Chapter 22 #2
There is no way I’m not listening to this. I tiptoe over to the kitchen table, which is nearer to the hallway and is where I’ve left my handbag. If Ethan comes back in, I can pretend to be looking for my lip balm.
The front door opens, and Jamie presumably leaves.
‘What’s this about?’ Ethan asks. I know that tone: feigned disinterest.
‘I called him last night to say goodnight and he said he’d barely seen you!’ Elena hisses. ‘He said he had dinner alone in his room.’
‘I have the biggest transaction of my career going on, for fuck’s sake. I had him as a favour to you—doesn’t mean I could drop everything to hang out with him. He knows I’ve got a lot on.’
‘Jesus Christ. Can you hear yourself? He’s your son! It shouldn’t feel like a favour, but honestly, it does. He doesn’t think you want him here. What do you have to say to that? Why the hell can’t you make him feel welcome in his own home?’
‘Of course I want him here. I’m just distracted. I’ll do better when all this is over.’
‘You’d better bloody do better. I could strangle that fucking father of yours for fucking you up so royally. Jamie will be withdrawn for the rest of the day now, you know? But don’t worry, I’ll pick up the pieces like I always do.’
The door slams.
Holy fucking shit. That was horrific. I honestly feel heartbroken for all three of them: for poor Jamie, who thinks his dad doesn’t actually want to be with him; for Elena, doing her best to get Jamie through all the Kingsley trauma from which she’s basically rescued him, and for Ethan, my controlling, gorgeous, avoidantly attached boss who fucks up everyone he touches.
Jesus. I wouldn’t have expected Elena to deliver F-bombs with such aplomb, but she seriously read him the riot act, and I have to admire it. I suspect she won’t be the only one picking up the pieces. Ethan won’t be a happy bunny at all after that.
Sure enough, he stalks back into the kitchen, crosses it angrily, flings the fridge door open, stares inside, and slams it again. Okaaay then. On the plus side, he doesn’t seem to have registered my blatant eavesdropping.
‘Back to work,’ he snaps, taking his seat at the island.
‘Sure.’ If he wants to numb his pain by burying himself shoulder-deep in the exact work that he’s claiming is the reason for his rift with Jamie, that’s great.
Just wonderful. He won’t be the first person to have done that.
In fact, I suspect Ethan’s bodyguard parts are responsible for the vast majority of his professional success to date, whether that’s because he worked his arse off to gain his bell-end father’s mercurial approval or because productivity is the ultimate society-sanctioned addiction, I’m unsure.
‘Are you still planning on going to Alchemy tonight?’ he asks about half an hour later, apropos of nothing. He doesn’t meet my eye.
‘You know I am. It’s a Seraph night out.’
‘What happened to meeting up at a regular bar—not good enough for you guys now?’
‘We want to go check it out.’ I shrug. ‘Anton’s wife, Gen, gave us all membership a few weeks ago. It sounds fun. And the bar’s supposed to be gorgeous.’
‘They have a two-drink limit.’
‘Only if you want to go through to The Playroom afterwards.’
He stiffens and rolls his pen towards him across the marble. I personally think the setup at Alchemy sounds great—a lovely, sophisticated bar to hang out in (fully clothed, of course) and eye-fuck people, and then the option to go through to The Playroom next door afterwards for full-on naked fun.
‘And do you?’ He finally looks at me, spinning the pen between his fingers. His eyes are burning.
‘I don’t know. I haven’t decided. And it’s not exactly any of your business.’
That might be true, but it’s also provocative. I know it’ll piss Ethan off, and I want to push his buttons, for some reason.
He purses his lips. ‘What a dirty little slut you are. I’ve been banging your brains out all fucking week, and it still isn’t enough for you.
You need so much dick that you’re going to spend your evening crawling around a sex club in the hope that as many blokes as possible will dick you up. You’re a fucking disgrace.’
To my horror, my eyes prick with tears. Man, his protector parts are mean. Mean, and seriously ugly, and so damn entrenched.
This is exactly the kind of behaviour that had Talia and her predecessors in floods of tears every week, that had them walking out that door and never coming back.
I take a deep breath and blink the tears away. It’s less about Ethan knowing his cruel jibe has landed and more about showing him that he doesn’t fool me. Not for one second.
And after that little stunt, he’s put the ball firmly in my court.
I twist my body around so I can look him in the eye.
He’s looking at me like I’m a worthless piece of shit on the floor, and I marvel at how many seemingly functional adults are actually walking around this planet every day with their most fucked-up, egregious parts uniformly running the show.
Ethan’s nervous system is like a kindergarten class when the teacher has left the room, and I will not be that teacher figure. Only he can provide that for himself. But I can damn well step in for a moment and bring the class to order.
Before I do, I take a slow inhale and exhale in an attempt to regulate my own nervous system. I may be emotionally robust, but I’m only human, and it’s hard not to interpret what Ethan said as an outright attack.
‘Listen to me very carefully.’ He rears back slightly on his stool as if he’s expecting a bollocking.
Good, if not strictly accurate. ‘I’m only going to say this once.
I know what you’re doing, pal, even if you don’t.
You might think you’re lashing out at me because you’re feeling exposed or shamed right now, and you’re in need of a power flex.
‘But that’s not exactly what’s happening.
You don’t realise it, but you’re testing me.
You’re pushing me away in the most horrible, insulting fashion to see if I bail.
Because that’s what Talia and the others did, didn’t they?
They couldn’t hack your tests, so they bailed, and no blame to them.
That stuff you just said to me was really fucking nasty. ’
He goes to speak, but I cut him off. ‘Nope. I’m not done.
You can test me, but I won’t abandon you.
I know that was your fiercest, most burdened inner bodyguards talking just now and not you.
I warned you when we met that I’m not broken.
I’m strong enough to stand up to those bodyguards.
I’m not afraid of them. That said, I have far too much self-respect to sit here and let you speak to me like that, so I’m going to give you some space.
’ I gather my phone and lip balm and slide off my stool. ‘I’ll see you on Monday.’
With that, I walk out of the room without a backward glance.