Chapter Three
Julie remained perfectly still as Isaac lowered himself onto her bed, afraid if she even took a breath she’d wake and it would be a cruel dream. She didn’t wince when his hand brushed her bruised hip over the comforter, nor when he wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her against him. His heart drummed wildly into her back and his body shuddered when he buried his face in her hair and inhaled. For years, Isaac had denied them this closeness out of some stupid, misplaced concept of brotherly honor. He wasn’t her brother, though. Not by blood. And he didn’t warm hers with the fuzzy closeness of family. No. He made the blood sear through her veins, and as much as he denied it, she did the same to him. Wetness trickled along the edge of her shoulder, and her eyes widened.
“Isaac,” she whispered. Not once had he cried in front of her, but his wet lashes were fluttering over her bare skin, his breath hot as he feathered kisses across her back.
“Not yet.” His voice was ragged and so broken she obeyed the command. She wasn’t sure how long they laid there intertwined, only that it would never be enough time. Hadn’t they already wasted enough of it playing his silly games? Gritting her teeth against the pain, she rolled so she was facing him. Her turn to touch and hold. She placed one hand against his chest and tucked the other under his side. His muscles bunched beneath her, a solid fortress designed to keep her at bay.
“Don’t you dare lock me out, Isaac.” His head jerked back at her tone, giving her just enough space to lean forward and pepper the corners of his mouth with kisses. When she licked the seam of his lips, he didn’t just open for her, he lunged forward while simultaneously dragging her closer. For a moment she was still, shocked by his response before she came to her senses and poured every ounce of pent up love, anger, and frustration into the kiss. Love, because from the second she laid eyes on him, she knew . Knew he’d be important in every aspect of her life. With one glance, something simmered inside her while quieting all of the devastation she’d witnessed far too young. Anger, because at eighteen, he turned his back on the family they’d forged, enlisting in the Navy. If that’s what he wanted to do with his life, she would’ve been proud. Would’ve adapted. Waited for him to come home from each mission. Below the fabric of that anger, though, was hurt, because she was the reason he walked away from them. His teeth scraped against the sensitive skin of her lower lip, bringing her back to the present. She swallowed the low groan that escaped his lips and felt it vibrate along her tongue straight to her core. Everything ached and none of it came from her harrowing escape with Sabrina. His grip on her was possessive as he deepened the kiss, stroking her tongue, pushing frantically in an effort to get closer. Her heart was pounding now, matching the pace of his. Everything about him was solid from the muscles stretching beneath his shirt to the stiff erection straining against her stomach. Isaac pulled back, staring at her with an unreadable expression. They were both panting hard, struggling to catch their breath.
“Tell me why Vesey left everything to you, because you’re not kissing me like a woman mourning another man.” His eyes were dark. Expression hard.
She reeled back as though she’d been slapped. There it was. The reason Isaac was in her bed, kissing her like she was the lone antidote to some terrifying disease. She had no idea why Vesey would’ve made her the legal guardian for Sabrina, but she was damn glad he had. Maybe he’d noticed the love between them. Maybe it was out of desperation. It wasn’t, however, because they had any type of relationship beyond that of employee and employer.
If Isaac could suggest such a thing, he didn’t believe in the depth of her feelings for him. Maybe it was easier for him to believe she still had some teen crush, and maybe she had. But she was no longer a little girl, and she’d put her entire life on hold waiting for Isaac to grow a set and admit he loved her right back. His words hurt more than any bullet.
“I’m glad we cleared that up.” She withdrew from his embrace.
Isaac propped himself up on his elbow, and his lips settled into a thin line. “What are you talking about?” She ignored the longing to reach up and run her fingers through his beard. The top of his hair was still mussed from when she’d raked her hands through it. He was so beautiful. Her breath caught as her throat narrowed to the point of pain. She deserved more than this one-sided love. It was time to let him go.
“The reason you’re in my bed. Kissing me without holding back. Not because you love me the way I love you. Because you’re jealous of Sabrina’s father. I have never lied to you. Every letter I’ve sent you, I’ve laid myself bare. No games. Just honesty. And what? You think the depth of those feelings just disappeared? That I decided to have someone else on the side? I’m not some wishy-washy woman who can’t decide what or who she wants. Another man has never touched me, because I’ve always known it’s you.”
“Jules, I—” His face was stricken, but she continued on.
“Another thing I’m not is a doormat. The ball’s been in your court a long damn time. If you’re still embarrassed that you love me like a woman and not your foster sister, that’s on you. I’ve fought for us, without ever knowing if you’ll man up and take what’s yours. Most battles you can see what you’re fighting for. I’ve been doing it blindly. Alone. There’s being in love and then there’s being stupid. I am not the latter. Get out of my bed, Isaac. Close the door on your way out.”
He stared at her for one breath, then another. The chasm of silence between them widening with each passing second. Inside she was screaming at him. Fight. For me. For us. Then he lowered his gaze and eased out of her bed, just like she knew he would. She’d given him an out, and he was taking it. The pain of it was like a physical blow. A direct hit to the left side of her chest. The bed creaked and dipped. She turned to her side, listening to his footsteps pad across the floor. The door opened and then softly clicked shut. The amount of tears she’d shed for Isaac could fill an ocean. And she was done. Every fairytale she’d ever read was a lie. Sometimes there was only one happy ending—realizing you were worth more than an endless wait.
An hour later, there was a quiet knock at her door. It opened a crack, and Kinley and Sasha came in holding a pizza box and paper plates.
“How are you feeling?” Kinley’s blonde hair fell forward as she knelt down with the pizza box. She opened the top, and the smell of melted cheese and garlic coated the air.
Like I have a broken heart.
“ Fine. Ready to get out of bed and see Sabrina.”
Sasha leaned over and kissed her temple, one of her crimson curls brushing along her cheek. Her familiar lemony scent was comforting. She’d became close friends with both of her brothers’ women and loved them like sisters. Even if she didn’t have Isaac in her life the way she wanted him, she was blessed. She loved her job. Loved her family. She was lucky, and she’d never take for granted how hard her biological brother Gus had worked to ensure she received a good education and wanted for nothing.
“Sabrina’s in good hands. She’s downstairs sitting on Isaac’s lap watching Encanto , nibbling the same piece of pizza crust she has been for the last hour.” Kinley folded a slice of pizza and crammed half of it in her mouth.
“Is there something else she’d rather have to eat?” Sasha asked, sitting on the floor in one fluid movement.
“Food presents a lot of sensory issues for her, but give her time and she’ll work her way through a slice of pizza. She’ll eat crackers, chicken nuggets, and the occasional strawberry. Her protein shakes are in the refrigerator. That’s where most of her nutrients come from.” She gathered her hair up and twisted it into a messy bun, fastening it with the scrunchie on her wrist. She was still contemplating how she felt about Sabrina bonding with Isaac. He’d always be part of Julie’s family, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t hurting. Didn’t mean another slice to an already serrated web of wounds.
“Don’t worry,” Kinley said. “We’ll take care of her. Once it’s bedtime we’ll bring her up here. Eat. Food makes everything better.” Steam rose from two slices Kinley offered her. Julie scooted up on the bed, placed a pillow on her lap, and took the outstretched plate.
“Who said anything was wrong?” Okay. Maybe that was a little bit defensive.
Sasha and Kinley both exchanged a look. “Well, let’s see.” Sasha lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers. “You’ve witnessed a potential homicide.” She lowered one finger, counting off her reasons. “Escaped the mafia. Become the guardian to a child. Nothing wrong at all. No reason to be stressed out. Forget Kins mentioned it.”
She hadn’t fully had time to process that Sabrina was now officially in her care. Once the shock wore off, she was sure she’d feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility, given how much she loved the little girl. Then she’d be terrified, because she’d never been tasked with a job more important than caring for something so precious. She and Gus hadn’t had the best examples of parents growing up, but she knew herself well enough to understand she was nothing like them. She remembered the early years of her childhood being happy, but maybe that was just the magic of being young and seeing so much wonder in the world.
As they got older, the fights between their parents got more intense. Affairs on both sides. Bickering turned to screaming and then physical fights, shattered glass, and tears. Her father started drinking after the divorce, taking his anger out on her and Gus, who protected her with everything he had. He’d taken a lot more hits because of it. Then, one day they came home from school to find their father standing over their mother with a knife. Gus had saved her life that day. That was the ferocity she would protect Sabrina with. Kinley cleared her throat, breaking her out of her thoughts of the past.
“Added to that, Jules, Isaac came downstairs looking like he was going to put his fist through a wall.” Kinley rolled her shoulders. “He wouldn’t talk to any of us. Just went outside to brood. It wasn’t until Sabrina dragged him inside to watch television that he stopped radiating anger. Know anything about that?”
“Before you answer that, sweetie, we see the way you look at him. The way he looks at you. How long are you two going to torture yourselves?” Sasha tucked her legs beneath her and looked at Julie with a sad expression.
A long, pained breath escaped her lungs. “I’ve been saying that to him for years.” Tears burned behind her lids, and her chin began to wobble. “He thinks he’s protecting me. Thinks there’s something morally wrong with us being together. As much as it kills me, I’m done.” Every hope she had for the future was wrapped up in Isaac. She wanted it all. To be his wife. To carry his babies. To be a team.
“Jules,” Sasha was standing and climbing into bed beside her. Kinley perched on the edge and grabbed her hand. “All of our men are protectors by nature. They’re stubborn to a fault and, God forbid, you try to talk them out of something once they deem it honorable or just. Whatever you said to Isaac a few minutes ago got his wheels turning. Right now he’s faced with the finality of losing you for good. You’ve backed him into a corner, and now he has to make a choice.”
“No, he doesn’t.” She didn’t recognize the flat, dull tone coming from her lips. “Because I chose. Nothing I say or do will change his mind. I can’t force him to love me, but I can choose to let him go.”