Chapter 35
“Alright, I’m coming,” Vike calls out groggily as he makes his way to the door, while I check inside Mia’s Moses basket, hoping the loud banging hasn’t woken her up.
“Iris, do you have any idea what time it is?” I hear Vike say as he opens the door, and I quickly get up, put on my robe, and go to support him.
“It’s almost eight. I assumed you’d have been up for hours with a newborn,” Iris responds as I enter the living room, and I notice a brown paper bag in her arms.
“We have been; she’s just gone back to sleep,” I explain, wiping the sleep out of my eyes.
“Oh, good. It’s good for her to sleep, that’s when babies grow, you know.”
“I’ll make us some coffee.” Vike kisses my cheek as he passes me on the way to the kitchen, looking unimpressed as he leaves me to deal with Iris.
“What's in the bag?” I ask, hiding a yawn behind my hand.
“Oh, just a few things of Seggy’s I found that I thought the baby might like.
” She smiles, still refusing to use my little girl's name. Iris made it quite clear that she didn’t like it when we told her what it was.
I’d already assumed that no name, other than her own, would have been good enough, but the fact that she has to make a point of not using it is just petty.
“There's a photo of him that I put in a frame, I thought that could go beside her crib.” She pulls out a framed picture of Griller, leaning against his bike and drinking a beer, and places it on the table.
“And this stuffed rabbit, he used to love when he was a baby.” She drags out a faded grey, one-eyed rabbit that's obviously been stitched back together more than once and smiles as she props it up beside the picture.
“That’s sweet of you. I’m sure she’ll love it.”
“I’ll go give it to her now.” Iris goes to move past me, but I block her.
“As I said, she’s just gone back to sleep. Why don’t you have a coffee and wait until she wakes up?
“Oh, I won’t disturb her, I just want to have a little look at her. I didn’t get much chance to hold her yesterday with all those strangers at the club.
She barges past me into the bedroom, and Vike raises his eyebrows at me sternly when he steps around the kitchen island and hands me my coffee.
“Look who was lying awake, all by herself.” Iris returns, nursing Mia and the scruffy toy rabbit in her arms.
“Will ya look at that?” I can see Vike too close to losing his patience.
“She must have known Grandma was here.” Iris smiles down at her as she takes a seat on the couch.
“I hear you’ve been keeping your mommy awake.
You can rest now, Alicia. I can take care of her.
” She pulls her eyes away to look up at me.
“You can get some rest now that I’m here.
I’m sure Vike has things to do at the club. ”
“Actually, the three of us were gonna spend the day at home,” he tells her, giving me another one of his glares.
“She’s getting to look more and more like her daddy, every day.” Iris rattles the stuffie in front of my little girl's face, and when she starts to cry, Vike steps in.
“You hungry, baby girl?” He lifts her straight out of Iris’s hands and smiles at her. “Alicia, you should take her back to the bedroom and feed her in there. I’ll see Iris out.” He winks at me as she hands her over, and I smile at him with a relieved thank you as I head to the bedroom with Mia.
“I know you feel sorry for her, but you have to draw some boundaries,” Vike tells me when he joins us, bringing me the coffee I left on the table.
“I have, but she doesn’t seem to register them; she’s just excited. I'm hoping over the next few weeks she calms down and backs off.” I place Mia back in her Moses basket after she falls back to sleep in my arms.
“You should go back to sleep, you must be tired.” Vike hands me my coffee again.
“I’m awake now, and I was hoping we could go to the club today. Eden has a midwife appointment, so I was going to keep Peyton company.” I sip from the mug.
“Whatever you wanna do.” Vike smiles. “I was hoping to speak to Wrath; d’ya know what time their appointment is?”
“Yeah, it's at eleven. If we leave now, you’ll catch him before he leaves.” I start getting up so I can take a shower.
“Ya sure? I can catch him after.”
“I wanna be there for Peyton.” I kiss him on my way out the door.
“Hey, babe, when Greaser was living here, did he ever mention anythin’ about runnin’ a chop shop outta the garage?”
“Chop shop?” I shake my head, confused.
“It’s a thing some people do to help sell stolen cars,” he explains.
“No, he never mentioned anything to me.” I shrug, still not entirely sure what he means.
“And the night before what was supposed to be your wedding, he was here, right?” he checks.
“Not all night. I kinda lied and told him I was superstitious,” I admit. “He was being so suffocating. I was already having second thoughts as to whether I wanted to go through with it, so I asked him to stay at the garage that night. I needed a—”
“So Greaser wasn’t here with you the night Raze went missing?” Vike starts looking really worried, and it scares me.
“For a few hours after we left the club together, but after that, I was here alone. Why?”
“Don’t worry, take your shower.” Vike gets up and comes toward me, laying a kiss on the top of my head, and I know he’s holding something back from me.
“Vike, what aren’t you telling me?” We’d made a promise not to keep things from each other.
“I need to speak to Wrath, do a little digging. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,” he tells me, moving on through to the kitchen and leaving me suspicious.
Peyton's still lying in bed when I let myself into her beach hut. All the blinds are closed, the place is in darkness, and when the sunlight creeps in behind me, I hear her moan from under the covers.
“Sorry, I did knock,” I tell her, surprised by how messy the place is as I step inside and rest Mia’s car seat on the table. “We thought we could hang out,” I explain, as she rolls over and turns her back to me.
“I’m not in the mood for company. I just want to be alone,” she mumbles.
“I get that, but we’re worried about you. Eden has an app–”
“I don’t need to be babysat, Alicia!” she snaps at me. “Eden’s spent every waking hour with me the past few weeks. Is it so wrong for me to just want to be alone?”
“Not at all, I just wanted to let you know I’m here if you need me. I’d hate the idea of you feeling lonely.” I lift Mia’s carseat back up and head for the door.
“I’m gonna be lonely for the rest of my life.” Her sad voice comes from behind me, and when I turn around, I see her sitting up in bed, her eyes red and swollen.
“Don’t say that, we’re all here for you. We lo–”
“It doesn’t matter; none of you are him. I miss him. I spent so much of the time we were looking for him, angry with him for leaving me, and all that time he was out there in that ocean.” She looks out her window onto the beach where he was found.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be here right now. You can come stay at my place.”
Her head shakes back at me vigorously.
“No. I need to be here. What if Leo ran away again? What if…I don’t know, I just keep expecting Raze to walk back through the door. I want to wake up from this nightmare and have him tell me I was dreaming.”
“I’m sorry, Peyton.”
“Everyone’s sorry. Everyone's sad, but no one is doing anything about it.”
“That’s not true. Wrath and the boys are gonna find out who did this. They’re trying so hard,” I try to reassure her.
“It’s obvious who fucking did this. The same person who’s been killing all these girls. Raze must have found out who he is and confronted him that night he left. He told me he had something to deal with. Well, I wish whoever it is would come here and kill me too.”
“Don’t say that.” I place Mia down again and wrap her in my arms.
“I don’t want to live in a world without Raze in it,” she sobs.
“You have to find a way, and we’re here for you every step of the way. You're allowed to feel sad. You're allowed to feel broken, but you can’t give up. Raze wouldn’t want you to.”
“We were gonna do so much together. I’m not supposed to be here on my own.” The hurt in her voice puts tears in my own eyes. “I just want him back.”
“Of course, you do,” I tell her, and when Mia starts to cry, I feel torn.
“Go to her.” Peyton sniffs. Drying her eyes with her sleeves as I lift Mia out of the seat.
“Sorry, she must be hungry.” I pull down my top so she can latch on, and Peyton smiles sadly as she watches.
“You know, I used to spend hours wondering what mine and Raze’s kids would look like. I guess I’m never going to find out.” Her hand strokes my little girl's head as she suckles, and I have no idea what to say to her.
“You're making this all look easy,” she tells me with a sad smile.
“It would be easier without Griller's mom being constantly on my back,” I admit, hoping a change of conversation will be a good distraction.
“Is she really that bad?” Peyton sits up a little straighter.
“Her heart's in the right place, but she’s full on.”
“I noticed that, the morning of the wedding, and the night you went into labor. I hope she’s not ruining this experience for you.” It’s typical of Peyton to be worried about me when her world has just fallen apart.
“Nothing could ruin this experience. I can handle Iris,” I assure her.
“Though it would be nice if we could hide out here for a few hours.” I hope that making her feel that this is for my benefit will change her mind about being alone.
I know from losing Saul that being alone with your own thoughts at a time like this can be dangerous.
“I know what you're doing, Alicia Peterson.” Peyton shakes her head and smiles at me. “And I love you for it.” She squeezes my hand and starts getting out of bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m making us a coffee, and then you can tell me all about Griller's mom,” she explains, already making her way to the kitchen. “Then we’re gonna discuss why no one has told me that Freya’s pregnant.” She raises her eyebrow accusingly.