Chapter 2.10
Longbourn – two weeks later
Mrs. Bennet gazed at the crowd gathered in the churchyard in disbelief. A fortnight had passed since the letter had arrived with the news of Elizabeth’s engagement to Mr. Darcy, and she still woke up in the middle of the night, frightened that it might have been only a dream.
Elizabeth–her daughter with a sharp mind and wild temper, obstinate, outspoken, not as beautiful as Jane, nor as joyful as Lydia—had married Mr. Darcy?
Mr. Darcy—of all people! Even more astounding was that, aside from the unclear circumstances of their wedding, the gentleman seemed truly in love with Elizabeth.
His entire demeanour was altered and he had suddenly become a pleasant, amiable companion to everyone in Meryton.
Not to mention he was handsome, tall and worth ten thousand a year.
She dared to express her wonder only to her sister-in-law, Mrs. Gardiner. To all the others, she declared she had always suspected a peculiar attachment between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, despite their constant arguments.
And now the day of the wedding had come.
A day as she had never imagined. Her best hopes were to see her daughter married to Mr. Collins—what an unforgettable mistake!
She thanked God that Elizabeth was so stubborn and disobedient, or else, instead of the handsome Mr. Darcy, she would have as a son-in-law the pompous fool, Mr. Collins.
She had also favoured that rascal Mr. Wickham. What a snake! He had deceived them all until they discovered what a low sort of man he had been, involved in deceptions, seductions, gaming, drinking and debt. And she—as well as her daughters—had liked him, Mrs. Bennet admitted that to herself.
She thanked God one more time that Elizabeth had been smart and she had chosen properly. The time she spent reading had proven useful, after all.
Even more, in a month's time, another wedding would take place, as Mr. Bingley had just proposed to Jane. Her nerves—delicate at other times—had borne the last days’ bustle remarkably well, and she had not complained about them at all. After all, God had been good to her!
Elizabeth was surrounded by her aunt, her sisters and Georgiana Darcy. Opposite them, Mr. Darcy was talking to her father, her uncle Gardiner, the colonel and Mr. Bingley, as well as with other gentlemen from Meryton.
Her wedding had just ended.
She knew they would go to Longbourn for the wedding breakfast, and then to London, to her new home—to her new life.
Everything had occurred unbelievably fast. She had stayed in London for a week after she returned from Kent. During that time, she was introduced to Lord and Lady Matlock – who received her with obvious reluctance but proper politeness.
Then to Georgiana Darcy—a young lady whose accomplishments were even greater than she had heard.
The bond between her and Georgiana, as well as between Georgiana and Jane, grew strong very quickly.
Miss Darcy seemed eager to have a sister, and her brother’s recommendation of Elizabeth was enough for her to ignore her aunt Catherine's furious letters.
Elizabeth and her relatives had been invited to dine at Darcy’s house one evening. The Matlocks also joined them, as well as Mr. Bingley and his sisters. She had visited the house, and her future apartment—next to Darcy’s—and had been introduced to the staff.
Lady Matlock had explained to her some of her duties, while Darcy related to her more about Pemberley. The novelty, the revelations, the feelings, the expectations, the hopes—all were overwhelming.
Fortunately, her relationship with Darcy improved every day, as she discovered more about him, became accustomed to his small habits and found more to approve in him.
To her own consternation, she found herself desiring more closeness, more intimacy, but he never crossed the edge of propriety again, after that day in the Gardiners’ library.
To Elizabeth, the first kiss had been beyond her imagination and the sensations she had experienced left her dumbfounded and eager for more.
She had met quite a few gentlemen in her life and although she was never really close to anyone, she had held hands with them while dancing, she had her hand kissed, had sat by their side. As pleasant as their company had been, she hardly remembered those moments.
But Darcy’s closeness made her dizzy—and she realised it had been the same since they first met!
She took it as discomfort and dislike but she had always shivered under his gaze, or when they danced together.
Her connection with him had always been peculiar, just not in the way she had first believed.
And now, she was about to become his wife.
At times, she felt unprepared for her life and position, for what was expected from her. It was impressive but intimidating too.
One afternoon, while Georgiana, Jane, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and Bingley were in the music room, Elizabeth had confessed her fears to Darcy, it was the second time they had shared a kiss.
“You have nothing to worry about, Elizabeth. I trust you completely. For many months, although I was deeply in love with you, I did not consider marrying you, because of the differences between our families. Even though I am ashamed of my shallowness, I will not conceal my hesitation. I thought we were living in two different circles, but I have never doubted you–your qualities, your strength, your determination, your brightness. I know nobody worthier than you.”
“You are too kind, dear sir,” she answered. He was sitting near her again and she was still emotional.
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes?”
“Do you regret accepting my proposal? Let us assume there was no gossip and I finally understood my heart and came to confess my ardent love to you. Would you have accepted it?”
She hesitated. “I cannot know for sure what would have happened then. But I do know I am happy and grateful that things happened as they did. I certainly do not regret anything, Mr. Darcy. Fitzwilliam. Did you need to ask me such a question?”
With tentative fingers, she caressed his face, then shyly pressed her lips against his, flushed and embarrassed by her gesture.
He did not make a single move, waiting for her to do as she wished.
She placed small kisses on his closed mouth, chin, and the line of his jaw, then, she returned to his lips—still dry and closed—until they parted to capture hers.
His deep moans made her tremble, and the kiss grew more demanding.
Her hands lowered from his face to his neck and then to his chest. Barely conscious of what she was doing, she leaned closer until her chest was pressing against his torso.
Only then did she feel him move, his hands gliding around her waist.
His lips were no longer passive. Every fibre of her body burned as his fingers stroked her, sliding the length of her bare arms up to her shoulders, her neck and then down to her waist again.
She could hear her own moans and pondered that there were still guests in the house. She wished to stop but found not enough strength until he withdrew enough to whisper, “Elizabeth. We must stop this…now…”
She did so, quietly lowering her eyes and wiping her wet lips with the back of her hand. She left the couch and moved to the window.
“I apologise...I know this is outrageous. I am ashamed of myself... A lady should never...”
Her voice was trembling from embarrassment, and she wished for nothing but to run away from him. How could she have behaved in such a way?
In a moment he was by her side. “Elizabeth, what are you saying? Please, look at me,” he pleaded, but she still averted her eyes.
“Elizabeth,” he whispered in a hoarse voice that weakened her knees.
“Why would you apologise? My love, look at me…”
That moment, like a complete simpleton she began to sob. He had called her ‘my love’ for the first time.
“Elizabeth, I shall tell you what no gentleman should tell his maiden betrothed. This kiss that you started today, it was the proof I needed that your opinion of me has truly changed. I have felt it in the last week, since our engagement, but I feared to trust my judgement again. I noticed that you were more at ease with me, that you accepted some of my gestures of affection, that you did not dislike me being near. But still, I believed you were doing it out of politeness and to keep your promise that you would do everything to the benefit of this marriage. I hoped that sometime, in a few months, your affection for me would be strong enough for you to accept the consummation of our marriage. I was ready and willing to accept that. And today, a few moments ago, I sensed that you wished for our intimacy, that you enjoyed it too...is it true, or have I been wrong again?”
She nodded, while his thumbs wiped her tears.
“You cannot imagine how much I dreamed and prayed for such a moment to come. I do not expect you to love me yet, but the mere fact that my presence gives you pleasure is enough to prove that my dreams might become real soon.”
“I cannot say if I love you...I have never loved before and I am frightened... A little while ago, I thought the worst of you and I assumed the hate was mutual. Then I discovered I had been wrong...Then you proposed and suddenly we were engaged.. and then, I found myself thinking of you all the time...wondering where you were...missing you, welcoming your presence...I shiver when you touch me and when you speak to me... My knees are weak and my mind is blurred when you are with me. I am frightened and ashamed of myself. I have never felt such a way. And now—I just felt...what sort of woman would act so wantonly that the man had to stop her?”
He cupped her face and kissed her forehead.
“The woman I have loved passionately for months and I feared existed only in my mind.
His head leaned towards her and she thought—she hoped—he would kiss her again. Instead, he stepped away; stunned, she saw him locking the library door, then hurrying back to her.
“Damn propriety for a minute shall we? Since the rumours already exist, what more damage can be done?”
She laughed through her tears and nodded, without understanding exactly what he meant and what he intended to do. She did not fear him but was slightly worried that they might be caught.
He seemed to have guessed her worry, so he whispered, “Only a minute.”
He took her back to the settee and a moment later her mouth was imprisoned again. His hands embraced her restlessly, burning every part of her body.
Her heart nearly stopped when his fingers, gliding up along her ribs, touched the sides of her breasts. The feeling, so new and powerful, made her freeze.
The kiss continued, deeper, more passionate, more daring, but only for a minute. Just as he promised. After he reluctantly broke the kiss, he cupped her face and turned it towards him so he could stare into her eyes, marvelling to see her aglow with passion.
“We will be married in a fortnight”, he said, and she nodded, catching her breath while he unlocked the door.
Since that day, until the day of their wedding, there had been no other attempt at intimacy between them.
She came to accept and admit her desire, just as she admitted that she was falling in love with her future husband.
She had not recognised the sensations as she had not felt them before.
She understood the truth after she returned to Longbourn with Jane and he joined them—together with Bingley—a week later.
Only then she understood how burning her longing for him had been and how happy she was to have him near again.
Now, Elizabeth stood still in the churchyard, surrounded by her friends and family, her eyes locked with her husband’s. And, although she knew she would miss her family dearly, she looked forward to leaving.
She would meet them all again soon – at Jane’s wedding, and they were all already invited to spend Christmas at Pemberley. Darcy had made all the arrangements and met Mr. Bennet’s approval.
Everything was settled. It was time to say goodbye to her old life and to step into the new one. All because she had enjoyed taking long, solitary walks, as her father had teased her about so many times.