Chapter 19
I blinked awake, my vision slowly focusing on the familiar intricate patterns adorning the ceiling of my bedchamber. The ornate feminine golden and lilac swirls danced before my eyes, a stark contrast to the bright white and golden walls of Anderic’s room that lingered in my memory. Had I merely hallucinated waking up there?
What a terrible thing to hallucinate!
Before I could ponder further, Laurel’s concerned face swam into view. Her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, her usually neat braid disheveled. She didn’t even let me say anything and launched into a torrent of words as soon as I was awake, her voice trembling.
“Oh, my lady! You’re awake! We’ve all been so worried sick about you. You’ve been unconscious for days, and the healers weren’t sure if… if you’d…,” she choked back a sob. “And then Prince Anderic brought you here himself, looking like he’d seen a ghost. He wouldn’t let anyone else touch you or see you, my lady. I wasn’t even allowed to see you. I didn’t even know how you were doing. And then the Queen herself came to check on you, and Lord Elyas has been pacing outside the palace for hours, and—”
“Ilyana,” I croaked, my throat feeling like I’d swallowed sand.
Laurel abruptly stopped her lecture, blinking in confusion. “What?”
I managed a weak smile. “I told you to call me Ilyana, not ‘my lady.’”
Laurel’s lower lip quivered, and before I knew it, she had enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed, her words muffled against my shoulder.
“I thought I’d lost you, my la— Ilyana. When they brought you in, so pale and lifeless, I couldn’t bear it. You’ve been so kind to me lately, and I… I couldn’t imagine serving anyone else. Please don’t ever scare me like that again!”
Even though her grip was squeezing the life out of me, something in my heart warmed. I almost choked on the emotions welling up inside me. To feel so cared for, so loved by someone other than my parents… it was overwhelming. If not for the exile, I still wouldn’t have treated her well. I didn’t deserve her kindness and friendship. To think we’d become so close in such a short amount of time… maybe we were always meant to be friends but my arrogance came in between. I hugged Laurel back, ignoring the twinge of pain in my muscles.
I’ll always cherish this friendship. I vowed in my mind.
After a while, Laurel composed herself and helped me sit up, propping pillows behind my back. She busied herself with pouring me a cup of tea, her hands still shaking slightly. I took a careful sip, relishing the warmth spreading through my body.
“Laurel,” I said, setting the cup down. “What exactly happened? I know I was poisoned, but…”
She nodded, wringing her hands. “Yes, my la— Ilyana. It was at the Queen’s tea party. You drank that wine, and then…,” her eyes welled up again. “Prince Anderic saved you. He carried you in his arms, looking absolutely frantic. I’ve never seen him like that before. He was shouting orders left and right, demanding the best healers in the kingdom.”
Like a bolt of lightning, fragments of memories flashed through my mind. Anderic’s face, usually so composed, twisted with worry. His arms around me, strong and secure. And… oh no. My thoughts.
“Laurel,” I asked, trying not to sound suspicious. “Did I… say anything while Prince Anderic was carrying me? Anything at all? You were beside me, right? You must have heard if I said anything?”
Laurel tilted her head, thinking, her eyes narrowed at me. I quickly schooled my expression. Damn! This girl is way too perceptive. “Well, you were mumbling quite a bit. But no, I wasn’t close enough to hear anything properly. Prince Anderic seemed very interested in that part but mostly he looked furious. Why?”
I closed my eyes, fighting back a groan.
I did not voice my poison-addled thoughts, did I? I only thought those because I thought I would die for sure.
No, I’d have to go ahead believing I didn’t say it. Otherwise, it would keep me awake nights at end. Out of mind, out of… whatever.
“Oh!” Laurel exclaimed, her eyes widening. “I remember you said something. Something about Prince Anderic having beautiful mesmerizing eyes, like ‘the tranquil blue of a mountain lake.’ Those were your exact words, Ilyana.”
I choked on my tea, coughing, and spluttering. “I said WHAT?”
Laurel nodded enthusiastically, a small smile playing on her lips. “Oh yes, and you also mentioned something about his hair being ‘spun from sunlight itself.’ It was quite quite romantic, really.”
“Laurel,” I said weakly, “you can stop messing with me now.”
Her smile widened, eyes glinting.
I wanted to sink into my mattress and disappear. Even though she was joking, she wasn’t far away from the truth. How could I have thought those disturbingly mortifying things? And Anderic, of all people! The man who was convinced I was some kind of criminal mastermind just yesterday, and he probably still thought like that too.
“But in all honesty though, I have never seen the cool, aloof prince so frantic. I approve.”
“Approve what?”
“You can elope with Prince Anderic. You have my approval for that.”
“What?!” My eyes almost came out of my socket. “Why are we even talking about this? This is ridiculous.”
Laurel gave me a flat stare as she started folding my clothes, the ones I had sent for alteration. “Don’t give me that look. We both know that you want out of this marriage and what’s a better way out of it than eloping with a certain prince who probably has feelings for you? Also with how many times Lord Noah has been to see you-” judging by her expression it wasn’t that many, “I really don’t see any problem.”
I sighed. It was better to let her in on my plans. Looking at the gentle sunrays playing through the windows, I started telling her my plans. “I do want out and I also have plans for my future but it doesn’t involve Prince Anderic. I’ll divorce Noah.”
Laurel gasped, looking scandalized. “Divorce? How can you say such things?”
I rolled my eyes. “Did you simply think I could elope with the Prince without divorcing Noah? Or were you hoping for Noah to disappear into thin air? Anyway, divorcing is not even that scandalous anymore.”
Laurel still looked conflicted as she said, “I know it’s more accepted nowadays but everyone would still make fun of you. I just wish you had realized your lack of love before you married.” I wish too, Laurel. Along with many other things.
“Well, it wouldn’t matter since I’ll leave the capital with my family and go to the countryside and live peacefully in a small manor. I’ll either farm or cook, I haven’t decided yet.”
I heard a thump and as I looked up, I saw Laurel hurrying to me with a concern in her eyes. She started checking my head. “What are you doing?”
She was checking the back of my head as she replied, “You don’t seem to have any injury on your head. Are you sure you didn’t hurt your head when you fell?”
I gave her a look.
“You can’t keep any plants alive, Ilyana. Remember when Lord Elyas brought that exotic spiny plant from his trip to the Southern lands? You managed to kill that plant too and it could live for months without water.”
I scowled at her and crossed my arms, not ready to accept defeat. “I can learn.”
“And what about this ‘cooking’ you’ve been saying about? I’ve been by your side since we were children. You never stepped foot in the kitchen.” She said mirroring my posture.
“You weren’t there all the time. I sneaked around at night.”
“You sleep like the dead.”
“No. I don’t,” I did.
“Yes, you do.”
“That’s what I made everyone believe.”
She clearly didn’t look fully convinced. I quickly changed the subject and asked her how long I was unconscious, noticing the altered dress on the floor which she dropped in her haste to mock my incompetence of growing trees.
“Two weeks.” Laurel went back to folding my dresses. “Everyone was so worried.”
This time I really did choke on my tea, sputtering and coughing as the hot liquid went down the wrong pipe. Laurel rushed to my side, patting my back with a concerned frown. She gave me a napkin, her eyes understanding.
I blinked at Laurel, wiping my mouth as I struggled to process her words. “Two weeks? I’ve been out for two whole weeks?”
She nodded solemnly, her fingers nimbly folding one of my newly altered dresses. “Yes, Ilyana. It’s been that long. You almost didn’t make it.”
It dawned on me how severe the situation I had put myself in truly was.
“What about the charity event?” I managed to croak out between coughs. “It was supposed to be a week ago.”
Laurel’s brow furrowed. “Oh, that. It was canceled, what with the palace being on high alert and crawling with soldiers. But don’t fret,” she added, misinterpreting my wide-eyed look of alarm, “they’re planning to hold it alongside the Spring Festival instead.”
Her words did nothing to calm the rising tide of panic in my chest. The poisoning was supposed to happen at the charity event, yet it had taken place two weeks early. The future had changed significantly, and my stomach churned at the implications. There was another major event scheduled for the Spring Festival in my past life. What if that had changed too?
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. The only advantage in this life I had was my knowledge of the future, but if that too was slipping away… I needed to plan for the inevitable.
Was I already giving up? No, I was too stubborn for that. If I couldn’t control the main events, then I’d take advantage of the surrounding things.
“Laurel,” I said, my voice steadier than I felt, “get the carriage ready. I need to meet with Annalise.”
Before Laurel could respond, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and promptly fell like a bag of sand. My legs, weak from two weeks of disuse, immediately buckled beneath me. I crashed to the floor in a most undignified heap, my nightgown tangling around my legs.
Ah yes, how very ladylike. I’m sure this will strike fear into the hearts of my enemies.
Laurel let out a small shriek and rushed to my side, helping me back onto the bed with a strength that didn’t match her slight frame. “My lady!” she scolded, reverting to formality in her distress. “You mustn’t be so hasty! You’re still weak from the poison.”
I sighed—a habit I seemed to be developing lately—as frustration bubbled up inside me. I hated feeling this helpless, this vulnerable. “Fine,” I grumbled, allowing her to tuck me back into bed like a petulant child.
Laurel’s expression softened, her eyes reading me too well. “As for Annalise, she’s sent a few letters while you were unconscious. I can fetch them for you if you’d like.”
I nodded eagerly. “Yes, Please do. It’s not like I have anything else to do besides stare at these walls.”
“Oh, there are a few more letters from your well-wishers too,” she said, her tone suspiciously light. She disappeared from the room for a moment, then returned… dragging an enormous burlap sack behind her.
I stared at the sack, then at Laurel, then back at the sack. “Good heavens, Laurel. Did Annalise write me a novel?”
Laurel grunted as she hauled the monstrosity into the room. “Your letters, my lady. There were too many to keep on the table, so I had to put them in a sack.”
I gaped at the sheer volume of correspondence. It seemed I wouldn’t be bored for the next few days, at least.
“What’s with the sack, anyway? Couldn’t you have used a more… practical method of transport?”
She huffed, finally managing to drag it to the foot of my bed. “You might not know but for us commoners, this sack is very versatile.”
I eyed that sack suspiciously.
“So, let’s get started.”
* * *
I sighed dramatically as I set aside yet another letter, this one from Lady Amberley gushing about her concern for my wellbeing. How touching. I’m sure her worry had nothing to do with the fact that I was now the most talked-about lady in court.
“Laurel,” I called out, waving the perfumed parchment. “Add this to the ‘polite rejection’ pile, would you?”
My faithful handmaiden appeared, taking the letter with a knowing smile. I had been sorting through this pile of letters since yesterday, mostly from my mother. I needed to meet Annalise, her letters had been very insightful. “Of course, my lady. Shall I compose the usual response? ‘Lady Ilyana graciously thanks you for your kind words but regrets she is still too unwell for visitors’?”
“Perfect. Though perhaps add something about looking forward to seeing them at the Spring Festival. No need to burn all our bridges just yet.”
As Laurel began penning the response, I picked up the next letter in the seemingly endless stack. The elegant script on the envelope made me pause.
“Laurel,” I said slowly, “why is there a letter from Lady Seraphina in this pile?”
My maid’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh! I forgot to mention. She came by yesterday, asking about your health. She even brought cookies.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And where are these cookies now?”
“In the rubbish can, where all potential poisons belong,” Laurel replied primly with a straight face.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Good girl. Though I doubt Seraphina would be quite so obvious. Still, her sudden concern is… intriguing.” Especially after the show a certain blue-eyed prince put on that day.
Her concern for me was actually concerning me. As if I didn’t already have enough problems, now another one had landed right in my lap.
Before I could ponder further on Seraphina’s motives, a sharp knock echoed through the room.
“Her Majesty the Queen has arrived!” a voice announced, and I barely had time to smooth my hair before the door swung open.
Queen Felicia swept in, resplendent in a gown of deep purple. I moved to rise, but she waved me back down with a gentle smile.
“No need for formalities, my dear. Please be comfortable.”
“But-”
I tried to protest but she gave me a stern look, daring me to oppose her. “We’re family now, after all. So, no need for all of that.”
I blinked in surprise at her words. Family? Since when? Oh! right, I’m married to Noah. But I schooled my features into a grateful smile as she settled onto the chaise lounge near my bed.
“Your Majesty, I’m honored by your visit,” I said, my voice carefully modulated to convey both respect and warmth but inside I was panicking again. Why was she here? It couldn’t be simply to check on my health.
Laurel served both of us tea and joined Queen Felicia’s maids near the doors.
The Queen’s sharp eyes studied me, and I fought the urge to squirm under her gaze but then she gave me a gentle smile. “How are you feeling, Ilyana? I’ve been terribly worried.”
“Much better now, thank you,” I replied, wondering what exactly she wanted. The Queen had never shown much interest in me in the past. So, I really had no prior knowledge to help me through this. “Though I fear I’ve caused quite a stir.”
Queen Felicia’s lips curved into a small smile. “Oh, you have no idea, my dear. But we’ll discuss all that later. For now, I want to talk to you… alone.” She leaned forward, her voice dropping conspiratorially.
“I said alone!” the Queen snapped, her voice sharp enough to cut glass when the maids weren’t quick enough to vacate.
Our maids scurried out like mice fleeing a sinking ship except for Lady Amelia, leaving me alone with Her Majesty. The heavy oak door closed with an ominous thud.
Queen Felicia took a delicate sip from her teacup, her eyes roaming over my chambers. I waited, my heart pounding against my ribs like a caged bird. What could she possibly want? This couldn’t be a simple visit to check my health. I was waiting with bated breath to see what she would ask but when she finally said something it wasn’t what I was expecting.
“This room hasn’t changed much,” she mused, her gaze lingering on the lilac tapestries.
I blinked, caught off guard. “You’ve been here before, Your Majesty?”
A ghost of a smile played on her lips. “Oh yes, many times. A long time ago, when I wasn’t married to Arnald. This was my room when I first came to court.”
I wanted to ask her how but I didn’t have to, she continued, “Do you know how I ended up as the queen?”
I shook my head, feeling frustrated for my past actions yet again. I never really needed to know, so I never bothered. And wasn’t that just the epitome of my past arrogance?
Queen Felicia nodded, seemingly unsurprised, a faraway look in her eyes. “It isn’t widely known, but I wasn’t in the candidacy for the new crown princess. My family was from the north, in Valeraine. We were more of a merchant family than noble. Our family business wasn’t doing well at that time and I came to the capital to support the business.” No wonder it wasn’t easy to fool the queen, she was a merchant herself.
The Queen smiled to herself, her eyes meeting mine. “My family didn’t agree, though.”
“Why?” I blurted out, curiosity overriding decorum. Then it hit me - of course, her family didn’t agree, she had been a noble lady, after all. Working wasn’t something they did. My mind had briefly slipped back to my exile, where work meant survival. Silly me.
“Noble ladies weren’t expected to work,” Queen Felicia explained, confirming my realization. “It didn’t matter that we were lesser nobles and barely surviving. Image meant more than survival to them. But I couldn’t let my siblings starve.”
I nodded, feeling a strange kinship with this woman I’d previously dismissed as just another royal figurehead I’d need to win over. The room suddenly felt smaller, more intimate.
“That’s why, when I became Queen, I always encouraged women from every background to work and make a name for themselves,” she continued, her voice carrying a hint of pride. “And that’s how the Vermilion Circle was created.”
My eyes widened. The Vermilion Circle - that exclusive guild for women artisans and merchants? It was very exclusive and thus very secretive. Not much is known outside that you have to be successful and a woman to be part of it. Madame Primrose was part of it too. Rumors had it that Lady Minerva was the head of the guild and the queen often visited her. It now made sense if her majesty had a hand in creating it.
I nodded, impressed despite myself. To say that I was impressed would be an understatement. “That’s remarkable, Your Majesty.”
She waved off my compliment with a graceful hand. “Anyway, I took over my father’s business and came to the capital to trade, that’s when we met. One thing led to another and I ended up in this very room.”
I was wondering what was the point of this story when she spoke again, “So, what’s supposed to happen will always happen, my dear.”
I nodded, thrown by the sudden shift in conversation. What’s with the cryptic message? Before I could ponder it further, she changed tacks again.
“Have you seen Anderic?” she asked innocently.
Speechless. I had been rendered speechless.
The question caught me so off guard that I forgot what I was about to say.
She took another delicate sip of her tea while I squirmed, trying to say something comprehensible. Like mother, like son. I should have known where Anderic got his flair for making me squirm.
A traitorous flush crept up my neck as I scrambled for a response. “I… I think… that is… I haven’t.”
I felt like a butterfly pinned to a board under Queen Felicia’s scrutiny.
“I remember when Anderic, Noah, and Sebastian were so close growing up,” she mused, her eyes taking on a faraway look. “They were practically inseparable. And you, my dear, always trailing after them like a determined little shadow.”
I blinked, caught off guard by yet another sudden shift in conversation. I was getting whiplash from this talk.
The Queen sighed, her fingers tracing the rim of her teacup. “How quickly those days went by. Within a blink, you children grew up.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. What was she trying to say? Was I reading too much into her words?
“Your Majesty,” I began cautiously, “Did you want to say anything else—”
“Oh, of course, my dear,” she interrupted, her eyes suddenly sharp and focused. “You understand me far more than you let on, don’t you?”
My polite smile froze on my face.
We’re finally getting into the real conversation.
The tension in the room thickened, and I found myself wishing for the simplicity of dodging rotten vegetables in Outlaw’s Den. At least there, I knew where I stood.
I felt like I was treading on thin ice, each word a potential misstep that could plunge me into icy depths. The Queen’s piercing gaze seemed to penetrate my very thoughts, and I fought to keep my face neutral.
“I sincerely wanted to thank you, Ilyana,” she said, her voice warm but her eyes sharp. “So don’t worry.”
Damn. Nothing escapes this woman’s notice, does it? I thought, internally cringing at how easily she’d read my panic.
“It was nothing, really,” I replied, my voice steady despite the hammering of my heart. “I’m grateful that it was me and not you who ended up drinking it,” I tried to pass it off as if I didn’t know about the poison being in the cup and it was totally a coincidence.
Please believe me . I prayed to whatever gods might be listening.
The Queen’s lips curved into a small smile as she shook her head. “I don’t know how you knew about the poison, but I really am grateful to you. Even after knowing, you still drank it yourself. You could have died. But you didn’t fear for your life.”
The fear of your son was greater than the poison, I thought wryly, but kept that particular gem to myself.
“I wouldn’t ask you how you knew since you are determined not to acknowledge it,” she continued, her voice taking on a more serious tone. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but she raised a hand, cutting me off. “But I really am here to thank you. What do you want as a reward?”
I blinked, caught off guard by her directness. My mind raced through possibilities, weighing the potential benefits against the risks. Finally, I decided on honesty - or at least, as much honesty as I dared.
“Normally, I would say there’s no need for a reward and show you my humbleness,” I began, “but I’m not going to lie. I really do need it,” I hesitated, aware of the delicate balance I was trying to maintain. “If it’s possible, can I tell you what I want later?”
Queen Felicia nodded, a hint of approval in her eyes. “Very well,” she said, smoothing her gown as she stood. She gave me one last enigmatic smile before turning to leave, Lady Amelia close behind.
As the door clicked shut behind them, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. The room suddenly felt larger, the air less stifling. I leaned back against my pillows, my mind whirling with the implications of our conversation.
Well, that went… surprisingly well .