Chapter 2.7
Elizabeth entered the library and stopped by the window, with Darcy following.
She felt uncomfortable by their nearness and barely dared to look at him. He seemed equally embarrassed and distressed.
In the open doorway, Charlotte turned her back to them, to provide a little bit of privacy.
“Miss Bennet, I have no words to express my regrets…If I could do anything to stop this madness...”
“I understand, sir, but it is not your fault...in truth, we are both in the same laughable and dreadful situation.”
“Sadly, no. This sort of situation always affects the ladies more than the men…”
“Well, I am sure Lady Catherine will be devastated and will blame Mr. Collins, who always blames me,” Elizabeth attempted to jest. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Charlotte had stepped out into the hall, with the door still open.
“I apologise,” he repeated. “Miss Bennet, as I said, I am ready to do whatever you request from me.”
“I have no request, sir. And there is nothing you can do, except wait for the rumours to disappear.”
“I understand the situation is too distressing now, and neither of us has had time for proper reflection. But allow me to tell you that I am willing to do my duty to the fullest extent.”
She glanced at him, puzzled.
“What duty, sir?”
“Miss Bennet, please consider this to be a formal proposal of marriage. I am well aware that such circumstances are an undesirable beginning for a marriage, but unfortunately, this cannot be changed.”
Elizabeth stared at him, bewildered, their eyes met briefly and she had to sit on the nearest chair.
“I can understand this is surprising for you; I admit it has been an unexpected decision for me, too.”
His countenance was dark and cold, he was frowning, and he kept his eyes outside the window while pacing the room in an agitated state.
Elizabeth breathed deeply.
“Mr. Darcy, let us calm ourselves and not say things we will soon regret. First of all, you are engaged to be married to Miss de Bourgh.”
He turned to her, perplexed. “I am sorry you have heard such rumours that are no more true than the ones spread in the last few days. I am very fond of my cousin Anne, but neither me nor her are desirous of such a union. Others might wish for and insist on it, but that does not make it true.”
It was Elizabeth's turn to stare, confused and dizzy.
“But…”
“It is commendable that you worry for my cousin, but I assure you there is no reason for concern. I am at liberty to address this proposal to you, as I am not bound either by honour or by affection to anyone else.”
The moment he ended, he realised his meaning. His heart skipped a beat while her countenance changed briefly too. He could not guess the reason for her startling, and did not dare make assumptions.
He had no proof that Robert was correct in believing Miss Bennet disliked him, but she certainly did not show any joy or excitement in hearing his proposal. Quite the opposite.
Elizabeth did not miss his meaning either. He said he was not bound to anyone else. She had read the letters, so she knew more than he had expressed.
But she also remembered that he had written with his own hand that there could not be any further relationship between them.
She did not know if she wished it or not; she did not allow herself to explore her feelings for him thoroughly.
But he admitted to ardently love her yet not have any intention of pursuing her.
It was enough to influence her response.
An acceptance was impossible, but a rejection could be reckless. Especially when she was in such a distressing situation that might ruin her family's future forever; not when she knew that—as difficult a man as he might have been—his feelings for her were strong and lasting.
Despite his pride and arrogance, that was still apparent even in the polite marriage proposal, it was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an affection in such a man. And his willingness to protect her from shame and scandal, despite what he had written, was touching enough.
If she was to think objectively, such a marriage would save the Bennet family from any future trouble or concern, while she would bring little to his benefit.
But she could not forget that he was the man who had ruined Jane’s happiness and Mr. Wickham’s life and career.
Such reflections soon overcame her other considerations and affected her agitated reflections.
“Mr. Darcy, I thank you for your thoughtful gesture. However, I believe neither of us is prepared for such a sacrifice and if we agree on this engagement now, we will very soon regret it. Let us hope the consequences of these rumours will be less than what we fear now and all will be forgotten soon.”
The answer stunned him; he clearly did not expect it and he searched her face carefully, with apparent alarm.
“Should I take your response as a rejection, Miss Bennet? What if the rumours do not disappear? What if they grow and travel beyond Kent? Is the notion of marrying me more dreadful than the possibility of a scandal?”
He was incredulous, hurt, offended and her hesitation in answering only increased his anguish.
She breathed deeply again.
“Mr. Darcy, I shall not deny that your proposal is tempting and advantageous for any woman, even more so for one in my situation. To clarify: Until recently we have been more enemies than friends. Or so I believed. And there are some things that I cannot forget, nor forgive, as I find them reprobable, for a gentleman with your education.”
“Things you could not forget and forgive? What do you possibly mean?”
“Sir, let us not add more distress to this day’s turmoil. Perhaps there will be another opportunity for such a conversation. More privately.”
His eyes narrowed, blurred by anxiety. He suddenly turned from her and without asking permission he decidedly closed the door, with Charlotte waiting outside. Then he returned to face Elizabeth.
“Miss Bennet, I would greatly appreciate your honesty if you would care to enlighten me. As you said, there has been too much anguish today to add more misunderstanding.”
He seemed determined to find out the truth and after a brief hesitation, she chose to oblige him.
“Sir, do you think it would be easy for a woman to marry a man—even if he was the most remarkable and if her feelings were favourable to him—who had intentionally ruined the happiness of a most beloved sister? How would it be to marry you and dine with Mr. Bingley and my sister in attendance? Or do you expect me to never invite my family to your house when your family and friends are present?”
He appeared to sway on his feet. “Why would you assume such a thing, Miss Bennet? That I would separate you from your family?”
His offence seemed genuine.
“I apologise. That remark might have been presumptuous and unfair. But can you deny that you have interfered to separate my sister from Mr. Bingley?”
“I have no wish to deny it. I believed it was to my friend’s benefit. It might have been hurtful for your sister and I am sorry to have caused her pain.”
“Why would you do such a mean thing? Was the poor situation of my family such a strong impediment? As small as her dowry might be, Jane’s heart is big and her beauty is beyond uncommon. She would have been the perfect wife for Mr. Bingley.”
“I do not doubt your sister’s qualities, Miss Bennet. But it could be horrible to be trapped in a marriage where one is desperately in love and falsely believes the spouse shares the same strong feelings.”
“Who are you speaking of, sir?”
“Of Miss Bennet and Bingley.”
“And which one would have been passionately in love and who pretended the feelings?”
“Is it necessary to express it, Miss Bennet?”
“Very much so, as I cannot imagine.”
“We both know that Bingley was completely besotted with your sister. But as flawless as she might have been, every observation showed me that she was rather indifferent to Bingley and her heart not easily touched. I understand her desire to marry for the benefit of her family…”
“Benefit of her family? What on earth are you speaking of? You assumed Jane did not return his affection? On what grounds? How could you be so sure of your judgment? Did you punish Jane for not showing her feelings to you?”
He blinked a few times, greatly affected by her words. She continued.
“You must know that you have been utterly wrong. That you hurt my sister most undeservingly and, if his affection was genuine, you exposed your friend to misery too. You proposed marriage to me, to remedy an injustice. But how can you remedy suffering, sir?”
He was stunned, unable to move, staring at her.
“I will not be surprised if you withdraw your offer after this conversation before I have the chance to reject it. And it would be a relief to me, as I do not wish to offend you, but I cannot ignore your actions either, and I surely cannot pledge myself to a man whom I distrust.”
Several long moments passed before he was able to speak with a voice so troubled as she had never heard.
“Miss Bennet, I have made you an offer of marriage in good conscience and I would never withdraw it. And if you accept it, you will be the mistress of our house and you will always have complete liberty to invite your family or friends. As for my actions regarding your sister and Bingley, I did everything in my power for my friend’s benefit.
You claim I was wrong and that must be true if you are right.
Past suffering cannot be alleviated, I know that. Only avoided in the future.”
His answer was as unexpected as it was astonishing.
“If you do not trust me, we may put this in your settlement,” he offered. She arched her brow.
“Such a suggestion offends me, sir. I would not marry until my distrust is addressed.”
“Forgive me. I wished by no means to distress you.”
“I understand that. You said my family will be always welcome into your house. I intend to invite my sister Jane quite often, and I assume Mr. Bingley will not be a stranger. How can you agree to that, if you have decided to separate them?”
“I have done everything for my friend's benefit. But if Bingley meets Miss Bennet again under any circumstances, I shall never intervene again. I have lately learned that one may have strong feelings even if they do not show them. Perhaps it was a lesson that needed to be learned the hard way.”
“I believe it to be a wise decision. Thank you.”
She was tempted to open the subject of Wickham but decided against it. It was not the proper time to prolong the conversation—which had already lasted longer than intended, with Charlotte kept behind the door.
“What should I expect then Miss Bennet?” he asked. He looked at her with a preoccupied, yet somewhat less distraught expression.
“I cannot give you an answer now, but I do appreciate your willingness to protect my reputation. I do have a question though. If not for this unfortunate situation, would you have proposed to me?”
Her question disconcerted him. He paused, as if searching for the proper words, then replied.
“Most likely not.”
She smiled. “Thank you for your honest answer sir. You deserve the same. Would you be so kind as to call on me again shortly, before you leave Rosings. A few minutes will do.”
His face brightened slightly. “Gladly. Forgive me for detaining you so long.”
With that, he bowed and left the library, expressing his thanks and apologies to Charlotte, who was waiting in the hall.
Before he left, he turned and cast a last glance at Elizabeth, then hurried to fetch the colonel and left.
Behind him, Charlotte took Elizabeth’s arm gently.
“Elizabeth darling, I believe we should talk.”
∞∞∞
For a while, the two men rode in silence. Darcy felt his cousin’s enquiring glances, but no words were said.
Since he had not confessed his true intentions to Robert, he expected disbelief, questions, arguments, opposition.
So he tried to decide what to reveal. But his mind was unclear, his thoughts confused, his pride wounded, his heart grieving.
So, without even looking at the colonel, he simply declared.
“I proposed marriage to Miss Bennet and she rejected me. She accused me of separating Bingley from her sister and said she doubts my intentions. She asked me to call on her again before we leave Rosings, so she can give me her final response.”
Robert made no comment and the silence continued for a while.
“Are you not surprised?” Darcy asked.
“Not really.”
“By anything that I have told you?”
“Not really. I am just curious—do you wish for Miss Bennet to accept your proposal? Or was it just an act of honour?”
“I expected she would accept and I was disappointed and surprised when she did not. I hope this will change by this afternoon.”
“Then you had better improve your persuasive skills as soon as possible, Darcy.”