Chapter 39 #2
We make it to the trees without anyone following us.
They might be watching us from afar, but every time I look back on the road, it remains empty.
Stepping off the road, we go cross-country through the tangle of brush.
The trees are stubby here and grow close together, and my already tattered clothing rips and tears like it’s paper.
There’s a dip of earth in a dry creek-bed and Kalos climbs down, then offers me his hand to help me down next to him.
He closes his eyes, turning his head as if searching for something, and nods. “I don’t feel anyone nearby. We’ll hide out here overnight and figure out our next move without Belara’s priestesses breathing down our necks.”
I sit down in a pile of leaves and hug my knees close. Kalos sits right next to me and puts his arm around me. “Cold?”
“I’m okay.” It’s warm in the sunlight and chillier in the shadows.
It’s not so bad right now but I’m trying not to think about what it’s going to feel like if we stay out here overnight.
The colder fall weather is on its way and I’m annoyed that I didn’t think to bring my cloak with me.
Then again, this was supposed to be a day trip. I nudge Kalos. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know what to think,” he admits, rubbing my arm as if to warm it. “Two aspects of lies working together is troublesome. The fact that it’s Belara working alongside myself concerns me.”
I feel sick. “Do you think they reconciled?”
The look on his face is appalled. “Absolutely not. I wouldn’t take her back if she begged me. It’s more that they’re mutually using each other and pretending to reconcile. Given that they’re both Lies, this seems likely.”
A small part of me wonders if he’s saying that simply because he’s Apathy. Would a less apathetic god be far more interested in a beautiful goddess showing renewed interest? Even if she’s known to be a liar? I can’t help but wonder, and it scares me. I can’t compete with a goddess.
Then again, it’s not even a competition. After the Anticipation is over, Kalos will return to his plane and I’ll be dead. If Belara wants him, she can scoop him back up again.
I can’t think about that right now, because it’ll make me crazy. “Okay, let’s think about a plan. What can we do? We have to assume he’s coming to force a confrontation.”
He grunts. “No one likes these Anticipations. I can imagine he wants to get it over with.” His hand finds mine, his fingers twining with my cold ones. “He doesn’t have a reason to stay.”
Maybe he does, my brain offers up cattily, and it’s Belara. Maybe he’s coming to make a different sort of deal. But I don’t say that aloud. “His Anchor is going to try and kill me. Obviously, I don’t want that to happen, so we need weapons of some kind so I can defend myself.”
“I can defend you,” Kalos offers.
He’d be a better shield than most, considering he’s immortal, but when he exerts himself too hard, he enters his fugue state.
It’s like he’s fighting against being Apathy and the curse of his Aspect catches up with him and makes him suffer for it.
“You need to go and have a conversation with your Aspect. A parlay, if you will. Find out what he wants. See if you can determine who his Anchor is.”
“So we can kill him?”
The thought of killing someone simply because of who they’re serving doesn’t sit well with me, and I swallow hard.
I don’t know why I’m squeamish now—when we broke out of Seth’s keep, Kalos killed dozens of soldiers.
But that was different, in a way. It was heat of the moment.
They were openly electing to work with a bad guy.
The Anchor of the god of disease is…well, someone just like me.
They might not be evil at all. It might just be another person pulled into a bigger problem and trying to survive every day. The realization makes me queasy. This feels premeditated, plotting what could be an innocent person’s deliberate murder.
“It’s either them or us,” Kalos says, noticing my silence.
“I know. It doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“Like it or not, it has to happen. If we lose, this”—and he gestures between us—“is gone. Who I am right now disappears entirely. And I rather like this Aspect of myself.”
That makes me smile. “Because you’ve learned how to be kinder?”
He shakes his head. “Because I’m the one with you.”
I touch his cheek, memorizing his face. God, I love him. Realizing just how much makes me feel desperate and frantic all over again. I must do this for him. We have to defeat his other Aspect or there’s no more him…and I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen.
Kalos is everything to me, beginning and end. I can’t fail him. “Let’s find a weapon of some kind so we aren’t going into this with nothing.”
We hunt the ground in the woods, looking for something—anything. If we were lucky, we’d find a discarded knife or even a bear trap of some kind. We’re not lucky, though, because all I manage to find is a stick with one sharp-looking end. I pick it up, hefting it like a rapier, and I start laughing.
My laughter quickly turns hysterical as I shake the stick. “I’m going to try and kill a god’s assistant with a stick. This is a joke!”
“We’ll figure something out, Sunny,” Kalos soothes me.
I realize I’m crying. I dash the tears from my face, feeling stupid and overwrought.
He’s right. We’ll figure something out because we didn’t come this far just to fail.
I’m not going to let him down. “Maybe we can find a good stone to rub the end against and make it sharper,” I say, forcing my tone to be bright and cheerful. “Let’s keep going.”
By the time the sun goes down, the weather is cold and my fingers feel like ice.
I’ve managed to find a few more sticks but nothing that reassures me that we’re going to come out ahead.
We return to the dry creek bed and curl up together.
Kalos puts his arms around me to share his warmth, and I press my face against his neck, breathing in his scent and trying to ignore the painful rumble of my stomach.
I can live without a meal or two, no matter how much my amped-up appetite protests this decision. I’m in Kalos’s arms, and we’re together, and that’s enough for now.
“I’m not sure which is colder,” he comments as I burrow against him. “Your fingers or the tip of your nose.”
“My toes. Count yourself lucky that I’m not pressing them up against you, too.”
“I’d let you.”
I smile against his skin. “I know you would. It’s fine, though. It’s not like—”
His hand presses to my lips and he tenses. “Hsst.”
I sit up, my ears straining. I don’t hear anything, but Kalos’s body is rigid against mine. “What is it?”
“I hear voices,” he whispers, and slowly gets to his feet, detangling from me. “Stay here.”
Stay here? With nothing but a stick at my side? I hate that idea. I clutch my makeshift weapon tight, debating whether I pull a too-stupid-to-live and chase after him or stay here and go mad with waiting.
I stay, gritting my teeth, and I’m relieved when Kalos reappears at the top of the dry creek bed. He reaches a hand out to me to help me climb out. “You’re not going to believe this.”
“What is it?” I whisper, putting my hand in his.
“You’ll see.”
We hike a short distance, and I notice Kalos is no longer striving to keep his footsteps silent. Either that’s a good thing or we’ve been found out already. I glance over at him, worried.
Then, I hear voices.
A very distinct voice, in fact. It’s Metta. Her shrill, strident tone carries through the still of the night. “We can’t have lost them,” she tells someone. “They should have been back to the village by now if they ran. Unless you think they decided to head all the way to Aventine?”
Someone answers her, their voice too low to make out.
“How the bloody fuck should I know?” Metta bellows. “Do I look like I can read the mind of a god?”
A pause.
“It’s my fault they got caught up in this mess. I blame that wretched Varina! That’s who I blame,” Metta continues, her loud voice utterly indignant. “Showin’ up, all chin in the air and acting like she’s so clever. Bunch of Belaran liars!”
Relieved tears flood my eyes. This wasn’t a big plot against us by Metta and her village, then. She’s come after us because she’s worried. It’s nice to know we have someone at our backs.
Kalos steps out of the brush and into the road. “I, too, am always cursing Belarans.”
Metta gives a little scream of terror, clutching at her chest. She skitters backward, grabbing the arm of the elderly blacksmith from the village, and nearly trips over her cloak. “Oh, gods! You scared ten years off my life!” She straightens and begins pacing. “I need a moment.”
“What are you doing out here, Metta?” I ask.
She turns toward us again, pushing the hood of her cloak back off her face.
“Varina was being strange, making up all kinds of answers as to why you wouldn’t come back.
I thought it was odd given that you have your pet goat with the monk and all, but she insisted that you two were going to head on to Aventine.
When I didn’t believe that she tried to steal your book! ”
Her indignant expression matches mine. “She what?”
“We stole it back,” the blacksmith says. “That book is for our people.”
“Damn right it is.” Metta lifts her chin. “Knew something wasn’t right, so I thought we’d come looking for you. Got to Eagleton and all the Belarans were acting like they’d never seen you. I thought they were full of shite.”
I hug her, sniffling. “Thank you. Thank you for coming for us.”
“Now now,” she says, and when I pull away, her face is suspiciously wet. “We’re just a couple of old folks. We can’t do much, but I wanted to find out for myself if you were all right. Do you need anything? What can we get you?”
Kalos gestures at me. “She needs food and a warm cloak.”
Metta takes hers off and flings it around my shoulders. “Done.”
“We brought a pack of supplies,” the blacksmith says. “It’s not much. Varina had an extra set of clothing she left behind, and I thought you might need it. A few pieces of fruit and some bread, and two coins.”
“And a knife,” Metta adds.
I could kiss her. “That’s perfect. That’s amazing. You’re incredible.”
“You can eat while we go back to the village,” Metta says, grabbing my arm. “Come on. It’s late.”
I really want to. I want to more than anything, but I meet Kalos’s gaze and it’s full of melancholy. He blames himself for all of this, but it’s what I signed up for. I smile at him and gently tug myself free from Metta’s grasp. “We can’t go back with you.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because if we go back, it’s not safe for anyone. The other aspects won’t stop looking for us. They’ll follow our trail and once they find out you helped us, I don’t know what they’ll do. It’s best for everyone if we leave.”
“But…your book isn’t done!” She purses her lips, distressed. “You said it was important for you to finish.”
I nod, managing to keep the pleasant look on my face. “I know. I wish I could. If I go back, though, we’ll be hunted and others will be put in danger. Will you tell Omos that I’m sorry? And that I hope he can take care of Dingle for us?”
My throat closes with tears, but I keep on smiling, because this is how it has to be.
Metta’s lower lip quivers. She manages a jerky nod and waves at the blacksmith. He slings the pack off his back and unbuckles the short sword from his waist. She hands them to me, and as she does, her cold hands grip mine. “Be careful.”
“Of course. I’ve got Kalos with me. I promise we’ll be safe.”
She studies my face, her eyes shiny. “You’re a good girl. I hope the next world treats you better and heals your sadness.”
My…sadness? I keep smiling, even though it feels like parts of me are breaking inside.
I’m not sad, I think automatically. What do I have to be sad about?
I gave my brother a second chance at life.
I’ve spent the last few months with a man I’m wildly in love with.
I’ve gotten everything I wanted in the bargain I made…
I have no right to feel sad at all. “You’ve been a good friend, Metta. I hope I can repay it someday.”
“Just keep yourself alive.” She gives my hand another squeeze and lets go. “I’ll visit the monk, I promise.”
I nod, clutching the sword close. I want to invite them to stay. To spend some time with us before dawn, but it’s cold and dark and most likely dangerous for her. “You should go home. Lay low for the next while. If anyone asks, you haven’t seen us.”
She flutters her lashes. “Seen who?”
Exactly.