Chapter 42 Cole
COLE
“Word is, Tristan and your girl are looking for dirt on Jed Carter,” Massi said, leaning back against the concrete wall as I waited for Eva outside of the women’s basketball locker room.
I kept my face neutral, even as my stomach dropped.
“A dozen interviews so far, I’ve heard,” Massi continued, crossing his arms over his chest. “A man named Slade approached me after the game last night.”
My eyes shot to his. Fuck!
“Offered me ten grand to give him information about your girl.”
“She’s not my girl,” I said quietly. That was a lie. Eva was mine—she’d been mine from the moment she’d walked into the hockey house over the summer. I’d just been too fucking stupid and cruel to realize it.
“Maybe.” He pushed off the wall. “Ten grand would be life-changing to plenty of athletes. Be careful. All of you.”
A moment later, Eva walked out. Massi tugged on one of her ringlets. “Give ‘em hell.”
He left, and Eva stood there, not quite meeting my eyes, uncertain, beautiful, exhausted.
I ached just looking at her. I wanted to gather her in my arms and promise her everything would be okay.
“What are you doing here?”
I can’t sleep without you. I can’t breathe without you. I fucked up so bad, and I’m trying to fix it, and I can’t live without you.
“Bringing you lunch,” I said instead, holding up the bag.
Her expression softened. “Lebanese?”
“Of course.”
A small smile tugged at her lips before she caught it and it disappeared, but I’d seen it. That hope would sustain me for days, weeks, years if needed.
“I’m not pushing. I just—” I swallowed. “I wanted to make sure you ate something. That’s all.”
That’s not all. That’s not even close to all. I want to be worthy of you, even though I know I’m not.
She studied me for a long moment, and I let her, not afraid of her seeing my longing.
“Walk me to the student union?” she said finally.
Relief flooded through me so strong, my knees nearly buckled. “Absolutely.”
The cold air hit us as we exited the sports complex, and I instinctively moved to stand between Eva and the wind so I could button up her coat. To my surprise, she let me.
My hands shook as I worked the buttons. This close, I could smell her creamsicle shampoo, see the dusting of freckles across her nose and the dark circles under her eyes that said she wasn’t sleeping either.
Even though she crashed with Alek most nights, it wasn’t enough.
She wasn’t safe yet. I knew getting arrested would catch up with me eventually, and I was terrified of what my father would do to hurt her in response.
My fingers brushed her chin as I adjusted her scarf, and I wanted to linger, to cup her face and let my feelings pour out.
Feelings she doesn’t want to hear.
Quickly, I buttoned up her coat and stepped back, immediately regretting the physical distance between us.
“Thank you,” she whispered, and the gratitude in her voice for something so stupidly small broke my heart.
She fell into step beside me, close enough that our arms brushed with every step, and I felt each point of contact like electricity, even through our heavy winter coats.
I missed her so fucking much.
At the student union, I found us a couch in a quiet corner. She sat, and I set the food out carefully, trying not to be obvious about how I drank her in and couldn’t take my eyes off her.
She didn’t reach for the food.
“Eat,” I said.
“I’m not hungry.”
Liar. She was running herself to the ground trying to keep her life together and save everyone while I sat in board meetings and pretended to be my father’s loyal son.
Before I could snap at her, her burner phone buzzed. Color drained from her face as she read the message from my father.
“What did he say?” The words came out rough.
“Doesn’t matter.” Her hands trembled as she put the phone away.
It mattered. It mattered so fucking much, I wanted to tear my father apart with my bare hands.
“Eva—”
“I’m scared, Cole,” she interrupted. “I’m so fucking scared and I’m so tired and I’m not getting anywhere and it’s terrifying.”
I reached for her hand slowly, giving her every chance to pull away. She didn’t. Her fingers curled around mine and squeezed tightly, as if she held on to me to keep from falling apart.
“I’ve got you,” I said—a vow.
We sat like that, hands clasped, while she picked at her food with her free hand.
“Eat, Eva,” I implored. “Please.”
I slid my hand from hers and spread hummus on a piece of torn flatbread. “Open.”
She stared at me flatly, but the furrow between her brows relaxed. “I can feed myself.”
“But you’re not,” I answered, well aware my smile didn’t quite meet my eyes.
Hers didn’t either, but she took a bite, then another, and we ate together in silence.
When we’d finally finished, she looked completely wrung out.
“Can you stay?” she asked quietly. “While I study?”
I'll stay forever if you let me.
“Of course.”
She pulled out her laptop. I pulled out my phone. A few minutes later, I was nodding off. To my surprise, Eva nudged me with her shoulder.
“Cole,” she murmured.
“Yeah, princess?” I rasped, blinking back awake.
Eva pushed the small table we’d eaten on away. “Lean on me.”
“You sure?”
She rolled her eyes, and I smiled, dropping my head to her shoulder. She made a small, disappointed sound and tugged my head down to her lap.
Oh.
I shifted carefully, half-expecting her to realize what she was offering and take it back.
She didn’t.
“Princess?”
“Don’t fuck this up by talking, Cole,” Eva said.
I might have been hurt if she hadn’t run her fingers over my temple at the same time.
She pushed the longer strands of hair out of my face then gently massaged my scalp, the soothing motions of her fingers slowly leaching the tension out of me.
The gentleness of her touch made my throat close with emotion. I didn’t deserve this, not after everything I’d done to her, but I was too selfish to pull away.
I closed my eyes and let myself have it, let myself feel her fingers carding through my hair, her nails scratching lightly against my scalp, let myself pretend, just for this moment, that I hadn't ruined everything, that we were just two people who cared about each other.
Her phone buzzed again. Her hand stilled in my hair, and her whole body tensed.
“Don’t,” she said, before I could speak. “Let me have this moment where I can pretend everything’s okay.”
Her fingers moved through my hair again, soothing and gentle, and I started to drift, until I was boneless, putty in the hands of the woman I loved, unable to tell her how I felt, lest I break her heart again.
In moments, I was asleep.