Chapter 15
Two Months Later
“Abridal shower and a baby shower at the same time, whose genius plan was this?” Anita asks, lifting another macaroon to her mouth, while I sit among my friends in a veiled tiara and a mom-to-be sash.
“I’m taking all the credit.” Freya holds up her hands and grins proudly.
“And who convinced the boys to let us have this place to ourselves?” Eden glances around the clubhouse, which the girls have made such an effort to decorate. It looks nothing like a biker club hangout anymore; they really have done a great job.
“I’m taking all the credit for that one.” Peyton winks as she leans forward and helps herself to another glass of Prosecco. I’m assuming from the amount she’s been drinking, that she and Raze have had another unsuccessful month trying.
“Surprised you're finding the time with that little one always around. Have you thought about moving somewhere bigger? I’m assuming the boy is sticking around?” Anita asks.
“His name is Leo,” Peyton reminds her. “And yes, he will be sticking around.”
“So you spoke to child services?” Quinn sounds relieved.
She may not get the chance to hang out here as much as we do because of her work shifts, and she may not have a direct link to the club, but she’s becoming one of us.
I like her. I like even more how hot she is for Sasquatch.
I don’t know if he likes her or is intimidated by her, but there’s something there.
“Not exactly.” Peyton sighs, looking guilty, and I notice the concerned look Eden makes to Quinn as I make my own to Freya.
“He’s just started coming out of his shell.
The fact that he’s spending the day with the boys, decorating the baby's room at Eden’s new place, is a huge deal.
He’s talking more, he’s laughing. I don’t want him to lose trust in us. ”
“You could get in real trouble for what you're doing,” Quinn warns her. “And I get that you and Raze only have the boy's best interest at heart, but he’s someone’s son; there could be people worried about him.”
“He’s where he wants to be. Anytime we start talking about his past, he clams up and starts shaking. What if we do speak to child services and they take him away from us?” I hear the worry in her voice and feel so sorry for her.
“Alicia, can I have a word?” Millie pulls me away from the conversation, leading me to the other side of the room and looking like she’s got something important to say. “Are you okay? You seem different.” Her eyes are narrow and suspicious.
“I’m eight months pregnant and getting married next week,” I remind her, trying so hard to be cheery, the way a bride-to-be should be. I should be grateful for the situation I’m in. I have a man who adores me, friends who throw parties for me, and a healthy baby girl growing inside me.
“Have you heard from Vike?” she asks, and just hearing his name instantly makes me want to cry. I can’t allow myself to think about him; it hurts too much. And the worst thing about it is that despite what he’s done... I miss him.
“Not a word in two months.” I shake my head, trying to hold back those tears. Today is supposed to be a happy day; we’re celebrating our future. The secure, hopeful one Greaser is going to give us.
“Maybe the two of you should talk befor–”
“Millie, Vike made his choice. He left. I’ve dealt with it, and I’m moving on. This is how things are supposed to be.” I put on the same fake smile I’ve been wearing since the day he left because the truth is, nothing about this feels right. It should, but it doesn’t.
“You're sure you want to go through with this wedding? Alicia, we all know how you felt about Vike. Greaser’s a good guy, but is he really the guy you want?”
“I don't want a guy who bails. Me and my little girl need stability, and Greaser can give us that. I don’t wanna talk about this again,” I warn her, turning my back so I can head back and join the others.
“But do you love him?” she calls after me, loud enough to get everyone's attention.
“Yes,” I lie because, given time, I know I can learn to love him. Right now, everything still feels so raw. Once I truly get over the fact that Vike abandoned us, I can focus on falling in love with the man who actually loves me.
“Now, are we gonna play this diaper game or not?” I return to the table before she can tell from my eyes how heartbroken I am that that man isn’t Vike.
“You look exhausted.” Greaser helps me lower myself into bed, kissing me as he takes the tiara I’m still wearing off my head.
“I am exhausted,” I sigh, stroking my hand over my huge stomach and feeling bad when I see the big, shiny diamond on my finger. Greaser has given me so much in the short time we’ve been together, and it almost feels like a betrayal that I still can’t bring myself to desire him.
He climbs into bed beside me, and I turn my back to him, facing the wall so he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes.
I seem to have been hit with a fresh batch of hormones these past couple of days.
It’s been harder not to think about Vike and, suddenly, everything that’s about to happen in my life seems so overwhelming.
“Come here.” He snuggles up behind me, kissing my temple and wrapping his heavy arm around my middle. I stiffen when I feel his cock press hard against my spine, and my stomach knots with that guilt again.
“Sorry, darlin’, but you can hardly blame me,” he whispers, smothering me with more kisses, and when his hand starts to lower, I take hold of it and move it back up to where it was.
“Come on, Alicia, I just wanna make you feel good. Pregnancy is supposed to make ya horny. Wrath says all Eden wants to do is fuck, these days.”
“Well, I’m not Eden,” I remind, feeling awful for still keeping the man waiting.
He’s been so patient and understanding. I know I’m going to have to bite the bullet and give in to him soon.
“And Eden’s not as pregnant as I am, yet.
” I heave my body to turn and face him, taking his bearded jaw in my hand and stroking it softly.
“I appreciate your patience. I just don’t feel very sexy right now.
” I smile at him before forcing myself to kiss his lips.
“Saving it for the wedding night?” He smiles back at me hopefully, but instead of answering him, I tuck my head into his chest and try to fall asleep.
“Alicia. Alicia, wake the fuck up.” I wake up to Greaser shaking me, and wonder if I’ve been having another nightmare, then when I see him looking mad and slightly unhinged, I fear what he might have heard me crying out.
“Greaser.” I sit up as he shakes his head, pacing the bottom of the bed and clenching his fists. “Greaser, what’s wrong?” I yell out when he punches the wall.
“Why haven’t you told your parents about us?” He narrows his eyes at me.
“I barely speak to my parents,” I explain, confused as to what this is all about.
“Well, I just had a very interesting phone conversation with your mother. She was phoning to check in on you, and she had no idea that we were getting married next week.”
“Mom called, this late?” I look at the alarm clock, and it’s past two am.
“I was surprised, myself. I was scared something might be wrong, which is why I answered. She did sound drunk...but that's not the point. How come she had no idea about us, Alicia?” He breathes heavy through his nostrils as he crouches over the bed.
“It just must have slipped my mind to tell her. Like I said, we don’t speak often.” I laugh nervously as I get out of bed, desperate to pee now I’m awake.
“Or you're ashamed of me?” He bores his eyes into mine, daring me to lie.
“Greaser, I’m not ashamed of you. I just don’t have that kind of relationship with my parents.” I laugh some more, trying to lighten the mood as I make my way to the bathroom.
“Is that why you won’t sleep with me, because you're ashamed of who I am?” He rushes to block the door.
“No, don’t be silly. I told you–”
“You're lying! You can’t bring yourself to sleep with me because you don’t love me. You don’t love me, and you're scared you're gonna think about him.” He talks over the top of me.
“It's nothing to do with that, I’m just—”
“I’m sorry I can’t be fuckin’ Griller. I’m sorry I can’t raise him from the dead for you, but I’m doin’ the best I can!” he yells at me, his eyes filling with tears. “You never say it. I tell you all the time how much I love you, and you never say it back.”
“Greaser, please, can you just let me get to the bathroom. I really need to go.” The baby seems to like pressing on my bladder these days, and when I have to go... I really have to go.
“Just tell me what you want from me, Alicia. What more can I do? I love you, and you're breaking my heart.” He shakes his head, looking tortured.
“Please, can we talk about this when I’ve been to the bathroom?” I hold the bottom of my stomach and squeeze my legs together, letting him see how uncomfortable I’m getting.
“It ain’t nice being denied something you need, is it, darlin’?” He tilts his head at me; that poor, helpless look turning bitter.
“Greaser?” I stare up at him, wondering what the hell has gotten into him. I get he’s hurt that my parents didn’t know about us, but all this feels like a slight overreaction.
“Tell me what you want, baby. You want me to let you scream his name instead of mine?” He roughly grabs hold of my chin and forces me to stay focused on him. “You want me to bone you from behind so you don’t have to look at me?”
“Where is all this coming from? I don’t want any of that. Me and Griller were just a one-time thing. Please, let me pass,” I plead, because holding my bladder is really starting to hurt.
“You could bring yourself to have a one-time thing with him, but you can’t make love to me?” He laughs cruelly.“You made our child with him, that's gotta count for somethin’. You must be wishin’ it was him standing here, instead of me.”
“Right now, I wish no one was standing there at all. I really need the bathroom.” I laugh as I try to move forward, then gasp in fear when he uses the hold he has on my face to force me back and slam my shoulders against the wardrobe.
“This ain’t a fuckin’ joke, Alicia.” He presses his forehead so tight against mine I can feel the rage throbbing inside him, and I close my eyes with shame when I lose control, the trickle spilling down my thighs and seeping between my toes.
“I’m just trying to tell you how I feel,” Greaser whispers, his tone much calmer, and the tension in his hands slowly releasing.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face as I look at the mess between my legs.
“I just want you to love me, the way I love you.” He strokes my face tenderly and wipes away my tears.
“Our baby girl will be here soon. I want her to be raised properly. I want her to have everything me and Griller didn’t have growing up.
” He smiles fondly as he looks down at my tummy and strokes it.
“She’s going to be the most loved little girl in the world,” he promises, kissing my lips as they tremble.
“Oh no, you’ve had an accident, darlin’.” He grabs my head in both his hands, lowering it so he can kiss my crown. “We'd better get you cleaned up.” Moving away from me, he heads to the bathroom, while I stare at the space in front of me and try to figure out what the hell just happened.
“You want to talk about your folks?” Greaser is back to his cheery self in the morning, when I’ve got out of the shower and made my way into the kitchen.
“Not right now.” I take a seat at the table and stare at the plate of food he’s prepared. He’s made me pancakes for breakfast every morning since he moved in, and I’m starting to struggle to get them down.
“Come on, get stuck in, our little one must be hungry.” He pulls out the chair for me.
“You can tell me all about your parents while you eat.” Picking up my fork, he stabs at one of the strawberries on my plate and holds it to my mouth.
“Greaser, you don’t have to feed me.” I shake my head, already feeling sick.
“I know I don’t, but I want to. You know how much I enjoy taking care of you both.” He presses the fork against my lips, and I dutifully open, sliding the strawberry from the fork with my teeth and chewing.
“That's a good girl,” he tells me, looking satisfied. “Now, why don’t you talk to your mom and dad?” he asks once I’ve swallowed.
“We do talk, we’re just not close,” I explain, not wanting to get into it with him. Talking about what happened will trigger me, and right now, with all that’s going on, I need to be strong.
“It upset me that you hadn’t told them about us. I reacted badly. I’m sorry for that,” he tells me, all his focus is on cutting up my pancake before he feeds me another bite.
“I’m sorry I never told them, I just haven’t spoken to them since we became a thing. Everything happened so fast and—”
“Family is important, Alicia. I’m sure whatever they did can be forgiven; we want our daughter to have her grandparents in her life.
” He strokes his hand over my belly as he continues to feed me.
“It’s okay. I’m not mad, I’m just a little hurt.
” He looks wounded as he forks more food into my mouth, and I get to the point where I can’t swallow another bite.
“Greaser, I can’t. I’m full.” I smile politely.
“I don't think little Iris is done yet. Pancakes are her favorite; she always gets active for her daddy when she’s had his pancakes.” He rubs my full stomach some more as he laughs.
“Come on, you can finish up this plate for her.” He coaxes my lips open with the fork again, and I do as he says, fighting the urge to throw up and somehow managing to clear the plate.
“Well done, Mommy.” He kisses me before getting up from the table and taking the plate to the sink.