Chapter 9 #3
"Because all I can seem to fucking think about is wanting to breath your air as if it is my fucking own.
Because when you walk away, it kills me to know that I might not get to see you the next day.
Because having you in my arms has made me feel so fucking alive that the idea of losing you feels like a death sentence all on its own. That is how I know, Olivia."
I can't breathe, it almost feels like my heart might burst in my chest. Trace keeps his eyes firmly on mine, his hold on me doesn't budge and I can feel my entire body tingle in the wake of his words.
"When you say stuff like that to me…" I trail off, feeling nearly dizzy to the euphoria this man gives me.
"I'm not letting you go, flower. You have to know that if you decide to walk away from me, I will fucking find you. I promise you that. But I hope to god that you don't make me lose my mind thinking that I've lost you. Especially to someone else."
"You know I don't want to walk away, Trace. And I promise you with my whole fucking heart, I’m all yours. There will never be anyone else and I’ll never do anything to hurt you." The glow of the fire melts in his eyes as we continue to hold onto each other.
I can tell that he's frustrated with how stubborn I'm being on this, and I hate knowing that I'm doing it. But no matter what, my promise stands true. I don’t want anyone else. I want him to be my first and my last. We just have to make it out of this limbo I’ve put us in.
"What if we just took the risk? I'm not afraid of Seren and I can be there with you when we tell her and your dad and whoever else we need to tell."
“Well, what about football?”
He sighs, letting go of me. And even with the flame of the candles flickering around us, I feel cold as he takes a step backward. I’m single-handedly ruining everything right now.
"If anyone, including my sister, has a fucking problem with you being happy, then they don’t have your best interest to begin with.
" His voice is a bit raised. “And your dad needs to know that you are going to grow up and move on, Livie. And football? Fuck, I would quit everything if it meant getting to be with. But what are you willing to do for this, Olivia? For us? Are you really willing to throw away a chance at happiness with me? Because I will burn the whole world down for you and I am ready to risk losing everything just to keep your heart beating next to mine.” I know we've had this conversation a few times over the last year so I can't expect him to not be irritated with the repetitiveness of it.
"And even if you really still want to leave with Seren next weekend, we can make it work.
I'll make the best out of my NIL deals and I'll pay for all of your travel and everything you could ever fucking need, Livie.
As long as you're willing to take that risk with me. "
"Wait," I pinch my brows in. "Didn't Seren tell you?"
"Tell me what?" He looks at me, confusion drawn on his face.
"Seren told me last night that she got a call from the landlord of the apartment we set a deposit for. They had to cancel our lease."
Trace smiles. I can tell he's trying not to make it obvious, but I can see his satisfaction. "No, she didn't mention that part," he says and I have to hide my grin.
But maybe he's right. Well, I know he is. I guess I just didn't think I was capable of making a decision that might make me happy, knowing it might disappoint someone else. But I deserve to be happy just like everyone else. And I can’t spend the rest of my life feeling like I am responsible for making sure everyone else is taken care of first. I can’t be responsible for my own heart break.
And now knowing that I'm not actually obligated to leave with Ser next weekend, this might be my chance to make that move.
"You really want this?" I step up and ask, knowing that he has no problem telling me or anyone else who asks, exactly what he wants and what he's going to do to get it. He just hasn’t done that yet because he’s only been respectful of my wishes to keep us a secret.
"Olivia, do you really have to fucking ask that?" he answers, and I know without a doubt that I didn't need to, that he means with every bone in his body what he said.
"I'm sorry," I apologize, feeling guilty but also disappointed in myself for evading the inevitable this long.
I won't be able to fathom losing Trace and that’s exactly what I’m going to do if I keep this up.
In an instant, he rushes for me, picking me up by the back of my thighs to wrap my legs around his torso.
He presses me up against the nearest wall and I feel the indent of broken wood press into my back as the wall creaks behind me.
But I don't flinch. I let him push into me and I can feel his hard length centered at the apex of my thighs.
I hold onto his shoulders, trying not to moan as he whispers that guttural tone of his in my ear.
"You don't ever have to be sorry for anything when it comes to me, love. But tell me you don't feel this. Tell me you don't feel every fucking nerve ending in your body explode when we're together, Olivia."
I can't talk, I can barely swallow. The sparks that ignite all over my body have me too weak for words; feeling lost in the way he handles me.
"Tell me," he demands again, his tone tight with need as I try to muster up my own response.
"I . . . I, umm-"
"Tell me, Olivia." This time he decides to entice me, to tease me just a little bit more. And god I feel it, I swear there's nothing like it.
He leans in closer, his cock pressing a little harder into me while his lips touch my neck.
I can't help the way my body moves for him, my head tilts and my lips part.
He presses open mouth kisses over my skin, and I melt.
I'm so close to getting lost in how euphoric it feels to be like this with Trace, knowing that we've haven't taken it all the way yet.
But I want to, more than anything I want him to be the one.
“God, Olivia. Tell me to fucking stop. Please." His request is on the cusp of begging, I can hear the desperation in his voice. But why would he ask me to stop him when this feels too fucking good to resist?
"I don't want you to stop," I admit, knowing that I sound drunk off the high he's giving me.
He closes his mouth against my skin and his cock twitches against me as I squirm in his arms.
"Olivia," he whispers darkly into my neck and I can't help but moan his name back.
"Trace."
The energy between us is enigmatic, explosive, and rhapsodic. And there's no way I'm going to tell him to stop. Instead, I find myself begging for the opposite.
"I need you," I tell him, and his body freezes for a split second before he pulls away slightly and looks me in my eyes.
"Are you sure?"
I nod, too dazed to say anything else but I’ve never been more sure in my life. I want him. I need him. I don’t ever want to let him go.
“Olivia, you have to be sure. Please don’t give in just for the heat of the moment.
” His concern for my approval is enough to send me to heaven, calling me to the clouds that he’s laid out for me.
How did I find myself in the gentle clutches of a ruthless football player who seems to only have eyes for me?
“I want you to be my first,” I reply, looking steadily into his eyes, and something charges between us. An electricity conjured up by the way our bodies react to one another.
He pulls me off the wall and walks us over to the blanket in the middle of the room, careful not to knock over the candles as he does. He lowers himself to his knees and gently lays me down on the soft fabric beneath me.
I allow myself to fall into the blanket, fully laying on my back as I watch him reach up to pull his shirt over his head. His arms flex as he does and then he carefully lays his shirt down so as not to catch the place on fire.
I let my eyes rake over his body—this isn’t the first time we've ever seen each other fully naked, but I still admire the way his bare skin looks, especially illuminating in the amber light of the flames around us. He’s talked about his plans to completely cover his body in ink one day and I don't have a problem with that at all, but I know that in a few years I won't have a choice so I take in his unmarked skin while I can, wanting to remember every stage of Trace I’ll come to know.
He slowly leans over me, his chest coming down over me and his lips fall closer to mine. My heart is racing, hungry for his touch.
"I need your words, Livie. One more time," he speaks in a sultry timbre with his lids heavy over his eyes and his tone a husky rumble. "I don't want you to feel pressured by me or anything else. Before we continue . . . Are. You. Sure?" I love his caution with me and how patient he's been.
I never feel pressured with him and I never feel like I am doing anything I don't want to do. He's always allowed to make my own decisions and I can't believe how unreal this man is because of it.
"I'm sure, Trace. I just . . . I want to show how much I want you." I wrap my legs around his back, holding him in place over me. “I want you to take me.”
It's impossible not to squirm when I feel how hard he is against me. And I part my lips on a lusty sigh when he presses harder.
"I know how much you want me, love. But this…" he thrusts again. "This will prove to you just how fucking mine you are."