Chapter 15
kat
Do I wear it?
That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for no less than the last twenty minutes as I get ready for tonight’s party. Because I want to be bold. I want to take a chance. I want to do a lot of things, and wearing the outfit I want to wear would give me that extra ounce of confidence.
But then there’s fucking Katherine in the back of my head, asking me if that’s a good idea.
Sometimes she’s a stuck-up bitch.
The outfit Katherine wants me to wear is a flattering, and slightly sexy, red sweater with leather leggings. Just enough to give party vibes, but appropriate for a function being hosted by potential clients.
But what I want to wear is a Santa Baby inspired dress made of dark green velvet, with the fur hood and all.
I packed it for a just-in-case moment, because when you’re gone over the holiday for ten days, you never know what you’re going to need.
I bought it a few years ago for a Bad Santa Christmas party, and frankly, I look way too good in it to only wear it once.
It makes me feel sexy. Bold. Not like Katherine in the least bit.
That’s who I want to be tonight. I want to be Kat. I want to be the woman who has fun. I want to be the woman who does the scary thing. And there’s nothing scarier than telling a man you know could break your heart that you want to give it a try.
How’s that going to happen tonight? No clue.
I’m normally a pretty prepared person, but I’m winging this shit.
I’ve only said a few words to Grayson since he made his way up to the room after our impromptu work date today, and those were “I’ll pop into the bathroom now so you can have it to get ready.
” Not exactly the starter to the conversation of “Hey, I’m scared to death, and I need to tell you about my emotional baggage, but if you want to date, I want to date.
” Granted, I don’t know what actually is the starter to that conversation, but I doubt it’s that.
All I do know is that when I left the restaurant today, and after spending the afternoon with Grayson, I realized that I’m tired of splitting my personalities.
I’m tired of needing to rely on a name and a beige bra to keep my heart protected.
I don’t want to live a life of regrets, and I have a feeling if I don’t give this a shot with Grayson, then regret is all I’m going to feel.
And in this outfit? With a red lip, black heels, and a dress that makes me feel like I can own a room? There’s no space for regret.
When I open the door, I’m hit with the smell of Grayson’s cologne. The only problem is he’s nowhere to be found.
I let out a sigh of disappointment as I walk over to the desk chair, so I can finish putting on my jewelry. But when I sit down, a piece of paper catches my eye.
Katherine,
Can you ask Kat to meet me downstairs for a drink before the party? I’d love to buy her one in celebration of a hard-fought battle.
Let’s have some fun tonight.
<3 Grayson
The note is simple, but I don’t know if he realizes the magnitude of him writing this note to both Katherine and Kat.
Does he know that I’ve been struggling all day of how to morph the two back together again?
And even if he doesn’t—which how could he—him acknowledging both of these people exist in me means more than he could ever know.
Jeff never did that. Well, I take that back.
He did. But he used one against the other so much that I didn’t trust myself in either my professional or personal life.
But that’s not Grayson. The more I spend time with him, the more I know that to be true.
I finish putting on my gold jewelry, and give myself one more spritz of perfume before I make my way downstairs. When I turn from the elevator into lobby, my eyes go wide because…damn.
Was this the same area I left just a few hours ago?
There have been decorations up since I arrived, but now?
I don’t know when they did this, or who’s responsible, but the entire space looks like you stepped into a magazine spread.
Holly and lights everywhere. I don’t know how they brought in more Christmas trees, but they did.
Some have simple decorations. Some are currently being decked by children in their pajamas. It’s absolutely perfect.
My eyes are roaming everywhere, but they stop on a dime when I look ahead and see Grayson standing outside of the restaurant.
I was not prepared.
I stop moving, and my knees nearly give out as he starts walking over to me.
He’s wearing black suit with a white button-down shirt.
As I get closer, I realize he’s wearing a Christmas tie that’s just enough fun to be playful, but not take away from the sleekness of his look.
His beard has the perfect amount of scruff, his hair is styled perfectly, and I can smell his cologne as he draws closer.
“You look…” He doesn't have the words. Which I get, because neither do I.
“I could say the same thing.”
Neither of us are moving, both locked into this forcefield we’ve fallen into. I know he’s being a gentleman. His hands are balled at his sides, fists tight to keep from touching me.
And then there’s me…trying to figure out how to put together the words to say that I’m here.
That I want to try; I just don’t know how.
I know he’s not going to turn me away or reject me.
Between the words he’s said last night and today, combined with the look of absolute yearning in his eyes, I know the answer.
Yet, that doesn’t make me less nervous. There's something about putting yourself out there that can scare the most confident woman into submission. Even one wearing a slutty Santa dress.
No, Kat. This is why you wore this dress. This is why you wore the black lingerie. Why the red lip is red lipping. No more being scared. No more living in the past.
I reach for his hands, wrapping his fists around my fingers. When he realizes what I’m doing, his eyes are back on me, and his smile? Instant and bright. The Christmas lights in the lobby have nothing on him right now.
“We have a lot to talk about,” I say, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. “But I have a question for you first.”
“Anything.”
I step a little closer, our fingers now laced together. “Since you asked me for a drink, I was wondering when that was over, if you’d be my date to a Christmas party. I have on good authority there will be trivia involved.”
He laughs and pulls me in, his lips finding my forehead. I know it’s not the kiss I’m craving, but God, do his lips feel good against my skin.
“I’d be honored,” he says as he let’s go of my hand, but only so he can put his on the small of my back. “I hear the bar makes a hell of an Old Fashioned.”
“Sounds perfect.”
“And your winners of tonight’s Christmas trivia are…Claus Deep!”
I jump up from my seat, celebrating like that announcement was new information. It’s not. We’ve been winning since round one, and frankly, when the hardest question of the night was about Linus’s monologue in A Charlie Brown Christmas, I knew we had it in the bag.
Don’t fuck with me on The Peanuts.
“Congratulations!” Declan announces on his microphone, bringing us over a prize basket. “Now, we’re going to take a break from the games for a few minutes. Please, enjoy the food and desserts. And don’t be afraid to turn this space into a dance floor if you so desire. Enjoy.”
There’s faint applause from the room, but that’s not an indicator of how this night is going. Declan and Howard are nailing this. If this is what they can do with a spur-of-the-moment event, then they are going to knock Declan’s vision for the Timberline out of the water.
“Well done, partner,” Grayson says. “We make quite a team.”
“That we do.” I say as I nudge his shoulder. One that’s been inches away from me all night.
I know teasing and foreplay are necessary parts of the sexual experience, but my God, this has been torture. Especially when Grayson was spending most of the night tracing small circles on my thigh. If he wasn’t doing that, he had his arm around me, or was holding my hand.
But has he kissed me yet? Absolutely not. I didn’t know you could actually die from anticipation, but here I am, on life support.
I mean, I probably deserve this. This is my punishment from God, Santa, and Frosty the Snowman himself for not having my head out of my ass sooner. I know the payoff is going to be worth it, but holy shit, is it payday yet?
“Are you okay if I step away for a second?” he asks.
“Of course. I actually wanted to go grab another drink and some cookies. Want me to grab you anything?”
He shakes his head before leaning into me. “One more drink. Then we’re leaving. And then we’re going to go upstairs so I can fuck you in that dress. And maybe those shoes. Sound good?”
Goosebumps instantly form on every inch of my body, with his words and his breath next to my ear.
“Yes.”
My word is a whisper as his lips are still just centimeters from my cheek. I still, waiting to feel his lips on my cheek, but instead, he just walks away.
Bastard.
I don’t know how he’s going to pay for this…but once we have sex once or twenty times tonight, payback is going to be a bitch.
After I get myself back together, I make my way to the bar. I order two old fashioneds—the holiday version that Grayson and I have become fond of. I start eyeing the dessert table when I see someone slide up next to me.
“You could’ve given others a chance. Or maybe gotten one wrong just to make others feel better.”
I laugh at Declan’s joke. “Do you think either of us have that in us?”
“Not in the least.”
We share a smile as the DJ, who I’m pretty sure I saw yesterday acting as a bell hop, starts playing a poppy Christmas ballad, which leads guests to taking the dance floor.
“You know if it was any other night, and you were any other person, I’d be asking you to dance right now.”
That takes me by surprise. “What?”