19
It’s broad daylight, yet we’re kissing like thieves in the night.My body is pressed firmly against my car in Silver Bullet’s car park, and I can hear traffic droning, footsteps along the path, and muffled laughter coming from inside the bar. Blake’s mouth has claimed mine, his hands moving dangerously close to places a man hasn’t touched in too long. My skin shivers and burns as I’m consumed by his tongue, taste, and scent.
He pulls away, and I suck in air to help me breathe and calm my nerves. My lips are throbbing, my thighs are aching, and I’m sodden down below.
Desire is written all over his face as his eyes roam from my lips to my eyes and then to my breasts. He opens his mouth to speak, and my anxiety hits me quickly in my stomach, and I gasp in response to what I assume he’s about to say.
“I better go,” he mutters.
“What?” That’s the last thing I expected him to say. I assumed he would ask me back to his place or a hotel room or something, and I was preparing my nerves for his intentions.
He drops his head down again and kisses me on the lips. This time, it”s a closed-mouth kiss, and I wonder if I’m being rejected. “Not now. Not yet.”
“Why?” I hate the desperate tone of my voice, so I clear my throat and snap coldly while flicking my hand at him to move further away from me. “Fine.”
He grunts a smile, entertained by my sudden irritableness. “I can feel in you,” he states quietly because people are nearby walking through the car park towards the bar’s entrance.
“Feel what?” I hiss, folding my arms in anger to create a boundary between me and him.
That smile vanishes, replaced with a seriousness I’ve only seen once. “Your scars.”
His comment flummoxes me, and my mouth gapes, unable to find the words to reply. I glance down at my bare forearms that once displayed the streaks from my fingernails whenever I fell into a pit of misery and self-hate. But my scars are internal now, so how can he feel them? My world crumbled as I thought I was fooling everyone into believing I was strong. I thought I was strong.
I turn away from him so he can’t see the hurt on my face from being rejected twice in four days. Does my breath stink? Do I kiss weirdly? Do I seem desperate? As I open my car door and climb inside, my world spins nauseatingly around me.
“Rae,” he calls after me and grabs the door handle, opening it before I lock it. “Stop.”
“No. I have to go,” I growl, feeling all sorts of anger and resentment. I’m a failure.
“Rae,” he crouches beside me so I can’t shut the door. “Rae, listen to me.”
“No. Get out of my way,” I shrill louder than I intended, waving my hand at him to move so I could shut the door.
“I want to see you again,” he slips in between my growls of anger. “But-”
“No. It’s fine. I don’t need to hear it. Thanks for teaching me to shoot. I won’t need your services anymore,” I rant, trying hard to compose myself, pulling the door onto him so he gets the message and leaves.
“Rae, I want to see you again,” he repeats. “But we have to take it slow.”
I can’t look at him. My eyes are welling up, and emotions are storming through me. I’m struggling to articulate this. What is this? Why am I reacting this way? “Slow,” I parrot.
“But ah…we have to take it easy because of what I do,” he says softly. His warm breath graces me, and finally, I understand. It would be best if you didn’t get caught up in my parallel life. Okay?”
I nod, still unable to look at him.
His hand finds my thigh and rubs to comfort me. “You must be kept separate from that seedy world for your protection.”
I frown in confusion. “I’m already in that world, Blake. I’m the one who cleans blood and brain particles off the walls.”
“No, Rae, you’re on the edge of it,” he speaks calmly, but I sense a snag in his tone that he’s grappling with this. “Look, if we’re going to keep seeing each other, there are some things I can’t talk to you about, and there are times when I have to disappear for days and can’t answer your calls.”
I nod in understanding because I have secrets, too.
“You need to understand that there is a part of me that I cannot share with you. Okay, Rae?” he says bluntly. “Okay?”
“Yep,” I nod, pretending to be unenthused because my stubbornness is getting the better of me.
“Look at me in the eyes,” he instructs, and I turn to face him. He holds my face warmly and presses his lips against mine. “We’ll take it slow.”
“Okay. I get it,” I tell him. I’m overreacting to this, and I don’t understand why. Wait. Yes, I do know why. I’m out of practice with the dating scene, and let’s face it, I’m attracted to Blake.
“I’m going to let you go now, but I want to see you again soon. I’ll message you,” he explains.
Something comes over me, and I’m reminded of who I am and my objective for the end of summer. “Maybe it’s better that we don’t. I mean…I’m busy with class and work, so perhaps it’s better if we don’t see each other again.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Change of tune.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I’ve got things I have to do, too,” I say boldly, feeling proud.
“No, we’re not doing that,” his tone is steely, and I see a flicker of another man, the man who works for Smiler, doing things he cannot utter. “I’m not letting you go, Rae.”
“We’ll see,” I challenge him, grabbing the door and pulling it against him.
“Sure, you run, little lady, but I’ll run after you. You hear me, Rae?” he says smoothly and confidently, like a king.
“I need to go now,” I tell him with mixed feelings. He finally moves out of the way, and I slam the door hard, sending him a message that I’m pissed off. I sense him in my peripheral vision, watching me as I back out of the park and leave the premises.
The further I drive away from him, the clearer my thoughts become. I promised myself to keep my life simple until the job was done. The last thing I need right now is a boyfriend, especially one who works for a crime mob. Wait. I also work for the mobster, so that argument doesn’t work in my favor. No, I need a simple life. That’s all. No romance, no love, no entanglements, no games. Not yet.
“But jeez, he’s hard to resist,” I breathe as I drive west toward Keele Uni to harvest some plant samples for my herbarium assignment. At least being in nature, smelling the flowers, and touching the many varied textures of plants will make me feel better.
My phone beeps, and I know it’s Blake, but I don”t even look at it, so I decide not to answer until I arrive at uni. He can wait. I might drive slower, so I take longer to arrive. I pull up to the traffic lights, and my fingers twitch on the steering wheel, eager to check my phone in my bag, but proudly, I refrain.
The light turns green, and I put my yellow Corolla into gear. My phone beeps for a second time. Too bad he can wait.
Finally, I drive through the canopy of evergreen trees that line the entrance of Keele Uni and find an empty car park by the main entrance. As soon as I cut the engine, I plunge my hand into my bag to grab my phone, and I find two messages left, one from Blake and the other from Z.
I open Z’s message first: Where r u?
Me: Uni. What’s up?
Blake: Corolla girl, check that the gun is unloaded before you put it away. I wouldn’t want the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen to have an accident.
My body tingles as I read his words, but a part of me scoffs at his praise. “The most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.”
Me: You don’t get out much.
Blake: Yes, I do. That’s how I know beauty when I see it. Empty the magazine in the Glock.
Z: Did u have a good weekend on the coast?
Gavin’s smug face enters my mind, laden with guilt for how I treated my family. Breathing through my anguish, I reply honestly: It was ok. How are you?
Z: Had a Smiler job.
Me: Cleaning?
Z: Yep. I did the whole lot on my own. It took me twice as long, and 906 was waiting outside in his SUV.
Me: Oh, Z, I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you.
Z: That’s ok. I don’t mind being paid the full $1500. (:
Me: What did 906 look like?
I’ve been dying to see the faces of Smiler, 906, and his other cronies. Every time the mysterious black SUV cruises by, I try to peer inside to catch a hint of a facial feature.
Z: I couldn’t see him. I recognized the license plate no.
Me: Was it in the basement of that old house?
Z: Yeah. I hope 906 wasn’t pissed off that I took so long, tho.
Me: Me too. They’re the last people in the world we want to piss off.
Z: Anyway, catch up for drinks and greenery later tonight?
Me: Definitely. See u at mine at about 6 pm.
Z: I’ll bring the booze and drugs.
Me: Thanks. See u soon.
It’s so random when we’re needed to clean up a bloody mess left by Smiler, and it’s on short notice. But I feel disappointed that I couldn’t help her, not just because of the work but also for emotional support. An iron stomach is needed to shove fear and disgust into a crevice of your mind until the job is done. It would’ve been hard to be there in that cold, dank room covered in blood on her own while the killers lingered outside. Z is incredibly brave.
I reread Blake”s message about my Glock and carefully took the gun out of my bag to check the magazine. Two bullets are left in the magazine, and I empty them into the bullet box.
Me: The safety lock was on, and two bullets were in it that I emptied out.
Blake: Good. See u soon xx
Me: No. Not soon.
Blake: yes, soon.
In frustration, I toss my phone back into my bag and gather my things to climb out when another message comes through. Assuming it’s Blake again, I snatch my phone back, ready to give him a piece of my mind. I hate him having the last say, only to find that it’s Z.
Z: BTW, another red rose was left on the table.
Me: The plot thickens. Did you take it home?
Z: No way! That thing is probably laced with a Novichok nerve agent.
Me: LOL! What about a smiley face?
Z: Yeah. He’s got a weird sense of humor.