Chapter 19 #2
Then I got busy.
Only one wine turned into a second and third without eating anything.
But I accomplished a hell of a lot, more than I’d set out to do. There were boxes, including ones I’d taken the time to label and tape placed against the wall of the hallway. Going down memory lane wasn’t easy, but I’d been reminded of the girl I’d been in what seemed like a lifetime ago.
The dreamer.
The girl who planned on conquering the world.
Maybe that’s why when I’d stepped into my old bedroom, the tears had started to flow. Both from despair and the goofiness and awkwardness of being a teenager. Oh, the memories were bittersweet.
As I ripped pictures off my mirror, I groaned with every photograph because in every one of them, I had a different, even more vibrant hair color.
At least my mother hadn’t stifled my creativity, but vivid purple hair streaked with fuchsia and electric blue?
It was a wonder my teachers hadn’t gone berserk.
These were definitely going in the trash. I appeared as if I’d been auditioning for some reality show. I moved onto the insanity of items I’d kept for years tucked away in drawers. Ticket stubs to movies. Who cared any longer? Okay, well, maybe I’d keep the front row tickets for Justin Timberlake.
Between tears there was laughter.
And accomplishment.
Bags of trash had been created. I moved onto my bookshelf, groaning when seeing a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Really? My mother had allowed me to read the book as a teenager? Wait. Hadn’t my mother purchased the paperback for me? A sly smile crossed my face.
I think she had.
Maybe I’d keep that one just for old times’ sake. My visions turned a little wicked as I thought about Viper. A lot wicked. I could only imagine what he could do with some rope and a pair of handcuffs.
The thought tickled all my senses.
As I rubbed my finger across the title, my visions turned a little dirty, as if my eyes were roaming his naked body, enjoying the view on a hot summer’s day.
Oh, this was ridiculous. My smile faded as I thought about what he was doing right now. Risking his life.
My old television remained in the room. Maybe there was some news on what was happening on the mountain. After five minutes of searching for the remote, I found it in the trash. Oops. I hadn’t realized how late it was, the eleven o’clock news midway through.
“In an update on the fire on Mount Sentinel, from what we’ve been told, the fire is only twenty percent contained. However, the smokejumpers along with our brave firefighters have managed to keep the flames away from the University of Montana, which had been evacuated.”
The words coming from the reporter’s mouth sounded almost everyday, as if a raging forest fire occurred in or around the city several times a year. I hadn’t remembered hearing about fires in the mountains growing up in Missoula. Maybe I just hadn’t paid attention.
Maybe because until now, I’d never had a vested interest in paying close attention.
Viper.
I held the remote against my chest as aerial views were presented on the screen.
“We apologize, but with the wind speed and direction, our helicopters are unable to fly near the fire. But as you can see, the flames rage on.”
Fuck. The last picture was taken sometime just after sunset. While I’d been going down memory lane, he’d been risking his life.
To save mine and countless others.
I sat down on the bed, yanking an old stuffed bear into my arms. What if something happened to him? What if I wasn’t given a chance to tell him how I felt? Wait a minute. How did I feel? I wasn’t certain I had words for the series of emotions that had sparked fury and contempt, desire and sadness.
The man had run the entire gamut of pushing my limits.
And I was already thinking of him in the past tense.
What the hell was wrong with me? While I left the television on, I got back to work, yanking the stupid yearbooks I’d kept off the bookshelf.
Why my youthful, inexperienced self had believed I’d ever want to see the freakshow of my junior high and high school years was beyond me.
Most were immediately tossed into the trash, but I chose one randomly, plopping down on the bed and flipping through several pages. My God. We all looked terrible. At least I wasn’t the only one.
I continued turning the pages, going through my class of cretins, laughing harder with every goofy photograph.
Whew, the hairstyles were horrific. I also had no clue why any of the boys had seemed attractive.
As I fell back on the bed, little feet caught my attention, two dogs joining me by bounding on the bed.
“There you guys are. I thought you’d forgotten about me.
” As I was on the receiving end of lots of kisses and tail wags, I was able to laugh more easily.
There was something special about having two pups in the house.
“I know, babies. It’s getting late. Why don’t we go outside for our last walk? How about that?”
Woof.
Sailor announced his pleasure, crouching down on his front paws with his butt high in the air. He was much happier than only a few days before and had gained seven pounds.
“You are adorable. However, I think your daddy is feeding you a little too much steak.”
Woof. Woof!
Ellie’s May’s bark was a question, wondering I wasn’t doing the same with her.
“Don’t you gang up on me.” Yet they did, jumping and licking, their barks becoming incessant. As soon as they started to calm down, I stared up at the ceiling, doing what I’d tried not to do for hours.
Thinking about him.
My limbs were as heavy as my heart. Oh, why was I doing this to myself. Finally forcing myself into a sitting position, I fisted my eyes, more frustrated than before. Even the wine that was making everything else fuzzy wasn’t able to drive my anxiety away.
I headed downstairs, the dogs nearly knocking me to the first floor. I barely got the door open before they flew past me.
“Don’t go too far!” As if they were paying any attention.
I shoved my feet into shoes, yawning as I walked out into the night air.
The humidity was thicker than earlier in the day, clammy residue almost instantly covering my naked arms. Yet there was an instant of a flash of light behind a dark cloak of clouds.
Lightning. A storm was following the Clark Fork River, which the reporter had reminded everyone watching was at the base of Mount Sentinel.
While any rain might help, an electric storm would do the opposite. With the dogs romping near, I moved away from the house and the line of taller trees until I had a clearer line of sight toward the mountain. Even from several miles away, I could still see an orange glow in the sky.
Along with another array of emotions came a sense of suffocation. How could any significant other handle their lover risking their lives every time a fire exploded?
What had been a light breeze before was now whipping across the landscape and if I’d been keen on horror movies, the sudden flapping sound behind me would scare me to death. Instead, the only thing on my mind was Viper’s safe return.
Although the reason I wasn’t running scared crowded out the morbid imagination cratering my mind. There were plenty of loose pieces of siding everywhere, an easy project Viper was trying to tackle.
Viper. I had to think about him again.
After a full two minutes of mental torture, I forced myself to look away, eager to shut the world out for a little while. Not that I’d be able to sleep, but maybe dreams would abate the sickening feeling pooling in my stomach.
“Come on, guys. Let’s go inside.” Maybe the ominous atmosphere was kooky enough to bother them as both dogs came running. Chuckling, I moved toward the porch when a different noise caught my attention. Just like before.
With a slow turn of my head, I brushed hair from my face to catch sight of something in the distance.
My eyes might be playing tricks on me, but I could swear what I was looking at was a tiny little light.
More like a small orange flame.
Made from the flicker of a lighter.
Backing away, I refused to fall prey to my own fears or to a game some asshole might be playing. Including the creep at the dive bar. I also wasn’t a fool, realizing that I was far enough away from my neighbors they wouldn’t heard me scream.
Being the smart girl I’d learned to be, I headed inside the house where I locked and checked all the doors. And windows.
Not once but twice.
Now I could continue worrying in peace and quiet.
And hopefully while having filthy erotic dreams.