Chapter Twelve
WILDER
B y mid-afternoon, Wilder hadn’t seen any sign of Thea. Had it only been the night before that he’d had his face buried between her thighs? That her mouth had been on him? He told himself that she was just keeping her distance after his harsh words… and that he had to respect that.
But by sundown, there still had not been a whisper of Thea’s whereabouts in the fortress, and when Wilder returned to his cabin, it was as silent and still as when he’d left it.
The peppermint tea he’d set out for her was untouched, his note with the lightning bolt still propped up against it.
He’d snuck enough glances at Thea during mealtimes in the Great Hall to know that she would never leave peppermint tea unattended, that she was just as likely to take Cal’s mug and sip from it while hers brewed.
If she had been home – here – he’d know it.
Worry prickled at him now. He hadn’t explicitly told her she wasn’t allowed to leave Thezmarr, but he hadn’t thought he needed to.
Yet another mistake on his part. Thea was reckless at the best of times and had a tendency to find trouble, or have it find her.
Especially when it came to that prick apprentice of Vernich’s.
But where would she go? She certainly wasn’t one to let complications between the two of them interfere with her training.
Wilder wracked his brain, trying to recall if he’d seen her friends or her sister throughout the day. He hadn’t.
Jaw clenched, he snatched his cloak up once more and headed back to the fortress.
There, he found himself banging on the door to Torj’s apartments.
‘Coming, coming,’ he heard his fellow Warsword mutter from inside. When Torj flung the door open, he frowned. ‘Where’s the fucking fire, Hawthorne?’
‘You seen my apprentice?’ he growled, stepping inside without an invitation.
‘Not recently,’ Torj started. ‘Probably because she’s off with mine up the northern coast.’
Wilder’s blood went cold. ‘What?’
Torj shut the door and folded his arms over his broad chest, brows raised as if to say, Don’t bring your foul mood to my doorstep . But Wilder didn’t give a flying fuck what he was bringing to Torj’s doorstep. If he knew where Thea was, Torj was going to tell him everything.
Torj sighed. ‘Thea went with Cal and Kipp to observe that disturbance to the north.’
‘No one told me,’ Wilder ground out. Images of reapers and shadow wraiths attacking Thea invaded his mind. He saw her snatched up and taken to the Daughter of Darkness, a prize to be tortured and used. Gods, he felt sick.
‘I assumed your apprentice would. But then… she doesn’t seem like your biggest fan these days.’
‘You don’t understand —’ Wilder cut himself off, desperation clawing at his insides. He couldn’t tell Torj. Couldn’t explain. ‘You should have —’
Torj shook his head. ‘Your bullshit is your bullshit, Hawthorne. I’m staying well out of it.’
‘Is that so?’ Wilder cracked his knuckles, his fear for Thea turning to something more violent.
‘You spoiling for a fight?’ Torj challenged, his blue eyes shining. ‘As I recall, that’s how you used to deal with things.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Then by all means, I’ll beat you to a pulp in the training arena, but I like my furniture as is.’
‘Your furniture is shit.’
Torj snorted. ‘True. But I like it intact all the same.’
Wilder took a deep breath and tried to wrangle his temper, his terror, under control.
Regret tasted sour on his tongue. Thea didn’t know that the dangers out there hunted her .
Anything could happen to her. She had put herself at risk without even knowing, and it was his fault.
He’d been too caught up in everything else —
Torj was watching him pace. ‘Instead of using your fists, you could use your words for a change.’
‘You’re one to talk.’
‘Sometimes a conversation is the better option.’
Wilder ground his teeth. ‘When are they due back?’
‘Should have been back by now.’
Wilder’s stomach went leaden. ‘And no sign of them?’
‘Not yet. But Kipp, Esyllt’s would-be apprentice, he’s thorough. He was asked to come back with actionable information. They’ve likely camped out there to re-check things in the morning.’
‘And they’re not doing anything but scouting?’
‘Those were the orders.’
It was Wilder’s turn to snort. Thea wasn’t known for following the rules.
His mind churned through the worst-case scenarios, each more harrowing than the last. It wasn’t that he didn’t think she was capable.
It was that he hadn’t prepared her. If anything happened to her, it would be on him.
And he’d been down that path before. Tal, Malik… He hadn’t been able to save them.
Wilder stopped pacing to rummage through the bottles in Torj’s side cabinet, looking for his supply of fire extract. ‘Where’s your liquor?’
‘I’m doing a cleanse,’ Torj replied, deadpan.
Wilder gave him a stony look and waited.
Torj waved to the lower half of the cabinet. ‘Bottom left cupboard. If I don’t hide it, Kipp tends to help himself.’
Wilder huffed a laugh at that. It wasn’t surprising, considering the lad had been raised at the Laughing Fox. But as he reached for the bottle, he paused, spotting a familiar-looking vial. Carefully, he picked it up.
‘You still have yours?’ he asked, studying the blue-tinted springwater from Aveum. Most Warswords used theirs within the first few years of service.
‘Long ago, someone told me not to use it on myself. That it would be more powerful if it was used on someone you care for, someone you love. Figured I’ve survived this long, I’d best hold on to it for when I need a miracle,’ Torj answered. ‘I take it yours is gone?’
There was no point in denying it. ‘Yes.’
‘You use it on Malik in Islaton?’ Torj asked.
Wilder shook his head stiffly, trying not to sink into the visceral memory of his brother being slammed against the white stones by a monster of darkness. It haunted his dreams often enough. He needed his mind intact during the daylight hours.
‘By the time I got to Malik, Guardians had already used his vial on him. Some of their own, too,’ he said. ‘I was stopped from giving him mine. The healer said he was too far gone – that if four vials hadn’t saved his mind, a fifth would make no difference.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Torj grimaced, shoving his hands in his pockets as he leant against the wall. ‘I can’t imagine how hard that would have been for you.’
‘It is what it is. Given his size, the bastard probably needed fifty vials.’
Torj’s features softened. ‘When did you use yours, then?’
Wilder tensed, gently placing the precious vial back where he’d found it. ‘Three weeks ago.’
The Bear Slayer frowned. ‘During the reaper attack? I didn’t realise you were hurt.’
‘I wasn’t.’
Realisation dawned slowly on Torj’s face. ‘I see.’
At last, Wilder found the fire extract and took a swig of the burning liquor straight from the bottle. ‘Nothing to see.’
‘One of these days, Hawthorne…’ Torj started, moving across the room to stoke the dying fire in the hearth.
‘One of these days what? ’
Torj shrugged. ‘You’re gonna have to get over yourself and let someone in. Accept help and all that.’
‘Oh, fuck off.’
Wilder headed for the door. Gods, Torj Elderbrock was a good Warsword, but an even better man. He hated that.
* * *
Torj’s assurances did nothing to soothe Wilder’s fears, especially as he paced the fortress corridors and remembered the storms that so often ravaged the northern coast. That should have been his first thought.
He was losing his fucking mind. If he’d acted like a decent human being last night, she might have checked with him before leaving.
She might not have gone at all. But again, his inability to control himself had put Thea in danger.
Swearing under his breath, he headed out into the chilled night.
There was still so much he hadn’t taught her, hadn’t shown her – things she would need to know if she was not only to survive, but to emerge from the Great Rite victorious.
He couldn’t help Thea now, he realised. He had to trust that she could take care of herself.
But what he could do was see to it that upon her return, she was equipped for the battles ahead; that she had everything she needed.
And so Wilder didn’t return to the cabin. Instead, he headed to the library, where he knew Audra would be.
When he found her among the books, the warrior-turned-librarian gave him a pointed look, her brows raised. ‘Took you long enough,’ she mused.
‘I know,’ Wilder replied. ‘You’ve got something I need.’