Chapter 5 Flamingoes, Pigeons, and Ship Trash #3
Truthfully, I am bothered. Not because I want Harlow, but because I feel somewhat like I have to apologize now, for sleeping with her.
When did this start for him? Have they secretly been together, too?
I’m afraid to ask because if I do, he’s gonna think I care, and I don’t. At least not in that way.
“Wow. That’s pretty cold. I mean she’s liked you her whole life. Are you really saying you truly feel nothing for her?”
“Of course I don’t. This isn’t new information, Matteo.
If you want her, then have her. I need to get ready; can you leave now?
I want to get this over with, so that I can be with Sivan.
I don’t want to deal with this anymore, honestly.
It’s all too damn frustrating. I just want to be alone, or with Sivan… neither involves you. So just leave.”
Matteo is approaching quickly. “Hey, I’ve had enough of your smug attitude. Okay? You’re my brother, but you cannot treat a person like this. Just because you’ve decided that you like men now, does not give you the right to go around being an asshole to every woman that you meet.”
“Fuck you,” I mutter.
He raises his eyebrows. “Fuck me?”
“Yes, fuck you. Get out of my room. Go find Harlow, go jump off the ship, just go away. I need time to think.”
Matteo steps back, like he’s considering whether he may hit me. I know this look because I’ve seen it many times.
“You gonna hit me?” I ask.
“No. I’m not gonna hit you. Last thing I need is for your boyfriend to come over here and get his dad in on this. Besides, I respect the captain too much for that,” he says, as he leaves, slamming the door behind him.
“Hey!” I shout. “Get back in here! You can’t say that shit and walk away!”
I’m left with only silence. Silence and the smell of Harlow’s perfume for some reason.
“Vincent?” she says meekly outside the door, accompanied by two light knocks.
“Damn it, now it’s you. Yeah, just come in, Harlow.”
She’s been crying. Her face is red and puffy.
“I want to talk. Really talk,” she says.
I sigh loudly, hands on my waist. “Sit,” I say, pointing toward the sofa in my room.
“I want to know why,” she says.
“You want to know why what?”
“Why can’t it be me? Why is it Sivan? What’s wrong with me?
Men love me, but you, you just don’t. You don’t care.
You couldn’t care less what I do. It’s like you decided a long time ago, that I wasn’t good enough, probably when you and Sivan did…
whatever you did together. I have no idea how far you went. ”
The thought of Sivan’s body and mine intertwined, quickly takes over my thoughts, it’s beautiful and exciting, but the memory is also painful, and it hurts.
I don’t know what to do with these feelings, but I know that I can’t discuss them with Harlow.
I can’t trust her, and I wouldn’t want to.
This isn’t the first time she’s tried to get the full story out of me.
I’m still not sure how much she really knows.
One thing about Harlow is that she’s a very good liar.
Over the years, I’ve caught her in more lies than I can count.
For all I know, she already knows we had sex and is secretly in a relationship with Matteo.
I don’t even think that would surprise me, if I’m being honest.
“How did you get this way? How did it come to this?” she asks me. “I’ve been here for you since we were kids, and you just hate me.” She sniffles.
“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you the way that you like me.”
“Why not? What is it?”
“I’m sorry. It’s just not the same.” I really want her to leave. She’s getting me close to confessing my feelings for Sivan, and I really don’t want to do that. Especially when I have no idea how he truly feels about me.
“So, you do love him?” she asks me.
I knew this was coming. “Harlow. I’m not going to discuss this with you. You need to leave. I have said all that I’m going to say about it. That’s all that’s to it. Please just go.”
“Did you—you know, do it all the way?” she asks, still not moving from my couch.
“Harlow, enough. Leave.” I place my hand on my doorknob.
“You know what I think?” she says, her tone changing a bit. She sounds almost challenging, now.
I release the door handle and hold my palms out. “What? What do you think?”
“I think I’ve had enough of this. I think I’m ready to tell everyone all about the two of you. Yeah, that’s what I think.” A nasty sort of smile forms on her face.
Shit. I didn’t think she would threaten me with that. No, I have to get a grip here. I haven’t admitted to anything, and she has no proof of anything. There’s nothing that she can do to hurt me. I have to double down.
“Get out, Harlow. There’s nothing to tell anyone. Whatever you say, no one would believe because everyone already knows that I’m straight. Just go. Also, rather stupid of you to try and force me to give you affection under threat. Don’t you think?”
I open my door and gesture for her to leave.
“Close it,” she says. “I have all the proof I need right here.” She shakes her phone at me.
“What? What do you have on your phone? There’s nothing, so how could you have anything? What are you even talking about?”
“Eh, I think I’ll go pay your boyfriend a visit. He may be willing to listen. Especially after he hears this.” She presses a button on her phone.
“Hello? Hello…? Vincent?” I hear Sivan’s voice through the phone.
“Aww, your widdle Sivan was so worried when I called him on his birthday. What did you do, Vincent? Did you ignore him, the same way that you ignored me after every time we slept together? Is that what happened?” She presses the button again, replaying Sivan’s voice.
“Listen to that desperation, that thirst. He’s definitely had you. ” She laughs. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
I feel sick. I’m going to throw up or pass out. Why did she call him? How did she have his phone number? “Enough, get the fuck out! That proves nothing because there is nothing to prove.”
“Whoa, whoa. What are you yelling at her for?” Matteo asks, walking inside my room.
She holds her phone toward him. “Matteo, I think you should know something.”
I have to play this game, if I don’t want everyone to know.
Matteo won’t be able to keep what happened between me and Sivan a secret from my father if he knows that Harlow is aware of what happened.
We’d agreed that he wouldn’t tell my dad unless he felt that my captaincy was in jeopardy, and this would definitely push him into action. He’d tell him straight away. Shit.
“What have you got on your phone, Harlow?”
She looks at him, then at me. “Oh, just a little conversation between my future husband here, and me. I was just bragging. Isn’t that right, Vincent?”
“What the hell are you saying?” I ask her.
“What are you talking about?” Matteo asks, looking at me, then shifting his gaze to Harlow. “You called him your future husband. Since when? I just left ten minutes ago. What the hell is going on. One of you explain quickly.”
“I don’t know what she’s talking about. She’s lost her mind.”
“Is that so?” he asks me.
Harlow smiles, then points to the door. “I think it’s best if you give us a minute, Matteo.”
Matteo turns toward the door, then looks at me. “You’re fucking unbelievable, you know that?” he says before slamming the door behind himself.
“Harlow, enough! You know nothing because nothing happened! What the fuck was that about?”
The sounds of broken moans and grunts are heard as she presses a button on her phone again. There’s my voice: “Sivan more, please…I want this…more.” Then Sivan’s: “Fuck, Vincent…this feels so…”
Oh no…that’s us…having sex. How did she? How?
“How did you get that?”
She laughs loudly. “This? Oh, this audio of you getting railed by another man? This recording of two future captains of the greatest fleets pleasuring each other in ways that women can only dream about?” She cackles.
“Quite easily. You see, I had a recording device in your room. Usually do. I’m not ashamed of it.
After all, I deserve to know who my future husband is sleeping with, don’t I?
This ship will be half mine one day. Now, are you ready to listen?
Because I’m willing to play nice, if you are.
And I don’t mean that in the sexual sense.
Since obviously I lack the necessary tool to please you. That much is obvious from the audio.”
I don’t even know what to think or what to say. I’m so confused. What do I do? “What? Why? If you knew this, why did you toy with me? What do you want, Harlow?”
“I want you. Well, rather…I want the appearance of you. I’m fine with you doing whatever you need to do with him, so long as no one finds out and you two are discreet, but what I want is your hand.
I want to be the one to stand beside you.
I want to be the one to marry you. I’ve been by your side my whole life and now I’m gonna get shut out, why?
Because you decided to like boys? No. That’s not gonna happen. ”
I can’t even process what she’s proposing to me right now. I can’t focus on anything. I’m sweating, and my neck feels all clammy. I want Sivan. What am I supposed to do?