Chapter Fifteen
Spencer
If not for Malik’s dark complexion, I would’ve said all the color drained from his face.
He definitely took on a stillness that I didn’t associate with him.
Yes, we’d sat down and shared two meals today.
Both times, though, he’d appeared restless.
Almost like a caged tiger, ready to bolt when the cage door opened.
I didn’t like to think of him as caged, or even restrained.
He’s probably doing it for you. So you don’t freak out and accuse him of not thinking things through.
Of not being aware of consequences. Still, he remained motionless.
“I mean, you don’t have to tell me. No big deal.
Here I am, running off at the mouth. You might be living in someone’s basement, or couch surfing, or—I don’t know—living in your SUV.
” Although I probably would’ve noticed. “Truly, it’s none of my—”
“I live in a seven-bedroom, six bathroom, five-thousand-square-foot mansion on extensive grounds in Arbutus Ridge. Worth eight figures, no less.” He rubbed his forehead.
“My bandmates know where it is because there’s a recording studio in the basement.
My parents’ life insurance paid off the house, and gives me an annuity to pay the taxes on the place every year.
For spending money—like to feed myself and keep the lights on—I have to work.
Which was, undoubtedly, my father’s plan.
He thought I’d stay with the orchestra until I retired.
Ha. More fool him. I should just sell the place—” He rubbed his face.
“But my mother loved it. She decorated it to her tastes.” His voice caught.
“As long as I leave it as it is, then a part of her still lives on. I never go into the primary bedroom. I never enter her library or my father’s den.
Those places are—” He placed his hands over his face.
Unbidden, I moved to crouch before him. “Sacred spaces. I get it. I really do. It’s not the same, but I feel that way in This Land is Ours’s offices. Like Maude built this place and I have a legacy to maintain it. I know it’s not the same—”
He pulled his hands away from his face and wiped at the tears.
“It is the same. I get it. I live in a shrine and I don’t have the courage to change it.
Hell, I don’t know if I want to. I’ve never lived anywhere else.
Until I quit the orchestra, I’d never considered doing anything else.
Somewhere along the way, I rebelled against my dad.
But only after he was gone. And not in a malicious way.
I mean…he was a tyrant. Always knew what was best. Insisted on being right all the time.
I was terrified by and respected him at the same time. ”
“But you wanted something different.”
“Yeah. The orchestra was great…but I needed a way to express myself, and that wasn’t the right venue.”
“And Razor Made is.” I ensured the words came out as a statement—not a question. He loved his band. That came through in the music, the videos, and the way he smiled when he mentioned them.
He cocked his head. “You get it.” Gently, he stroked his index finger down my cheek. “Sorry to get all weepy.”
I cupped his cheek. “You’re entitled. It’s only been a few years—since you lost them and since you quit a safe and secure life and moved into something…less stable.”
“Yeah. I mean, I could rent out my recording studio for tons of money… But I don’t want people to know where I live. What my worth is.”
“Money’s nice, for certain.” Especially when you have little. Still, I pressed my hand over his heart. “This is what counts. What’s inside you. What you do to express that.”
“I’m not a fly-by-night.”
I cocked my head.
“You think I’m a flash in the pan. Here today, gone tomorrow.
I believe in what you’re doing—that Indigenous rights and the environment are so tied together that they can’t be separated.
That if we help ensure our Indigenous brothers and sisters are protected—especially their land—then we can rest a little easier since they’re better stewards of the land than anyone else could be. ”
He was probably right. Aside from a few die-hard environmentalists, most tribes cared for the land in a way I, as a white person, was only beginning to understand.
My work was just one piece in a massive puzzle.
But if I could do some good, then all was not lost. “I’m coming to understand that you’re more than just a guy who wants clicks and likes. ”
With a weak smile, he replied, “High praise—coming from you.”
Then he grasped my hands and urged me up. Instead of letting me retake my seat, though, he sort of tugged me onto his lap.
“I’m too heavy.” I had to protest this position—even as I encountered the intimacy of it.
I’d never sat in someone’s lap before. The feeling was…
extraordinary. Like someone wrapping me in a warm blanket.
I wound my arms around his neck and nuzzled my nose into his shoulder as he held me.
I might’ve been taller, but he was more muscular. Stronger.
Perhaps better able to face the world—despite his belief of a weakness.
But where he saw a fault, I saw only strength.
He’d endured the unimaginable and had come out the other side.
Hell, he was a rock star. Perhaps only known in Vancouver indie circles for the moment…
but he was going places. He had talent and a band who clearly adored him.
“Uh…can I ask a question?”
I pulled back from the embrace to gaze at his stunning dark-brown eyes. “Sure. You can ask me anything.” I envisioned some dark, deep secret. Something I’d never shared with anyone. I had a few of those.
“Well, since you offered—” He grinned. “I want to ask about that ex-asshole of yours. But first—” He gestured with his chin. “Is your cat allowed on the table?”
I turned and, to my horror, found Moses licking the butter off my uneaten carrots. “Moses.” Part exasperation, part annoyance, part pride. Mostly annoyance.
He kept right on licking.
Malik chuckled. “I think it’s cute.”
“You just didn’t want to finish your vegetables.”
His expression turned horrified. “He’d better not aim for my cheese sauce. It’ll be a duel to the death.”
I laughed. And, a little shakily, I slid off his lap.
Moses, possibly sensing the moment was over, leapt down from the table. I picked up my plate, moved to the kitchen, and dumped everything into the organic compost. “Well, that was interesting.”
“Mmm.” Malik appeared with his empty plate—and his mouth full of food.
I grinned. “Good, eh?”
He nodded vigorously as he put the plate on the counter.
“Are you, uh…” I let out a long breath.
He swallowed. “Are you asking me to? Do you want me to?”
I stepped into his personal space. “I’m asking. I want.”
He grinned. “Then I’m all yours. Do you need to take any meds?”
His question was as casual as anything. That he was thinking about my health—without being overbearing—meant everything. “I’m okay.”
“Cool. Now, do you have a spare toothbrush?”
“In a container in the drawer under the bathroom sink.” I was vaguely amused dental hygiene was a top priority.
“And lube? Condoms?”
“Small box of condoms—not expired. Big container of lube.” Because I was single—and still horny. I wasn’t going to mention that I’d been jerking off to images of him the past couple of nights.
“I like your priorities. And the cat?”
I eyed Moses who sat on my barstool, indolently licking his paw. “He can take the couch tonight. I’m not sharing my bed with you and him.”
Malik glanced over his shoulder. “Does he know that?”
“Uh.” I bit my lower lip. “It might be that we’ve shared a bed every night since I brought him home.” To Malik’s raised eyebrow, I added, “Yes, I haven’t had sex since just before I rescued him. The ex I’d rather not talk about.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tight. “Okay. You go first—I’ll clean up and have a heart-to-heart with Moses.”
Uncertain what that meant, but with my heart rate kicking up, I headed to the bathroom.
After brushing my teeth and stripping, I headed into the bedroom.
I tossed my clothes in the hamper, then pulled back the top sheet and duvet.
I had no idea what to expect, but my imagination was working overtime.
Should I be preparing myself? Were we going to have sex?
What if he wanted to bottom? I was fine with that…
although topping wasn’t always my happy place.
With him, though, I’d gleefully make an exception.
The sound of the toilet flushing had me hustling into bed.
I was retrieving the lube and a couple of condoms from my nightstand when he strode in—buck naked. Which was impressive given the small size of my condo.
He grinned wickedly. “I think we’re going to have fun tonight.”
“Yeah, me too.”
And we did.