Logan
Hampton, Virginia
Her lips are still on mine, soft and trembling. I’m struggling to breathe. Not because of the cold biting at us. Or the weight of everything unsaid between us. But because she’s kissing me back.
When she pulls away, I don’t let her step far, my hands still framing her face. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes shining and filled with tears. She exhales shakily, her breath clouding in the chilly air. I can tell she’s holding back, keeping some invisible wall between us.
And I get it.
I earned that distance.
She steps back, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.
I realize she must have left her coat in my truck.
She looks amazing. Her toned flawless figure is on display in the fitted long sleeve and curve-hugging jeans she’s wearing.
The green of her shirt matches her eyes, making it nearly impossible for me to look away.
“Just because we kissed doesn’t mean everything’s suddenly fine. ”
“I don’t think that,” I say softly, shoving my hands into my pockets to keep from reaching for her again. “But I couldn’t not kiss you.”
Lila raises a brow, shaking her head slightly. She doesn’t seem mad now, it’s more like she’s still trying to convince me she is. She takes a step back. “What happens the next time things get hard? Are you going to run again? Because I can’t go through that, Logan. I won’t.”
“I won’t run again,” I promise, my voice rough. “I’ve been through hell these past few months, and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of getting back to you. I’m not the same guy who left.”
She narrows her green eyes, tilting her head slightly like she’s processing what I just shared. “What’s changed?”
“They didn’t clear me to fly until two weeks ago, Lila,” I admit, my voice gravelly.
“After Ryan—after everything—I was a mess. My body couldn’t keep up, and my head was worse.
I spent months in physical therapy, forcing my shoulder to work again, and in grief counseling, trying to convince myself I still deserved to be here at all. ”
Her arms drop to her sides, and I see the flicker of surprise in her expression, the way her walls shift just slightly. She wasn’t expecting that.
“At first, I went through the motions,” I continue.
“Sat in those damn therapy sessions, stared at the wall, counted the minutes until I could leave. But it didn’t go away.
None of it. Not Ryan. Not Lincoln. Not you.
” My throat tightens, but I push through it.
“I had to face it, every part of it—Ryan’s death, my guilt, the way I handled everything after, the way I handled us. ”
Her breath catches, but she doesn’t say a word.
“And then I met Bennett,” I say, my jaw clenching at the memory. “He’s Ryan’s replacement.”
Lila flinches, her eyes widening. “You met Wells?”
The way she says his name makes something in me sharpen.
“Yeah,” I say bitterly, running a hand through my hair.
Then I pause. She called him Wells.
“You know him?” My voice is harsher than I intend, my mind already jumping to places I don’t want it to go.
“No. Logan, no.” Her eyes widen in emphasis. “I don’t know him. I just met him last week when he introduced himself to the team.”
I nod slowly, forcing myself to let go of the irrational spike of jealousy.
“We talked for a few minutes. He told me he was new to your squadron. That he didn’t know he was replacing Ryan for any reason beyond personnel transfers.” She hesitates, then smirks despite herself. “Apparently, the mighty Viking is well known in the pilot world.”
I huff out a laugh, rubbing the back of my neck. “I guess I’ve made a name for myself.” My amusement fades. “Maybe that’s what made the months away from the cockpit that much harder.”
Lila’s gaze flickers to my left arm, trailing down my body like she’s only just realizing how much I’ve been through.
“Anyway, you met Wells?” she prompts, pulling me back.
“Yeah. Meeting him, realizing he was taking Ryan’s place—that about did me in all over again.
He shows up all bright-eyed and ready to fly, and I wanted to hate him.
But it’s not his fault. He didn’t know about Ryan.
” I exhale sharply. “That’s what pissed me off the most though, that the Air Force just kept moving, like Ryan never existed. ”
Her arms wrap around herself, her expression flickering between sympathy and something resembling desire.
“But all I wanted to do was talk to you about it,” I say, stepping closer. “About all of it.”
Her lips part like she wants to speak, but nothing comes out.
“I know I broke us, Lila,” I say, my voice dropping lower. “And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m done keeping things from you. No secrets. No walls. You deserve the truth, and I’ll give it to you, no matter how ugly it is.”
She stares at me, her eyes glistening, and for the first time since I got back, I feel like I can see the real Lila—the one who isn’t hiding behind anger and hurt.
“You couldn’t fly until two weeks ago? I thought they said eight weeks?” she finally asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
I shake my head. “It was longer. Nearly twelve. And Townsend didn’t give me a choice. He told me I was a danger to myself and everyone around me.”
Her gaze snaps back to mine, and for a moment, all I can see is the pain I put there. Her tears finally spill over, and she swipes at them angrily. “It’s not fair.”
I step closer, my hands itching to reach for her, but I hold back. “What’s not?”
“I love you. And I don’t want to.” Her voice breaks, and she shakes her head like she’s trying to will the words away.
I can’t help it—I smile. And before I can stop myself, I press a kiss to her hair. “I know.”
She pulls back and glares at me, but there’s no real bite to it.
“I love you, too,” I murmur, and this time when I pull her against me, she doesn’t resist. “Lila, you’re it for me. I just didn’t realize it until I almost lost you.”
Her lips press together, and I can tell she’s fighting back more tears. She doesn’t say anything, just lets me hold her in the quiet chill of the morning.
Finally, she sighs and untangles herself from my arms. “You’ve got a lot to prove, Logan James.”