Chapter Eleven
From its well-tended fields outside the large circular earthworks to the bustling centre with its hall and round tower, Rand’s ringfort was larger and better presented than Svanna had envisioned.
The healthy cattle and sheer number of chickens showed Rand clearly ran a prosperous estate, even if he was not there as often as he’d like.
As they neared the fort, the butterflies in her stomach had turned into rampaging cattle.
She was going to meet her new daughter and much depended on her getting the first meeting with Birdie right.
‘This has become one of my favourite places in the whole world,’ Rand said, gesturing about him. ‘If I could, I’d never leave.’
‘When you said ringfort, I didn’t think it would be this large.’
‘You look surprised,’ he said, handing his reins to a servant and dismounting.
He strode over to her and held out his hand.
‘I had no expectations,’ Svanna confessed as she clutched his hand and dismounted from the pony she’d christened Star because of the white blaze on her forehead. ‘Unlike Agthir or Islay, but it exudes prosperity.’
‘I have worked to ensure it, but thankfully I have many servants who do the jobs assigned to them without too much grumbling. Not bad for a sell-sword who had to flee Agthir.’
His words sounded slightly pompous, but Svanna could hear the real pride underneath.
He cared deeply for this land and its inhabitants.
She’d half-hoped that she could quickly demonstrate her prowess at running a household, but she would struggle to improve on what was there.
All she could hope was that Birdie needed her guidance.
A little girl with shining copper curls ran out of the stone round tower which stood at one side of the main hall and threw her arms around Rand’s middle.
‘Oh, my papa, my papa! My papa is home!’
‘My daughter comes to greet me! All is right with the world.’ Rand gathered the little girl in his arms and swung her around and around.
The mirrored happiness on their faces made Svanna’s heart ache.
It was as if suddenly Rand had become truly alive and she was intruding.
She winced slightly and knew that he had told her the truth back on Islay about only living for his daughter, and her heart had chosen to ignore it.
But she was used to being considered second-best.
It was how Astrid had always treated her.
Not unkindly, but she’d been aware that Astrid would have preferred her real daughter to be at her side.
Was it wrong of her to want to be the focus of someone’s life?
She allowed the self-pity for another heartbeat and then stuffed it down deep inside her.
Wishing failed to alter reality and watching the father and daughter’s joy was beautiful to behold.
Svanna quietly resolved to become Birdie’s friend.
It would be good to think that one day the little girl might greet her with half that much affection.
‘You should have sent a messenger,’ the little girl said with a frown, stroking his cheek. ‘Nurse would have prepared a meal. All we have is hard cheese, hard bread or pottage. Ugh.’
‘Did you think I would stay away, Birdie? From my best girl?’ Rand asked with a light-hearted laugh.
Svanna caught a glimpse of the boy she’d shared that long-ago flirtation with, the one she had considered must be confined to a fading memory.
He’d spoken the truth about his daughter being the only person who could bring him to life.
That secret place inside her had been wrong in hoping for anything more than the faint consideration a man owed his lawful wife.
But now she knew and could adjust, thankfully before Rand realised her growing feelings for him.
She could put that shield back in place.
The girl’s face puckered in thought and Svanna could see the resemblance to Rand. Birdie would break many hearts one day. ‘I didn’t know. Auntie Rhiannon said you were bound to. Because my grandfather takes you away.’
At the woman’s name Rand’s face became thunderous. He put the little girl down abruptly. She looked up at him with a confused expression.
‘Your auntie has been here? Tell the truth, Bridget. Is she still here?’
Birdie slowly shook her head. ‘I wasn’t supposed to say anything. I gave my promise and everything.’ She put her hands over her mouth. ‘Oh, my saints and angels.’
Rand glanced towards where the round tower loomed. ‘Where is your auntie? Perhaps in the tower, waiting like a spider? Playing a game of hide and seek with me?’
Birdie vigorously shook her copper curls. ‘Rhiannon and Uncle Thorarinn were here, but they left early this morning because the rain had stopped.’
‘Do you know why?’
‘Uncle Thorarinn has serious business to attend, because things might be getting dicey soon.’ She said the words as if she had learned them by rote, rather than words which came naturally. Perhaps the errant pair had expected Rand to question his daughter.
He cursed under his breath. ‘Before I left, I gave orders that if, by some minor miracle, the pair appeared here, they were to be detained. Who decided to disobey me?’
The nurse hurried forward and scooped Birdie up.
‘My lord, a messenger arrived yesterday. We thought he might have come from you, but he only stayed a brief while and spoke to Lord Thorarinn. He refused to stay and threatened to slit men’s throats.
I wanted them to spend the night in hopes of Thorarinn reconsidering. ’
‘But he refused?’
‘His temper became even worse, and he upset Birdie.’ The old woman curtseyed. ‘I thought it best that they depart.’
Rand swore under his breath until Birdie covered her mouth, saying she didn’t think his words were nice. Rand mumbled an apology.
‘They left directly after the messenger, didn’t they, Nurse,’ Svanna said, ‘if the messenger arrived yesterday?’
The nurse regarded her as if she’d grown two heads. ‘Aye, you are right about that one, and Birdie was wrong. The rain was starting, not ending.’
‘It can’t be helped,’ Svanna said, forcing the sense of regret back down her throat.
There was little she could do now. She had to keep going forward rather than trying to alter the past. ‘No doubt I will get to meet both of them soon.’ She added for Birdie’s benefit, ‘I was looking forward to it. You made them both sound interesting, Rand.’
Wriggling out of her nurse’s arms, Birdie gave Svanna a quizzical look and then stuck her nose in the air as if she was determined to ignore this stranger who had arrived with her beloved father.
‘Auntie said that she was going to take me to court to finally meet my grandpapa,’ Birdie said. Her brow knitted. ‘She made it sound exciting. Lots of things happen at court. She said that I’d be at the centre and that was a good thing. Is it a good thing, Papa? To be at the centre?’
‘I’m sure I don’t know,’ Rand answered as if he were thinking of something else.
‘It will be when it happens,’ Svanna said, hunkering down to bring her face level with Birdie’s.
She wanted to make things right with the little girl, not simply because it would make her peace-weaving easier but because she wanted to be the right sort of mother for Birdie.
‘Sometimes things are even better when you are a little older, even if you don’t think so at the time. ’
‘I am older than I was yesterday but not as old as I will be tomorrow. When my nurse says it, I laugh.’
Svanna glanced towards the older woman. ‘Your nurse sounds like a very wise woman.’
Birdie took two steps backwards. ‘Who is this lady, Papa? She talks funny.’
‘This lady is my new wife, Svanna Guthardottar. And she is from the North, but I think you will like her just the same. She fights for what she believes in and she is kind.’ Rand touched his daughter’s nose with a light tap. ‘I dare say you sound funny to someone from the North.’
* * *
Birdie’s eyes went big and she stuck her thumb in her mouth.
Her jaw took on a stubborn aspect, one that reminded Rand of his late wife when she took a notion to be unreasonable in her head.
He hoped that Birdie would not prove difficult with Svanna.
He knew all too well how important first impressions were and how he’d failed miserably in the past. And he suspected that his ire at Thorarinn and Rhiannon would not have helped, but it was too late.
‘The child is tired. She wouldn’t settle for her nap, kept insisting exciting things were going to happen,’ her nurse murmured as if that explained everything.
‘They have,’ Birdie said with a huge smile. ‘I’m normally right about exciting things.’
‘Shall we get the lady Svanna inside? I’d hardly like her to think our hospitality was lax.’
Rand scooped his daughter up again and balanced her on his hip.
Coming home meant having her in his arms once again.
As always, she appeared to have grown considerably in the time he’d been away.
He wished he could remain with her always, but he’d promised Máel Sechnaill when he’d married Bridget that he would serve as his eyes and ears where required.
It had not mattered as much when Bridget was alive and at court, but now there was a gaping hole whenever he was gone.
Little point in wishing for things to change, he’d made that bargain long ago. He simply had to go forward and be content, even if being content was getting harder and harder.
‘Will she be my new mother?’ Birdie whispered in his ear. ‘I don’t remember my real mother. But you need a mother to be a real family. I prayed for one, but one who is kind.’