11. Chapter Eleven #2
“Try. Not for me but for yourself.” He moves his finger in and out of me faster. My hips rise to meet his hand, seeking more. I never thought I’d be this lost in pleasure. All at the hands of my terrifying husband who isn’t as terrifying as I once thought.
Who I might actually be starting to care for.
Every action of his finger inside of me makes my inner walls clamp down. Despite knowing some basic sex education, I never knew it would feel like this. This full. This consuming.
Spike after spike of pleasure hits me going from my stomach down to my toes.
My eyes never look away from Matteo’s. It’s like he has me under a spell. I’m not sure I could break it even if I wanted to and now, I’m not sure if I want to break it all.
“Come for me,” he commands. “Let go, Luciana. I know you want to. Just let go.”
Getting his permission is exactly what I need. My second release washes over me in a powerful gust. My toes curl and my hands clench before my body relaxes. Matteo pulls his finger from me and right before my eyes, licks it. Tasting me again.
“You taste so fucking good,” he compliments, making me blush. “How did all of this make you feel?”
“Confused,” I whisper.
“Confused how?”
“I liked it…”
“But you still feel like you shouldn’t have liked it? What we did… there was nothing wrong with it. I showed you pleasure, Luciana. You can enjoy it. That doesn’t make you less perfect. Do you want to see how aroused I am? Because I liked it too.”
I swallow hard. I’ve only seen Matteo without his shirt on before. Never fully naked.
But I can’t deny my curiosity.
“Yes.”
He stands up and pushes his pants and underwear down to reveal his penis. His erect, hard penis.
The sight of it makes my inner walls clench. He’ll put that inside of me one day and I’ll let him. Not just because it’s my duty but now because I want to experience it. That thought frightens me. How can I want this man who scares me?
I need it to make sense.
He grips his penis and begins stroking it. “Look at how hard I am. There’s nothing wrong with being aroused. Nothing wrong with enjoying what your husband is doing to you. I enjoyed what I did to you.”
“But you’re… you.”
“And you’re you. We’re different people, yes. But we both feel the same things. I may have done bad things in my life. That doesn’t mean what I’m feeling right now is wrong. What you just felt wasn’t wrong. Any good husband would want their wife to orgasm from their touch. Trust me on that.”
“How can I trust you when I barely know anything myself?”
“Then go talk to Aurora again. She’ll tell you that I’m not wrong.”
He continues to stroke his penis. I watch in fascination as it grows even bigger.
“Do you want to touch me?” he asks.
His question startles me into sitting up. “I…”
“I won’t force you, Luciana. But fuck, I would love for you to touch me. You don’t have to be scared of me or my body. Wrap your hands around my cock.”
“Is that what you call it? I’ve never heard that before.”
His smile is soft and sweet – it’s not something I get to see from him all that often. “You really are so innocent. I’m sorry you were kept in the dark on these things. Yes, I call it my cock. You can call it that too.”
“Isn’t it dirty? It seems… dirty.”
“It can be. But there’s nothing wrong with enjoying all of this. Do you want to touch me?”
Matteo is giving me an out. I can say no and I know he’ll probably be disappointed and I’ll feel like a failure again. Or I can say yes, explore new possibilities and enjoy my time with my husband, even if it does make me feel conflicted.
I decide to be brave. “Yes.”
My hands are shaking too much so Matteo takes them and wraps them around his penis. Or his cock as he calls it.
“Just do what feels good,” he says.
“What about what you want?”
“Trust me. It all feels good.”
Even though I’m scared, I let myself explore his body. I touch all over his penis, from the tip to the top. My fingers even skim along his balls. That makes Matteo hiss and his eyes darken.
“Am I doing something wrong?” I ask.
“No,” he says through gritted teeth. “You’re doing something right. It feels so fucking good. Don’t stop.”
I focus on his tip and roll it around, fascinated by the touch and feel of it all. His body is so different from mine. So many things to explore. The longer I touch him, the less intimidated I feel. The more I know I can do this.
And judging from the pleasure on Matteo’s face, I’m making him feel good, which means I’m doing this right. Maybe I’m not a complete failure after all.
Matteo’s breath comes out faster and his hips buck forward. “Fuck, Luciana. I’m going to come. I don’t want to scare you so you should let go.”
I do as he says and watch as he grabs a tissue from the nightstand and wraps it around his penis.
He strokes himself a few more times before groaning.
I see his semen enter the tissue. I was taught about that when I was told how babies are made.
It’s much more interesting to see in person than in a textbook.
He goes into the ensuite bathroom and comes back out, sans tissue. His penis is flaccid. In a blink of an eye, his body has changed. Everything has changed.
He stuffs his penis back into his pants before cupping my face. I can’t help but blush from knowing what we just did. And yet, it hadn’t felt wrong. Not a second of it.
Matteo gives me a long, lingering kiss that I want to melt into. “I have to go to work,” he says with a groan. “I would much prefer to stay in bed with you all day.”
“You should go to work.” I need time to think about what we just shared and how much it has changed me.
I know in this moment that things will never be the same between me and Matteo again.