Chapter Eight
The magnitude of how big Isaac had fucked up with Jules was beginning to settle over his soul. He’d brought her and Sabrina into the bedroom, and while Jules tucked the little girl in, she’d demanded he go find a first aid kit. There was one in the attached bathroom closet and he laid it out on the counter by the sink. He’d insisted on looking her over first and cleaning up her various cuts and scrapes. After, she’d silently washed the blood from his skin with the warm wash cloth, cleansed the bullet graze, then wrapped it up tight. Her demeanor clinical and detached. The effervescent light in her eyes had gone flat, and when she was through, she turned without a word and climbed into the bed beside Sabrina. He’d tried to thank her, talk to her, but she shut him out.
Even as she built her walls higher, he was more determined than ever to break them back down. When he walked into the living room, Rowan was sitting on the couch, feet planted wide, with a beer in his hand.
“Figured you’d need one too.” Rowan gestured to the open bottle on the coffee table by the couch. He picked it up, and the glass iced his fingers, coating his skin with condensation.
“Now, are you going to fill me in?” His teammate sat back against the couch, one brow raised.
“The FBI paid us a visit tonight.” Isaac lowered himself onto one of the leather cushions. “Sabrina is one of Jules’s students and her father was deep cover for the bureau. Jules is a witness to that agent’s potential homicide. Now she’s on The Unified Brotherhood’s radar, caught up in a power struggle between emerging leaders.” He rubbed his hand over his face and took a long pull from the bottle.
Rowan straightened. “I don’t know what’s worse. The bureau letting a kid get caught up in a case like that or the father hiring a therapist with the knowledge she’d be pulled into the danger, too.” His teammate’s lips pressed into a thin line, muscles rigid. “What did she see?”
“More heard.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and dropped his tone. The last thing he wanted was to disturb the girls. “The agent was having a business meeting and told Julie to take Sabrina upstairs for the session.”
“Must’ve known there was trouble and purposely scheduled meetings when Julie was there. Again, I’ll never understand how they could involve a child in an operation like that, but this agent had to have known your sister,” Rowan emphasized the familial word, raising his brows. “Would be able to care for Sabrina if shit went sideways.”
He ignored Rowan’s comment about Julie being his sister. There was too much pressure building in his chest, tightening around his sternum at the idea of Vesey purposely using Jules’s time with his daughter so he could conduct business. Of putting her and the little girl in direct danger. “There’s something not right about Agent Vesey letting such dangerous people have knowledge of his daughter at all.”
“Or bringing them into his home—assuming that was his real home and not one the bureau had set him up with.” Rowan’s phone beeped, and he glanced at the screen. “Admiral just approved my leave request.”
Isaac nodded. They operated as a team for so long, it wasn’t a surprise that he’d been granted an emergency leave too. “As far as I know, that was his home, not some government assigned one, and he was the sole parent and relative of Sabrina. Vesey changed his will before this all went down, putting Julie as his daughter’s guardian. And before you ask, she had no clue until the hospital released the girl into her care and had no relationship with Vesey beyond that of her student’s parent.”
“Christ, what a cluster.” Rowan shook his head. “No wonder the feds are tripping over themselves to talk to her. Sounds like Vesey might’ve been a little too invested in his cover. I’ll hang around, in case you need back up.”
“Appreciate it. I’m going to have to use your secure line to reach Gus later. He knew I went after Julie, but he has to be losing his shit right about now when she and Sabrina weren’t found at the crime scene.” Rowan took security seriously, and had an encrypted line for outgoing and incoming calls. Not that anyone would have the number for his safehouse.
“Yeah, of course, but first, are you going to explain why you and your sister act more like starcrossed lovers than family, or do I not want to know?” Rowan smirked and he gritted his teeth.
He considered his teammate a brother, too. Trusted him with his life, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a pain in his ass, busting his balls all the time. “Jules is my foster sibling, like Gus, but we’ve been family—me, Jules, Easton, and Gus—since the day we met. The problem is I’ve been in love with her just as long. It’s so fucking wrong, but as the years pass, I get weaker and weaker. The time I spend apart from my family gets harder, but when I’m with them it’s torture. She’s everything. I can’t lose her.”
“Never understood why you spend more leave time with me than your family. Especially when I hear in your voice how much you care about them. Shit, Isaac, what the fuck are you doing out here with me instead of being by your woman’s side when she needs you?”
And damn if that didn’t feel like a punch to the gut. He was lucky to have good people in his life. Rowan was an only child whose parents died in a home invasion, and here he was whining about loving someone. “Because I was an idiot. When Gus and Easton told me that the bureau wanted to find out the relationship between Vesey and Jules, I couldn’t think straight. The thought of her with someone else messed with my head. I kissed her. I knew her reaction would tell me what words couldn’t, even though I had no right to be mad if she was with Vesey. I’m the one who’s put distance between us. Never her.”
“So? Did you get the answer you wanted?” He drained the rest of his beer and placed the bottle on the coffee table.
“Yeah. And that’s when I screwed up. Even after she kissed me back, even though I knew it was still me she wanted, I was a bastard and asked if Vesey was her lover.” He clenched his jaw until there was pain in his teeth.
Rowan whistled low. “All the more reason you should be in there with her. Holding her. Offering support. Helping with Sabrina.”
“She doesn’t want me anywhere near her.” He placed his empty bottle beside Rowan’s and raked his hands through his hair.
“Right, and if she feels half of what you do for her then she’s nursing a broken heart and you’re further fucking up any potential relationship by not proving to her that you can be everything she needs.”
“I know she’s not blood, but I’m supposed to protect her. She deserves better than me. Deserves someone who doesn’t come from filth. You know about my past. What was done to me,” he added when Rowan leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Yeah, I know. Your mother was a conniving bitch who pimped you and your brother out for drug money. If Jules faced the same, if she was a sexual abuse survivor, would you think she was filth? Do you think that of Easton?”
“No.” Years of shame clung to that one word, a deep rumble of disgust and hatred. Not for his mother, although he hated her too, but for himself. Even after all these years, a cold sweat beaded down his back and his gut churned with bile. “Just me. I was bigger. Stronger. I should’ve been able to protect him. Easton was the one who bolstered our courage enough so we could report the abuse to our teacher.”
“Fuck that, Isaac. You were both kids who experienced a kind of depravity that no one should have to endure. If Jules was my sister, hell, if she were my daughter, I’d be damn proud if you were at her side. Do your brothers know how you feel?”
“Gus called me a poor bastard. Said I never had a chance.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stop the sudden throb behind his eyes.
“So you have your family’s blessing too. The only barrier standing in your way is you.”
Damn. He hated that Rowan was right. Hadn’t he just promised himself he’d do anything in his power to win Jules back? Yet, here he was letting her shut him out. He got to his feet. “Thanks. For showing up today. For letting us crash here. For helping me get my head straight. You’re my brother, too. Hope you know that.”
“Save the sentiments for your woman,” he grinned. When Isaac got up and turned, Rowan cleared his throat. “Hey. Grab a clean shirt and some sweats from my room. Bottom drawer. Closest thing I’ve ever had to family, too, man.”
Isaac just grunted, knowing how much it had cost Rowan to share an emotion like that. He didn’t let people too close, keeping things light and friendly so no one would suspect the dark loss he’d experienced. He stopped in Rowan’s room, tossed on clean clothes, then paced back to the bedroom. He eased the door open so he wouldn’t wake Sabrina and closed it shut behind him.
“What are you doing?” Jules hissed and started to sit up.
He stalked over to the bed. “Lay down, baby, and scoot over.”
“You are not sleeping in here.” Her voice was thick with emotion. Fuck, she’d been crying, and that was most likely on him and not the danger they were in.
“Fact that you’re still awake after the day you had tells me you’re freaked out and rightfully so,” he whispered, not wanting to wake Sabrina who was curled up on the other side of the mattress. “I’m not leaving you alone. We’ll both sleep better together. This bed is huge, and if Sabrina wakes up in the night, I’m sure she’ll be comforted that there are two adults in the room to keep her safe.”
She blew out an exasperated breath. “I don’t remember you playing dirty.”
“Gonna play this however I need to, baby, because you are not a game, and I will not lose you.” The mattress dipped as he slid beneath the sheets behind her.
Her body stiffened. “Isaac, I can’t do this. I can’t wait for something you’ll never give me.”
He wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her against him, so her back was flush to his chest. “That’s where you’re wrong,” he murmured in her ear. “Might’ve taken some time for me to pull my head out of my ass, but I see how badly I’ve hurt you. Hurt us. Gonna start repairing the damage I’ve done starting now. And Jules, when I tell you there’s nothing I wouldn’t give you, nothing, I mean it. You’ve believed in us from the start. Now it’s my turn to carry us the rest of the way.”
“I can’t.” Her voice broke, and he held her more tightly. “I don’t know—”
“I do.” He pressed a soft kiss just below her ear, and inhaled her scent. Wildflowers and smoke from the crash. “Remember the first time I saw you. I was about to throw a ball to Easton on that dried out front lawn. When you got out of the car, you locked eyes on me, like it was instinctual. You held my gaze and I couldn’t breathe. I dropped the ball, because my focus was solely on you. Then you hugged me inside the house. Despite what you’d been through, you were still full of light and goodness. God,” he breathed, burying his face into her hair. “There have been so many times you’ve shined for the three of us. Shined so we could make our way through the dark. Through the depression, the self-depreciation. When we didn’t know if we could afford to stay together, it was you who made us believe. You gave us something good to live for. To protect.”
“But you don’t need to protect me.”
“I will always protect you. Doesn’t mean I think you’re weak or incapable of caring for yourself, but because since that first moment, I’ve known. Then when the four of us moved into the house together, the year before you started college, you rocked my foundation with that kiss. I wanted to pull you to the ground. Worship you like I always dreamed of, but I was so damn scared. Knew you deserved better. Still do, but it’s too late for that now. Can’t let you go.” Isaac held on as her body trembled against his.
“Please.” The agony in her voice gutted him. “You need to stop. I can’t wrap my head around this now.”
“That’s okay. I’ll say it again and again until you believe. Close your eyes, Jules. I’ve got you. Christ, I fucking love you. Know I’ve told you that over and over, but this is the first time I’m telling you I love you the way a man loves a woman. The way you love the other half of your soul. I’ve always known, that’s why since the day we met, there’s never been another woman in my life. In my bed. You were young then, too young for me to be thinking of you that way, but I knew.”
Julie laid completely still in his arms. The only indication that she’d heard the last words he’d spoken were the hot tears sliding onto his forearm that was braced beneath her. For now, that would be enough. Jules was stubborn as hell once she made up her mind, but he didn’t give a shit if it took him years to make her trust the words he’d given her. Of course he hoped like hell it wouldn’t be years, but he was good at waiting especially for the person he’d wanted most in this world. He’d been doing it practically his entire life.