Chapter 29
“Please, Peyton, this one's gonna be a bad one. Raze would want us all to be together.” Eden pleads with me, looking desperate, but I still shake my head. “I know you're sad and hurting. I’m feeling exactly the same, but secluding yourself like this isn’t doing you any good.”
I’m not denying that Eden is hurting. She loves Raze; he’s her brother. But she still has Wrath to comfort her; she’s got a whole future to look forward to. While I have nothing.
Raze was my future; he was my entire world, and not knowing where he is or if he's ever coming back is torture.
“You're not gonna change my mind, Eden. I’m staying here. What the fuck is a storm gonna do to me that's worse than him not being here?” I’m starting to feel numb inside.
I’m all cried out of tears, and I can’t stand the pity on everyone's faces when they look at me. The club is divided on their opinion; half of them think Raze has left us, the other half are convinced he’s dead, and I feel awful for not knowing which of those options I’d prefer, right now.
“This hut isn’t the most sturdy of structures,” she points out, and I swear the doors are backing her argument when they violently rattle behind her from the wind.
“It’s survived plenty of storms before.” I stand up and move into the kitchen, taking a cigarette from the packet and sparking it.
“You're smoking now?” Eden stares at me in shock. “Peyton, what the fu–”
“It smells like him.” I suck on the tip but don’t fully draw back; doing that burns my lungs and makes me choke.
“Well, it’s bad for you.” She comes at me and snatches it from my hand, stubbing it out in the basin. “So is confining yourself like this. Come on, we’re going to the club.” She takes my hand, but I rip it away.
“No, I’m not! I’m not coming. I’m staying here.
Nothing you can do or say is going to convince me, so will you please just leave me alone?
” I yell at her, and when she looks so sad and turns on her heels, all I feel is relief.
I cross the room to flop myself onto mine and Raze's bed. It’s been a month since he’s lain beside me, and I still can’t bring myself to change the sheets.
There’s still that tiny hint of his cologne on them, and as I lie on his pillow and let my tears fall, the wind outside spirals around the hut, swirling like my emotions and making me feel like I’m on a fairground ride I want to get off
One second, I’m crying because I miss him, because the fear of anything happening to him makes me feel as if my heart is slowly being crushed.
Next, I’m angry…so fucking angry at him for not being here; for letting me suffer all this time without knowing he’s okay.
He asked me to say those things to him the night we had that fight.
He begged me to blame him, and if all that is the reason he’s left me, and his club, then I could kill him myself for what he’s put me through.
A bolt of lightning flashes the room blue, and Reggie squawks, hopping onto the bottom of the bed and pecking at my feet. He’s missing Raze, too. I know he’s just a bird, but I see that sadness in his eyes, and ever since Raze has been gone, his favourite place to perch has been my bedside table.
I jump when I hear a rapping noise coming from the glass doors, and knowing it’ll be someone else from the club, sent down here to try and convince me to go up and ride out the storm, I lie still and pretend to be asleep.
“Peyton…Peyton, please.” I hear the tiny voice and wonder if it’s just in my imagination.
“Peyton…Peyton.” When it starts sounding more desperate, and the pounding on the glass gets louder, I sit up and see Leo standing at the door, drenched through to his skin, which makes me quickly get up and rush to the door so I can let him inside.
“Leo, what are you doin’ here?” I hug his cold, shivering body close to mine. “You're freezing, and you're wet; you should be at home.” I grab the blanket from the couch and wrap it around his shoulders, rubbing him vigorously to warm up his shaking body.
“That place ain’t my home,” he tells me.
“Isn’t…” I correct him. He may not have been here that long, but he sure as hell picked up on the way Raze and his brothers talk.
“Are you okay? Have they mistreated you?” I check, ready to pound down the doors of child services if they’ve let someone else hurt this child.
Leo never told me or Raze what happened to him, or who he was running from.
..But I could sense it was something dark, and I was assured he’d be safe and well taken care of by child services.
“They’re nice.” He shrugs sadly, as I sit him on the couch and crouch in front of him so he can explain. “I just miss you and Raze, I want to be here with you...you promise—”
“I know what I promised, and I tried. Jesus. God, I tried.” I have to hold back my tears and be strong, but having him here in front of me makes it feel impossible.
“You didn’t visit. I was scared you didn’t like me anymore.” Leo lowers his eyes to his lap, as if he’s done something wrong.
“You must never think that. I love you, we both do. We’ve…I’ve just been dealing with something.” I can’t bring myself to break it to this little boy that no one knows where Raze is. The two of them made a bond in such a short time,
“I miss you,” he tells me sadly. “The other family is nice, but it’s boring there and they ain’t…they isn’t you and Raze,” he tells me, breaking my heart.
“Oh, Leo, I wish things could be different, and I love it that you’ve come to see me, but you being here is gonna get me into trouble. I have to call child services and let them know you're okay.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Please, don’t. Can I not just stay here?”
“Sweetheart, there’s a storm outside, and the family you're living with will know you’re missing; they’ll be worried.” I try to make him understand, all while wanting to wrap him up in my arms and never let him go.
“Then call them and tell them I want to stay here.” He grabs my hand and makes it all sound so simple.
“I wish it worked like that, but it’s not our decision. Child servic—”
“They suck...Why can’t I speak to ’em and let ’em know where I wanna be?” The way his confidence has grown makes me smile. When Raze first found Leo in the lifeguard tower, he could barely make eye contact, let alone talk, and put up a fight.
I almost jump out of my skin again when the thunder cracks; the door flies open, and Wrath stands in the pounding rain looking furious.
“Leo?” His whole demeanour changes the second he notices that Leo is here with me.
“What ya doin’ here, kid?” He comes straight toward the sofa and crouches to his knees.
“I ran away,” Leo says proudly, sliding the blanket off his shoulders and puffing out his chest. Wrath looks at me, and I shake my head to let him know I’m just as surprised to see him here as he is.
“Stay right there,” I tell Leo, dragging Wrath out of earshot so I can talk to him.
“I know I need to call –”
“Right now, you both need to come with me,” he interrupts sternly.
“Wrath, I told Ed–”
“Peyton…My girl is up at that clubhouse crying her heart out because she’s worried about you being here alone, and now he’s here with ya, too. You have to stop all this bull shit. Put that damn bird in his cage because you’re coming with me.”
“Wra–”
“Don’t make me have to drag ya both outta here under my arms, because believe me when I tell ya, Peyton, I will.” I hear another caw come from Reggie, and when I turn my head, seeing that Leo already has him in the cage, I smile.
“Wrath is right, we should go with him.” He holds out his hand to mine, and I smile, nodding my head, before I glare fiercely at Wrath, barging past him and making my way toward the clubhouse.