February
Subject: Sad News
Hi, Pattinson family,
You’ve no doubt heard by now, but I wanted to make sure there was an official announcement. Susan passed away in the early hours of the morning with her husband and son by her side.
This is a very difficult time for Jerry and his dad, so I will handle things via email.
No, I won’t be responding to the Facebook group chat or the family group on WhatsApp. There’s far too much happening in them, and I don’t want information about Susan’s send-off getting lost in pictures of food or wish lists.
Please don’t bug Thomas or Jerry. They’ve got enough on their plate, and I am more than capable. Seriously, let them grieve in peace.
As soon as I have any information about the funeral, I will pass it on. In the meantime, I’ve set up a fund so we can give Susan the best send-off.
If you can spare a few pennies, I’ll attach the link below. Any contributions will be helpful.
Hugs and kisses to everyone,
Jesy.
17 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
Hi, Pattinson family,
Once again, if you could direct your questions towards me, that would be best all around. Jerry is not in the right headspace right now, understandably.
I know you all want to pass on your condolences, but let’s keep in mind that his mum has just died. He just needs a bit of space.
I noticed no one has donated to the funeral fund yet. I feel just awful bringing it up, but this is what Jerry wants.
As a reminder, I’ll attach the link again. Anything you can donate would honestly help so much.
Thank you all again, and I hope you’re doing well.
Jesy.
20 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
So-called family.
Stop messaging Jerry. Seriously. What you’re doing is disrespectful, not only to me, but to him, too. He does not want to hear from anyone right now.
More to the point, he cannot answer your questions about the funeral or who gets Susan’s pearls, because he does not know. I am the one organising everything. Jerry is drowning himself in a bottle of scotch and doesn’t know what day it is.
While we’re on the subject, leave Thomas alone. I don’t know who thought it would be a good idea to ask the man who has JUST lost his wife if he’ll be bringing a date to the funeral, but shame on you.
Also, whoever donated a penny, haha, hilarious. I am sure I can get Susan a nice petal with that.
Fuck you all,
Jesy.
21 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
Dearest Pattinson family.
I am sorry for my outburst yesterday. As I am sure you can understand, this is a terrible time for us, and tensions are running high.
I didn’t mean to imply that Jerry wasn’t helping. That would be silly. I couldn’t arrange his mother’s funeral without his input, could I? He’s very involved, I assure you. He just isn’t ready to talk to people yet.
I also have a message from Thomas. He knows you all meant the date comment as a joke. He thought it was ruddy good fun. Apparently, I have a stick up my arse and should apologise for my lack of humour.
Aye. I am sorry.
Perhaps someone else can die, and we can make this a weekly thing, eh?
Funeral arrangements are being made. I am just waiting for confirmation of the dates. Hopefully, I will have some answers for you soon.
Hugs and kisses to everyone,
Jesy.
22 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
Hi everyone,
First, whoever made the anonymous donation… thank you! It was very unexpected. And so generous! We’re all so touched, and as a family, you have never surprised me more!
Please, come forward, so I can thank you personally. There’s no need for modesty!
I finally have news. I’m sorry it’s taken so long. I know you’ve all been waiting to book time off work. But I can now confirm Susan’s funeral will take place on the twenty-seventh.
The cars will pick up the immediate family from our house at 10AM, and we will meet the rest of you at Christ Church (the one on Elm Street), where the service begins at 10:30AM.
After the ceremony, we’ll head to the Lodge for a bite to eat and a few drinks.
Thomas would like everyone to wear a hint of pink, as it was Susan’s favourite colour. Whether that’s a tie or a piece of jewellery, it’s up to you. Other than that, he would prefer we were traditional and wore black.
As always, if you have questions, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’m sure you all have my number if you don’t want to email me.
See you soon, everyone.
Jesy.
P.S. Oh, and before I forget. No. I don’t want anyone else to die! It was a very ill-timed joke. People make those sometimes.
22 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
Hi all,
Following on from my email earlier, I want to clarify a few things. Regarding immediate family, I mean Jerry, Cassie (and their partners), along with Thomas.
I know you all want to join us in the family car. Unfortunately, there isn’t any room. Given the lack of donations, I don’t have the budget for multiple cars.
I made sure Thomas and the children he raised with Susan could ride with her one last time.
As I am paying for this out of my pocket, I am sure you can appreciate how limited I am.
Regarding the attire for the day, I am sure the red dress you bought would look great, Lyla, but it’s out of the question. Yes, Kenny, pink can be feminine, but I don’t think it will emasculate you if you wear it for one day.
Come on, people.
Let’s respect Thomas’ wishes. He has to say goodbye to his wife. The least we can do is show our support.
Thanks again,
Jesy.
25 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
You’re all fucking idiots.
25 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
Hi, Pattinson family,
You’re right. I should apologise.
Even though you’ve expected me to plan this entire funeral by myself. Despite the fact that my mother-in-law did not like me. I apologise.
Even though either of Susan’s children could have planned this themselves, and I wouldn’t have to fucking deal with you all. I apologise.
Even though I married into this family and only have myself to blame, I apologise.
With all that unpleasantness out of the way, let me begin.
I don’t give a shit if the date doesn’t work for you anymore. I gave you all ample time to book off work, and I made sure you were all good with the date before I agreed. If you cannot make it, that is on you.
I am so sorry that Friday is inconvenient for you; I’m sure it’s super important that you keep your nail appointment, Kelly.
And Julie! Can’t leave you out. I’m sorry your boss is being ‘a pest’ about your days off. However, Susan has been dead for over a week now. You knew this was coming. Letting your boss know two days before the funeral seems like an oversight on your part.
I know it’s SO inconvenient. However, here is a harsh truth.
Death is inconvenient.
If you have an issue with this, find an Ouija board and complain directly to Susan.
I have busted my arse planning this whole thing BY MYSELF, and I haven’t had so much as one thank you.
You all came to the hospital to visit. You all heard Susan tell you what she wanted for her funeral.
Or perhaps I was the only one who was listening. The woman was dying of cancer, barely able to string a sentence together, but had enough energy to tell you all she wanted to be sent away to the smell of lilies.
Lilies are expensive.
So is the casket she insisted on. So is the headstone you all had an opinion on. I have thrown THOUSANDS of my own money at this funeral to make sure she got her last wish. Down to the last detail.
The funding received two donations, but only one was serious.
Even though I couldn’t stand the woman, I have shown her more respect and grace than the lot of you put together.
My useless husband has spent more time with his head down the toilet than he has with me. My father-in-law is sleeping in my bed, and I am on the sofa.
Do you think I am being snappy? Do you think I should ‘chill out’? Do you really?
Well, no one fucking asked you.
As you all reminded me, I am not immediate family.
I’m only Jerry’s wife. No big deal, right?
I’m irrelevant (unless I can pay for something), and I gave up my seat in the family car (even though you didn’t ask the same of Dave; he must be a better ‘in-law’ than I am).
I have tried my best to make this as easy as possible for all of you. To make sure each and every one of you can relax and say goodbye to the matriarch of your family, and it’s not good enough.
It’s never good enough.
If you don’t like my arrangements, do it yourself.
Jesy.
26 Feb | From: Jesy Pattinson | To: Pattinson Family |
Subject: RE: Sad News
Hi all,
Apologies again for my last two emails.
This has been exhausting, and I am not thinking straight. It won’t happen again.
See you all tomorrow,
Jesy.
27 Feb | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Pattinson
Subject: You don’t know me…
Dear Jesy,
First, let me offer my condolences on the sad loss of Susan. It’s always difficult to lose a valued family member.
Perhaps you didn’t get along in life, but I’m sure she appreciates the effort you’ve put in to give her the send-off she deserves.
I don’t know how my name ended up on your contact list, but I didn’t want to add to your stress by pointing out the mistake.
Maybe I should have stopped reading your emails, but God help me, I’m a nosy beggar.
I am glad you received my donation (I felt guilty about intruding). Revealing myself wasn’t on the cards, but when I saw how awful your family members could be towards you, I wouldn’t let them take the credit.
You have handled this with incredible poise throughout the last week, despite tremendous pressure on your shoulders. It must have been difficult to hold your tongue, and occasionally, I have wanted to step in.