Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
No sooner had Sierra opened the door than her brothers barged in, one right after the other without waiting to be asked or even saying hello to her first.
“Come in, why don’t you,” she muttered to herself.
“Jesus Christ, Sierra. I was so fucking worried about you,” Ethan said, pulling her into his arms, and her brief flare of frustration with him eased.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest as she had many times when she was a little girl and things in her life had gone wrong. He’d always been there for her and she knew he always would be. They all would. For all their overprotective ways, they were wonderful big brothers and she loved them.
“I’m fine,” she assured him. Taking a step back, she spun around, a forced smile on her face. “See?”
Sebastian shook his head at her antics.
“You gave us a scare when we came into the room and you were gone,” Parker said. “With Ryder.”
“He didn’t kidnap me,” she said, defending Ryder. “I went willingly. And I checked in. I let Sebastian know I was okay.”
“Doesn’t mean we didn’t worry,” Sebastian said, holding out her phone, and she took it gratefully.
“Don’t you three have to be at work?” she asked, taking in their dress. They all wore suits meant for the office. Now that they saw she was fine, maybe they’d go without forcing her to talk about things.
Ethan scowled. “Now listen to me, young lady,” he said in the tone he’d used when she was a naughty teenager. “Do you really think you’re getting off that easy?”
She rolled her eyes, but before she could say anything, Sebastian did. “Lay off, Ethan. She’s an adult. She can make her own decisions.”
She blew out a relieved breath, glad she had at least one brother on her side. Parker, as usual, said nothing, just watched carefully as things went on around him. Neutral, hence his nickname in the family, Switzerland, she mused. Which also came from his past as an almost-Olympic skier before a career-ending injury prevented him from fulfilling his dream.
“Now tell us what decisions you’ve made.” Sebastian folded his arms across his chest and pinned her with his steady gaze.
“Seriously?” She’d thought he understood her best in this situation, that he was going to give her space. Apparently not. “Listen, guys. I love you and I know you love me. But I didn’t walk into that church planning to run away with Ryder. I don’t know what I want! Or what I’m even ready for now.”
Their gazes softened.
“Do you love him?” Ethan asked. There was no question he was talking about Ryder and not her former groom.
She blew out a long breath, then strode to the window and looked out over Manhattan. With the crowded buildings and the people down below rushing along the sidewalks, it was such a big difference from the wide-open spaces and trees in the Poconos.
Did she love Ryder?
There were different kinds of love, she knew now. She’d loved being with Jason. She enjoyed his company, they had wanted the same things out of life, and she knew he’d give her the family of her own that she wanted.
But Ryder filled her soul. It might be a cheesy movie phrase but he completed her. He was her other half, and she didn’t need to dig deep to explain to herself why. It was a fact of life, like breathing.
“I love him,” she admitted, saying the words out loud for the first time in forever.
Parker came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her. “Trust yourself,” he said, kissing her on the cheek.
“I do. But can I trust him again?” she asked quietly.
Could she believe in Ryder to give her the security she desperately needed? Could she trust him not to get something crazy into his head and make a decision for her that would leave her gutted again?
“You’re adults now,” Sebastian said. “I told him not to go there with you if he wasn’t all in. So for what it’s worth, I trust him.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat.
“Let me put it to you this way.” She turned at the sound of Ethan’s voice. “If I were walking you down the aisle to Ryder, I wouldn’t stop and ask if you were sure. And I wouldn’t worry deep down that you weren’t getting every last thing you needed from the man you loved.”
Parker stepped forward, taking her hand. “I agree with them, sis. He’s a good guy. And it’s clear as hell he loves you.”
She looked at Sebastian, Ryder’s best friend. He knew him better than anyone here.
Her youngest brother nodded his head. “He’ll do right by you this time. I know he was trying to do right by you last time… and so was I. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I knew why he ended things. We both thought we knew what was best, and we should have let you make your own decision about what you wanted in life.”
She blinked and a tear ran down her face.
“Ryder learned his lesson,” he said in a gruff voice. “He loves you and he won’t leave you again.”
For some reason, hearing it from her brother was something she’d desperately needed. Ryder might have promised the same things, but Sebastian’s trust in him took care of the final worry she had.
Was it crazy to contemplate jumping from almost marrying one man straight into the arms of another? Completely insane, she thought. But how could she risk losing him again for the sake of taking time she didn’t need?
“I love you guys,” she said to her brothers. “And I’m sorry I made you worry.”
“Love you, too,” they all muttered in their rough, brotherly way.
“What are you going to do?” Ethan asked.
She ran her tongue over her dry lips. “Well, I’m going to find the box marked clothing and dig out something normal to wear.” She glanced down at the red Paradise Cove sweats she had on. “And then I’m going to go see Jason, talk to him, and return his bracelet.”
She had the bracelet sitting on her nightstand. She’d unpacked it first thing, not wanting to misplace it.
“Want me to go with you?” Sebastian offered.
“Any of us?” Ethan asked.
Parker just nodded his agreement.
“No.” She rubbed her hands together nervously. “I have to face this on my own. Jason stormed out without talking to me. Is that love? Was he having second thoughts of his own and Ryder just gave him an excuse to walk away?” She gave voice to the questions that she hadn’t let herself deal with during her weekend away. “Or was he just embarrassed by the fact that I did turn around to look at Ryder instead of staring at my groom?”
Ethan met her gaze, a warm smile lifting his lips. “When did you grow up on me?” he asked with a chuckle.
Given everything going on in his life lately, she liked hearing the slightest laugh from him.
“I don’t know when, but I’m certain it’s thanks to you that I’m able to handle this. All of you. You’ve always been there for me. But now it’s time for me to stand on my own two feet.”
And that meant facing the man she had been supposed to marry.
Sierra approached Jason’s secretary, a woman she not only knew well but who had been at their aborted wedding. Hoping her cheeks weren’t as red as they felt, she stopped at the desk.
They’d agreed she’d come to see him at the office. She wondered if it was because he had work to do or because it was less personal to have this conversation here.
“Hi, Claire.”
“Sierra. Hi,” the other woman said softly, no judgment in her expression. “Mr. Armstrong is expecting you. You can go right in.”
Nerves fluttered again in her belly. “Thank you.” She stepped around the desk and approached his door. She knocked once and stepped in at the “Come in” she’d received in response.
Jason sat at his desk, standing as she entered the room. He did well and his office décor reflected as much, with a large mahogany desk, a plush leather chair with wood-grain accents, and large paintings of the ocean on the wall beside his diplomas.
“Hi.” She clutched her purse tightly in her hand.
“Hi.”
Awkwardness surrounded them, so she forced herself to step forward and sit in one of the client chairs across from his desk. Taking her cue, he strode around the desk and seated himself in the chair beside her.
She took in the lines around his bloodshot eyes. “You look tired.”
“Didn’t sleep much this weekend.”
She managed a nod, her throat too full to speak.
“I did a lot of thinking,” he said.
“Me, too.”
He raised an eyebrow at that and she blushed, glancing away. She didn’t want to discuss her time with Ryder with her ex.
“Look, I just want you to know, I had no way of knowing Ryder was going to interrupt the wedding that way.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t blame you for that.”
But he obviously blamed her for other things, she thought. And maybe rightly so. “I’m sorry I looked at Ryder when I went down the aisle. I didn’t mean to. I was taking in everyone and my gaze landed on him.”
“And when the preacher asked if anyone objected? Are you sorry for turning to him then?”
She blinked and did her best not to flinch at his harsh tone. She needed to own her actions, to accept responsibility. “I didn’t even realize that I had… but yes. Of course I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Look, I promised myself I wasn’t going to fight with you and I’m not. I just… It was embarrassing, Sierra. And it killed me that something inside me knew all along that you belonged to him. That’s why I walked out. Not because of anything you did or didn’t do that day. But because I was the odd man out at my own wedding. And I shouldn’t have been.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I showed up at the church wanting to marry you. But I think we can both admit now that it would have been a mistake. That maybe there were second thoughts neither one of us gave voice to before Ryder did it himself.”
He drummed his fingers on the arms of the chair before speaking. “I hate this. When I had a chance to get over my anger and embarrassment, I was pissed at myself for walking away and not fighting for you when I had the chance. Maybe if I had, if I’d shown you that I–”
Before he could go on, she shook her head, not wanting him to put himself out there and embarrass himself more. Once Ryder had objected, he’d owned her.
She might not have known it at the time, might have been furious, angry, humiliated, and a million more adjectives she couldn’t think of at the moment, but the biggest one was the one she hadn’t known at the time.
Relieved.
She’d been relieved he’d spoken up and put a claim on her at last, because she’d never stopped loving him.
“I’m sorry,” she said, forcing the words over the painful lump in her throat.
She opened her purse and pulled out the bracelet she’d put in a jewelry bag she’d found during her unpacking. Placing it in his hand, she curled his fingers around the beautiful jewelry she’d been proud to wear.
“Jesus,” he muttered. “We can’t try?”
“No,” she whispered.
“You’re with him.”
She hoped to be. She hadn’t left Ryder with any indication, positive or negative, about what she wanted for the future. She’d needed to come to him with a clear path to the future and an even clearer heart.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’ll take care of canceling the movers, returning the gifts… anything else that comes up, just let me know.” She pushed herself to a standing position and he rose to his feet. “I wish you all the best, Jason. And someday you’ll find someone who deserves you.”
She turned and walked out, her heart pounding like a drum, dizziness spinning around in her head. God, that was awful. She’d hated hurting him and he hadn’t deserved what she put him through.
Ryder sat in his favorite chair in his family room in the small house he’d bought and renovated for himself. The television was off, leaving him to his own thoughts… and they sucked.
He’d spent the afternoon helping Sierra unpack her things and put them away in her drawers and cabinets. When he’d suggested they order in Chinese for dinner, she’d turned to him with an unreadable expression on her face, and his stomach had cramped badly.
“I need to run an errand,” she said from where she stood by an empty box in the bedroom.
“What kind of errand?”
She’d begun pulling clothing she’d just unpacked out of the drawers. “I, umm, I texted Jason earlier. I’m going over there to talk.”
His stomach had plummeted to the floor at the news. He’d known she wanted to talk to the man face to face, but he hadn’t thought she’d rush over there so soon.
“I have to give him his bracelet back,” she said softly. “And we have unfinished business to discuss.”
Knowing he’d had no choice, he’d nodded and left her to do what she needed to. Without pressure or influence from him.
So here he sat now, alone in the dark, nursing a beer and hating that he didn’t know what was going on between them. As much as it pained him, Sierra had been about to marry the man. Could he be having regrets over walking out and want her back?
Fuck. He ran a hand through his hair.
He wanted her back, so he couldn’t blame Jason if he was feeling the same way. And Ryder had no moral high ground to stand on. He’d dumped her when they were younger, devastating her in the process, leaving her unable to trust him, his words, or promises now.
His doorbell rang so he put the bottle on the side table and headed to answer it. Probably a neighbor, he thought. They were a friendly bunch around here, always stopping by for one reason or another.
He opened the door in time to see a car which had been parked in his driveway pull out and away. In front of him stood Sierra.
She wore a pair of tight black leggings, ballet flats, and a pink shirt molding to her curves. Her long hair fell over her shoulders in disarray, just the way he liked it. She looked good enough to eat.
He blinked. “Well, this is a surprise.”
“A good one, I hope? Because I let the Uber driver leave.”
He grinned. “Always good to see you, sweetheart.” He just wondered what she wanted. She’d taken a car out of the city and to Long Island to visit him.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, telling him she was nervous. “Sebastian gave me your address.”
That’s right. She’d never been to his place. Never had a reason before now, he thought. “Well, come in. It’s small but I’ve renovated the whole house. Everything is new. I’d love for you to see it.”
He was proud of his work in general, but he loved his home, with the high beam wood ceilings and hardwood floors. It also had enough land and room for additions to be put on, should the time come when he needed it. And God, he hoped he needed it soon.
“Did you take care of your errand?” He forced the word out as she entered the house and he shut the door behind her.
“I did.” She faced him, her knuckles white, she was gripping her purse so hard. “That part of my life is over.”
Relief swept through him. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but if he were Jason, he wouldn’t have let her go easily. He didn’t want or need to know the details unless she offered them. What mattered to him was that she’d ended things for good with her ex and she was here now. With him.
“And then you came to me?” he asked, wondering what was going on in that enigmatic mind of hers.
“I did.”
He blew out a harsh breath. “Sweetheart, you’re going to have to give me more than two-word answers and explain where we stand.”
She laughed nervously. “Right. Well, it’s not that easy to just say it.”
“I don’t know why unless you’re here to end things with me, too.” Jesus, why the fuck had he even put that idea out there? “I told you what I wanted already. I want our dream. The one we talked about a long time ago.” His heart threatened to explode out of his chest.
“The family, kids, dog, wife, house… everything we dreamed of,” she said, repeating his words back to him.
“Yes. That.”
“With me.”
“And nobody else,” he said, staring into her blue eyes.
She visibly swallowed hard. “And you won’t ever make a decision for me that ends us. Not ever again.”
He shook his head. “Not in this lifetime or however many more I have,” he said, barely recognizing his gruff voice as he realized he was about to get everything he’d ever wanted or dreamed of. Everything that mattered to him, anyway.
“Okay. Good. Because I want the same things. The family, kids, dog, husband, house… everything we dreamed of… with you.”
He didn’t hesitate, pause, or think. He swung her into his arms and headed straight for the bedroom, laying her down on his California-king-size bed. For the wife, the kids, and the massive dog he wanted.
The things it appeared, now, he was going to get.
He came down beside her, pulling her into his arms. “Jesus, you know how to nearly drive a guy to insanity. I died a little inside, knowing you were with him.”
She slid her hand over his cheek. “I needed to clear the way for us.”
“When did you decide there would be an us?” Because as far as he knew, even earlier today, she was hesitant.
“My brothers came to see me when you went out to get scissors. We all talked. And they convinced me you weren’t going anywhere this time. And in my heart, I know we’re meant to be.”
He let out the breath he’d been holding, probably since interrupting her wedding.
She was his.
All fucking his.
She leaned over and pressed her lips to his. With a groan, he came over her, his mouth sealed against hers. He slid his tongue into the depths, possessing her, devouring her, staking a claim that would last forever.
Stripping off their clothes while kissing and laughing wasn’t easy but they managed, coming together again, skin against skin. He glided his hands up from her waist, his thumbs brushing the undersides of her breasts.
She moaned at the light touch and he dipped his head, pulling a nipple into his mouth. Her fingers came back to his hair, holding him to her as he licked, nipped, and laved at the distended peak before switching breasts and giving the same attention to the other side.
He lifted his head, looking into those eyes he loved, before raising himself up. He grasped his cock in one hand and slid it over her damp sex. She sucked in a shallow breath, and he did it again, gliding the head over her clit until she arched her hips, seeking harder, deeper contact.
He couldn’t wait to be inside her and poised himself at her entrance. Their gazes held as he pushed into her. She locked her arms around his neck, her stare never leaving his, and as he thrust deep, he knew she was with him one hundred percent, finally giving him all of her.
“Mine,” he said, groaning, taking her for the first time with total awareness of what they were to each other.
What they would be.
Forever.
Later, when they were both sated, multiple times over, they lay entwined together. Sierra glanced up at the ceiling, noting the skylight above them for the first time.
“You didn’t tell me your house was like the Paradise Cove suite,” she said, laughing against his chest.
She hadn’t yet seen the rest of the house, but the warmth of this room, the vaulted ceilings, the wood… She was in love.
“I didn’t even think about it, to be honest. This one has a shade that works on a remote control. I can shut it at night so the sun doesn’t wake me in the morning,” he said.
“Oh, nice,” she murmured. “So close it now so we don’t get woken up at dawn,” she said on a yawn.
“You’re staying?”
She heard the hope in his voice and knew she’d have to work hard to convince him she was here and all in. “Are you kicking me out?” she asked, glancing up at him with a fake pout on her lips.
“Never,” he said, reaching for the remote on the nightstand and shutting the shade.
The next morning, Sierra woke Ryder with her mouth around his hard-as-a-rock erection. She had no intention of being told no this time. She was going to take him all the way to the end. She sucked him down until he hit the back of her throat.
He groaned and began to pump his hips, back and forth, until she knew he was close. And if she hadn’t sensed it, his tap on her head would have told her. She shook her head, then went about ignoring him until he came with a shout, spilling himself down her throat.
Satisfied now, she rose and slid up beside him, a grin on her face. “Good morning.”
“I told you I like coming inside my pussy.”
She shook her head, blushing and laughing at him. “It’s better for you to get used to it now.”
“Get used to what?” He pushed himself up in bed, his hair messed and sexy, just how she liked it.
“That you won’t always get your way.” She shrugged. “Just a warning. I’ve been too easy on you until now.”
He tilted his head back and chuckled. “Okay, sweetheart. Consider me warned. So how did you sleep?”
“Amazingly good.” The best sleep she’d had in forever, she thought, snuggling into him.
“So when are you moving in?” he asked.
“What?” She sat upright in bed.
“When are you moving in? I figured we should get started on our dreams right away.”
Her heart began a rapid beat inside her chest at the idea. “Didn’t I just pack and unpack?”
“And didn’t I help you? So, when can we do it again?”
Did she really need to play games? To worry? To wait? When it was right, it was right. “How about we get back to work this week and start packing again this weekend?”
He shook his head. “How about we take the week off—since you’d already planned for that—and move you in right away?”
She met his gaze. The eagerness she saw there matched her own. “Okay,” she said softly.
“Good. I love you, Sierra,” he said, pressing a kiss against her lips.
“And I love you.”
“So when can we go pick out our dog?”
She threw her head back and laughed. This man would not only keep her on her toes but he would make sure he satisfied every dream she’d ever had. And even those she wasn’t aware of having.