Chapter 2 #2
“Girl, you just saw me, but Mommy missed you too.” I managed to close the door behind me while she continued to give me sloppy kisses, fighting for my attention as I tripped over her on my way to the kitchen.
With her as my sidekick, every day was made better.
“Alright. I’ll get you a treat and if you’re a very good girl, you’ll get to see Uncle Landen. ”
She was now beside herself, squealing more than when I’d opened the door. She was a people dog. I was an animal person. A match made in heaven.
I turned on a few lights, including the outside flood and within two minutes, he was pulling next to my truck.
“Alright. Hold down the fort until I get the fawn settled.” In being able to talk to my dog, I didn’t feel nearly as lonely as I’d be in living by myself on a ranch far away from people. But I liked it that way, learning to handle most issues without needing help.
I rolled my eyes as I opened the door. Every time I lied to myself, I was hopeful I’d finally believe I was Superwoman.
I sucked at it.
“Sorry about the light. What happened?”
“Someone hit her with a vehicle and left her there.” As gruff of a man as I knew Landen to be, he was gentle with all creatures.
He was a man with a past himself, and stories to tell involving my father that I honestly had no heart to listen to.
My dad had been a young man during the horrific time of 9-11 in New York, a firefighter who’d been stationed alongside Landen at the sight of the rubble and massacre.
Even now, I shuddered from the memories.
My father had been more affected than Landen, quitting not long after the rubble had been cleared. He’d turned his love of people into a love of animals, which I’d learned from him.
“What about her mama?”
“She was there, but I couldn’t grab her,” he told me while kicking the door shut. “I’ll go back and try.”
“You won’t find her. Maybe when the fawn is better, we can take her back there. Ah, baby. Let’s see if we can get you fixed up.”
I led the way to my clinic inside the only building I’d managed to fully renovate. Fortunately, I had no other overnight guests for the evening. “Get her on the table. If you don’t mind, you’ll need to hold her.”
“Of course,” he said, grinning that I’d asked him for his help for once.
As I stroked the baby’s fur, I could tell she was missing her mother. I longed to share with her that so was I. I got everything ready, setting up an IV so she’d sleep without pain.
“Did you hear about the fire in town at the recreational store?” I asked.
“I heard. It wasn’t the same thing, honey. Caused by faulty wiring. Because of the ammunition inside as well as the huge propane tanks for refilling them for grills, the fire burned way too hot for the firefighters to make a dent. Stop worrying.”
“I’m trying.”
He shook his head. The man would forever worry about me.
A few minutes later, I realized he was staring at me. “What?”
“Do you realize I’ve never watched you work? Maybe I should come around more often.”
Hearing the lilt in his voice, I lifted my gaze. “Nice try, but I’m just fine. You don’t need to worry about me. Aren’t you busy with this fantastic training camp you have?”
He burst into laughter. “The camp would be more successful if we had more applicants for the smokejumpers.”
“I would have thought tough guys would be chomping at the bit.”
“Not with the pay being so low and them needing another job. But we found a couple new recruits who I think will make excellent additions to the team.”
“Well, that’s good. Where did you find them?” There was something about his hesitation that dragged my attention away from the sweet fawn. “Is that a secret?”
“Just found them around.”
I cleaned the wound, thankful the injury wasn’t too serious. “I know that tone. What are you hiding?”
After taking a step away, I could tell he was still debating. “One from an ongoing training program in Idaho.”
“The other?”
“Well, there’s a program in a few prisons where they select candidates to help the firefighters. They gain experience with wildland firefighting. Most aren’t qualified for the team, but one was brought to my attention.”
Wildland firefighting was dangerous, but a smokejumper’s role was treacherous.
I knew why the hesitation and while there would always be a slight twinge of pain from hearing about any prisoner, I couldn’t hold what had happened to my parents against every inmate who’d served their time.
“Stop it, Uncle Landen.” He hated when I called him that, which I only did when he was driving me crazy.
“I didn’t think. I shouldn’t have told you. Maybe I shouldn’t have allowed the man to be hired.”
“Nonsense. I love you to death, Uncle Landen, but you’re driving me crazy.
What happened to Mom and Dad was tragic, horrific and I miss them every day, but I can’t and won’t blame the world for their deaths.
That’s no way to live my life. I have my practice, this budding little sanctuary that one day I’m determined will be filled with animals.
I have my friends. I’m happy. Can’t you tell I’m happy? ”
“While you’re a strong-willed girl, which is no help to my sleepless nights, you’re a terrible liar.”
“Thank you so much. I love you too. And I’m serious.
” As I finished the stitches, I shifted my gaze to the fawn’s face and muzzle.
She’d need bottle feeding if I couldn’t get her back to her mother soon.
In some crazy way, keeping the little fawn would keep my spirits up, preventing me from wallowing in self-pity in front of the television with a pound of dark chocolate.
Which my thighs definitely didn’t need.
“Why don’t you come to dinner tomorrow night?”
On the day I was christened and Landen had been made my godfather, he’d made a promise to my mom and dad that he would take his job in caring about me seriously.
Even if doing so meant interfering with my life.
The two men had endured horrors most people couldn’t stand watching on television let alone harbor the memories for life, so I understood. But I was feeling weary of being reminded that life was precious.
Maybe I was nothing but an ungrateful little twit, but I’d learned to be independent a long time ago.
“Why don’t I stop by on Sunday and bring my famous carrot cake that Shannon loves so much?”
His laugh could fill a room with the boisterous, happy sound, making everyone inside feel as if they were special.
But I could see the pain in his eyes even after all these years.
“She would love that. But if you don’t show, I’m sending the entire Zullies team after you.
And those boys are like dogs with beef-flavored bones. ”
The infamous Zullies. A smoke-jumping team that was the pride of Missoula. If they were a hockey team, the entire country would be rooting them on. “So, tell me about this hot guy you hired?” I couldn’t help teasing him. He was far too easy to annoy.
With his finger pointed at my face, he gave me his most impressive fatherly look. “Do not even think about trying to find out who he is. I forbid it.”
“You forbid, huh?” I asked in my sassy voice as I removed the bloody gloves. “Then I definitely need to meet this man.”
“You are incorrigible. What about the fawn?”
“I think you did a very good thing. She’ll be just fine. Maybe by Sunday she’ll be ready to release.”
“That would be great. Do you want me to stick around, walk you back to your house?”
Now I cocked my head, making an ugly face like a monster that would crawl from the shadows or from underneath a bed. “There were no mass murderers hiding in the bushes. Besides, Ellie May would hunt them down for her favorite burger. Speaking of which. You need to go see her before you leave.”
“She might disappear one day.”
“You know exactly what will happen if you dare try. I have a mean right hook.” Which I did. My mother had told me never to tell a lie.
Just thinking about my mom brought another wave of sadness, but I refused to allow Landen to see. I’d never get rid of him.
He left a few minutes later and I settled the fawn in a cage, making note of the time so I could come check on her in a few hours.
When the little girl was settled, I stood just outside her cage with my arms folded and my breath hitched.
She was so helpless, needing the kind of comfort I couldn’t provide.
If I couldn’t find her mother, the fawn’s chances of survival were slim.
Wildlife had a special system of nurturing, but was it so unlike that of the human bond?
I don’t know why my heart was heavier tonight, perhaps because I’d yet to finish packing the boxes intended for Goodwill.
I’d considered selling a few items, a couple of prized antiques that were my mother’s favorites, but I couldn’t stand to part with them.
The same went for her favorite quilt made by my grandmother’s hands.
My mom used to snuggle up to the festively designed blanket during long cold winter nights.
My dad used to tease her about adoring the quilt more than him.
The silly thought brought a smile even as I lowered to the floor, crossing my legs.
My dad was like every other man. Challenging.
But dear God, my mother had loved him with all her heart.
I’d heard one too many stories about their love affair, the once in a lifetime meeting that could have never occurred if not for a freak accident.
She’d taken the wrong road, which had led her into Missoula, her face buried in a paper map, so she didn’t see the car in front of her. The rearend collision wasn’t horrific, but they’d been forced to strike up a conversation. One thing had led to another and she never left.
If only I could find a love affair so strong.
Not in a million years.
Unless aliens took over the earth. Then maybe the slim pickings would be boosted by little green men with huge dicks. And blue. And purple. Bronze.
I eased my hand through the metal bars, stroking the fur on the fawn’s leg, and I remained there for fifteen minutes or so.
Time to head home, relax a little, and try to get a couple of hours’ sleep. Maybe.
Or maybe I’d lose myself in a good book and a tall glass of wine. With a scoop of ice cream. Now we were talking.
I left a warm light on as well as a little music before I left. As I walked toward the house, I was able to feel a little warmth deep inside as well. There was nothing quite like being able to help animals.
The floodlight snapped on, forcing me to wince. Jesus. I would need to shift the direction of the bulb. I shaded my eyes to keep from becoming blind and continued on.
Well, look at that. Landen had managed to fix the light on the porch. I was only a few yards from the house when a strange set of sensations washed over me.
I’d experienced them before after returning home, but had thought it was simply from being in the location where my parents had lost their lives.
As I stopped and took a deep breath, my skin began to crawl.
The sensations weren’t just about the creepy-crawlies, but as if someone was standing right behind me and I could feel the scalding heat of their whispered breath.
With slow and steady movements, I turned around, holding my breath the entire time. With the floodlight on the side of the house working, a stark beam drifted about thirty feet away.
Toward the corral and the horses.
Toward the working barn.
Toward the veterinary clinic.
And toward the burned-out hull where…
A cold, intense shiver tore through me. I could swear someone was out there. Watching.
Waiting.
Preparing.
No. No. No.
I backed away a few steps before turning and bolting toward the front door, jumping on the porch with a giant leap. Ellie May didn’t have any time to react before I was inside, and had slammed and locked the door.
She whimpered first before lunging like a horse toward me. This time, I was glad her heavy body pitched me to the door.
“Oh, girl. Thank God you’re here.” Visions and memories flooded my mind as soon as I closed my eyes. Every time it happened, I cried. I’d be damned if I was going to do that this time.
Not a chance.
With a hard suck of my breath, I nodded toward the kitchen. Time for her kibble and my wine.
Five minutes later, the huge wineglass was in one hand, a bowl of ice cream in the other, and I was headed toward the family room, where I’d used my mama’s quilt to keep from freezing to death.
I’d wanted to work on a few paintings tonight, but I just wasn’t in the mood.
I hadn’t experienced a good cry in almost a week. Maybe I was overdue.
Painting pictures of animals usually soothed me. Maybe tomorrow.
After I had everything settled, the television remote in my hand, the fireplace caught my eye.
I had no idea why. Since I’d returned and after the initial walk through where I’d cried the entire time, I rarely noticed the pictures that would end up stored in a box for when I had children.
What was I saying? Children? Me? Not a chance.
You’d need a man for that.
Yet something drew me to the various frames collected over the years, a little hobby my mother had.
Everywhere they went, she purchased a frame, which commemorated the trip forever.
I scanned the line of them, the same tightness in my chest I’d experienced one too many times threatening to suffocate me.
One picture caught my eye. It was of the three of us.
The last vacation I’d gone on with them.
Another set of beautiful memories skipped through my mind.
With a shaking hand, I lifted the picture with such delicacy as if fearing it would break.
My heart was heavy, a light fog drifting across my brain and as I traced my mother’s face, a single tear slipped past my lashes.
My mother’s face was pensive, her eyes pinned on whoever was taking the photograph.
I hadn’t noticed before, but she seemed afraid. I’d thought it was about the trip. That had been the Christmas I’d come home from college and we’d taken a cruise. We’d had a great time. Hadn’t we?
Another series of icy sensations crawled through me.
Why did it seem as if she was trying to tell me something?
And had that something led to my parents’ murders?