Chapter 3 #2
They were all wearing cardboard versions of the playing-card guard’s outfits, like their parents had made shitty knock-off Halloween costumes of the more expensive versions the rich kids got to wear.
She had a section of flat cardboard hanging off her front and off her back like she was being paid to advertise for a local deli or it was the Great Depression and she was stubbing in for an A-frame sign.
Looking down at hers, she looked…fine. Passable. But she was afraid to see what was on the back.
Red paint, which they had clearly procured from somewhere, had been hastily—and incredibly shittily—used to blob “hearts” on each side. For the Mad Hatter, he was the “e” of hearts. Which Sidney assumed was supposed to be a “6.”
The March Hare just had the word ‘HEERTS’ scribbled on his cardboard.
“We do. And no, they won’t, because, we do.
Because, you see, they’re sane. And because we’re insane, and we look insane, and the plan is insane, it’s too stupid and too crazy for them to think anyone would try it.
Our insanity makes us invisible because of their sanity.
” The Hatter tapped his temple as if he were some kind of genius.
“None of that makes any sense.”
“Exactly,” he whispered loudly back to her.
But, sure enough, as they “snuck” past the guards, it…worked. Nobody seemed to notice. They all just ignored them. Because they were too ridiculous and too obvious, they were unobvious.
“Parents ignore children in the room when they misbehave. It’s the same concept,” the Hatter continued. “The more fuss you make, the less attention you get!”
“So this is the equivalent of a cry for help.” Sidney couldn’t help but laugh. “This is the step before somebody gets clever and holds an intervention.”
“I don’t know what that any of that is, but yes!” He grinned.
“So, just to be clear—we ‘sneak’ in. Free the Knave. And then we…what?” Sidney just wanted to recap the plan.
Namely, because they’d never actually discussed the plan, because much like coming up with their shitty, hand-painted, absolutely terrible “disguises,” they’d apparently done that “off camera.”
“Kill the Queen of Hearts!” The Dormouse waved her tiny sewing-needle sword about bravely in front of her. “Stab her right through the eye!”
Kill the Queen of Hearts. Right. Cool. Awesome. No pressure. “Right. Sure. We’ll put that as an optional objective. I’m not huge on murder.” She paused. “Even though I do owe him for squishing me with a fucking train.”
All three of her companions stopped to stare at her in confusion.
“Never mind.” She gestured for them to keep going. “Jail. Knave. Go. Lead.”
It took a few rooms of searching, before she found a room that would absolutely be where she would find a magnifying glass.
It was a room of just…stuff. Stuff piled everywhere.
Books on tables piled high and dressers filled with all sorts of everything.
It was just a maddening storeroom of everything she could imagine.
There was a muffled noise and a quiet tink-tink-tink from inside the coffee mug.
Right. Yeah. Probably time to let him get some air.
Setting down the saucer and mug on top of a dresser, she took the mug off the top.
“Sorry. This time, it really was the best way to transport you two. I’m pretty sure your horse didn’t want to get transported via pocket.
At least this time they didn’t seem any drippier than they were before. Nor any more cranky about the whole ordeal.
“What were you going to ask Vile about, really?”
“Nothing.” She went to start digging through drawers and piles of shit for a magnifying glass. “Nothing I want to talk to you about.”
“Sasha, you can trust me.”
“It’s not that I don’t think I can trust you, Virtue. I just don’t need to be lectured right now. I also don’t need you telling Sidney what I’ve said, and then listening to her lecture me.”
“Do you think you deserve to be lectured?”
“Probably.” One drawer contained nothing but sexy lingerie. Yeah, this story was still something she was still in control of. She really hoped Virtue wasn’t also reading the damn page. He was probably too polite to casually cheat like his brother, however.
“Then…I can guess what the topic was about.”
“Please don’t cheat. I don’t need to recite more random lists in my head. That was annoying enough once.”
“I don’t need to cheat, Sasha. He’s my brother. I know him. And I’ve seen this happen before.”
“See what happen before?” Another drawer, and nothing useful in it. Sighing, she went for another. Books. Who put books in a damn drawer?
“People who get confused. Mistake their time with him for something else. Think that he gets…close to them. When he can’t.”
That made her stop. She turned to look at him. “Can’t?”
“Can’t. He can’t have feelings for people, Sasha. It’s not possible. It’s not who or what he is.”
“Can you?” That was the logical next question, wasn’t it?
“Of course.” He paused. “Often…too much. Too easily. I’m written to fall in love with the ones I protect. It’s who I am. I…love Sidney.”
Why did that feel like a punch to the gut? Why did that feel terrible to her? Of course Virtue loved her. Of course, he did. That was who he was, just like he said. That was what he was designed to do.
But that was also who Sidney was.
Sidney was always loved. Always adored. Always the life of the room.
“I’m so happy for you both.” The words were dry in her mouth as she turned back to her search for the magnifying glass.
“You don’t believe me.”
“I do believe you. Why would you lie?”
“Then you think I don’t mean it.”
“I never said that, either.”
“Then why do you sound so upset?”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she kept her back to him. She wiped them away and refused to show him that she had cried at all. “I fucking hate Wonderland and I want to get out of this fucking story, Virtue.”
Silence.
She went back to digging through drawers.
It was a few minutes later that she finally found what she was looking for.
“Gotcha.” She pulled out the antique-looking magnifying glass. Turning to Virtue, she picked up the saucer with him and his horse on it, and walked out to the hallway. “This…I honestly don’t know if this will work, but it’s my idea, so it should work.”
“That is the best part of stories like these.”
“Right.” To her, it was also the worst.
She held the magnifying glass so the metal rim was touching the floor, but the glass was in front of him and his horse like a portal. “Okay. I. Well? If you could go Through the Looking Glass, then you can go Through the Magnifying Glass.”
He laughed. “Clever.” Kicking his horse in the sides, he shouted a very tiny “hiyah!” and rode toward the glass as fast as he could.
It would either work, or he was going to splatter himself against the magnifying glass in the worst way.
Virtue’s horse jumped.
Watching someone on a horse come out the other side of a magnifying glass was…
A kind of body horror…
That Sasha did not need living in her head.
It was all limbs and distortion and…
She tried not to throw up.
It seemed it wasn’t terribly pleasant for either Virtue or his horse, as they both looked queasy.
His horse had a forty-yard stare of a creature that had seen into the abyss and was now very well aware of its own place in the universe and was deeply wishing for that knowledge to be removed.
But they were full size. A man, on a horse, in white armor, standing in the middle of a hallway. At least it was a castle, so it was a large hallway.
Virtue plonked his helmet onto his head, and drew his sword. “I shall save your sister, and strike down the wicked Queen of Hearts!”
He kicked his feet into the sides of his horse, taking off down the hallway, sending guards screaming and falling back into the walls as he did.
It was only after Virtue was gone that a thought occurred to Sasha.
If the Queen of Hearts was dead…
What would they do to the King of Hearts?