Chapter Nine #3
‘She provides what little sunshine there has been in my life since her mother died. I always take any excuse to see her, but Máel Sechnaill works me hard. I refuse to put her in danger. Donaghmoyne is the safest place for her.’
‘Will she be going to court with us? That is such a wonderful idea, Rand.’ Svanna forced a smile and her mind eagerly raced ahead to how she and Birdie could become friends while they travelled.
A covered cart might take longer, but it would give her an excellent opportunity to truly get to know the little girl before they arrived at court.
‘We won’t be able to stay at Donaghmoyne long and taking her with us makes sense.
A friendly face at court and a travelling companion for me. ’
His eyes slid away from her. ‘Unadvisable.’
Svanna plucked at the edge of the braid which ran around her right cuff and tried to keep her composure. ‘I mean your daughter no harm. I’m eager to play my role. I’ve always enjoyed the company of children. I can teach her some of the riddles I know from Agthir.’
His smile turned tighter. ‘It’s not you or your riddles I worry about.’
Svanna rocked back on her heels, studying him. Her grand scheme of showing how useful she could be by smoothing his daughter’s way seemed to be over before it had properly begun.
‘Would the court be dangerous for her? I wanted to get to know her better. I used to love travelling when I was little.’
‘Birdie stays away from court. She will grow up into a chirping little girl who wears sunshine in her copper curls, just like I promised her mother.’
‘I don’t see the connection.’
‘Court ritual wears adults down. I refuse to have my daughter become a shadow of herself.’
Svanna frowned, trying to puzzle out the undercurrents.
Rand’s face had hardened to glacial planes.
Was he going to keep her and Birdie separate?
How could that help anyone, least of all her quest to ensure Máel Sechnaill understood the threat Turgeis posed?
‘But she is the high king’s grandchild. Surely, he must want to see her. Does he often visit Donaghmoyne?’
‘The high king has other concerns on his mind. He does not often speak of her.’ Rand’s scar twitched.
‘He did express a wish to meet Birdie once, but he was in his cups and feeling melancholy, missing his favourite daughter. I suspect he forgot the wish by the next morning. He has never mentioned it again.’
‘Your late wife was his favourite child.’
‘That is the problem.’ His words seemed to end the matter.
Svanna stared out to sea. The cold spray positively soaked her but her internal misery bothered her more. She hadn’t realised how much she’d been looking forward to making a difference in the child’s life.
‘You expect him to be upset with your cousin,’ she said in a soft voice, urging him to confide more so that she could understand and figure out a new scheme, something which didn’t involve seduction.
‘I would think seeing his granddaughter, the sole remnant of his most beloved daughter, would soften his heart. A young child can do that.’
‘A prudent man seeks as many advantages as possible, but Máel Sechnaill could not bear to gaze upon his granddaughter at the baptism.’ Rand’s voice had become flat and toneless. Svanna instinctively covered his hand with hers for a long heartbeat before he moved it.
‘Did he say what he wanted to happen with the little girl?’ she asked quietly. She needed to know her options and how she could ensure Birdie was going to thrive. Not just now when she was young, but as she grew.
‘He said that I was free to bring Birdie up as I chose, but his grief was too great for her ever to command a place at court.’
She examined her hands. Grief could change and alter. She’d have to go slow, but it would help everyone if Birdie could travel with them, just in case. ‘Do you think your cousin and his new wife are at Donaghmoyne?’
He gave a bark of laughter. ‘Why would they be there?’
‘Because you would be unlikely to look there until after you finished the King’s business? Because the King refuses to go there?’
‘Have you met my cousin?’
‘Not knowingly,’ she admitted with a shrug. ‘But it makes logical sense. And it will be the first place you’d return to after you finish your mission. Your cousin knows you will forgive him, even if you yell at him.’
He put a warm hand on her upper arm. ‘You are wiser than I thought. What a combination—brains as well as beauty. It makes me wonder why you remained unmarried until now. It seems incredible that Queen Astrid or Maer did not employ one of their best counters. The need for strong allies never ceases.’
‘I was dangled countless times. In truth, the late King had hopes of me marrying his son, which would never have worked.’ She kept her face turned from his.
‘Drengr wanted me. Initially for one of his sons. After his wife died, there was even talk of him being my groom. I don’t know how true that is or if it was to spook me into seeking the illusion of safety with one of his sons. All that man cared about was power.’
He captured her chin. ‘Look at me, Svanna. The past. I won’t allow them to hurt you.’
‘One of the reasons I know about the arts of war is to never feel defenceless again.’ Svanna shrugged and pushed the memory back into the recesses of her mind where it belonged.
‘Maer decreed that any marriage must be my own decision. There was never a strong enough reason to marry until I was faced with this. Agthir’s safety means everything to me. ’
She hoped the answer would suffice and he would stop his probing.
‘Surely she married for the sake of her country. She married the usurper’s son, didn’t she? The one you said had the personality of a wet fish.’
‘She married because she wanted to. They were, and remain, deeply in love. I’ll admit that Karn has improved considerably since he and Maer became acquainted.’
‘I am pleased she found the other half of her soul, but you decided that wasn’t worth waiting for.’
Svanna looked at the horizon. She knew she wasn’t the other half of Rand’s soul.
That honour belonged to his late wife. It bothered her that in her daydreaming about acting as Birdie’s mother, she’d also dreamt about seeing regard in his eyes.
Her heart had to stop hoping for miracles.
She was being useful to Agthir and that should be enough.
‘Something like that. Maer did emphasise that it must always be my choice,’ she said, keeping her gaze on the horizon. ‘This marriage was my choice. My duty to Agthir. My way of contributing to its defence.’
He nodded. ‘Your directness is something I admire about you.’
‘Directness?’
‘You are my wife and not pretending to be anything else. You’re unafraid to explain your reasoning. It makes a change.’
‘A refreshing one, I hope.’ She forced a laugh but his eyes turned serious. Her heart knocked against her chest. She’d made a muddle of things this morning, completely misreading his mood. If she did so again, it didn’t bode well for the future.
‘You want to ensure that the high king is in a good mood though,’ she said, trying for the brightest voice possible and hoping he would not comment on the slight alteration of the subject when he failed to reply to her comment.
Rand bestowed a smile, but this one failed to reach his eyes. ‘It will help keep Thorarinn’s head attached to his torso.’
‘I understand why that would be advantageous to all, particularly to your cousin, who I would think has grown quite attached to his head.’
The ghost smile faded from his face. ‘I owe him my life, Svanna. If he’d not rescued me from Drengr, I’d have breathed my last.’
She wrapped her arms about her middle and wished she had worn thicker clothes as the ice-cold wind whistled through her.
She, too, did not know why Rand had been singled out.
She sincerely doubted now that they had been seen together.
Some other game was afoot, but she couldn’t think what it was and what part Thorarinn had played.
‘Our past is behind us, but it casts a long shadow. Hopefully, its shadow will ebb.’ She knew then she couldn’t do what Astrid wanted her to do and manipulate him through seduction, not if he admired her directness. ‘My foster-mother—’
‘What did your foster-mother suggest?’
xo
‘That I seduce you for the good of Agthir.’ The words tripped off her tongue in a great rush and, despite the coldness of the spray, her cheeks burned.
He raised her hand to his lips. ‘When we next join, it’ll be your choice. Yours and not Agthir’s. You are the only one I want in my bed.’
She peeped up at him, saw the dancing light in his eyes and knew her ice shield was no more.
It would be easy to care for this man, even though he’d warned her that he was unlikely to ever return any finer feelings.
She must keep to their agreement, or she’d be doomed to a disappointment her heart would never recover from. ‘I never cared for crowds.’
He raised her hand to his mouth. ‘You are good, my lady.’
She hated that she wanted to cradle her tingling palm to her cheek.
The first hard drops of rain hit her. She reached for her cloak and wished again that she had thought to wear more layers than the thin summer gown, but the weather had seemed perfect back on Islay, the sort of day which started warm and became blistering.
‘I think we might be in for a storm. Luckily, I have my leather cloak.’
‘Make sure you keep warm. The cold can creep into your bones.’
‘Don’t worry, I will.’ She hoped she would.
She’d never done very well in the cold since she was a young girl and had fallen through the ice when out skating with Karn.
It had been partly his fault as he’d dared her to go further and, channelling Ingebord, she had.
Her nurse had wrapped her in fur and plied her with hot drinks, all the while berating Karn, but Svanna had known she’d borne part of the blame.
Later, after the incident with Turgeis, she’d decided to stop trying to behave like the true Ingebord had because every time she did, catastrophe happened.
‘But that is the problem—it is now part of my job to worry. I have seen how little regard you have for your personal safety.’
She concentrated on ensuring the hood was over her head and keeping out most of the bone-chilling rain. ‘I won’t mention your penchant for rushing into burning buildings then.’
‘That might be wise. It could spoil the mood.’ His eyes danced again and she knew that her heart had slipped a little closer towards that perilous slope of falling for him.