Chapter 24
“What about Peyton, or Eden…? Has no one heard anything?” Saint checks, looking as concerned as the rest of us as we all sit around the table, wondering where the fuck our prez is.
Wrath called us all in for a meeting earlier this morning, because it's been forty-eight hours since anyone heard from him. Sitting here now, it’s strange as hell seeing his seat empty.
“Nothin’ at all. Peyton’s a mess, and Eden don’t need the stress of all this.” I can tell Wrath is angry just from his tone.
“Did he tell anyone where he was goin’?” I ask. I’m wondering if maybe he’s just taking some time out. Apparently, he’d learned that he and Peyton couldn’t keep the kid they’d taken in, and from what I’m hearing, he was blaming himself for it.
“Not a word; last thing he said to Pey was that he had something to deal with and that coulda been anythin’. Me and Ruck drove up to check out the cabin last night, but it was empty,” Raze's father, Vex, answers, trying to put on a brave face.
“I don’t think he would have left Peyton and Eden like that, especially knowin’ how much they’d worry; you know how much he loves ’em.” Ruckus tries to be the voice of reason.
“This ain’t the first time Raze has left without sayin’ goodbye.” The rage in Wrath is getting stronger, I can sense it.
“That’s crazy talk. Raze loves Peyton…and there's no way he’d intentionally put Eden through all this stress while she’s pregnant.
I don’t wanna say it, but we may have to start suspectin’ something’s happened to him.
” I can tell the words hurt Ruck to say out loud.
He’s Raze’s sergeant-at-arms, and he’s always taken his role of protector seriously.
“Nothing’s happened to him!” Vex slams his fist on the table.
“He had a fight with his girl, and he’s out there lickin’ his fuckin’ wounds.
” The old man gets up from his seat and storms out when he decides he’s heard enough, and we all look at each other, knowing that there's a good chance Ruck could be right.
“What ya want us to do, boss?” Sasquatch looks to Wrath; he’s the one who’s gonna have to take charge of this situation now.
“We keep lookin’. We keep tryin' his cell, and when we find him, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him, myself.” He storms out of the room, too, and we flinch when we hear the door to Raze’s office slam, once he’s entered it.
“Anyone else feelin’ kinda useless?” Saint breaks the silence. I gotta feel grateful that it’s him we got today, instead of Sinner. I don’t think anyone is in the mood to tolerate that fucker’s bullshit right now.
“We just all gotta keep things together. Support Peyton and Eden, and keep things runnin’ till Raze comes home,” Dev tells us sounding optimistic.
“And what if he don’t come back?” Ruck, who’s usually the most positive outta all of us, looks unconvinced. “There's enough people out there who would want Raze dead for us to assume the fuckin’ worst.”
“Don’t you let those girls out there hear you sayin’ that shit,” Tawk speaks up, shaking his head and looking as worried as the rest of us.
“I didn’t realize you had a fuckin’voice,” Greaser mocks him.
“Yeah, well, you ain’t had much to say either today, or is that because Vike here busted up your jaw?” Dev swipes back, and when Greaser stands up like he’s ‘bout do somethin’, Sasquatch and Ruckus grab him and force him to sit back down.
“Now ain’t the time for us to be fighting among each other,” Ruck warns.
“Vike, tomorrow, we need you to go through the club finances. Things have been slack since you’ve been gone.
Check we’re not owed or in debt. Today, you and Dev can ride out and visit any motels and bars on the North side of the city.
Ask around, find out if anyone's seen him.
Greaser. Saint. You take the East side, and me and Tawk can cover the West. Let's hope and pray we find him.” Ruck picks up the gavel and slams it before heading out, and as we slowly follow him out, I remind myself to put on a brave face before I check in with Alicia at the girls' table.
“That looked heated, what's going on, Vike? What aren’t you all telling me?” Peyton looks shattered; her eyes are red and swollen, the dark circles under ’em prove she’s been gettin’ no sleep.
“Ain’t nothin’ we ain’t tellin’ ya. We’re all sure Raze is gonna walk back through that door with some serious grovelling to do any second.”
Eden shakes her head, looking equally as tired and broken as Peyton.
“He wouldn’t do this to us; he’d at least let us know he was okay.” She speaks robotically. “What if he’s dead?”
“Eden!” Freya looks at her in shock.
“We have to start facing up to it. Raze would never put us through this torture.” Eden shakes her head, tryin’ to make sense of all this.
“Yeah, he fuckin’ would.” Wrath's voice comes from behind me. “Raze is selfish; he abandoned you once before, remember?”
“Yeah, and so did you. This isn’t the same, Wrath.” Eden looks hurt as she stares back at him.
“This is exactly the same, only difference is I’ve learned from my mistakes. I guess it’s always gonna be the same for him. When the goin’ gets tough, Raze gets goin’.”
“Raze would not leave us.” Eden looks ready for a fight, while Peyton gets up from the table and rushes out the back door in tears.
“I got it.” Freya goes after her, while Alicia looks up at me, begging me to do something. Taking my VP by his arm, I drag him back through to the office so I can find out what the fuck he’s doing.
“What the hell’s gotten into you?” I slam the door behind me. “I get that you’re mad at Raze, but you can see how upset the girls are. All you’re doin’ is makin’ it worse. I know you don’t want to, but maybe you have to start admitting that Ruck could be ri–”
“Raze ain’t dead, he’s a fuckin’ coward!” Wrath bellows over me.
“What the fuck you talkin’ about? Raze is one of the bravest men we fuckin’ know.”
“Not when it comes to facin’ up to reality.
” He laughs as he sits himself in Raze’s office chair and stares at his cell like he’s waiting for it to ring.
“He couldn’t face hurtin’ Peyton anymore; he let his pride take over his chance of actually being happy, and yeah, he’s gone… but he sure ain’t fuckin’ dead.”
“Okay, they lost out on the kid, but this is Peyton and Raze; they’ll move past it. Surely, he gets that?”
“It ain’t just the kid that's the problem.” Wrath shakes his head, looking through the window that looks out into the barroom.
“Wrath, what do ya know?” I take the seat opposite him, sensing that he’s holding something back.
“It ain’t my place to say.” He tosses the cell in his hand on the desk and scratches his jaw.
“Wrath, if you know something that's gonna help us find him, you need to–”
“It ain’t gonna help us find him. If Raze wants to disappear, that's exactly what’ll happen. We don’t stand a chance.”
“Tell me what you know.” I try to get him to talk.
“You know, he never felt like he deserved her.” Wrath stands up and moves toward the window.
“Who, Peyton? The girl’s crazy about him.”
“I know that, and you know that; this whole fuckin’ club knows it, but hell if Raze has ever understood. He’s never felt worthy of her.”
“I think we all feel a little that way.” I smile when I think of how lucky I felt having my girl come all over my tongue this morning.
“He wanted to give her everything; prove to her that she made the right choice in him,” Wrath continues, staring across the room at Eden, who’s sobbing in her hands and being comforted by Anita and Alicia.
“Wrath, I know you're going somewhere with this, but can we get there sooner? Me and Dev are supposed to be out searching right now.”
“Alicia’s about to drop, Eden’s glowing more by the day; hell, it’s only a matter of time before I’ll have to kick Ruck's ass for knocking my sister up too…What do you think Peyton wants more than anything?” He turns back around and questions me.
“A kid? That’s obvious.” I shrug. “I know I wasn't around, but from what I’ve heard, Raze was down for the whole family thing too; he wanted to adopt that kid as much as she did, right?.
“Right,” Wrath agrees
“I know they had their heart set on that boy, but it ain't like they can’t have a kid of their own.”
Wrath drops his head to the floor and shakes it.
“What I tell you next doesn’t leave this fuckin’ room, Vike.” Raising his head, he points his finger at me and looks serious as hell.
“Fuck, Wrath, what is it?” Now I’m really starting to worry.
“Raze can’t give Peyton what she wants.” He lowers his voice despite us being the only ones in the room.
“Course, he fuckin’ can. I know he’s busy with the club, but if—”
“No, Vike, he can’t. They’ve been tryin’ for months; he was gettin’ all paranoid about it not happenin’ and the doc told him what no man ever wants to fuckin’ hear.”
“You mean he’s—”
“Yeah.” He stops me before I can say it.
“I mean that’s not fuckin’ good, but it ain’t no reason to leave. What’s Peyton sayin’ about all this?”
“Peyton don’t fuckin’ know; he’s been too proud to tell her.” Wrath sighs like he’s suddenly relieved to have it off his chest.
“The fuck?”
“It’s been eatin’ him alive, Vike, and what happened with that kid must have been the final straw for him. Which is why I’m standing here, sayin’ with confidence, that Raze ain’t dead. He’s just too fuckin’ scared to face up to his problems.”
“We gotta find him and bring him back. Peyton ain’t gonna stop lovin’ him because he can’t give her a kid.”
“I told him all this, but he wouldn’t listen. Ain’t you noticed the dead in his eyes lately? Raze has been through hell and survived it, but he can’t survive being the person who lets her down.”
“You think you should talk to her, explain…?” I suggest, knowing that Peyton must be outta her mind with worry.
“I was thinkin’ of givin’ him a little more time to come to his senses; hope he comes home and tells her himself. But I don’t know, Vike, last time Raze ran out on a problem, nobody saw him for ten years.” He looks scared as hell.
“Wrath, ya gotta keep it together; right now everyone’s lookin’ at you to be a leader. The club needs you, and your old lady needs you...”
“And I don’t know how to comfort her.” He scrubs his hand over his face.
“Course, ya do; just be real and open, tell her you're scared, too. I’ve learned the hard way that keepin’ your feelin’s to yourself never fuckin’ works.”
“Not a word to anyone. If Raze found out I told you, he’d damn make me infertile too.”
“You got my word, VP,” I assure him. “Now, go be with your girl.” I slap him on the shoulder before I head back out, and when Alicia meets me halfway across the barroom floor, I can see she’s expecting information.
“What's going on, Vike?” she questions me.
“We don’t know, darlin’...” I look back to the office where Wrath stands at the window, still watching, “and that's what fuckin’ scares us,” I admit.