Chapter 42 #2
“It’s the middle of the night. I’d let you sleep, but Belara has shown up with her retinue and is insisting on speaking with me. I thought you might want to be there.”
I scrub a hand over my face. Count on Belara to decide on the most inconvenient time to visit ever. I’m sure it’s a calculated decision on her part. “I do. Give me a moment to wake up and I’ll join you.”
He studies my face, frowning. “You sure? You look exhausted. Is anything bothering you?”
“Just my head. Too many sneezes, I think.”
Kalos cups my cheek, stroking his thumb over my skin. A moment later, my headache disappears as if it never existed. “Say something if you’re in pain. I can fix it. Don’t you think I’d much rather tend to you than every single farmer from here to Yshrem?”
“I think it’s lovely that you’re tending to every farmer from here to Yshrem,” I tell him confidently. I take his hand in mine and curl our fingers together. “It’s very kind and it’s going to go a long way towards how people see you in the future.”
He taps a finger on the tip of my nose. “I don’t care how they see me. I haven’t in millennia.”
“And yet somehow you keep ending up on the wrong side of an Anticipation,” I joke. “It’s such a mystery how that keeps happening.”
Kalos chuckles. “Fair enough. Allow me to say that I only care about them because you care, hmm? That makes it much easier.” He looks me over again, his brows furrowing with slight concern. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Just tired. It’s been a hell of a day.” My throat locks up as I remember the terror from earlier. “I thought I’d killed the wrong person for a moment. Bad enough I had to kill the right one.”
“There was no alternative. We…had to get rid of him before he got rid of us. I know it pains you, Elsie. You wouldn’t be who you are…
if you didn’t have such a kind heart.” He pauses as he speaks, as if choosing his words oh-so-carefully.
“It’s one of the things I like best about you.
Knowing that you care so much makes me want to try harder. ”
What he says makes sense. It’s just that I’ve murdered someone now, and I’m going to be hearing the wet push of the blade in my nightmares. “I know. It doesn’t make it easier, but I know.” I lean in and put my head against his chest. “Do we have to meet with Belara? She’s so…ugh.”
“We don’t have to. Of course not. We don’t have to do anything.”
There feels like a “but” is hanging in the air. “But it’s not smart to piss off a goddess?”
“If she doesn’t get her way, I do think she’ll take it out on the locals. Or she’ll find out who you are close to and go after them. That’s how Belara operates. She’s pettiness in a very lovely package.”
That’s even worse. I would expect her to come for us if we pissed her off. Knowing that she would go after Omos or Metta or anyone else just fills me with incoherent rage. “What do you think she wants?”
“Now that I’ve absorbed my other Aspect again, I have his thoughts.”
“You…do?”
Kalos pauses, considering. “Well, most of them. They’re like vague memories.
Dreams, perhaps…not that I dream.” He gives me a faint smile and moves across the room to where a pile of clothing has been set out.
He picks up a dress, holds it up, and tosses it aside in favor of the one below it. “Wear this. You look good…in blue.”
Like I care which color I wear to meet Belara? But…I also don’t want to look like a hag that just rolled out of bed when I stand next to her. I take the dress from him and pull it over my head. “What were the memories like?”
“A lot of lies.” He huffs. “So many that I discount most of them entirely. But I do know she was playing games. She was manipulating my other Aspect, teasing about our old relationship. Trying to make him fall in love with her again.”
And now he has those memories. And he might have feelings for her. I swallow hard. “And…?”
“My other self was very aware of her. He knew what she was up to and didn’t trust her.”
But he was still with her, and I suspect there were some feelings bubbling to the surface.
This is going from bad to worse, because that was just another facet of Kalos, right?
Now that he’s “re-absorbed” it, he still has those feelings, doesn’t he?
Am I going to watch Belara slowly steal him away from me?
I want to vomit.
“What’s her goal?” I ask, lacing the front of the dress with shaking fingers. “Do you know what she wants?”
“She’s worried about Seth. He destroyed an Aspect of Riekki to the east. No one’s heard of Anali this Anticipation and there’s concern it might be due to Seth.
Belara worries he’s targeting the goddesses because he views them as softer, easier to defeat.
Belara wants allies so she doesn’t fall prey to him.
She’s still targeting her other Aspects, but she wants to avoid him. ”
“Having met Seth, I’d say it’s a wise response.”
“Indeed. At any rate, she’s going to try and woo me—us—because I haven’t ascended yet. She’s going to pry at our unfinished business.” His mouth works, and for a moment, he looks frustrated.
It must be annoying having to work around Belara again after all this time. Poor Kalos.
I finish lacing the dress and get to my feet. Kalos hands me a pair of slippers with a drawstring, and I put them on, tightening the drawstring laces so the shoes stay on my feet. “What unfinished business?”
“You know.” His mouth works, and he frowns.
That makes me pause. “Um, I really don’t. What unfinished business, Kalos?”
His mouth works again, and he growls, raking a hand through his hair and pacing. “You and I. Staying here…until…you…are…ready.”
The words sound slow and strange. I stare after him, worried. “Are you all right?”
“Fucking lies,” Kalos growls again. “I’m still re-absorbing and every so often, it hits me with the need to spout nothing but mistruths. Probably because I’m still in the mortal realm, so I’m having to follow the mortal rules for this form. It’ll go away in a few days.”
Oh. I watch him, worried. “Are you all right?”
“Feel like two angry goats shoved into a burlap sack, but I’ll manage.” He gives me a tight smile. “It’s your fault.”
I flinch.
“NOT your fault,” he corrects immediately. “Fuck. I’m sorry, love.”
The remorse on his face brushes aside any hurt I had. “It’s not your fault. You’re just trying to get through this whole lies thing. How long does it take?”
“Not entirely sure. I’ve never voluntarily stayed behind during an Anticipation.”
Interesting. “Is it allowed?”
Kalos grimaces. “It isn’t not allowed.”
“How long do gods normally stay after they defeat their final Aspect?”
“They don’t.”
Which means they either kill their Anchor, or they’re terrible at keeping them alive. Or the Anchor kills themself to free the god. “Oh.”
“Most don’t have a reason to stay. I do.
It’s that simple.” He reaches out and brushes a lock of my hair away from my face.
“Don’t worry yourself over it. No one’s going to get in trouble.
We’ll talk to Belara and see what scheme she’s cooking up and decide after that.
Whatever happens, we’re a team. We do nothing until we’re both ready.
You know I would never ask you do to anything that would harm you, Elsie. I’m going to take care of you, always.”
“I know.” We’ve looked out for each other this entire time. I watched his back when he was at his lowest, and now that he’s strong and back to himself, he’ll have mine.
He keeps a straight face. “Because you’re my Maiden of Medicine, remember?”
I scowl at him. “Can we not?”
He puts his hands up in the air, all innocence. “I didn’t start it. I’m just going with what the people have decided.”
Please. As tired as I am, I can’t help but laugh.
This entire situation is just the most ridiculous.
I rub a hand down my face again, and it’s like all my energy has disappeared.
Maybe Kalos needs to pull more energy than before to remain in the mortal realm after he’s triumphed.
If that’s the case, exhausted might be my new normal.
Better than dead, though.
Kalos curls a finger in my hair. “When did you want to go see the goddess, love?”
Even though it’s childish, I groan. The last thing I want right now is to sit next to a goddess and feel inadequate. “Can’t we make her stew until morning? I’m wiped.”
“We can absolutely make her wait on us.” He grins, flashing teeth. “It’ll make her crazy.”
“Good. I want to crawl back into bed, preferably with you.” I tug on the front of his shirt and notice that it’s brand new and very fancy. “When did this happen?”
“My clothes? The locals have been very generous. They insisted on giving me whatever I wanted.” He shrugs. “They’re going to build a temple for me here. I told them not to bother but it pissed off Belara, so I changed my mind and said I loved the idea.”
“You look very handsome,” I tell him, smiling. He’s had a bath, and his tousled hair feathers beautifully across his brow. It manages to look casual and deliberate at the same time. “Ten out of ten.”
His brows go up. “Didn’t like me better with long hair? I can probably change it back if you like.”
My mouth puckers with distaste at the thought. I reach up and give his shorter hair a ruffle. “Makes me think of the other Kalos. I like you like this. He didn’t feel like you.”
“Whatever pleases you. As a god, I have no official form. But I will remain in this one because I like the way you look at me.”
“And how do I look at you?”
“Like you want me to drag you to bed and kiss you all over.”
I’m suddenly breathless at the thought. “Yes, please. Let’s do that. Fuck Belara.”
“I’d rather fuck you.”
“Okay, that’s a better idea.” I wind my arms around his neck, and when he leans in to kiss me, I melt against him.
He doesn’t feel as feverishly hot as he used to.
His skin against mine is welcome, inviting, delicious.
With a happy sigh, I hike one leg to his hips.
He grabs my ass and hefts me into his arms, carrying me the short distance back to the bed.
He pulls my shoes off, tossing them over his shoulder. “Want me to undress you?”
“And here I just got dressed. Such a waste of new clothes.” I tug at the lace between my breasts.
“I don’t mind if you don’t.” Kalos leans in and tugs at the laces with his teeth. “You smell …smell good.”
“Probably because I don’t smell like goat or three days of road travel.”
“I don’t mind you smelling like goat.” The dress falls open, revealing my breasts, and Kalos buries his face in my cleavage.
“Just the road travel?” I chuckle. My head gives another painful throb, but then Kalos is kissing over my collarbones, and the headache smooths away as quickly as it appeared. “I wonder if this means we can stop for a while.”
“We can. We can even go get the goat, if you like?”
“And I can finish my book,” I say dreamily, arching as he tugs the laces open even further. The front of the dress falls to the side, my nipples pointing at the air.
He mouths one tip, rolling it with the tip of his tongue before giving it a playful, soft bite. “Beautiful breasts. Lovely tits. How can I look away from such perfection?”
I’m noticing that he speaks more freely when he poses things as a question, instead of a statement.
Because he’s got Lies fighting to make its presence known, he pauses a lot of the time, as if forcing himself to speak around his compulsion to lie.
But when he says things like this, I don’t care if he asks it as a rhetorical question or not.
The reverence on his face tells me how he feels.
I touch him as he runs his lips over my torso, playing with his hair and stroking the shell of his ear.
He’s still fully dressed, and I want to caress his skin the way he’s caressing mine, but I’m so tired that it’s nice to just be passively loved on for a while.
It’s ironic that our roles have reversed a bit, and it makes me wonder.
“How’s your apathy, Kalos? Do you feel different now? ”
He lifts his head as he kisses just above my navel. “You want to talk about that now?”
“Just curious.”
The god grunts, then returns to his ministrations, his tongue dipping into my belly button. “Better. It’s still there, but it’s like a subtle spice instead of an overwhelming taste.”
Just hearing that makes me want to weep. I know how much he’s struggled over the last few months. How many days has he sat, staring into space, hating every moment of being trapped in this form? “I’m so glad, Kalos. All I ever wanted for you was to feel better.”
He shakes his head, pushing my skirts up. “You’re too good, Elsie. You should want something for yourself.”
“I do. I want you.”
Kalos groans. He finishes pushing my skirts up and buries his face between my thighs.
With a gasp, I spread my legs wider, welcoming him to do as he wants with me.
I want nothing more than for this moment to last forever.
I want his kisses all over my body, the heat of his skin, the weight of him as he moves to settle his body over mine.
I wrap myself around him as he frees his cock from his pants, and when he sinks into me, I gasp with how good it feels. He kisses away my cries of pleasure, driving me into the mattress with the force of his strokes. It’s a perfect, blissful moment.
At times like this, I want to be Kalos’s for all time. Just stay right here, wallowing in some stranger’s bed, wearing some stranger’s clothing, but happy and loved.
There’s nothing better.