Chapter 5 Flamingoes, Pigeons, and Ship Trash
Sivan is finally here; I see him walking towards me…
God, he looks hotter than ever. It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, and I still have no idea why he hasn’t been replying to my texts or answering my calls.
All I’ve been doing is thinking of him, and I have no idea if he’s even thought of me.
With my father standing beside me, I’ll need to keep my emotions in check, but the smell of trouble approaches from behind me—Harlow.
We haven’t slept together since before I had sex with Sivan, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t tried.
I know that she knows something about Sivan and me, but she hasn’t said anything.
“Here comes your boyfriend,” she says, walking past me.
I want to correct her and say that I wish he was my boyfriend, but we haven’t discussed that—technically, we didn’t discuss anything about us after it happened.
It doesn’t matter, though, because Sivan isn’t a relationship guy, despite what it seemed like after we slept together.
I’ve come to accept that what we shared was just a one-time thing, but even still, I want to kiss him again so badly.
Choosing to ignore her, my eyes remain locked on Sivan. I want to run to him, close the distance between us faster, but that would be way too dramatic. I must maintain a sense of dignity, but the closer he gets, the faster my heart beats, it feels like it’s going to explode.
“Vincent,” he says, straight-faced. His bright blue eyes are piercing right through me. He doesn’t look happy to see me.
My cheeks feel warm, and my palms are sweaty. “Hi, Sivan. Have you been well?” God, that sounded so stupid. I practiced what I was going to say to him for the past four days, and that was not it.
“Have I been well?” He laughs. “No, I have not been well,” he says, tilting his head.
His face is near my ear, and he inhales deeply, then whispers, “How can I be well, when the man that I fucked has ignored me for nine months. My best friend, who I was quite certain felt the same way, has ignored me. And why?” he asks, still whispering.
“Why would he ignore me? What did I do wrong? Because I have been asking myself that very question for nine months. So, tell me. What did I do wrong, Vincent?” He pulls his head back and looks me in the eyes.
I place a hand on his chest—holy shit, it’s hard.
“How dare you speak to me that way? What did I do to you? I didn’t ignore you.
You ignored me. For months I texted you and called you, and I got no reply.
Now, you come here, and you whisper in my ear, your damn breath smelling sweet like rum, and dare to have the audacity to ask me why I’ve been ignoring you? ”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Sivan asks, looking confused. “You ignored me. Then that little piece of ship trash called my phone on my birthday and mocked me.”
I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. He only calls Harlow ship trash, why would Harlow have called him, and how?
“What the fuck are you talking about, Sivan?!” I shout.
Our fathers appear to have heard the commotion, judging by the concerned looks on their faces. “What are you two yelling about?” my father calls over.
“Nothing!” we both shout back.
“Get over here,” I say, pulling him by the hand to the side of the ship, out of earshot of our fathers.
I can feel everyone’s eyes on us—well, at least that’s how it feels.
Sivan is straightening his jacket, avoiding eye contact.
“Hey, look at me. What the hell are you talking about?” His eyes are slightly wet.
“Are you crying? What the hell is going on?”
He leans over the side of the railing on his elbows, then wipes the corners of his eyes.
“I thought something happened to you. I don’t understand.
How can you be standing here right now perfectly fine?
I texted you so many times. I thought that we were going to be together.
Before you say that’s ridiculous, that’s what I thought.
I can’t explain it, but after we had sex, something changed in me.
Then you passed out in the meeting, and for the next four days, I wasn’t allowed to see you.
No one would say anything except that you were sick and needed rest. I heard nothing from you after that.
Not a word, not an update. Nothing. Didn’t you care?
What happened? Why did you pass out? Why didn’t you text me when you were better?
Why didn’t you reply? I just want to—” He sniffles, his voice cracking.
I look around, feeling the eyes of Harlow and her mother staring holes through the two of us.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. I passed out, they said it was from stress.
I have no idea what Matteo told the doctor at that time, I just know I slept for the next four days.
As soon as I was able to, I texted you and you didn’t answer.
My father said that your father had been worried about you…
You know who else was worried about you?
Me. I was worried about you. Worried that you’d regretted everything.
Worried that you’d regretted me. I haven’t been sleeping well, because I’ve been so nervous about seeing you. Now you’re here and you smell—”
“I smell?” he says, turning toward me.
I laugh. “Not like that. You smell good, you just don’t understand how long I’ve wanted to smell you again.
When my sheets were cleaned after you’d left, I was so upset because I couldn’t smell you anymore.
Then you didn’t reply, and I thought I’d never get to smell you on my sheets again.
I’m so confused—you weren’t ignoring me on purpose? ”
“Boys!” my father shouts from across the deck.
We both look toward him. He has the worst timing of all. Is it possible that parents were put here to just annoy the shit out of their kids, even as adults? I need to talk to Sivan; I can’t be bothered by whatever he needs.
“What? We’re in the middle of something!” I shout back.
Sivan’s father is weirdly looking the two of us over. He can’t know anything, though. Unless Sivan told him. No, he wouldn’t have. Would he? I hadn’t even considered that he might do that.
Sivan appears to possibly be questioning the same thing as I am. I look at him, then his father, and raise my eyebrows. Somehow, he knows exactly what I’m asking, without me saying a word.
He tilts his head at me. “No.”
“How do you know what I asked you?”
“Simple,” he says. “You were questioning whether my father knows about us, because he has that stupid look on his face.”
“Boys!” my father shouts again.
“Yes, yes, we’re coming!” I whisper to Sivan, “We’re not finished talking. Let’s just try to ditch them quickly.”
“You both look miserable,” Sivan’s father says as we reach them. “Sivan couldn’t wait to get here, but now he looks rather sullen. What’s the situation?”
“Yeah,” my father says, pressing his shoulder against Captain Crawford’s. “You both look like you’re mad about something. What is it? A girl? Did you fight over someone the last time you were together? Harlow has been walking around pretty miserable,” my father offers.
This draws a small smile from Sivan. “She should be miserable,” he mutters. “The rest of us are.”
“Ohhh…I see,” my father says, looking at Captain Crawford.
“You see what?” his father asks mine.
“It’s easy to see that your son is in love with Harlow, and Harlow is in love with Vincent. Vincent doesn’t want her, but Sivan wants Harlow, who in turn doesn’t want Sivan, so Sivan is miserable. Now it all makes sense.”
“Ha!” I say. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Sivan looks more than infuriated. He looks absolutely livid at my father’s suggestion.
Captain Crawford pulls his mouth to the side, eyeing Sivan. “No? Is that true? Sivan doesn’t normally go after girls like that. He prefers them…bigger,” he says, holding his hands to the front of his chest.
Sivan shakes his head no, but he is at least smiling a bit now.
“You are so far off that you’re not even in the realm of possibility at this point, Captain Rodrigo.
If there were a prize for the worst guess made in the history of guesses, then you would win.
That was terrible. I hate Harlow. Despise her—her smell, her face, her voice.
I hate that she lives on this ship. I hate her mother.
I hate her, wholly and completely, but what I hate even more, is that for the past nine months she has not had to suffer the same cruel reality that I did, because she has been here happy, on this ship with Vincent. ”
His breathing is so rapid that he looks like he might faint.
“Wow. Said all that in one breath,” his father says. “There is a thin line between love and hate, son.”
“True words,” my father says. “We hate them, we love them. Although, I would say one thing; she has not been happy on this ship. I try hard not to pay attention to these things, but the news that Vincent had ripped her heart out traveled very quickly throughout the crew. If you look close enough you can see she’s been crying.
So, whatever you want from her, Sivan, I’m sure she’d be willing to give it to you, because Vincent has made her quite miserable. ”
My father is an absolute idiot. “Dad, sorry, I mean, Captain, he wants nothing from Harlow. Didn’t you just hear what he said? He said he hates her.”
My father crosses his arms and nods along. “Yes, I know, but it’s all in the eyes. Sivan says he hates her, but what do his eyes tell you?”
Looking into Sivan’s big blue eyes, I see only frustration and sadness.
“You’re wrong,” I say. “He doesn’t feel that way for her. Did you two need something, because we were in the middle of an important conversation.”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, we did, but we saw your miserable faces and thought we’d intervene. Tonight’s meeting has been cancelled, so we’ve decided to take you boys out with us.”