Chapter 21
Somehow, we manage to round up all the horses, but unsurprisingly they’re more than a little skittish, and so mounting takes three times longer than it should. Still, eventually we are all on horseback and ready to push forward with a well-fed Elska leading the way.
By the time we stop to set up camp and dig into food, I’m feeling a little less uneasy, the incident with the wolves now behind us.
After I’ve eaten, Kyor once again jerks his head to indicate we should do some training.
With everything we’ve just been through, the last thing I feel up to is training, but it is also more evident than ever that I need it.
I’m not out for a moonlight stroll; I’m in the wilds of Morathka, and dangers lurk.
So I do as he asks, and we train for another hour on improving my footwork, working on keeping my distance from an Issen attacker before I strike.
While we work out, Benny and Caz do the same. It’s clear from the way she moves that the scribe has been trained in combat, though she’s rusty.
After Kyor is done training with me, he stalks over to Ruben and chucks him a sword.
‘Really?’ Ruben comments. ‘You remember how this went last time, right?’
‘I’m going to teach you,’ Kyor growls back. ‘And you’re going to learn. You fought well against the wolves, but you made mistakes. Mistakes could get Rose killed.’
To my surprise, Ruben doesn’t bother with a retort. Instead, he nods and stands, taking the proffered sword. ‘Fine.’
‘Fine.’
The next hour is excruciatingly uncomfortable as both men visibly fight to keep their tempers.
Kyor corrects Ruben again and again, and Ruben grits his teeth, changing his stance as per Kyor’s barked instructions.
For all Kyor’s shortness, I can see how quick a learner Ruben is. And how good he could become.
‘Better,’ Kyor finally says. Caz and Benny have finished their own workout, and now they’re talking quietly by the fire, so I’m the only one left watching. ‘We’re done for the night.’
Ruben flashes me a smile, but rather than making a beeline for me, he heads across to Benny and Caz. Ruben has always been good at kindling a friendship.
His exit leaves Kyor and me alone.
The silence that follows Ruben’s absence feels wrong – too thick, heavy. Like something is still watching us. Waiting. I look around but see nothing. After the day we’ve had, a little paranoia is probably to be expected.
Shivering, I push my fanciful imagination aside and make my way over to where Kyor stands by Elska.
‘Thank you,’ I say begrudgingly. ‘For helping Ruben.’ The lessons might one day save his life, and we all know it.
‘I didn’t do it for him,’ he says, turning to look at me.
The unspoken part of his words lingers on my skin like goosebumps. He did it for me.
In the silence, his eyes remain on me with a look of such complete and utter longing that it makes my heart want to stop.
How does he do it? How does he look at me in such a way that it makes the rest of the world disappear? In a way that has my heart begging me to forgive him? But I can’t. Not when that’s the very part of me I’m trying to save.
The fact that he might be acting like a decent human being for five minutes doesn’t change anything between us. All the same, I can’t bring myself to just walk away, so when he sits down, I follow and I sit next to him.
It doesn’t mean anything, I tell myself as I note the distance between our knees and how little effort it would take for me to move my hand so that it lands against his.
As I try to convince myself of the normality of the situation, I draw in a long inhale, only for my lungs to fill with the aroma of vanilla.
An internal groan threatens to vocalise.
Godsdamn it, that scent. It’s enough to unravel me.
But I can hate him and still appreciate the fact that he smells ridiculously good, right?
That’s the idea, but as much as I wish it didn’t, that single inhale is all it takes to send my mind back to the Retterheld. Memories of us fighting and sweating … me, pinned under his hips … hearts pounding …
No.
I force myself into sanity. That is not what I want. He’ll never choose me. He’s already said as much. He’s a liar – a manipulator – and I deserve better. Elska lets out a low growl as I try to steel my emotions, and I realise I’ve shifted so far back I’m almost leaning on her.
‘Oh bite me,’ I snip back. ‘You don’t scare me now. You like me.’
She gnashes her teeth, snapping at the air. Her teeth are a fair distance from me, but it’s still enough to make my heart rate accelerate.
Okay, maybe she doesn’t like me quite as much as I thought.
‘She won’t bite you,’ Kyor assures me. ‘She does like you. And she’s not growling at you. She’s uneasy.’
‘Because of the wolves.’
‘Among other things,’ he replies.
Elska gives him a baleful glance, annoyed at having her feelings discussed. Her ears flick towards the dark, and another low grumble rumbles from her, making the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. If a dire wolf of her size is scared, then any rational person should feel the same.
As Caz turns in, Benny and Ruben talk in whispers while Kyor and I remain silent.
Part of me doesn’t want to break it. At least if we’re not talking, he can’t say anything else to hurt me.
When he nudges my knee with his, I assume the action was accidental, until I look up and find he is staring at me.
‘Do you believe me?’ he asks softly. ‘About Thea?’
I don’t bother lying. There are already enough lies between us. ‘Yeah.’
He reaches for my hand and laces our fingers. ‘It’s only ever been you, Rose. Will only ever be you. We’re going to get through this. I know it.’
I snatch my hand back and lower my voice to a hiss. ‘Just because I believe you about Thea, doesn’t mean that we’re okay. We’re done, Kyor. Get it through your thick head. You walked away from me.’
‘Rose, there’s more going on than you know. You know I can’t tell you everything. I want to, I promise. I wish I could. I wish you could understand—’
I shake my head. ‘Don’t try to distract me with explanations of vows and secrets. You didn’t tell your father the truth about my mother,’ I jeer back. ‘Was there a bond there, too? A vow?’
His silence confirms his answer.
Maybe there are things I don’t understand, can’t understand, but some parts of this mess are perfectly clear.
My mother’s ruined reputation will remain because Kyor doesn’t have the balls to stand up to his father.
‘Do you actually like him?’ I ask. ‘Respect him? Think he’s a good leader?
’ I press. ‘Because I can show you how he treats his subjects in the slums. And you told me yourself that people in the Eastern Isles don’t like him. ’
His lips press together, and for a second I think he’s going to clam up and refuse to answer me, but then he speaks again.
‘It’s not about liking him or even respecting him. It’s about knowing what he’s capable of.’
‘Kyor, you’re the Prince of Morathka,’ I say. ‘You have power.’
The bitterness of his scoff takes me by surprise. ‘I’m the prince. He’s the king. I have enough battles to deal with right now; he is not one I can take on at this time.’ He speaks carefully.
A frown mars my forehead. ‘What battles?’ I press. ‘You mean the Issen?’
He draws his tongue across his lips. ‘I can’t tell you, Rose.’
Frustration roars through me, and I stand and start to walk away. See how he likes it.
‘Rose,’ he calls after me. ‘Can’t. Not won’t. Can’t.’
My pace slows, but I don’t look back. Whatever bind his father has on him, it doesn’t change anything.
As I move across to the other two men, Caz is still shuffling around on her mat, clearly awake.
‘You okay?’ she asks me.
‘Not really,’ I respond truthfully.
‘Guys,’ Ruben interrupts. ‘I know he says Galreck, and I know that Benny has to go to Galreck, but I really think the rest of us should discuss Rowell again. We’ll be reaching a crossroads in a few days.
It could cut an entire day off the trip.
’ He looks at me and deliberately places his hand beneath his ribs.
‘Every day counts, right?’ He doesn’t need to say any more.
As if I could forget. Every time I close my eyes, I see the lace pattern on my brother’s skin. Imagine it spreading.
The thought that he could be discovered and killed before I even have a chance to find a solution is enough to make me want to grab a horse, gallop back to the High Hold, and send William into hiding.
But cowering your whole life isn’t a solution.
That isn’t living. Which means I need another way to save him, and that’s the Issen.
The only way is forward.
As Ruben awaits my response, Kyor stalks over to join us. ‘We are going to Galreck,’ he says through clenched teeth. ‘And that is final.’
Ruben’s hands flex as he tries to steady his own fraying temper. ‘You may be a prince, but you’re not in charge here.’
Kyor surges forward and squares up to Ruben, using his not-insubstantial bulk to intimidate. ‘We are on Morathkian soil. As such, I am wholly in charge here.’
‘You are the most arrogant prick I’ve ever met. No wonder Rosey gave you the boot.’
‘Shows what you know. She didn’t boot me anywhere. I booted her!’ As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Kyor winces. He turns to face me, an apology in his eyes.
The rawness that cuts through me is enough to steal my breath and my head throbs with tears I refuse to let him see.
‘Rose,’ Caz says softly. ‘Come with me.’ She beckons, but I don’t move. Wherever she’s suggesting we go, it’s not far enough. A thousand seas wouldn’t be far enough away from Kyor, with his sorry eyes, his betrayals and half-truths. But maybe … maybe there is somewhere I can go.
Maybe I could fly.
Closing my eyes, I draw in a long breath, and I push off.
I feel a rush of relief as the world drops away beneath me.