Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
Sierra woke up as the car turned off, the motor coming to a stop. She shook her head and looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings. Trees were visible outside the windows, and a glittering sign said Paradise Cove , and beneath it, A Couples Only Poconos Resort .
“You have got to be kidding me!” She glanced at Ryder in disbelief. “What the hell are we doing in the Poconos?” She’d obviously fallen asleep for a good two hours, the shock of the day along with the glass of champagne she’d had prior to the non-wedding catching up with her.
He treated her to his most charming grin. “You always said you wanted to honeymoon here. That it was romantic.”
“I was seventeen!” she yelled at him. “I didn’t know any better. And we aren’t on our honeymoon.” She glanced down at her white wedding gown, not missing the irony of the situation but in no mood to find it funny.
She and Jason were supposed to be on their way to St. Lucia tomorrow morning. Instead she was in the honeymoon capital of Pennsylvania. Her stomach cramped at the reminder of all she’d left behind earlier today. Although she’d texted Sebastian from Ryder’s phone, she hoped her brothers weren’t too worried about her. She’d left her own phone in the bridal room and couldn’t know whether Jason had tried to reach her or not. But her brothers knew she was with Ryder, and if Jason wanted her, he certainly could contact them and find out how to talk to her.
Instead she was in the Poconos with her ex. She looked at the man who’d driven her over one hundred miles from home and waited for an explanation.
He placed an arm behind her seat, turning to face her. “By the time I realized how far I’d driven, we were half an hour from here. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to crash. And I wasn’t about to turn around and drive another two hours home.”
She frowned at him. “So now what? You expect me to stay here with you?”
“Would it really be so bad?” he asked, his voice gentling. “I understand you’re angry with me, but we’re here. It’s late. Let’s just go inside and see if we can get a room.”
The very idea of it was crazy. Nothing good could come of her being alone with Ryder now, and she really shouldn’t have left with him. But it was too late to take her actions back now.
She blew out a resigned breath. “Fine. But I hope they have a gift shop,” she muttered, needing a change of clothes because nothing about this trip had been thought through.
She climbed out of the car and Ryder helped her gather the train and fold it up so she could hold it over one arm. Then together, they walked into the main area of the resort and headed to the reception desk.
“I assume you have a reservation?” the woman behind the counter asked, her gaze traveling over Ryder in his suit, Sierra in her white gown.
“Umm, no. But we’d like a room for a couple of days,” Ryder said with a smile.
“One night,” Sierra countered.
He frowned at her and the girl behind the desk looked confused. She typed something into the computer and glanced up at them. “Our honeymoon suite is booked and we only have suites, not rooms, but I’m sure you’ll love what’s available. All of our suites have round king-size beds beneath celestial ceilings, log-burning fireplaces, and heart-shaped tubs or champagne-glass-shaped whirlpool spas.”
Sierra felt her mouth drop open at the description. It was everything she’d seen in commercials as a young, love-struck girl dreaming of romance.
“I don’t think–”
“We’ll take one,” he said, cutting her off.
The clerk looked back and forth between them, a definite furrow between her eyebrows. “We can only offer you two nights. I’m sorry but we’re booked after that.”
Before she could utter another word, Ryder slid his credit card across the counter. “We’ll stay both nights. And the airline lost our luggage, so do you think you could hook us up with the basics?” he asked.
She was grateful he was thinking of everything, even if she was still annoyed with him. Besides, she was beyond uncomfortable in the wedding gown, and Sierra hoped the woman could help them.
The clerk’s gaze softened at the mention of missing suitcases. “That’s awful and frustrating. I’ll send up toiletries and amenities,” the woman said. “There are bathrobes in the rooms, and the gift shop and stores open tomorrow morning. You’ll be able to pick up more things to wear then.”
“Thank you,” Sierra said, appreciating the woman’s kindness.
“We’re grateful for anything you can do,” Ryder said.
He slipped a tip across the counter and the clerk glanced down and grinned at him. “Thank you. I’ll call housekeeping right now. In the meantime, here are your key cards. Breakfast and dinner are included. A continental breakfast is served in the room tomorrow. I’ll even throw in some parts of our honeymoon package,” she whispered to Ryder, making Sierra wonder how much money he’d given her.
No matter the amount, she had no intention of making use of their specialty package, she thought, exhaustion seeping into her bones despite her long nap. The day had been overwhelming and was definitely catching up with her.
She unwittingly sagged against him, and his arm immediately came out, wrapping around her, holding her for the first time in forever. It took all her willpower not to lean her head against him and let him take over.
“Come on, sweetheart. You look dead on your feet,” Ryder said, and taking her by surprise, he swept her into his arms.
Just like a real bride.
Although she wanted to argue, she was just beginning to realize how much her feet ached from the high-heeled designer shoes she’d worn. Keeping her mouth shut and letting him hold her had nothing to do with how much she liked the feel of his strong arms wrapped around her. Or the notion of being carried across the threshold of their romantic suite.
Once more, she pushed the thought of what should have been happening tonight aside. It didn’t matter whether or not Jason would have carried her over the threshold or let her walk across on her own. He’d abandoned her, she thought, and to her surprise, tears stung her eyes.
Despite being prepared, when they walked inside, the over-the-top décor took her by surprise. The room was red and white, from the bedding on the circular mattress to the drapes hanging over the windows and the red lacquer dressers and night tables.
Across the room she saw the bathtub reachable by a set of stairs. “Oh my God.”
“Welcome to the Champagne Tower Suite,” Ryder said, lowering her carefully to her feet.
“That’s obscene,” she muttered.
“Or sexy,” he whispered in her ear.
She trembled, nipples puckering, and she stepped aside, annoyed with her body’s reaction to him. Feet cramping, she immediately kicked off her heels and pushed them to the corner of the room.
She didn’t know how she was going to survive the romance of this place with Ryder staying in the same room with her. Yes, it was cheesy, but there was something romantic about it if she let her imagination run away with her, and surrounded by the color of hearts and flowers, which sat on the table, it was hard not to. Especially since she used to fantasize about honeymooning here with him.
“Are you hungry?” he asked, drawing her attention.
She glanced over her shoulder. “I don’t know if I’m more hungry or tired. I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep before we even get room service delivered.”
His gaze softened. “Let’s just put in for an early breakfast.”
“Sounds good.” She glanced at the bed, realizing they were obviously going to be sharing that cozy mattress. She also knew she couldn’t sleep in a heavy terrycloth robe, which meant she was climbing into that bed in her bra and panties. She blushed at the thought.
“Your cheeks are pink. What’s going through your mind?” he asked.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I have nothing to sleep in.”
His gaze darkened. “You can wear my shirt.”
She shook her head. She wasn’t about to cuddle up and be surrounded by his masculine scent. It was going to be hard enough to sleep beside him.
“I can’t sleep when I feel confined,” she said, using a legitimate and acceptable excuse that wouldn’t embarrass her. She normally got in bed wearing a short silk camisole that she barely felt on her skin. “I’ll make do. Can you help me get out of this dress?”
He walked up behind her and she was immediately aware of him, the warmth of his body as he came close. “Lift your hair,” he said in a gruff voice.
She raised the heavy strands and pulled them over her shoulder, then felt his big hands come to the tiny buttons that began midway down her back. He struggled with the size of them, muttering as he worked, his breath warm as he leaned closer for a better look.
His scent was familiar and arousing, her imagination running away as his hands touched the buttons the way they’d once danced over her skin. Her entire body felt like it was on fire, awareness sizzling through her veins. Need pulsing inside her. Her thong panties were damp, her nipples hard, desire a living, breathing thing inside her . . .
In all her time with Jason, she’d never experienced passion like she had with Ryder, and the fact that just his nearness had her hyperaware of him put her on alert to the fact that her feelings for him hadn’t dissipated in the time they’d been apart.
“There. Finished.”
Ryder stepped back and she nearly sagged with relief. She’d come so close to turning around and plastering herself against him, reliving a past that she’d never quite gotten over.
It had been one thing for her to acknowledge to her brother that she didn’t share a passionate love with Jason, but to experience the difference now with Ryder was disconcerting. Just a few touches from Ryder made her truly realize exactly how much she’d been willing to give up in her marriage.
And on that thought… “I’m going to the bathroom and I’d like to climb into the bed without you watching.”
He frowned. “I just unbuttoned your dress lower than your ass. Besides, what I haven’t seen just now, I’ve seen before,” he reminded her.
“Not lately you haven’t.” She stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, frustrated with herself for feeling anything for him at all.
Before she could even let the dress slide off her shoulders, a knock sounded on the bathroom door. “What?” she called out.
“Housekeeping brought some toiletries,” he said.
“Thanks,” she said, accepting the Paradise-Cove-labeled bag through the door and then shutting it quickly, luckily not catching his hand as she did.
A little while later, she’d brushed her teeth, washed her face, and cleaned up after the long day. After hanging her dress on the hook behind the door, she stepped back into the room to find he was already in bed. His bare chest peeked out from beneath the red satin comforter as he waited for her to join him, tanned and muscular and more appealing than she wanted him to be.
Those strong arms had once held her tight, given her comfort, and caused her arousal. She wished what she felt was only sexual, but this was the man she’d loved and had dreamed of spending the rest of her life with in a way much different than the plans she’d made with Jason.
After the breakup, she’d spent years seeing him with Sebastian, blocking out her feelings for him, and ignoring the pang of regret that inevitably came with him being near. She hadn’t been the one to end things, and despite being hurt by his actions, her feelings hadn’t turned off as easily as she’d wanted them to. Viewing him in that luxurious bed now was like a punch in the stomach, creating a yearning she’d tried to push away a long time ago.
“Shut your eyes,” she bit out, knowing she was being childish, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t ready to parade in front of him in the see-through bra and panties she’d bought to wear beneath her wedding gown, for her wedding night. With another man.
She shuddered at the thought, wondering why she hadn’t spent more time mourning Jason’s loss than she had thinking about being in a honeymoon suite with her first love. Ryder had ruined her wedding and the future she’d had planned… and yet she’d left the church with him willingly. She didn’t like herself very much right now.
“Come on,” Ryder said, placing his hand over his eyes. “They’re closed.” He’d shut off the overhead lights in the room, leaving the lamp on by the nightstand.
Having no choice but to trust him not to peek, she walked out and came to the bed, sliding into the satin sheets. She pulled the comforter up around her and sighed. “I’m good.”
He lowered his arm and met her gaze, his expression contrite. “It’s going to be okay,” he said, although he couldn’t know any such thing.
“So now you can read the future?”
“I wish,” he muttered. “No. I just have faith. For now, though, can we just get some sleep?”
“Yeah.” She knew they’d have plenty of time to talk tomorrow, although she wasn’t looking forward to a rehash of the past or the present. But maybe for both of their sakes, they needed to resolve their issues and her anger over the end of the relationship once and for all. So that she could figure out what she really wanted for her future, though she was beginning to suspect that it wasn’t with Jason, a man who’d so easily walked away from her at the first sign of trouble.
Turning on her side away from him, she punched the pillows and curled into the soft sheets. She was exhausted from the events of the day, which should be running through her head. The loss of the future she’d planned, the things at home waiting for her, presents to return, apologies to be made, boxes to unpack. But those things weren’t first and foremost on her mind.
Because when she breathed in deep, she smelled the musky scent of the man beside her. And whether it was her imagination or not, she imagined she could feel the warmth of him beside her. Her body was well aware of his presence, and her heart banged loudly in her chest, anxiety clawing at her, not because of what she’d lost but because of the possible reasons Ryder had objected at her wedding.
Like it or not, he was back in her life. She didn’t know what she’d be doing with him… and that was the real cause of the apprehension keeping her awake. Not the man shifting beside her, also unable to sleep.
Ryder woke up to Sierra wrapped around him, her mostly naked body plastered to his, his cock hard, morning wood making itself known. It’d taken him forever to fall asleep last night. He was too aware of the woman curled away from him, trying her best to stick to her side of the bed. So he was shocked now that her head was in the crook of his arm, her hands on his chest, her knee hiked up over his legs.
When he heard a knock on the door, he assumed it was room service bringing breakfast. He slid out from beneath her, and though she shifted and moaned, winding herself around the pillow instead of him, she didn’t wake up.
The waiter set up their continental breakfast on the table before accepting a tip and leaving him alone. He took in the double coffee cups, the muffins and croissants and other baked goods, and headed back to see if Sleeping Beauty was awake.
He stepped over to the bed and eased himself down onto the mattress. The round shape was disconcerting. He settled back against the pillows, and no sooner had he relaxed than Sierra rolled back, positioning herself against him once more. They hadn’t slept in the same bed in the past. She’d been a senior in high school and her spending the night wasn’t an option. But when they’d lie outside in her backyard, this was the position she’d take.
Wrapping an arm around her, he closed his eyes and breathed in her sweet scent, different now but no less alluring. She appealed to him on many levels beyond sexual. Her sharp mind, her normally sweet personality, although he understood why she wasn’t treating him to that part of her now. She loved family the way he did, wanted similar things out of their future. He knew because she’d laid it all out for him once upon a time.
And he’d thrown it all away. For good reasons, but it didn’t make him feel any better or change their situation now.
He must have fallen back to sleep, and when he woke up, they were wound around each other still.
Sierra’s eyes opened wide and she attempted to pull away but he held on tight. “Don’t.”
With a resigned sigh, she laid her head against his chest. “What are we doing?” she asked him, voice calmer than yesterday.
She was obviously more relaxed and accepting of their situation than she’d been.
“We are exploring our options. Seeing what’s still between us.”
“We are?”
“You tell me.” He was putting out feelers, testing where she was when it came to him.
She swallowed hard, her throat moving against his skin. “I don’t know, Ryder. You can’t just interrupt my wedding and now say we’re going to see what’s still between us.”
At her unwillingness to fall in line with the plans he wanted, his heart kicked harder in his chest. “Tell me something.”
“Hmm?”
“I know I ruined your big day.” There was no getting past that. “But did I… I mean, were you really in love with him?”
It was a stupid question. On the one hand, she’d been in a wedding dress, ready to commit her life to the other man. On the other, she had gotten into the car with him, so Ryder held his breath for her answer.
“I was going to marry Jason.”
She pushed herself up and away from him, and he didn’t pull her back.
Yet.
“Yes, but what was between you? Were you in love?” he asked again, needing answers. He couldn’t keep her here just because he needed to see if there was a second chance for them. Not if she’d truly been in love with someone else.
She blew out a long breath. “Right before the doors opened, Ethan asked me if I was sure.” Not meeting his gaze, she said, “It gave me pause and I… I had second thoughts.”
She lifted her face to him and tears shimmered in her pretty blue eyes. “It’s not that I didn’t love Jason. We were compatible. He offered me everything I wanted in my life.”
“Security and a future aren’t enough to base a lifetime on.” He named the minimal things she would want in order to marry someone because he knew her that well. He had. He still did.
She sniffed. “Yes, well, it seemed enough at the time. I do love him,” she said, her words a knife to Ryder’s chest.
“But you aren’t in love with him.”
“How do you know that?” she asked, some of the fire from last night back in her tone.
He rolled his shoulders. “Easy. Because when he walked out on you, you let him go.” He debated his next words, then decided it wasn’t the time to hold anything back. “When I broke up with you, you didn’t let me go as easily.” He shuddered at the memories of a time that had nearly killed him. “But you stood in a wedding dress and you let Jason walk out the door.”
She blinked and the tears she’d been holding back rolled down her cheeks. He swept one away with his finger.
“I was in shock.”
“Maybe. You also got in the car with me. Was that because you were in shock?”
She glared at him but it didn’t last long.
He didn’t want to push her further. He already had his answer about her second thoughts.
It was all he needed for now.
Before Sierra could reply to Ryder’s comment, her stomach grumbled loudly and she groaned at the sound. “I’m starving.”
His lips curved in a smile. “Well, it’s a good thing breakfast is already here.” After swinging his legs over the side of the mattress, he walked to the table and returned with a tray full of food, placing it down on the bed.
She pulled her gaze away from his tight ass in his boxer briefs, clenching her teeth at the intimacy he was clearly already comfortable with. She wasn’t. Instead she pulled the covers up higher, covering her breasts and her bra.
“I can’t promise the coffee is still hot, but there’s enough pastries and muffins in here to quiet the beast,” he said with a laugh.
She glared at his joke about her noisy stomach, then turned to focus on the food he placed on the bed before climbing back into his side.
Picking which kind of muffin she wanted was a welcome, easy decision. Because as she ate—a blueberry muffin and then a scone, making up for not eating much at all yesterday—she was tortured by facts that were hard to admit to.
She’d rolled into Ryder in her sleep. She’d willingly turned to him in a way she’d never gone to Jason—they’d slept on separate sides of the bed, coming together to have sex when they were due, not out of some sense of innate need that couldn’t be contained.
When she looked back on yesterday, walking down the aisle after Ethan had asked if Jason was the man she really wanted, she hadn’t been sure. And when push came to shove, instead of fighting for her, Jason had stormed out, leaving her to Ryder. The guy who hadn’t let her marry another man.
That told her where she stood with her groom now. Not that they didn’t need to talk and have a rational conversation, if such a thing were possible. But she knew they were over. How could they be anything but? The truth hurt along with the loss of the future she’d clearly seen laid out for herself.
She glanced at Ryder as he watched her quietly. He’d always known when to talk and when to stay silent, reading her mind in ways Jason never had. She rubbed her eyes, wondering now why she’d thought settling emotionally or physically was enough for her. She ripped a piece of croissant off the end of the roll and shoved it into her mouth. No more carbs, she thought, finally feeling full.
She studied him through lowered lashes, knowing that they hadn’t yet had the much-needed conversation about their past. Given that she wasn’t ready to go home and face the ramifications of a canceled wedding, they had time before they dug that deep.
But they were here together now. “You’re crazy,” she muttered.
He grinned. “Can’t say I haven’t thought the same thing myself after yesterday. But in that moment, I couldn’t stand by and lose you forever.” He rose to his feet, picked up the tray, and put it back on the table, returning to her side of the bed and sitting down beside her.
He grasped her hand, holding her palm in his. “I always considered you mine, even after I let you go. I just didn’t let myself go there again.”
She saw the truth swirling in the green depths of his eyes, and she was forced to ask the question she’d wanted to put off, the one that had always haunted her. “Why didn’t you come to me sooner?”
He shook his head, letting her know it was obviously something he’d thought about before. “Because I’d made my decision to let you go so you could pursue your dreams and live the life you’d planned.”
She tilted her head to the side, wondering if she’d heard him wrong. “But I planned my life with you.” A life, a future, she’d seen it all in vivid color in her mind… until he’d shattered her dreams.
“But before me you’d wanted to go away to college,” he reminded her. “To have time to explore without your brothers always there, and you deserved to have those things. Not to make a choice at seventeen years old that would bind you to me for the rest of your life. I didn’t want you to end up resenting me.” He glanced at their intertwined hands, then up at her face.
She opened her mouth but he cut her off, placing his finger over her lips. “I know you wouldn’t have agreed with me. That’s why I made the choice for you,” he said.
“You had no right to decide for me.” She swallowed over the lump in her throat, a combination of pain and anger, unable to believe that while she’d always thought he’d ended things because he no longer loved her, he’d been looking out for her in his own misguided way. “What about after? Why didn’t you come to me after I came back from school?”
He groaned, the sound resigned. “I broke your heart. I devastated you and I didn’t think you’d give me another chance. You were dating and I thought you needed to do that, too. Then you met Jason and suddenly things were serious.” His thumb brushed over the top of her hand as he paused, deep in thought.
“I told myself it was what I wanted for you, to move on and be happy. I had my feelings for you bottled up so tight I never let myself go there emotionally. But then you walked down that aisle and I really saw you. And realized all I was losing. So when the minister asked if anyone objected, I didn’t think, I reacted.” He met her gaze, and in that moment, he was the same boy she’d fallen in love with. “I followed my heart and I can’t tell you I regret it. I only regret that you were hurt in the process.”
She shook her head, the truth as difficult to hear as it was for her to process. “Like I said, Ryder, you’re crazy.”
“Crazy for you,” he said, leaning forward and sealing his lips over hers.
He caught her off guard, but the heat and warmth of his mouth were familiar and surprisingly welcome. His lips moved over hers, his tongue darting inside as he licked, sucked, and devoured her in a way no man but him ever had. His kiss turned hotter, one that stated his intention to possess and stake his claim.
There was no other way to explain it and nothing she could do but grasp his shoulders and hold on for the ride while enjoying every second. He pushed her against the pillows so he could deepen their connection, and her heart pounded against her chest, desire for this man consuming her and forcing her to come to painful conclusions.
Losing Jason had been difficult. Embarrassing. Painful, even. But losing Ryder when she was younger had hurt even more. She’d always wondered what could have been. What could she have done to change the outcome of their relationship? What could their future have been if things had been different?
She never thought she’d have the chance to find out, but here they were. She lifted her hands to his hair and curled her fingers into the long strands, holding him to her, kissing him back as thoroughly and as deeply as he kissed her, until he lifted his head, breathing heavily.
“We’re good together, Sierra. And we owe it to ourselves to explore it further. I want to be the man to give you everything you want and need and dream of.” He met her gaze. “But it’s up to you. In the meantime, I need a cold shower,” he muttered before turning and walking away.
Leaving her to decide what happened next.
A few seconds later, the sound of the water turning on and running echoed through the pipes in the room. He was in the bathroom naked, droplets cascading over his well-honed body, soap making his muscles slick and wet.
She laid her head against the pillows and groaned in frustration. She could lie here debating what to do for the next two days she had in this hotel suite, a respite from the insanity and chaos that awaited her at home, or she could do what her body told her it wanted. What her heart had wanted since the day he’d ended things between them.
He’d hurt her once, walked away without warning. What was to prevent him from doing the same thing again? She couldn’t ever let herself forget that.
But she’d thought she’d moved on from him enough to marry another man. Clearly, she’d been wrong. Closure was important and she needed to know if her memories were just that or if he was going to forever ruin her for another man and a real future.
If that was the case, God help her.
She might not know what she wanted from life right now, but it had become crystal clear that it wasn’t Jason. But she also knew that just because Ryder had stopped her from being with another man didn’t mean he automatically fit into the space Jason had left behind.
With that warning firmly in mind, she contemplated exploring this thing between them and putting it to rest once and for all.