Chapter Twelve
Isaac had just put the last plate from dinner into the dishwasher when Julie entered the room. Her thick caramel hair was loose around her shoulders, nearly touching her elbows. God, the thought of fisting his hands into that hair had him hard as a pike. Whether she was in sweats and fresh faced or dolled up in a dress and heels she never failed to steal his breath. Despite her undeniable beauty, shadows had settled under her eyes. The stress of the situation and the lack of new intel was weighing on her, just like it was on all of them. The difference was that Julie wasn’t a trained SEAL and wasn’t used to living with prolonged stress from the possibility of imminent danger. Add in nearly a week spent inside, and it was enough to make someone stir crazy, no matter how nice the accommodations were. Luckily, he had a surprise so they could both get some fresh air and relax under the stars for a bit.
“Sabrina out?” he asked, sliding the rack into the dishwasher.
“Yeah. Didn’t take long tonight. She was asleep before her bedtime story was done.”
“Been a long week for her.” Isaac reached under the cabinet and withdrew a dishwasher pod. “She’s holding up so well,” he added, putting the pod into the correct compartment before closing the door.
“I know.” Julie’s arms came around her waist. “I just wish we had some good news for her.”
“Me too.” He stalked forward and pulled her to his chest. When she rested the side of her cheek against his heart and wrapped her arms around his waist instead of hers, contentment spread through him. Having Jules melt against him was a dream come true. He wanted to earn the right to love and protect her always. “We both know how unfair life can be, but I wish we could spare her the reality of discovering that so young.” He leaned back and studied her face. “Feel like getting a little fresh air?”
“Like outside?” The shock in her voice was audible. “Is that safe?”
“Rowan just did a perimeter check for us. The property is all clear, so if you’d like, we can go upstairs to the main cabin. The attic opens to a rooftop sitting area at the back of the house.” He’d gone up earlier with blankets and pillows, because it was January after all. At Gus’s house, there was an outdoor fireplace on the stone patio. They spent time out there often, bringing out quilts to wrap around their shoulders and marshmallows to roast. In the past few years, those times spent with the ones he loved most happened less and less often. Being around Julie and not being able to express his true feelings had been too painful.
“Isaac? What was that look?” Her small palm came to rest on his cheek.
“I was thinking about the time I’ve wasted.” He leaned into her touch and sighed. “How I stayed away.”
“As long as you don’t stay away now.” She dropped her hand from his face and stepped back. “Show me this deck. I don’t care how cold it is, so long as we get to go outside.” Her eyes sparkled with excitement at the simple prospect of spending some time beyond the underground safe house.
“I don’t deserve you. The way you forgive so easily … thank you for giving me another chance.” He slid his palm against hers, leading them to the first doorway. He unbolted several deadbolts and walked forward into the concrete room that separated the underground safe house from the cabin above. “This way,” he started to say as they moved toward the steep staircase.
“I think there’s only one way to go,” she chuckled.
“Got me there.” At the top of the stairs, he pushed up the concealed hatch, climbed out, and turned to help Jules. Although the safehouse below was warm and comfortable, the still, frigid air of the cabin made him second guess his decision. “Promise you’ll tell me if you get too cold?” he said gripping the string to pull down the retractable attic stairs.
“I will.” She gave him a reassuring smile and they climbed up into the small space at the back of the house. “I’m good right now, though. This feels like an adventure.”
He grinned at her enthusiasm. “Think we’ve had a bit too much adventure lately.”
“Well, I didn’t mean the hunted by the FBI and blood thirsty criminals type of adventure. I meant the me and you kind,” she said as he climbed up the steps and turned to take her hands. He’d dusted the space a bit earlier when laying out the pillows and blankets. He had to hunch so his head didn’t brush the ceiling, but Jules didn’t have that problem with her petite stature.
“I used to live for those afternoons we’d spend in the forest. Didn’t matter if we sat in silence or talked for hours.” He stepped to the side so there was room to open the door that led to the rooftop deck. It was the perfect size for two to stretch out and watch the stars.
“Me too. It was like our private bubble. A place I was safe to share anything on my mind.” Her gaze dropped to the pillows and blankets, then shifted to the bottle of wine and glasses.
He cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. “Rowan must’ve brought up the wine.”
“This is perfect.” She was already stepping out. Her chin tilted toward the sky, and she sucked in a breath. “I’ve never seen stars look this bright.”
He wanted to tell her she put every one of those stars to shame, but his throat was constricted with emotion as love swamped him. All he could do was loop his hands around her waist and pull her back against his chest. “I love you, Jules,” he murmured in her ear.
She let her head fall back against his shoulder and looked up at him. “I love you, too. Thank you for bringing me up here. For recognizing I was getting stir crazy before I realized it myself.”
Although he desperately wanted to kiss her, he dropped his forehead to hers, embracing the connection between them. Maybe he was overly cautious because of his childhood abuse, but he didn’t want Julie to think he’d only brought her up here for one thing. Don’t get him wrong, he loved exploring their physical relationship, something he’d been extremely concerned about. He’d been worried the experiences would trigger him in some way, and he’d either lash out or have flashbacks to a dark time. With Jules, though, he was safe to be himself. She didn’t give him time to let his mind wander and didn’t allow him to forget it was just the two of them.
How long they stood there, his heart beating against her back as they looked up at the silver stars, he didn’t know. When she shivered against him, he knew it was time to get her bundled up.
“Let’s get you warm.” He released her just long enough to grab one of the thick velvety blankets, throwing it around his shoulders, the corners of the material in his hands, and enveloped her in the warm fabric. He lifted her slightly as he sat against the pillows cushioning the wooden deck. Jules turned in his arms, so she was facing him.
“You’re not going to see the stars this way.” He brushed a stream of hair away from her face.
“I’d rather look at you.” A flash of something burned through her gaze, striking him with a shock of heat that gathered in his gut and traveled downward.
The groan that reverberated in the back of his throat mirrored the whimper that caught in hers. Long suppressed emotions and desires raced forth, making him nearly dizzy with longing. A gust of wind tugged at their blankets, but the temperature had surged. He moved first, sinking his hand into her hair and dropping his mouth. Their lips brushed and tingles swept over his skin. She opened immediately. There was an urgency in the kiss as they fought to get closer. In the process, they’d moved from sitting to laying on their sides and his hands were gripping her hips, molded against the rough denim of her jeans. Her palms were moving over his chest, eliciting shivers of excitement.
“I want to touch you. Taste you.” He swallowed her moan of agreement and let his hands dip under the material of her sweatshirt to caress her soft skin, loving the curve of her hips and the dip of her waist. His fingers were trembling with need when he fumbled with the front closure of her bra. She arched against him in encouragement when the clasp released. A breath shuddered from his lips as he plumped her supple breasts. He loved the little sounds she made when he dragged the rough pads of his thumbs over the sensitive tips. More when he lowered his head and tasted her sweet skin. He could pleasure her all night and it still wouldn’t be enough. Her hands were massaging his scalp, drawing him closer. He wanted her. Wanted to sink inside her heat. To be skin to skin. Close on every level. They’d yet to have sex, and she hadn’t pressured him. The last thing he wanted was for Jules to feel as though she was tiptoeing on delicate glass around him, but the truth was, fear was holding him from being with her in the way he wanted most.
There was tension against his sternum, and it took him a moment to realize it was Julie’s palm.
“There’s no pressure here,” she whispered against his lips.
He was at a loss for words. How did he express how much he wanted her yet how twisted up he was at the same time? “It’s not pressure. It’s the unknown. I don’t want to hurt you, Jules. I also don’t want to disappoint you. Have the experience be less than you deserve.”
“Isaac, look at me. Please,” she added. Although it was dark, there was just enough light from the lantern to make out the intensity in her eyes. “Your masculinity, your strength, how much I love you isn’t going to diminish if we fumble our first time together or if we decide not to have sex at all. The closeness I feel to you is everything I’ve ever wanted.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “You could always read my mind. Get to the heart of my thoughts even when I couldn’t work them out in my head. I hate that my actions are still controlled by what happened to me. That those people who abused me still dictate my life. And Julie, there’s nothing I want more than a life with you. I want this, but still, I’m not prepared. I didn’t lie when I said I’ve never made love before. This will be a first for both of us. I’m clean, but I can’t keep you safe from pregnancy.”
“My periods were always brutal. I’ve been on the pill for a long time to help with that.”
She was stroking his cheek, and the tenderness of her touch made his eyes burn. He blinked quickly and released a breath. “What are you saying?”
“That you don’t need to worry about condoms. If you’re comfortable with that, because I am. Just me and you, Isaac. I will never hurt you. No one comes between us here.”
The air caught in his lungs, and he lifted his hands to her cheeks. “I wish I could say the same. I have hurt you. That’s my biggest regret, Jules. Your strength humbles me. I’m going to love you so hard, day after day, until all doubts about my feelings are erased.” He dropped his hands, hooking his thumbs under the waistband of her jeans and working them down her legs. She did the same to him until they removed all the barriers between them. Her skin was the softest thing he’d ever felt and so responsive to his touch. He was going to worship her the way she deserved. He kissed his way down her body, her scent in his nostrils making his blood roar. Isaac could taste a hint of salt and the sweet lotion she’d used after her shower. By the time he got to her center, his whole body was taut, muscles coiled in anticipation, and when he breathed her in, he thought he might explode before he ever entered her. He dragged his tongue over her, and she shivered and arched her hips in response. Her fingers were buried in his hair, tugging him closer. He circled her clit, teasing little protests from her lips before lapping the sensitive bundle of nerves until she was bucking against his mouth. He gently slid one finger inside her, then another. She was impossibly tight and the last thing he wanted to do was cause her pain. Her thighs began to quiver. She was close. He sucked her clit into his mouth and satisfaction swelled within him when her whole body began to shake and tremble. He continued, drawing out her pleasure until she was pushing at his shoulders.
He moved up her body, bracing his hands on either side of her shoulders. “Are you sure, sweetheart?”
“I’m sure. Are you?” she asked.
Her concern for him was palpable and tenderness swelled in his chest. What he’d done to deserve her was a mystery. She’d entered his life at a time he was grappling with how his mother had betrayed him and Easton. He was wary of everyone, angry with the hand he’d been dealt. She hadn’t had it easy, though, either, but opened her heart to him and his brother without hesitation, giving him something else to focus on. A sense of acceptance and family that he’d only ever found in Easton.
He brought himself to her opening, gently pushing against her center. Hurting her would kill him, so he moved slowly, then stopped halfway. She gripped him like a vice, her wet heat enveloping him. Nothing had ever felt better, but his desire to bury himself inside her was secondary to her comfort. He lowered his lips to hers. “You have my heart,” he murmured before kissing her breathless. “Take your time. Move when you’re ready. I won’t risk hurting you.”
“You have mine too, Isaac.” She wrapped her legs around his waist and brought her hips up to meet his, burying him deep. Julie stilled and hissed a breath through her teeth.
If he hadn’t thought it would cause her more pain, he would’ve pulled out. “Jules…”
“I’m okay. Just need a sec.” After a moment, she began to rock against him, slowly at first, then with more intensity as her breathing increased. Being inside her, connected to her was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. They might be running from danger, in the center of a very uncertain situation, but he knew with complete clarity that this woman was meant to be his. He grit his teeth, fighting the urge to pump into her. Something profound built inside him and he worked his hands between her hips, circling his thumb over her. He felt more than heard her breath hitch. Her inner muscles clamped down and rippled around him. She was gripping his back, skin coated with sweat despite the frigid air pressing against their cocoon of blankets. A sound of pleasure left her lips as he began to quiver. White-hot pleasure shot through him, momentarily taking his sight. Wave after wave shuddered through him as he filled her. He stilled over her, breath sawing in and out as he regained his equilibrium. Still locked inside her, he rolled them to their sides and encircled his arms around her.
“I love you so much.” Jules’s words were infused with such wonder, tears prickled his lids.
“I love you, too, Jules. So, fucking much.” He let one of the tears roll down his cheek, not embarrassed in the slightest by his reaction. Isaac kissed her cheeks, tasting the salt of her own tears.
“These aren’t sad tears,” she said quickly.
“Mine either.”
The tears they shared were a shedding of the past, bringing them forward to the lightness and life they both deserved to be able to build together. Everything they’d lost, everything they’d overcome had led to this moment between them. Their past would always be there, a shadow of dark, but now, they were exactly where they were supposed to be—together. They relished in the moment, choosing to watch the glow of the stars in each other’s arms, sharing the wine previously left untouched. He hadn’t wanted their first experience to be altered in any way, but now they shared the bottle in celebration. It wasn’t until the early morning hours when they descended the steps of the safehouse and laid together on the couch, falling into a sated sleep.