Chapter 1.1
Darcy woke up bewildered, startled by his own dream, one of many that had troubled his sleep in the last weeks. No, not only his sleep, but his entire life.
He had been in Hertfordshire for more than three weeks and what he had hoped would be a relaxing time had turned into the severest distress.
When Bingley had asked him to visit the estate he had rented, Darcy had reluctantly accepted.
He was still tormented by his sister’s summer drama, which had almost ruined Georgiana’s future and life.
Due to her strong character and sisterly loyalty, she had confessed the planned elopement to him, saving herself from ruin and unhappiness but not from a broken heart.
He could see she was still troubled; she had lost her enjoyment of life and the little self-confidence she had possessed.
Her timidity had increased, she rarely left the house — and then only to have tea with their aunt, Lady Matlock.
She lived with the burden of the secret that only Colonel Fitzwilliam — her other guardian — was aware of, a secret she feared could be discovered at any time.
It was not impossible for Wickham to seek revenge or to attempt to extort more money from him in exchange for not exposing his adventure with Georgiana.
Such audacity was unthinkable for any decent human, but he expected the worst from Wickham when he was in desperate need of means to maintain his habits.
Darcy had come to Hertfordshire due to his friendship with Bingley, but with no expectation of pleasure.
On the journey from London to Netherfield, he had found out that he would have to attend an assembly, in the village of Meryton.
With equal dislike of parties and restraint towards strangers, the prospect sounded daunting to him and he repeatedly expressed to Bingley his preference to remain at Netherfield; however, for some strange reason, Bingley was determined to have Darcy at the assembly and would not have it any other way.
That evening had been the beginning of Darcy’s torment — the moment he had first met Elizabeth.
At first, he had found her barely tolerable and, despite Bingley’s insistence, Darcy was not tempted to dance with her.
When they next met, he had looked at her without admiration and scarcely allowed her to be pretty.
Furthermore, he had made it clear to himself and his friends that she had hardly a good feature in her face.
And then — how it had happened he did not know — he had begun to find her expression uncommonly intelligent and her dark eyes particularly beautiful.
And then, his complete defeat had followed.
With a critical eye, he detected more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form.
But, at least to himself, he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light and pleasing.
And, although her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their easy playfulness.
He began to wish to know more of her, and he took every opportunity to converse with her, as had happened at Lucas Lodge, where a large party was assembled.
He remembered her playing the pianoforte; her performance was pleasing, though by no means capital, and yet he was charmed.
He could not repress the smile on his face the entire evening, not even when she refused to dance with him.
Quite the contrary, he found her rejection teasing, intriguing and enchanting.
That was the moment when Caroline Bingley had caught him off guard and he had confessed to her his admiration for Elizabeth’s fine eyes. For that error he paid every day, having to bear Caroline’s annoying and insolent sarcasm.
So burdened was Darcy by his distressing reflections that he missed the passing of time.
He received the invitation to breakfast with anxiety and became vexed listening to Caroline and Louisa’s rude comments about the local gentry.
It was amusing how they spoke about the lower classes when their entire fortune was made in trade.
If not for his friendship with Bingley, Darcy would have never accepted the sisters’ company.
Even their so-called friendship with Georgiana was insincere and a ridiculous attempt to gain his attention.
Caroline Bingley was a very handsome woman.
She was also clever and well educated, but her qualities were all shadowed by her air of superiority, which he despised but many other men found appealing.
From Caroline, his thoughts wandered to other women he had met since he had been out in society.
Like any man of his age and position, he was no stranger to the company of ladies, both in society and in more private circumstances.
Many of them were exceedingly beautiful and remarkably accomplished, according to the standards of high society.
In addition to their beauty, many could boast a good knowledge of the world and the means to fulfil their desires, willing to please and to be pleased.
And quite often Darcy found himself the recipient of these women’s attention, for purposes that involved either future marriage plans or simply intimate enjoyment.
But never had he been attracted to a woman in such a way as to trouble him, to arouse his desires in any special way.
He recognised and appreciated beauty, wit, education and elegance but nothing more.
No woman had ever held his attention long enough for him to attempt to pursue her.
He had never considered himself to be in love or even sensed a bond of admiration and affection strong enough to occupy his thoughts for more than one evening.
That was before he had arrived in Hertfordshire and met Elizabeth.
Why her, of all women, had stirred his senses, blurred his mind and become a menace to his peace and tranquillity and a sweet, charming nuisance to his self-control, he had no idea.
“Darcy! Darcy, are you unwell?” he heard Bingley’s voice.
“I am very well, thank you.”
“Will you join me?”
“Join you? Where, Bingley?”
“For a ride. I have not even inspected the whole estate thoroughly. Mr. Dunn, my steward, said something about the tenants. I would really appreciate your opinion.”
Darcy rolled his eyes. “Of course I will join you; a long ride is precisely what I had planned too. But Bingley, you should have visited the properties and the tenants and discussed the details with the owner and with Mr. Dunn before you rented the place!”
“Yes, yes, I know but even you said Netherfield is a solid investment. And the society is very pleasant, I am very glad I chose it.”
“By society, you mean a certain person, to whom you already grant too much attention,” Caroline said.
“No, Caroline, I do not mean just one certain person!”
“Jane Bennet is a pleasant young woman, and quite pretty,” Louisa interjected. “But her mother and sisters! Dear Lord! From the first evening at the assembly I was appalled by their faulty manners.”
“Well, Charles is not the only one who carries a peculiar preference for one of the Bennet ladies. Mr. Darcy himself has changed his opinion on the subject!” Caroline added sneeringly.
Darcy avoided the trap, feigning ignorance while he finished his coffee.
“Please excuse me,” he said when he had emptied his cup. “I am going to change for riding; Bingley, I shall meet you at the stables,” he concluded, leaving the dining room.
In truth, he agreed with Caroline Bingley regarding the youngest Bennet sisters and their mother — as little as he had seen of them.
But he could not bear another conversation on that subject.
Her family’s situation made Elizabeth utterly and completely unsuited to be his wife — that was beyond any doubt or question.
But that did not diminish the inner heat that made his heart race every time he thought of her.
And since he could not speak highly of her family, he chose to avoid speaking ill of them either, especially with Bingley’s sister, in whom he did not confide at all.
His plans would take him away from Hertfordshire soon and Elizabeth would remain behind, the sweetest, most torturing and enchanting memory of his life.
Until then, all he had to do was to conceal and disguise his feelings.
And to avoid being anywhere near her, but that seemed an impossibly daunting task, as he looked forward to the moment he would see her again.
Fortunately, there were not many occasions to bring them together, so his conflicted conscience was not tested too hard.
∞∞∞
“My dear Lizzy, I cannot understand how you can enjoy such long walks so often. As much as I love your company, please do not count on me joining you every time.”
Elizabeth laughed, spinning around on the slippery ground covered in fallen leaves. It was a pleasant, bright, autumn day and both the eldest Bennet sisters were in excellent spirits.
Since Mr. Bingley had rented Netherfield and they had been introduced at the Meryton assembly, Jane had immediately been favoured by the handsome, joyful and amiable gentleman.
His admiration for her was openly displayed and noticed by everyone who knew them.
Since the day of the assembly, Bingley and Jane had met tolerably often, in mixed parties, although never for many hours together.
Restrained in betraying her emotions and feelings, Jane reluctantly admitted that Mr. Bingley was beyond any doubt the most pleasant gentleman of her acquaintance and that his appearance was as pleasant to her as his manners.
Elizabeth expressed her feelings much more openly about Mr. Bingley as well as about his proud, arrogant, spiteful and hateful friend Mr. Darcy.
Mr. Bingley’s sisters, despite their insincere friendship towards Jane, appeared to Elizabeth to be more like Mr. Darcy — whom they seemed to worship — than their own brother.
Jane, as always, saw nothing but good in everyone and she often tried to temper Elizabeth’s harsh judgment.
On that, the two sisters often argued but it was one of the few instances when their opinion differed utterly and completely.
“Do not complain so much, Jane, you are starting to sound like Caroline Bingley! Look, the cottage is behind that grove, over the wooden bridge.”
“Lizzy, it is not fair to say that,” Jane smiled back. “I am not as good a walker as you are and being alone here in the woods makes me a little bit nervous.”
“You might not be a good walker, but you are an excellent rider, which makes you more accomplished,” Elizabeth teased her. “Come, let me help you cross the bridge. And why would you be nervous? We have come to this cottage a thousand times since we were children.”
“Yes, but many things we did when we were younger make me nervous now.”
“That is because your manners are so perfect and you always fear breaking the rules. I shall admit that it is helpful, though. Together with your flawless beauty, it increases the chances of at least one of us — you — making a good marriage!”
“Lizzy, I am not perfect by far. I am just not as brave as you are. Nor as clever.”
“If you are not perfect, you are very close to it. Mr. Bingley surely agreed! Not only did he dance two sets with you the very evening that he met you, but he has seemed bewitched every time you have been in company since.”
“Mr. Bingley is the most pleasant gentleman I have ever met,” Jane agreed with a blush. “But we should not assume too much from his amiability.”
“Charlotte is of quite the opposite opinion, you know!”
“Charlotte? Have you spoken to her about Mr. Bingley?” Jane asked, puzzled.
“I have. Surely you know that everybody has noticed Mr. Bingley’s admiration for you? Charlotte said that sometimes it is a disadvantage to be so very guarded. That if a woman conceals her affection too much, she may lose the opportunity to secure the gentleman she esteems.”
“Secure?” Jane asked in disbelief. “We are not speaking of an object, Lizzy.”
“No, indeed,” Elizabeth replied in a light voice. “But Charlotte said you should secure him first and fall in love later! Apparently, in nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. Otherwise, the man might never do more than like her, if she does not help him on.”
“Dear Lizzy, what are you saying?”
“I am not saying anything, I am simply repeating what Charlotte told me,” Elizabeth laughed.
“In other words, men must be deceived for their own benefit. And in the case of Mr. Bingley, I hope he is intelligent enough to perceive your regard for him. If not, he is a simpleton and does not deserve you!”
“Dear Lizzy, you are making sport at my expense! At times I fear you are too much like Papa!”
“No, dearest, I am making sport at Mr. Bingley’s expense,” Elizabeth replied.
Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a horse’s hoofs.
Bewildered that someone might be riding in that rather dangerous area, they looked around and, to their deepest astonishment, the very subject of their conversation appeared, staring at them, equally surprised.
And with him was Mr. Darcy, as aloof and severe as ever, causing Elizabeth to reflect on how uncomfortable she always felt in his presence.