Chapter 9
Grace
How many people were determined to adhere to their convictions while suffering in the process?
That was the question I’d asked myself all day long.
Even with the passion shared with one sizzling hot man, after he’d left and I’d awakened all alone, I’d told myself it was for the best because a relationship wasn’t in my plans. And no matter the lack of organization inside my house, I was a woman with a plan that would be followed.
Lists had been made, typed into my laptop.
Grant applications had been alphabetized.
A new website was close to being finished.
Other social media sites had been created for both my practice and the sanctuary.
And another message left for Darlene’s father, who just happened to be the chief of police, a man determined to ignore me.
See? With daily alone time, I could mark a significant number of items off my to-do list.
Why did it seem as if I was being stared at? Blinking until my mind came back into focus, I realized I was right. My girlfriends were glaring at me.
“Are you okay?” Darlene asked with her usual furrowed brows.
“I’m fine. Why?”
“Because you are completely distracted.” Cassie cocked her pretty blonde head, her expression accusatory.
“Just tired. I’m not sleeping well.” At least I wasn’t lying. My muscles ached and every time I moved, the stiff material of the shorts shifted back and forth across my butt. I’d been stupid enough to wear a thong and the movement was a forced reminder of the spanking.
A spanking.
Now that had never occurred before.
When the two women winked at each other, I made a face. “Not like that. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Well, do you like it?” Cassie pointed to the artistic piece leaning against the wall.
“This is just… amazing,” I said as I stood back from the incredible gift. “You didn’t need to do this.”
Darlene giggled while Cassie Cross, a new friend and a woman who’d been a godsend with both the veterinary clinic and listening to my crazy thoughts about the sanctuary did a little wiggle and dance.
“We were hoping you’d say that.” Cassie’s face beamed.
“I can’t believe you did this for me. And it’s not even my birthday.” When I sniffed as if crying, which I also was doing, both women offered pouty looks.
“Aahhh…” they both said at the same time, opening their arms as I jogged toward them.
“Group hug!” Darlene insisted.
Maybe I was shedding a tear or two.
Not just because of their kindness and how thankful I was in having friends.
Sadness had hung around me all day long, disrupting my thoughts, my plans, and had even prevented me from enjoying my one day off.
This time the despair hadn’t been all about what had happened with my parents, but also that I’d allowed Viper to leave.
Without saying goodbye.
Without asking for his phone number or at least hinting around at wondering if he wanted mine.
Without making it known I wouldn’t mind seeing him again.
While nothing had been said about getting together even for just a cup of coffee, and in truth I hadn’t wanted to start anything, now I wasn’t so certain.
Yes, I’d placed dozens of layers of protection around myself and I was right in doing so.
That didn’t mean my inner voice wasn’t continuing her barrage of nagging me to no end.
I’d reminded myself that any involvement with Viper wasn’t a good idea, and I’d all but convinced myself I was right. But every time I thought about something he’d said, which had been kept to a minimum, or an image of his face popped into my mind, I became flushed.
“Such a little softie,” Cassie murmured, breaking the spell.
All three of us finally broke into giggles. I pulled away and Cassie grabbed her wine first.
“Toast. We need a toast,” she said while lifting her glass.
“Yes, we do.” Darlene was much more enthusiastic than she’d been about the sanctuary the first time I’d mentioned the idea to her. Granted, she knew more about what my parents hadn’t done as far as maintenance work than I did. Still, I’d been disappointed when she’d insisted I’d lost my mind.
There were days when the loneliness and despair threatened to keep me locked inside the house when I’d thought the same thing. Then a piece of art like the one in front of me was an electric boost to my system.
Tonight, I’d needed it desperately.
A single tear finally fell as I snagged my wine, waiting as Cassie thought of something dramatic or poetic to say.
“To Ellie May’s Sanctuary. Maybe the sign will bring good luck, dozens of grants, and…” Cassie’s wink meant she was up to something naughty. “And several hot alpha contractors to finish the work you need.”
Since I’d yet to tell either girl anything about my overnight guest, I had to bite my lower lip to prevent making a face.
“I’ll drink to that.” The engraved wooden sign was perfect for the entrance, a perfect mirror image of the design I’d drawn on a cocktail napkin one night when the three of us had been together. “Who created this fabulous piece?”
Cassie winked. “My brother. He tinkers around with woodworking when he’s not working at the fire station. You know, a big he-man kind of job.”
I knew exactly what the woman was doing, and I chose to ignore it.
“You’ll need to thank him for me.”
“So,” she said, managing to elongate the two little letters into a slow, southern drawl. “I could invite you both to dinner and you can thank him yourself.”
“Ah, no. But thank you,” I told the girls before taking one last sip. “I need to get back to the house. I have a long day ahead.” My mind was still a blur from the night before and I needed sleep. Someone had kept me up almost all night long.
Applying for the grants had also been on my mind. Plus, I needed to get back and check on the fawn. While she’d been a lot better, I needed to try to feed her, which hadn’t been going too well. She needed her mother.
Darlene huffed. “Party pooper.”
“Some of us need to work.”
“Very funny.”
Laughing, I placed the almost empty wineglass on the table, admiring the sign one more time.
If only I had one of those big, strapping alpha contractors to hang the sign.
And no, I was not going to ask Cassie for help from her brother.
She’d have me married off in an hour, calling me her sister-in-law immediately afterward.
“Should I drop by tomorrow?” Cassie asked. While she was a teacher at the local school, she was also an animal lover who’d worked with rescue organizations her entire life. Her help and advice had been invaluable.
“Thankfully, it should be a quiet day so I can get some paperwork done.” Or so I hoped. There always seemed to be one emergency after another. But I wouldn’t trade my life for all the gold in the world.
“Oh, I emailed you another grant application.” Cassie laughed, seeing my face. “Just one more.”
“To add to the twenty-two I still needed to finish.” Grant applications weren’t about filling out a preset number of pages, but about pouring your heart out as to what you and your organization were going to do differently from all the others.
I honestly couldn’t believe the two of them had gone to so much trouble to have a gift made for me. They had no idea how touched I was or how much I’d needed a boost to my psyche.
Between the work Viper had done on the fence and the clinic and the gorgeous sign, I almost felt as if my dream wasn’t tarnished.
Or a nightmare I’d never wake from.
There was still a lot of work to be done, but I was up to the task.
After the sign was loaded up, our goodbyes said, I heard some firecrackers going off in the distance. Great. I loathed this time of year. The horses would be skittish and Ellie May always hid under the bed. The celebration was a big deal in Missoula, much more so than in Chicago.
On a warm night, there was no reason for a chill to trickle down both arms. None.
But goosebumps popped along my arms just as I climbed in.
As if someone was watching me.
There went my crazy, way too active imagination again. About a dozen lights surrounded Cassie’s beautiful property and with the number of dogs she owned, intruders should be warned.
The four-mile drive seemed as if it took forever.
Obviously, I was just exhausted. I pulled into the driveway, stopping just before hitting the fence on either side, envisioning where I’d put the sign.
It was the perfect size, exactly the warm colors I’d wanted to use and truly was the start of continuing my father’s dream.
“What do you think, Daddy? Can I do this?” Leaning over the steering wheel, I stared up at the bright stars before closing my eyes. “I wish I may, I wish I might, wish upon a star tonight.”
How many times had my mother dragged me outside, forcing me to look at the sky? Then she’d remind me how important it was to keep wishing for anything I wanted. She’d been a firm believer in karma and a dash of magic.
What the hell. I added a wish to the long list of them that was likely floating around in the sky.
I should have wished for even one grant to come through.
Not this girl.
But I dared not admit to anyone what I’d wished for.
My mother must be smiling down at me and I did feel better. As I headed for the house, I started making yet another mental list of things that needed to get done starting bright and early.
As usual, my sweet Ellie May was barking like crazy even before I jumped from the truck. However, she was even more agitated than normal, which probably meant she’d heard the fireworks. Great. I jumped onto the porch, freezing almost instantly.
I did not just put my foot through a decking board. There was no way.
With the light next to the door working for a change, when I slowly dropped my head, I was able to see the full condition of what I was dealing with.
No, my foot hadn’t gone all the way through.
But it might as well have done so.
There went my list of priorities.