Chapter 35
Chapter
Thirty-Five
I’m finishing a detailed drawing of a mugwort plant when a splash of crimson drips onto the page.
I stare down at it, not comprehending, and I feel something slick on my upper lip. I touch my face. My hand comes away red as more blood continues to gush from my nose. I gasp and push the book away, jumping to my feet.
“What’s wrong?” Omos asks.
“I’m bleeding,” I tell him.
“Oh, no, you’re not bleeding,” he says, and hands me a towel. “I think you’re dying.”
I put the towel to my face and race out the door of the monastery. I need Kalos. He’ll know how to fix this. But when I go outside, it’s storming and no one is outside. “Kalos?”
“He left,” Omos says from behind me.
But that doesn’t make sense. He can’t go anywhere without me. We’re supposed to be together.
Omos gives me a pitying look and holds out another towel.
I’m about to tell him that I don’t need a second one when my nose bleeds harder, and it’s like a faucet has been turned on.
I hold the second towel to my nose and it’s still not enough.
The world around me grows faint, and I realize that I’m going to die like this, bleeding out and left behind…
How could Kalos leave me? When I need him so much? The betrayal of it makes me sob, the taste of blood in my mouth. He—
“Elsie.” A hand shakes me awake.
I jerk upright, the sob caught in my throat. He’s leaving me. He’s going to abandon me—
“You’re dreaming,” Kalos says in a soft voice, his arms going around me. “Look around you. See where you are.”
Gulping for air, I stare up at the dark ceiling. My hands flutter to my nose, expecting to feel blood, but there’s nothing there. It’s dry.
“Magra’s blessings,” a voice exclaims, and a candle flicks to life. Omos approaches, his eyes wide in the darkness. He rushes over, his sleep-robes rumpled and his short white hair sticking up from the side of his head. “I heard screaming. Is everything all right?”
“Nightmare,” Kalos says. “I’ve got it.”
I keep touching my nose, my thoughts a jumbled mess. The blood, the blood, I’m dying—
“Where are you, Elsie?” Kalos asks, tone gentle. “Tell me where you are.”
“Monastery,” I manage, trying to fight between what my brain is telling me and the reality in front of my eyes. “Blood—”
“There’s no blood,” Kalos reassures me. “It’s in your dream.”
“You left—”
“I’m right here,” he says, and his voice is achingly gentle, his hands rubbing my arms. “You know I can’t leave you. You know I wouldn’t leave you.”
I take a shuddering breath as the last tendrils of the dream lose their hold on me. It felt so real, but they always feel so very real. I rub my face and slap my cheeks to wake myself up fully. “I’m okay. Sorry to wake you, Omos.”
“It’s quite all right. You’re sure you’re well?
” When I nod, the monk heaves a sigh of relief.
“Then I’m back to sleep. Dawn waits for no one, and the goats get cranky when they’re not milked right away.
Good night, then.” He pads back to his side of the house, behind all the shelves, and a moment later, I see the last bit of candlelight wink out.
“You didn’t apologize for waking me up,” Kalos murmurs with amusement. He’s still running his hands over me, as if somehow instinctively knowing I need his touch to keep me grounded.
“You don’t sleep,” I point out. “You just watch me, like a weirdo.”
He chuckles. “Can I help it if you’re the most interesting thing in the mortal realm?”
The aching sweetness of his words hits me like a punch in the gut.
I’d been frantic when I thought he’d gone and I hadn’t had a chance to tell him how I feel.
That he’d left without knowing that I love him.
That I was full of regret because I should have said something sooner, no matter how ridiculous the idea is.
Gods don’t fall in love with mortals, but it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t tell him how I feel. I’m allowed to be wildly in love with him, I decide. And I’m tired of sitting on it as if it’s a secret that shouldn’t be shared. Fuck that.
I lie down in bed and pull him down against me.
Kalos lets out a quiet huff of surprise, and when I kiss him, he chuckles. “I should wake you up from nightmares more often.”
“You always do,” I whisper. “You’re always there for me.”
“I don’t like seeing you scared.” His voice is as low as mine, his kiss a moment later achingly gentle. “So quit being scared, all right?”
“I love you,” I blurt out, and cringe in the darkness.
Before he can reply, I put my fingers over his mouth.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know that.
I know we’re not from the same place. I know that this is all fleeting, and you’re going to go back to being a god and I’m just a mortal speck, but I don’t want to go further without telling you exactly how I feel.
I love you, Kalos. I love you even when you’re acting spoiled, or when you’re lost in your fugue, because I want to make it better for you.
I don’t want you to go through it alone.
I want you to know I’m always here for you, too.
Being here in this world with you has made me so happy.
Even when things are falling to shit around us, I can look at you and I feel joy.
And I wanted to tell you that, because it’s important to me. You’re important to me.”
“Elsie.” His hand is gentle as he cups my face. “My sweet Elsie. You are the greatest gift.”
I don’t know if that’s true. I imagine things are scaled differently when one is a god, and the greatest gift is probably nowhere near a lovestruck mortal declaring their love.
But I don’t care. I can love him enough for both of us and enjoy every minute we have left together.
I pull him close and kiss him fiercely again.
And I reach for the waist of the pants he always wears in bed.
He stiffens in surprise but doesn’t pull away. “You sure you want to do this now?” he murmurs against my lips. “With the monk listening?”
Omos is well over a hundred feet away with multiple shelves between us. “We’ll just have to be quiet. I’m not waiting until morning…or any longer. I want to be yours.”
“Silly thing. You were mine the moment you put your hand in mine.” He nips at my chin, all sweet kisses, and his hand hikes up the hem of my sleeping tunic. “Didn’t you know that?”
I hiss when his fingers skim over my pussy and I realize I’m wet already. I slide my legs open, inviting his larger body to cover mine. When he doesn’t right away, I lift my leg and hook my heel onto the back of his thigh, dragging him over me. My hands move to his waistband.
His hand covers mine. “You’re moving so fast, love. Don’t you want to go slower? Savor this?”
I shake my head. Savoring is for later. I’m feeling greedy at the moment. “Right now, I need you before I take my next breath. I’ve waited too long as it is.”
There’ll always be something else—another fugue day, or another Seth, or another room with no privacy. I’m tired of waiting for the perfect conditions. Nothing’s going to ever be perfect, and I’m fine with that. Nothing in life ever is—we make the best of what we have in the moment.
And in this moment, Kalos is with me in the dark, and I’m full of love for him.
I kiss him again, my tongue flicking against his as he pets my pussy, his fingers finding my clit and drawing little wet circles around it.
I gasp and whimper a quiet protest when his hand abandons me, but in the next moment his weight is over me, and the heat of his length presses over my sex.
He kisses me again, positioning himself.
I spread my thighs wider, and he drags the head of his cock through my slick heat.
Just that sensation makes me clench up with hungry need. That feels incredible. I dig my nails into his shoulder, biting back the urge to demand that he fuck me, and fuck me hard.
He pushes into me, hips rocking lightly. I suck in a breath, dazed by the sensation of him inside me. It feels as if he’s stretching my body out, fitting me to him. He feels big and perfect and so good that I want to claw at the blankets with how much I’m feeling.
In the darkness, Kalos gives me another kiss. “Quieter,” he whispers, and thrusts into me deeper.
How am I supposed to be quiet when he’s driving into me?
When he’s reminding me how good sex can feel?
When he’s giving me everything I’ve wanted ever since the day I arrived here?
I try to nod, but then he’s thrusting into me again and it feels so good that my entire body twitches in response.
My legs kick and I clench up around him, and I pull him closer.
Kalos puts his hand behind my thigh, hitching my leg up and pressing it back until my knee is near my ear.
Then he drives into me again, and this time I can’t help the croak that escapes me, because he’s so deep inside me that I swear to god, he’s tickling my tonsils.
It’s like I’m seeing stars with every thrust, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt.
“You feel incredible,” he whispers to me. “Look at how good you’re taking my cock.”
I draw in a shuddering breath. He rocks into me again, with each surge of his body against mine, he’s pinning me deeper into the rickety bed, and I’ve never been fucked so good, so hard, so deep.
I don’t care if Omos hears us. I don’t care if Omos gets out of bed to watch.
I just need Kalos to never stop what he’s doing, because it feels so good that my entire body is tying itself into knots of pleasure.
The pleasure intensifies with every stroke, and I can feel that delicious, spiraling build of a climax as it escalates.
I chase the feeling, digging my nails into his shoulders and raising my hips to meet his, as if force can somehow push me over the edge.
Kalos buries his face in my neck, biting down on my collarbone, and the sharp burst of pain-pleasure makes everything in me tighten.
I clench, and clench, and clench, and I’m coming so hard that my vision fuzzes.
It’s the best.
His tongue and lips soothe at my love bite as he pounds into me, but I’m beyond caring.
I’m floating on a wave of bliss, my orgasm cascading through me as I continue to clench around him.
Then he’s coming, too, his body shuddering over mine, and we’re trembling together as we collapse on the rickety bed.
We probably just made an obscene amount of noise.
Don’t care. Assassins could burst in and I wouldn’t have the energy to fend them off. My head throbs and I close my eyes, stifling a groan. I think I just came so hard I gave myself a headache.
He presses another kiss against my neck, right against the spot he bit. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, the bite was nice.” I take a deep breath and the pounding in my head grows worse. “Just gave myself a headache, that’s all. Give me a moment.”
A cool fingertip brushes over my forehead. The headache dissipates like a soap bubble, there one minute and gone the next. My nose tickles, as if a burgeoning sneeze is preparing itself.
I know he’s responsible for my miraculous cure. I pinch one of his buttocks. “You shouldn’t do that. You’re not supposed to be using your powers.”
“Hush.” His voice is low and soothing, and he continues to trace fingertips over my face, as if he’s memorizing me. “It’s the very smallest bit of magic.”
“I’m not sure it’s worth it,” I say sleepily. I should tell him to get off me, but the weight of his body over mine is comforting, and I’m hazy with endorphins. There’s nothing I want more than to drop off to sleep again. “Gonna go back to bed.”
“I’ll get a towel to clean up,” he whispers, and nips my ear. “As for it being worth it or not, haven’t you realized yet I’d do anything for you?”