May Again #2
Jesy: I don’t know. Sounds like she thinks Graham is cheating on her.
ISLA has entered the conversation
Penny: Which one is Graham again? The joiner or the landscaper?
Jesy: The landscaper.
Jesy: His brother, Duncan is the joiner. And I know that because Mum hired them when I was a teenager and he winked and me and became my obsession for that summer.
Penny: Oh, God. That’s right.
Penny: Ha. I can’t believe I forgot that.
Jesy: How could I ever forget my fifth first love?
Jesy: I wouldn’t have pegged Graham for the cheating type though.
Penny: No?
Jesy: Nah. I see him and Hazel out and about all the time. He’s always seemed quite devoted.
Penny: Looks can be deceiving I suppose.
Penny: Why does she think he’s cheating?
Isla: Are we really gossiping about this? The poor thing looked crushed this morning when I saw her.
Jesy: Have you spoken to her?
Isla: Briefly.
Isla: All I can gather is he’s out of the house more, seems to be more interested in his appearance. And she said he smelled of perfume.
Jesy: Well.
Jesy: That is right out of the cheater’s handbook, I suppose.
Jesy: But it could be innocent too.
Penny: I’d heard they were already kind of on the rocks.
Isla: Oh, yeah? Where’d you hear that?
Penny: The Rowan, probably. Idle gossip.
Isla: I see.
Jesy: I’m not going to sit here and judge. How can I, considering my husband just left me for cheating on him?
Isla: I guess you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors right enough. But Hazel’s so lovely. I can’t imagine him doing that to her.
Penny: Maybe she’s not that lovely to him.
Jesy: Doubtful.
Jesy: But who knows.
Penny: Maybe she spends too much time away from the house.
Penny: She’s always around the community, right? Historical preservation society, member of the gardener’s club, helps out during all the village traditions.
Penny: That’s not to mention her actual business.
Jesy: I didn’t realise you were paying so much attention to what Hazel has been up to.
Isla: Oh, Penny.
Isla: Tell me you didn’t?
Jesy: Didn’t what? What’s going on?
Isla: She’s been talking about a man she can’t have. A man she was crazy about.
Isla: And now she’s running off all the reasons a man might cheat on his wife. Why he might justify it to his affair partner.
Jesy: Come off it. Graham is like… twenty years older than us.
Penny: Seventeen, actually.
Jesy: Penny?
Penny: You’re reading too much into it. Of course I’m not having an affair with Graham Fraser.
Penny: I gotta go. I’ve got a video to put out.
PENNY has left the conversation
Jesy: Holy shit.
Isla: I can’t think about that right now. My brain might actually melt.
Isla: Are you all set for Detroit?
Jesy: As ready as I’m going to be, I suppose.
Isla: Looking forward to seeing Brian?
Jesy: Absolutely.
Isla: Still thinking about Penny?
Jesy: Absolutely.
Isla: Yup. Me too. Wanna try this conversation again tomorrow?
Jesy: Abso-fucking-lutely.
20 May | From: Jesy Mason | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: Something in the water
I’ve just left a conversation with Isla and Penny. Nothing has been confirmed but it seems like she might have been having an affair with my neighbour.
And what am I supposed to say to that after my display with you? I can’t judge her. I can’t voice any disapproval. But I am shocked!
Have I ever told you about how Penny and I met?
She doesn’t live in Meadowcraig. She’s about two and a half miles down the road in a tiny village called Fernwick.
Luckily slap bang in the middle of both villages is Meadowcraig High School.
We met on our first day in S1 and we’ve been best friends ever since.
Now obviously, she doesn’t live on the other side of the world. She comes to Meadowcraig all the time and takes part in all the village community days. She drinks at the local and shops on our high street. But she doesn’t know everyone the way a resident knows everyone, you know?
Which is why I’m astounded she not only got to know Graham at all, but well enough to have an affair with him!
There’s a shop on the high street called Fraser’s Joinery and Landscaping. Run by brothers Graham (landscaping) and Duncan (joinery) Fraser. It’s been there for as long as I can remember and almost certainly when I was fourteen because Mum hired them and I was convinced I was in love with Duncan.
The fact they had a shop and a respectable business while I was fourteen might clue you in that these men are much older than Penny and I are.
Seventeen years older, according to her.
Graham is married to one of the pillars of our community, Hazel. She owns a florist, she’s on every committee going, she volunteers her time and grows vegetables to give to people just because. Her and my mum are quite good friends actually.
Her and Graham have always seemed so solid.
I mean, come on. A landscaper and a florist?
They really found each other. I see them out together all the time.
Pottering around the community garden, sharing a meal and the Heather and Thistle, grabbing coffee at the Copper Pot.
(Yes, these are all real names, I know they’re cutesy, let’s move on.)
I don’t understand how he’d even look at Penny (not because she doesn’t deserve to be looked at, the woman is gorgeous). And I suppose it’s not my place to be understanding their connection.
But I’m just baffled.
And the thing is, I know my friend. Penny is a good person. She wouldn’t screw around with Graham just for the thrill of it, or come between a married couple on a whim.
In fact, the girl loves being single. The last guy she dated annoyed her so much she vowed she’d never date again. She’s content in her flat with her mismatched dogs, enjoying her own space.
So she must really like him.
But of course, I have to sit in the same room as Hazel as she frets to Mum, feeling like I’m sitting on this secret. And the thing is, I don’t approve. Just like she didn’t approve of me meeting you in Blackpool.
But I can’t judge her for it, can I? I think of everyone, I understand how she could fall for the right person at the wrong time.
What advice, if any, would you give? How would you approach it?
Never a dull day, hm?
20th May | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Mason
Subject: RE: Something in the water
I think it’s okay to be disappointed in your friend while having sympathy for the situation. It’s not like you’re proud of your own actions, no matter where they lead you. You can address that disappointment without turning it into a lecture.
I think when cheating is spoken about, it’s almost sensationalised as this thrilling dance where one wrong move means game over. It’s titillating thinking you’re getting away with something wrong, something naughty.
But we both know from experience, it’s not.
It’s exhausting, demoralising and fucking hard.
The easy answer, of course, is not to cheat, and then you wouldn’t have to feel shame or guilt. But we humans are inherently selfish creatures, and sometimes that pull to another person is so strong, so magnetic, so compelling it doesn’t feel like a choice anymore.
I don’t like being labelled a cheater even though it’s entirely accurate. I don’t take pride in hurting people and having my part in breaking up a marriage. But it’s hard to deny that if presented with the exact same options again, I wouldn’t make the same choices to end up right next to you.
If Penny is anything like you, and I have to believe she is for you both to be such good friends, then I highly doubt she relishes the term cheater either. What she has done isn’t right, just like it wasn’t right for us to betray our partners the way we did. But that doesn’t make it meaningless.
It doesn’t mean our story is less valid.
I may regret my actions, but I’ll never regret you. Hopefully Penny falls into that category too. Because if she does, you can speak to her from a place of understanding.
If this was a thrill ride for her… well, you might find it harder to be empathetic.
If I was you, and this was my friend, I’d tell her I would never encourage anyone to take my path. That cheating is very rarely justifiable, and no matter how the story ends, you have to live with yourself after the final letter.
For me, I’ll find a way to face myself in the mirror again, because I hope that beside me, I’ll be looking at your reflection too.
But if it had gone the other way, I don’t know how I’d ever meet my own gaze again.
It’s not thrilling. It’s not fun.
And most of the time… it’s not worth what it costs you.
20 May | From: Jesy Mason | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Something in the water
I think you’re too harsh on yourself, Brian.
You broke up with Rachel before we went too far. You didn’t cheat.
20th May | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Mason
Subject: RE: Something in the water
I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but we were messing around for months before I broke up with her. We crossed so many lines.
I consider what we were doing cheating, and I have to live with the kind of person that makes me. There’s that old saying, isn’t there. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Not me.
No Siree.
I couldn’t do that again. But then… not to put too fine a point on it, there’s only one woman I plan on being with for the rest of my life.
20 May | From: Jesy Mason | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Something in the water
For someone who wants to take things slow, you’re making a lot of bold claims.
20th May | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Mason
Subject: RE: Something in the water
You think?
I want to take things slow because I want us to last, not because I doubt my feelings for you. I know what I want and I’m not going to be afraid of telling you that. I just think there’s some reparations to be made.
And, if I’m honest, I think you should be single for a while. Learn how to be Jesy again. Not Jerry’s wife.
20 May | From: Jesy Mason | To: Brian Trainer
Subject: RE: Something in the water
But in your mind, this ends with us together?
20th May | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Mason
Subject: RE: Something in the water
Anything else is unacceptable.
You have received an instant message from:
PENNY
Penny: I feel like everyone is talking about me.
Jesy: Well.
Jesy: They kind of are, hen.
Jesy: Sorry, that’s probably not what you need to hear.
Penny: No, it’s fine. It’s not like I can avoid it.
Jesy: You wanna tell me what happened?
Penny: You know… I really do. But not now. Right now, I am too exhausted to do much of anything. I am too tired of the lectures, and the snide comments. None of which I think you’ll give me.
Penny: Eventually, I’ll tell you everything. I promise. Right now, I just want to hide away for a while.
Jesy: I get it.
Jesy: Well, you know where I am.
Penny: Thanks, Jes.
Penny: You fly out tomorrow?
Jesy: Yeah.
Penny: Excited?
Jesy: Very.
Penny: Nervous?
Jesy: Extremely.
Penny: Wanna trade places with me?
Jesy: Ha.
Jesy: Abso-fucking-lutely not.
Penny: Ah. Worth a shot.
Jesy: Chin up, love.
Jesy: There’ll be some new gossip soon. There always is. And then you’ll be wondering when you faded into obscurity.
Penny: Oh, how I can’t wait to be irrelevant again.
31 May | From: Brian Trainer | To: Jesy Mason
Subject: Confirmation
So, you should be on your flight to Amsterdam right now, yes?
You have like three hours to kill, so don’t panic. But don’t go rushing off to explore the delights of the red-light district either!
You should be arriving at 10AM my time, so sleep on the plane if you can. We’ve got a busy day ahead and I don’t wanna drag your tired ass across Detroit.
I’ll be waiting at gate three.
I can’t wait to see you, Jesy.
Jesy
My phone buzzes against my thigh as I drag my suitcase through the airport, the wheels rattling over the tiled floor. Voices echo from every direction, layered in different languages, while announcements crackle overhead that I don’t quite catch.
I weave through the slow-moving crowd, dodging backpacks and suitcases. People stop dead in the middle of walkways, anxiously checking boarding passes or counting their children, unaware of the world moving around them.
I try not to let it bother me as I check the departures board, forcing my anxiety riddled body forward.
I have plenty of time.
Three hours of nothing to do stretched out in front of me. But I feel like if I don’t find out where I’m supposed to be three hours from now, I’m going to miss my flight somehow.
And how will that look to Brian?
Oh, hi, Brian. Yes, I know you paid a fortune for these flights, and this is supposed to be our big reunion, but I missed my plane. What? No of course I’m not having second thoughts! Why do you say that?
I think not.
“You’re fine, Jesy,” I mutter to myself. “This is called being early. It’s a good thing.”
My body, however, does not agree.
My shoulders are tight, and my stomach is doing that swooping thing like I’ve just stepped off a curb that wasn’t there. There’s a restlessness under my skin that tells me to move and fix the problem, but my brain won’t let me move from this spot, just in case the board changes.
Normal people would go and grab a coffee. Maybe browse the shops. Sit down. Relax.
I glance towards a cluster of cafes, staring longingly at the coffee shop.
People are laughing over pastries and steaming mugs, and I am hit with a wave of jealousy that almost propels my feet forward.
Oh, to be as unbothered as they. Even though they’re about to be hurtled through the sky in a metal tube.
“Psychopaths,” I murmur. “The lot of them.”
“Did you say something, dear?”
I glance down at the kindly old woman next to me, looking up at me with a quizzical expression on her weathered face.
“Talking to myself,” I say. “Bad habit of mine.”
“As long as you’re not talking back to yourself,” she replies. “First sign of madness you know.”
Oh, joy.
I’m the psychopath.
I murmur a farewell and force myself to walk away from my comfort spot, giving one last glance to the departures board.
This is silly.
So fucking silly.
I am not going to miss this flight. I am going to fly across the world and reunite with the man of my dreams and absolutely nothing is going to go wrong.
Speaking of…
I pull my phone from my pocket and smile as I see his name in my notifications bar.
I can’t wait to see you, Jesy.
Immediately, I feel lighter. I can picture him already at the airport, as anxious as I am as he checks the arrivals board, knowing I’m not due to arrive for another twelve hours.
He’s waiting for me.
“Right,” I say quietly, squaring my shoulders. “Get a grip.”
My gaze drifts back to the café, to the steady rhythm of normal life carrying on around me, and this time my feet actually move.
I think I’ll have that coffee after all.