Chapter 22 Gwen
GWEN
Delilah and I talked a bit more, but before long, she was dozing off. I got her a blanket and shut out the light.
I wasn’t so lucky. After lying in bed for close to an hour, almost certain I wouldn’t fall asleep on my own, I stepped out the rear door and took a few puffs. Like magic, I drifted to a dreamless sleep as soon as I went back to bed.
Delilah was gone in the morning. She texted me saying she had a job interview in town, but she was grateful for the conversation. As was I.
She was so young, with so much life ahead of her. What would my life have looked like if I had been smart enough to leave my ex at the age she had?
By 9, I was at work, decorating cakes. At 1, I took my lunch. Sebastian met me as planned. In my mind, it was a nice respite. A break from the anxiety of what Edwards could find when he dug deeper into David’s case.
More than once, however, Sebastian asked me if I was okay. I kept telling him I was. And that was true. Sitting across the table from him, sipping coffee and eating sandwiches together, eased my racing mind. I felt perfectly fine. Perfectly myself.
With Sebastian, life was easy. I didn’t need to think and stress and obsess in his presence. Sitting with him was like popping a pill whose effects read: peace, quiet, comfort, simplicity.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t worry. Everything was just okay. Any time we sat across from each other in this café, or beside each other in his truck, or his name lit up my screen, peace washed over me.
More and more often, I craved that feeling. I was becoming addicted to it.
I was no longer afraid of it. Those butterfly wings were more like a massage now.
A blanket apology seemed to do its job. “Yeah, I’m sorry,” I said. “Just didn’t sleep well last night.”
Apparently accepting that as answer enough, the conversation progressed. The one today wrapped up with him reminding me of my lesson with Lizzie tomorrow.
Of course, I told him I would be there.
“Maybe we can do something after?” he asked.
No way I’d turn that down. I told him I couldn’t wait, and I meant every word.
But life resumed. He had work, so did I, and unfortunately, that was the rest of my afternoon.
When I got home, I shot Delilah another text. Usually, I wasn’t the greatest at reaching out to friends. Sure, I’d killed for one of them, but suggesting spending time together? As though I was the one who needed their support? I would never.
But Delilah had needed a friend last night. Maybe she needed one now too.
She responded, asking if she could come by. I agreed. When she arrived, she was in much better shape than she had been the night before. Cheerful, giddy, maybe even a bit silly.
This place was starting to feel like home to her. Which was exactly what the ranch was founded on. Delilah and I had formed a bond of some kind, and as an unspoken rule, it was my responsibility to welcome her into our community.
While we were cooking dinner, Simone called. Her tone was casual, only asking if I had plans for dinner yet. When I told her that Delilah and I were already cooking it, she asked if she could come over as well. Obviously, I said she could.
She arrived a little while later with Junie at her side.
As Simone and Delilah worked on the spaghetti, Junie and I got down to business with some cookie dough.
She was a sweet kid, with brown pigtails that reached her shoulders.
Today, her full cheeks were covered in two blue and purple butterflies.
Normally I struggled to get more than a few words out of her, so I was surprised when she raved about how Mommy did them this morning for some event at school.
Since Simone was so bubbly and energetic, one may have thought that her daughter would be similar. She was not.
After we ate, Junie cuddled up on the couch with her chocolate chip cookies and a book from the library at school.
I wondered if she knew. Simone had mentioned that she was careful to take her makeup off after Junie was in bed and to apply it before she woke up. She had also made the decision not to bring up the phone call Junie had made in the nurse’s office at school.
But did Junie have any idea? Was there some small part of her that knew her father had come back?
Did a part of her know he was gone for good?
Did she live each day fearing that her father would find her again? She’d been young when they’d left him, but Simone said Junie still had nightmares about him from time to time. That little girl had not forgotten the monster who’d donated his DNA to her existence.
Would it give her comfort to know he was dead? Would those nightmares cease?
I couldn’t say.
But I knew one thing for damn sure.
My home was filled with girls who were laughing, smiling, gossiping, reading—simply living. Not one out of the four of us was afraid in this moment. Each of us were happy. At the very least, safe.
If this was the aftermath of an abusive man’s death, how could it have been a bad thing?
After they left, that question helped me fall into a fast sleep.
No weed was needed to get there. No nightmares after the fact, either.
I awoke rejuvenated for my 9 to 6 shift. When I arrived at work, Andrew was in a mood again. Molly and I ignored him, decorated our cakes, and served our customers.
Just as I was untying my apron to take my lunch, the front door swung open.
Face flushed, sweat dribbling his brow, Sebastian all but ran to the counter. Luckily, we were slowing down from the lunch rush, so he didn’t have a line to wait behind. Given how quickly he got to the other end, I wouldn’t have been shocked if he’d knocked a few people over to get to me.
Before I could greet him with my usual, “Hey, how’s your day going?” he spoke a mile a minute.
“I’m sorry, I can’t stay,” he said. “Shit, I’m not gonna be able to bring Lizzie to the ranch tonight for her lesson either. Damn it. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
If he was just stopping by to tell me that he couldn’t make it for our usual lunch, he would’ve texted. He was here for a quick bite to go.
“Don’t be sorry.” Reaching into the pastry case, I came out with his usual. A ham and cheese that Molly and I had prepped this morning. “Is everything okay? Is Lizzie alright?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry.” He dropped a ten on the counter and shook his head. “I’m fine, Lizzie’s fine. But a patient of mine is on his way. It’s bad. I don’t know how bad yet, and I won’t for about”—he glanced at his watch—“nine minutes. But judging by the screaming, it’s bad.”
“Cat, dog, or something else?”
“Dog.” He shook his head in disbelief, eyes wide as they scanned the counter.
“Six-year-old golden retriever. His mom’s one of my patients too.
First time I saw him was on an ultrasound.
Been with him through every checkup, a bowel obstruction from chewing on toys, regular health visits.
And ten minutes ago, his mom called. The human one, I mean.
His leash malfunctioned while they were on a walk, and he got hit by a car. ”
Tears bubbled in my eyes. “Poor thing. How bad is it?”
“She said his nose and back leg are bleeding, a wound in his stomach from the fender, and he’s just crying and whimpering.
” With his thumb and forefinger, he rubbed his eyes.
“Nearest emergency vet is an hour away, and I don’t think he’ll make it there.
So I told her to bring him in. I’ll probably be in surgery for hours. ”
I passed him the sandwich. “You’re going to need your strength then.”
“To say the least.” Accepting, he gave a half smile. “Thanks. I just wanted to let you know. Figured it was best to stop by so you weren’t wondering why I bailed.”
Not once in my life had a partner shown so much consideration for my feelings.
In the grand scheme, I guessed it was a small thing.
It felt big to me though. If he hadn’t shown, I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done.
Probably sat at the booth in the corner, wondering what I did wrong and already imagining my life without him. Rhiannon called that catastrophizing.
“I really appreciate that.” Propping my hands on my hips, I cocked my head to the side. “But why wouldn’t I be able to have the lesson with Lizzie tonight?”
“She gets off the bus around 3:30, and you have your lesson at 7, but I’m not sure if I’ll be done by then. I don’t know if I’ll be able to drive her to you.”
“The bus drops her off right down the street,” I said, squinting with confusion. “If she doesn’t mind sitting here a few hours while I finish up my shift, I can just bring her back to the ranch with me. I can drive her home too, if you want.”
Eyes softening, stiff shoulders doing the same, he shook his head. “I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not.” I stretched over the counter and touched my lips to his. He cradled my jaw for the short while that it lasted. As I pulled back, I smiled. “I’m offering.”
“Are you sure?” Those big hazel eyes scanned mine, waiting for some sign that I didn’t want to do this. “Because you don’t have to babysit her or anything.”
“She’s not a baby.” I laughed. “She’ll scroll on her phone, I’ll get her something to eat, then we’ll go on with our night. Don’t worry about it. Just take care of that puppy.”
There was still a bit of hesitancy in his eyes, a bit of fear, but the relief outweighed all that. He grabbed my face, pulled me back in, and kissed me again. This time harder, deeper, probably too deeply for public.
When he pulled back, between hard breaths, he just said, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Another smile. “Good luck.”