreed. “But we’re not going to have sex tonight,” I told her clearly and was so fucking gratified by the disappointment that flashed over her face.
“Instead, we’re going to watch a movie together, and then we’re going to get some sleep.
” I left our sleeping arrangements ambiguous, even though I intended to settle her in the guest room.
“Oh,” she breathed, examining her bound wrists under the light, then looked me in the eye. “Then I’m green, Sir.”
Fuck me, I wanted to bend her over and reward her with endless orgasms for being such a good fucking girl for me. But that was not why she’d called me.
“Good girl,” I said, indicating the pillows. “Sit.” When she moved to kneel, I had to hold in my smile. “Just sit. Get comfortable.”
Eva settled awkwardly, since she couldn’t use her hands to balance on the way down, and I started a movie—an anodyne action flick. I dropped into the couch and gently cupped her cheek, pressing her to lean her head against my knee.
To my delight, Eva nuzzled my leg before adjusting her position so she could lean against me more comfortably.
She kept forgetting her wrists were bound, only to giggle when she scratched her nose, or growl in frustration when she tried to push her hair out of her face.
“Let me,” I said softly and tucked her riot of curls behind her ear.
“That’s so nice,” she said, so quietly, I wondered if she’d intended me to hear.
At some point, she shifted so she was sitting cross-legged but made sure we were still touching, her knee pressed into my calf. She arched her back and reached her hands over her head to stretch, and god, she was so fucking beautiful—outside and in. What had we been thinking, giving her up?
During a lull in the action, she looked up at me and asked, “Can we talk about Jed Carter? He’s escalating.”
I ran my fingers down the back of her head, letting them float in and out of her curls, tugging, but not so hard it would hurt. “Yeah, baby girl. We have to talk about a lot of things. But can it wait until tomorrow?”
Instead of arguing with me like I expected, she nodded and turned back to the movie.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang.
Eva looked up in surprise.
“Don’t move,” I said. “It’s food.”
She grinned. “Don’t leave your tablet where I can find it this time.”
My breath caught at the teasing.
“Too soon?” she asked, her face stricken, and fuck, I melted for this woman.
“Not at all.”
“Alek—” Eva murmured, her eyes caught on mine. “Sir, you should smile more often.”
I bent to kiss the crown of her head then went to accept the delivery.
When I returned to the couch, she smiled up at me, and, despite her swollen eyes and her pink nose, she was clearly in a better place than before.
“How’re you doing?” I asked her.
She thought about it, and I loved that. She looked at her wrists, wiggled a little bit to work the stiffness out, and then her stomach growled. “Hungry.”
I sat back down and put the takeout containers beside me on the opposite side of her, then opened the first one.
“Oh, that smells amazing.”
“Open,” I commanded her and then fed her a bite of a mozzarella stick. She chewed then waited for me to give her another bite.
“Is this how we’re going to eat everything?”
“Yes,” I answered shortly, too distracted by how fucking stunning she was beside me, her eyes both amused and sweet.
“Is this what turns you on?” she asked quietly, no doubt seeing my cock harden with every bite I fed her.
“It’s the control,” I murmured. “When a beautiful, powerful woman submits to me. When she lets me care for her, even for a moment, so she can recharge and then fight the next battle? Yeah, Eva, that fucking does it for me.”
“And the obedience.”
“Because you want to please me,” I rasped. “Because I’ve earned your respect. Because you’re smart and loyal and good, and your submission is a fucking honor. That—” I clenched my fist on my thigh as the words stuck in my throat.
Eva swallowed and looked away. “You’re like an anchor,” she whispered softly, “holding your submissive steady in a storm.”
My heart leapt out of my chest and fell to her feet. I was hers forever.
“Yeah, baby girl. Exactly like that.”
She took a shuddering breath and nodded, and I wondered what she was thinking. Instead of answering, she opened her mouth and waited for me to feed her another piece of fried bar food.
As the movie continued, I scratched her scalp and played with her hair, never letting her go a moment without my attention, gentle soothing movements. I was rewarded with getting to watch the tension seep out of her body until she was dozing.
“Baby girl?”
“Yes, Sir?”
“I’m going to put you to bed, all right?”
She nodded against my leg. I bent down to lift her up, wincing at the twinge in my knee as I stood, but once I had her in my arms, I knew I’d never let her go. I padded down the hallway into the guest bedroom and gently set her down before stepping away.
“Alek?”
“Yes?”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“You need to get some sleep.”
“Please?”
Fuck. How was I supposed to resist this siren? “We’re sleeping.”
“Promise.”
I scooped her up again, and she snuggled right back into my arms. I settled her into my bed then bent down to kiss her on the forehead. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She murmured her agreement then snuggled more deeply into my blankets.
By the time I got back, she was fast asleep.
Tired of resisting her, I pulled her into my arms, arranging her body against mine, her cheek resting against my bicep. I didn’t care how uncomfortable it was going to be in an hour—I had Eva in my arms, and I didn’t intend to let her go.
I didn’t have enough time to get uncomfortable. A few minutes later, my phone rang, startling us both awake.
Cole.