Chapter 21
Grace
While the vicious storm had lingered in the mountains, there’d barely been any rain in the valley. With my single client for the day arriving after lunch, I’d busied myself that morning with finalizing two grant applications and doing housework. I’d also taken a load to Goodwill.
Anything to keep my mind off the fact I’d not heard from Viper. The fire was ongoing, ravaging tremendous acreage. I’d stopped looking for new reports, trying to reassure myself the entire team knew what they were doing.
There was data on the site proving that. There’d been no deaths other than the Beckett brother in a freak accident for years.
Even that reminder didn’t make me feel any better. I was running on empty and nervous as I’d ever been. At least the last report I’d heard, between the smokejumpers and firefighters, they were finally making decent headway. With any hope, the fire would be out tonight.
While I had no idea how long he’d be gone after the fire was out, I sensed another sleepless night coming on.
I wasn’t even certain why I’d agreed to going to Ziggy’s other than that I couldn’t stand being alone any longer. The poor pups knew something was wrong, remaining cling-ons the entire day.
After showering and still wearing a towel, I pulled his to my nose.
The rich, aromatic scent lingered on the soft terry even a day and a half after his shower.
The fragrance of bergamot and sandalwood drifted to my nose.
I hadn’t even realized he owned any cologne.
In thinking he’d purchased some just for me, I was given a little thrill.
I could easily envision his sultry expression, especially if I’d challenge him about wearing something so manly.
The man easily resided in my fantasies, which had been the case the night before.
I almost felt guilty about using my vibrator to relieve my raging desire when he’d been working all night.
Not that guilty.
As I returned the towel to the rack, I allowed one more deep breath before moving in front of the mirror. I wiped the steam from the glass, catching my reflection. My eyes had always been the most expressive part of me, more so than my mouth.
They were a mixture of emotions, mostly anxiety from the consistent worry. While I smiled, there was no change, just a woman fearful of danger lurking in the shadows. My entire life had been focused, centered around one thing. Excellence.
I’d found comfort in being hardworking, extremely focused and disciplined, enough that I’d missed out on all the things people in their twenties enjoyed.
Bar hopping.
Excessive shopping.
Constant selfies added in a colorful display of whimsy highlighting every picturesque detail about my exciting life.
Only my life had never been about excitement.
In fact, what few friends I’d had in college and after graduating called me boring.
They’d stopped asking me out to dance the night away with the full intention of meeting a hot guy for a one-night stand.
They knew I’d never stand for such frivolity.
Other than reading romance, what had I ever done that anyone would consider naughty?
There was no vision board detailing my hopes for Prince Charming, no wedding dresses that were oh-so perfect but cost way too much.
There were no four thousand square foot homes located in a community where every house appeared the same.
I wasn’t that girl.
I was just… A woman on a mission to heal animals.
Maybe that’s one reason once my true desire had been awakened, there was no chance at putting the genie back in the bottle. Instead of giggling at my subtle revelation, I sighed in revolt, suddenly hating my life.
That wasn’t true.
Only my needs had changed. All because a not-so-subtle roughneck of a man had dropped into my life. Why did he feel the need to live so recklessly with his job? “Ugh.” The single word echoed in the small room and I realized I had an audience. Both dogs were lying in the doorway, crowding the spot.
At least they could bring me out of my doldrums.
“I know. A little bit wacko, right?”
They obviously weren’t in the mood to answer.
After deodorant, lotion to smooth every rough edge, and a splash of my favorite perfume that was still kept in the box, I stepped over them and headed to my room.
I’d even changed the ridiculous comforter, purchasing a new one on the way back from Goodwill. Out with the pink, in with passion purple. An adult color.
My laugh was toneless, just another annoyance at this point, but I had a good reason to feel deflated. My clothes. It looked as if I’d shopped at a thrift store. Yes, I preferred comfy clothes, pieces that if sprayed with vomit or piss, wouldn’t be ruined.
Tonight, I wanted to feel like a woman instead of a doctor. As crazy as it sounded to myself and something I wouldn’t admit to anyone, wearing pretty clothes would make me feel closer to him.
How insane was that?
Incredibly.
I dug through my clothes, yanking the hangers from one side of the closet to the other. Until I found the dress that would work. One dress that wasn’t cutesy or meant for a beach day, a little black number with attitude.
“That’ll work.”
As soon as I slipped into the frock and after I smoothed it down, once again I studied my reflection in the mirror. Acceptable.
In just finishing dressing, I was nervous and unsure why. He wasn’t going to make an appearance at the honkytonk bar. A girl could dream.
I grabbed my lower-heeled black pumps that went with everything and headed downstairs, the pups trailing behind me.
Everything felt perfunctory from filling their water to taking them out for a brief walk and making certain the dishes had been put into the dishwasher. I didn’t want Viper to come home to a mess.
A laugh caught me by surprise. He’d not only made himself at home in my house, he’d done so in my head. “Alright, babies, Mommy is going out for the evening. I won’t be too late.”
They were none too happy, already sulking as I headed for the door. They’d survive.
I wasn’t certain I would.
With the outside light left on, I jumped in my truck.
That’s when I almost had a nervous breakdown. I was completely and thoroughly on an edge that I couldn’t control or understand.
And I hated myself because of it.
If I had this type of reaction to Viper’s job, then what if things became serious? Oh, who was I kidding? Viper had yet to tell me his real full name. Of course things weren’t going to become too serious. I was just a little bit nutty.
Nutty in falling in love.
“Oh, hell, no.” I voiced my opinion to my inner voice with vehemence. I was not falling in love with a man who tossed me over his shoulder like a barbarian on muscle juice.
Or one who spanked me as a calming mechanism.
Nope. Not this girl.
I had my life all figured out and was sticking to the plan.
But that’s what I’d wanted, tossing aside my usual focus in search of something more exciting. I might as well take the new me out for a spin.
The parking lot was packed. I’d not only forgotten it was Friday night when normal people went out and enjoyed themselves, but I’d also shoved aside the fact it was a long holiday weekend. Thank God I found a parking space around back. It had been some time since I’d worn heels.
I had to push my way through a rowdy crowd just to get inside. The place was huge, one side dedicated to a restaurant with the other as what appeared to be a wild bar.
Complete with a stage, only with it being so early in the evening, typical honkytonk jukebox music was playing.
Feeling out of my element, I weaved my way toward the bar, noticing Shannon was behind it. That meant Landen was likely to make an appearance. Even after almost twenty years of marriage, the two were inseparable.
The atmosphere was festive with a dance floor full of people. While televisions lined the massive bar area, the remaining space was a dedicated nightclub.
Shannon noticed me first, waving me toward the bar. When I was close, she leaned over to give me a hug. “To what do we owe the honor?”
“Meeting friends here.”
“It’s good to see you.” She pulled away, immediately reaching for a wineglass. “Chardonnay?”
“I’m feeling a little frisky today. How about Cabernet instead.”
“Oh,” Shannon teased. “That must be because of that hot new smokejumper you’re dating. Be warned. They are wild men.” She growled like a big kitten and I could feel excessive heat crawling along my neck.
“Are there no secrets in this town?”
“None. Missoula is a very small town.”
“So it is.”
She tapped the bar. “Cabernet coming right up. How is the new man?”
“He’s… amazing. And a little bit rough around the edges.”
“Yeah, that’s how they all are. You just need to take time cultivating their inner gentleman.”
“Is that what you did with Landen?”
The look on her face turned mischievous. “Absolutely I did, but I’ll give you a little hint. I like my men on the wild side. It makes life that much more interesting.”
“You are terrible.” As the wine was pushed in front of me, I started to pull out my wallet.
“On the house, baby girl. Have some fun.” She started to turn away, but I couldn’t resist.
“Have you heard anything about the fire?”
“Ah,” Shannon said as she crowded over the bar. “I was wondering when you’d ask.”
“What does that mean?”
Her laugh could be heard over the music. “You’re in the same place I was when I was hot to trot for your godfather.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this,” I teased.
“Oh, come on. You’re a big girl. I don’t know much about Viper, but what I do know is that if Landen wanted him hired, there’s a good reason including that he was right for the team.
That means he’s damn good. I know what you’re going to say, the work is dangerous.
Yes, it is. I’m not going to lie to you.
There were nights I was beside myself with terror. ”
“How did you get over it?”