Chapter 6 We’re Pirates, Vincent #3
“All good, I think. I do get dizzy every now and then, but it’s usually only if I’m really stressed out. Earlier today, with Harlow, I felt really lightheaded, and dizzy, but I’d just had a fight with Matteo, then she came in and just—”
“Somehow convinced you to propose?”
“I didn’t propose. I would never.”
“Then what happened? Why did I get a call from you telling me you were engaged? Do you know how much that hurt? Fuck, it felt like my heart was being ripped apart from the inside. I know you won’t go through with it, but how did this happen?”
He’s not saying anything, but there are tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
“I can’t,” he squeaks out. “I can’t stop it. You’ll be ruined if she tells anyone, Sivan. If anyone hears that audio…your future, our fathers, our ships, everything will be ruined.”
I can’t believe this. Is he really trying to tell me he’s going to marry her? “No, no. You can’t be serious? You just… How can you think this is a good idea? How can you be willing to go through with this? No, Vincent.”
“I have to do this for you. For us. She said that we can still be together, she said she won’t interfere.”
I sit up against my headboard. “What does that mean? How can we be together if you’re married to her? I can’t do it. No. You can’t marry her. We have to stop this. Please? Don’t do this. You’re agreeing to marry her?! Do you even understand what that means?”
He takes my hand softly. He doesn’t seem as angry as I am, but his hands are shaking.
“She knows everything, Sivan, and she’ll tell.
Please, please understand that there is no other recourse.
There is no other way out. She said she won’t care what we do as long as I keep the appearance of being her husband in public. ”
“Oh my God, Vincent. Listen to what you’re saying.
You’re not keeping up an appearance if you’re legally married!
You would be legally married, it’s not just for show.
She’s manipulated you. Do you even understand what you’re asking me?
You’re asking me to just be a side piece for the rest of my life?
While you two have babies and get married? No. I can’t do it. I won’t let you.”
“You don’t have a choice. I will not let her ruin your life.
She will destroy you. She is cold and calculating.
I know this better than anyone else. She has the audio of us having sex on her phone, Sivan.
For shit’s sake, listen to me. Be rational about this.
I’m doing this for you; I won’t let her hurt you. ”
I stand from my bed and put my underwear on.
I need a shower, and I can’t even do that right now.
“Who asked you to worry about me? Who asked you to do this? Did I ever ask you to protect me? Damn it. I don’t need your protection.
I need—I need you. Do you think I could honestly handle seeing her as your wife?
You say you’ll marry her for appearances, but what does that mean for your body, for your mind?
You’re not thinking this through. What will she do?
Just allow you to sleep there without any emotional or physical connection?
She’ll just let you basically be numb? No, she’s not going to stop at that.
What about kids? Will you have kids? Will she be the mother to your children?
While I’m treated like some common side-whore? No. This isn’t right.”
“I…I hadn’t thought of that before. We didn’t get that deep into details.
She let me hear the audio, threatened to ruin the both of us, and I agreed to do what she wanted.
What would you have done? What would you do if someone was threatening to ruin me?
If they had the same evidence that Harlow had? ”
“I for damn sure wouldn’t give into her.
We don’t give into people that threaten us, we stand up to them.
We’re pirates, Vincent. You know this from captaincy lessons; it’s the same principle.
You’re suggesting that you marry her, and I become someone on the side.
You’re suggesting that the first person that I’ve ever lo—” I cover my mouth with my hand.
What is wrong with me? What was I about to say?
What would even make me think such a thing? Do I love him?
“Sivan,” he says softly. “What are you saying to me? You realize how this sounds? You haven’t expressed any of these fears or these feelings to me until now. I had no idea you would feel this way. Wait…were you about to say that you love me?”
I think I may be sick. Is this really what love feels like?
“I don’t know how I feel, I really don’t.
I just know that I’ve been miserable. While we were apart, I thought of nothing else but you.
I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to sleep, I only wanted you.
There were friends who tried to comfort me, despite not knowing what was wrong.
They assumed it was because of the captaincy lessons, but it wasn’t.
I’m prepared to be a captain, I’ve been ready for it for years, but you and me, I was not prepared for us.
I just—I don’t want to be with anyone else, ever again. ”
“What do you mean ‘with anyone else’?”
“The things that we’re doing with each other. Sex, our friendship, all of it. I won’t ever want to be with another person. My body only wants you. My soul only wants you. There are no other feelings left. What else can I do but to be honest with you?”
He’s grabbing his briefs and sliding into them, but he’s not really reacting to what I just said. My God, what did I just say to him?
He stands and takes my hands in his. “Sivan, ever since the night we spent together, I’ve wanted no one other than you.
You’ve been the only one, the only one that I need.
I had no idea I could feel this way for you, but after we slept together, everything felt right.
I saw you differently, I felt differently.
I want to take you and keep you for myself.
I had no idea what you were feeling while we were apart.
I want you the same way that you want me.
I want us, but I can’t do this to you. It will ruin you.
She will ruin you. She will ruin us.” He’s cupping my face with both hands.
“Please, please listen to me. This is the only way.”
He turns me into a version of myself that I don’t even recognize. I’m so soft for him. I’m running through ideas so rapidly in my mind, each one is a worse idea than the last. I kiss the inside of both his hands. “Wait, what if we get her phone from her? Wouldn’t that solve everything?”
He tilts his head at me, placing his hands on his hips.
“Well, I hadn’t thought of that, but, I mean, she still knows, and that’s not going to solve anything if she’s sent it to someone already.
I also have no idea what device she used to record it on.
Could have been anything.” He shrugs his shoulders, like what he just said was totally fine.
“What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t know what she recorded us on? What if it’s still in your room, Vincent?”
“Oh, yeah, I didn’t think of that.”
See, in these moments, though, the softness goes away, because at the end of the day, he’s still my best friend.
And my best friend has this tendency to just let things happen to him, without reacting in the way most pirates would.
“Well, what the hell have you thought of? The girl proposes that you get married, then tries to blackmail you, and you just agree without any thought? Come on, Vincent, you’re smarter than this. ”
He looks at the floor, then back up to me. “I’m not, though; you’ve always been the smart one. My head is a mess right now. I can’t think. Since we’ve been apart, I’ve been a fucking mess, snapping at people, crying like a baby. It’s been awful. I can barely process what’s happening.”
I’m kind of glad that I wasn’t the only one. I’d never felt so battered and bruised because of another person. “I was so sad and mad at you, but those feelings, the months apart, they mean nothing, because you’re here now, and we have to find a way to fix this.”
“So, what do we do now? Do we try and get the phone?”
“Haven’t figured that out yet. But she’s always around you, I’m sure you could easily grab the phone, but that doesn’t solve the problem of the recording device, whatever it may be.
She might have just recorded it on her phone, but I doubt that, because that would mean she would’ve left it in your room overnight. ”
“Yeah, well, what if I just ask her?”
I shake my head side to side in absolute awe of how dense he is sometimes. “Why would she just willingly tell you? She’s not stupid.”
“I don’t know, isn’t there a way I could ask it that sounds…not stupid?”
“No, there most definitely is not. I think the phone has to come first. You could get that easily. Just snatch it from her miserable hands. After that, we can figure out where the recording came from.”
“Isn’t that even more unrealistic than me trying to ask her about the device? I think I need to find out where the device is, because like you said, she could just continue recording me.”
“Yeah, okay. Maybe that is smarter. Plus, since she’s had the recording for this long, then she’s likely not going to share it with anyone since you already agreed to do whatever she wanted.”
“I think you’re right; the trouble is I’ve agreed to go along with her plan. She made sure everyone knew about it tonight. How do I fix this? I don’t want to marry her.” He flops onto the bed, clearly exhausted.
A year ago, if he’d agreed to marry someone for reasons he felt were noble, I probably would have laughed at him. He really doesn’t think things through sometimes. “I…I don’t know. I’m trying to figure it out. You’re not going through with it. That much I can promise.”